


Just Stay With Me

by do_hickey



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Carmilla Fusion, F/F, Human Carmilla Karnstein, Tiny Gay Laura Hollis, justswm!au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-03-13 17:28:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 128,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3390095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/do_hickey/pseuds/do_hickey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Laura is having a rough time with college plus she needs money to pay for her shitty studio apartment so she gets a job at a 24\7 gas station where she meets Carmilla who hangs out there way more than she should. Like seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

It’s been a few week since you first started working at Pump It Dave’s, a twenty four hour gas station in town with a little coffee shop inside. It brings good business you guess, being a twenty four hour place and all. You really need this job. It’s the only way you can pay for your shitty studio apartment downtown. College can be expensive and not living with you dad anymore because college is far away is kinda all you can do right now. You _need_ this. Your dad _needs_ this. You don’t wanna be mooching off of him all your life, it doesn’t feel fair to him. I mean sure he’d rather have you stay back home and study somewhere there but he needs to learn that you’re not a kid anymore and you have to learn to take care of yourself or more like you need to learn to live on your own. You already know you can take care of yourself just fine. You’ve known that since you where like twelve... 

 Anyways you mostly work on the counter but sometimes you end up helping out at the coffee spot since they’re run by the same guy. There’s a few shitty bars across the street so you see all kinds of people in here. Some people come here after drinks to sober up or take naps on the big sofa thats there. _(Also people occasionally make out on that sofa or wait to get picked up by a friend cause there drunk as fuck,etc.)_ Other people just come to have a quick breakfast and wake themselves up with some coffee or picking some up for their terrible bosses on there way to work that morning.You find it entertaining to watch the different people that come by and sometimes you try to figure out the lives of those strangers by making up funny stories of how their night is going or who they could be in general. Its not such a bad job other than not getting much sleep and having to go to class at 8am in like two hours after your shift is through. Did I mention this is a twenty four hour gas station?

Yeah, exactly.

You notice this one girl who keeps coming in on most nights. She’s a pale skinned girl, with dark black hair with some heavy eye liner and _amazing_ cheek bones which-okay she’s kind of really attractive. Especially in her usual dark lacy shirts and leather pants, you admit. There’s something about her though, it’s kinda really hard to come up with a funny fake background for her like the rest of the customers. 

Sometimes she’s alone laying on the sofa with a book between her fingers but most of the time she’s accompanied with a different girl-friend _every_ single _night_. (Or at least the nights you’re working. You don’t really ever get daytime shifts.) Tonight is one of those nights. She’s siting there with some blonde girl in heavy make up who seems really drunk. She must be looking for some jocks tonight and gotten drunk on her failed attempt so she’s just gonna flirt with her hot friend who’s a girl until some guy notices her. Yeah that sounds about right. Let’s call her “The blonde with a sexual appetite”. You laugh to yourself while giving someone back their card at the counter. What about that other girl though? What’s she all about tonight? You cant put you finger on this girls story and it feels like a challenge. Could she be a total player? Maybe she just has a lot of gal pals. Maybe they just have a lot of girls night ou-oh.

Nope.

They’re making out- _not_ gal pals _at all_. I mean there some ass grabbing involved and you see how she moves her hand slowly up the “blonde with a sexual appetite’s” back and how she starts to pull at her hair a little so wow they should kinda stop or go somewhere else. They’re gonna scare the clients away! Yeah sure at 3am this place sure is packing with customers.(Note the sarcasm) Still you don’t wanna have to stare at this any longer and-oh my god is that tongue? 

THEY’RE USING TONGUE.

Okay, Laura maybe you should just stop staring. This girl has no shame. Ugh, but in a way you feel like she doesn’t want to be kissing that blonde. There’s... something about her face that just feels...like-wow Laura yeah right, you need to stop making up strangers life stories. 

“Um hello? Laura??”

You’re interrupted by a tall guy with big blue eyes and kind of a goofy face. In a way he’s kinda cute, like a puppy cute. But your confused as to how he even knew your name. You’re sure you don’t know him. He notices and points down at where your name tag is. 

Of course Laura. 

“Sorry to freak you out there little hottie, you were just kinda in a daze looking over there-” He looks to the sofa and opens his eyes wide.

“Which woah holy cow I can see why you didn’t hear me." 

You get back to your normal self shaking your head. 

“I’m sorry! Um, how can I help you on this extremely awkward night?” You scratch at your cheek with an embarrassed smile. He laughs 

“Yeah $20 on number 4 aaand these goodies.”

He puts some cash on the counter with some chocolate chip cookies and a bottle of soda. You scan them and try not to make eye contact with him but he doesn’t really let you by continuing to strike up a conversation. 

 “So I’m guessing u have to deal with stuff like that more than twice a week with the bars over there and all filled with horny babes and drunk white girls, huh?” 

You cant help but giggle and nod while saying “You have no idea” and handing his snacks over to him. 

“Must get frustrating to watch.” 

 You don’t really know what he means but you guess its the whole awkward PDA feeling people get while standing near couples in action. 

 “I try not to pay much attention to them.” 

 He gives you a short loud laugh while bitting into one of his cookies and walking away.

“Well you have yourself a good night little hottie.” while winking at you with an open smile full of cookie mush. That was actually more adorable than gross so you can’t help but smile and wave him off. You indirectly look back to the sofa where the girl is straight up staring at you which what the fuck? How long had she been looking? I mean the other girl is kissing down her neck why the heck is she staring at _me._  

_OH WAIT-SHIT_ **.**

 How long have you been staring back?! You knock yourself out of whatever was happening and make a grossed out face while staring down at the counter. What the hell is wrong with that girl? Ugh that was weird. You slightly look up to see her and the other girl walking out the door. The blonde lets go of her hand and pushes the door while laughing in a flirty drunk way but the girl is staring at you again with a blank face and her lips slightly parted. She looks you up and down slowly with no intention of being discreet and walks out the door. 

 THANK GOD. 

 It was about damn time they left. I mean what the hell was that? And why are there still three hours left of your shift. You say to yourself as you look up the time on your phone’s screen. You start a sigh that ends in a grunt and just look at the security camera video above you. You can see her walking away into a cab with the blonde girl and you cant help but think out loud. 

 “I wonder what’s her story..”

 

 


	2. Hoe's Before Bro's?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura is having a hard time this week and so is Carmilla but it sure isn't for the same reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a liiiiiittle bit of angst, just saying.

 

**CHAPTER TWO**

 Its been like two weeks. 

 You had a rough day at college. Silas can be a little hectic. How where you supposed to know you had to make a four page essay about that reading? The chalk board said _read_ from chapters 1-23 _not_ write a damn essay about it. You get frustrated as you walk into your apartment. Its still a bit early. You have some time before your shift tonight. Friday nights are the hardest ones, the gas station actually gets pretty packed with hipsters and people waiting for the bars to open so you have a mix of people chilling drinking coffee and people pre gaming at the gas station with cheap beers. You go take a warm shower and wash your hair. For some reason it always relaxes you and helps with the whole “I’m almost having an anxiety attack because I can’t keep up with classes right now and am tired as fuck today.” You close your eyes while the warm drops of water hit the back of your head and your upper back as you lean your forehead on the wall in front of you. You take deep breaths and think of your mom and how she would pour a little bucket of water over your head while bathing you as a child and her smiling at how you’d scrunch up your face from the water suddenly hitting it. The thought makes you smile and giggle to yourself a little.

 You miss your mom. 

 You finish showering and wrap yourself in a towel, your hair still dripping; while walking to your plastic closet you got at Walmart. You _really_ should find an actual apartment with an actual closet and a spare room with a bed that isn’t just laying on the floor like a hobo's mattress. Although you don’t mind it that much. You get some cute undies with a cat on the front that says “make this kitty purr”. You really like them and thank god that no one else will ever know about that. It’s just you at your place so you settle for that and a tank top. Your really tired. Lately you get like 3 hours of sleep a day so you snuggle up to your yellow pillow and decide to take a nap. Somehow you think to yourself that today can only get better instead of worse.

 You had no idea.

 You wake up from the Doctor Who theme playing somewhere. Its your alarm. “Shit right, I gotta work tonight.” you stretch your arms up like a cat and quickly let them fall to your lap while you slump whining loudly to yourself.

 “Why can’t there be more hours in a day so I can sleep AND watch some netflix occasionally?”

 You sigh and get up to get dressed. You're not really into the whole “hair and make up” thing but whenever you wanna make yourself feel better you try and dress up a bit. You put on a nice pair of jeans that look really good on you, comb your hair and put your work shirt on. Its a green polo shirt with a black strip coming down your right shoulder and a logo in the back that says “Pump It Dave’s” and a cap that your not wearing today cause fuck that. You put your converse on and head out on your bike. It’s not a long ride by car but on foot its almost about an hour so your bike helps a bit. You don’t have money for a nice apartment so how would you have money for a car? You get to the gas station to relieve LaFontaine your co-worker who seems to enjoy their job more than you do. Mostly because they don’t get stuck with the night shifts like you, but hey! That’s when you can study while working because it’s not full of customers. Not today though. Todays Friday, and shit this place is already starting to get packed and its only 9:30pm. LaFontaine sees you come in and greets you with the usual “Hey! Ready to clean some vomit from wasted teens who wait for they’re parents to pick them up after a failed act of rebellion?“ 

 You look at them annoyed “Ha-ha LaF.”

 They grin at you and leave the counter to pat you on the arm and say “good luck, tell me if Susie the straight girl with smelly feet comes in today”

 You both laugh and you remember that Susie’s one of the girls you see every week who ends up third wheeling her friends cause she cant keep a date since her feet smell. Or at least thats the story you made up for her. The night stars out okay with only a group of like 5 guys from a frat at your university. You don’t really know them but they’re yelling “PIZZA OR DEATH” at there friend who is trying to eat a whole slice in one bite. I’ll never understand the ways of college partying the way they do, but they seem fine and aren’t really bothering you other than when they spill a drink and apologize to you while asking for a mop. You laugh at them and say you’ll take care of it. When you come back with a mop you see a familiar face walking in.

 “Kiiiiirsch!” the guys yell out in a harmony of bro-ness. He spots you and smiles wide.

 “Little hottie! Hey! I’ve never seen you here on a Friday.”

 He looks at the guys and they do some kind of bro fist thing hitting their chests. You laugh out loud and they stare at you. 

 “Could you please stop calling me a hottie?” 

 The rest of the guys smack Kirsch’s arm. 

 “BRO! Don’t make a girl feel uncomfortable like that!” they say and Kirsch looks surprised and apologizes to you.

 “Laura then, right?”

 You nod at him and answer “and by what I heard your friends call you it’s Kirsch, right?” 

 He smiles wide again and puts his hand out to shake which we do. You know these guys aren’t all that terrible. I hear the door bell chime and oh boy. It’s her again. This time she’s alone and she just goes and walks around the aisles browsing for stuff. The guys are talking to you but you don’t really hear what they’re saying. Your too busy looking at how normal that girl looks today. God, what the freaking heck is her freaking story? It’s like she’s unreadable. Another customer walks in so you head to the counter giving the mop to Kirsch. You attend the woman and make faces at her little girl while she looks for her wallet in her purse. You love kids because you can be your normal dorky self and not feel weird or judged about it. You both giggle as you pass the woman’s card and hand it back to her. You wave them off with a smile saying “have a nice night!” but your smile drops when u notice who was in line behind them.

 Its her.

She wearing a sleeveless black top with a knot tied on the bottom right side, a flannel red shirt tied around her waist, some short shorts and knee highs that’s really you should stop staring at right now. She’s staring at you with her eye brows raised while looking like she’s trying to contain a smile. Oh god did she see? And by see you mean the fact that you’re a total dork who makes faces at kids and totally not the whole you staring at her legs part...okay maybe it’s a bit of both.

 “Hey” she says to you as she takes a step forward and puts two beers and some brownies. You snap out of it. you don’t understand why you don’t get this girl. 

 “That’ll be-” she interrupts you while handing you a $10 bill.

 “Yeah whatever. Keep the change, cutie.” and takes a few steps backwards grinning and then turning around.

 What the heck? Was that-was that flirting?? Man this girl has no limits huh? You glare at her as she walks away. I’m not another piece of meat on your lesbian meal, you think to yourself. Who does she think she is? UGH and why does she frustrate me so much? I don’t even know this girls name!

 “Carmilla!”

 Says a girl with dark brown hair and a really short black dress out loud while walking in towards the girl. 

 “So, Carmilla huh? That’s a pretty name I guess…” you think to yourself.

 Carmilla hands the girl a beer with a smile

 “Hey cupcake, for a while there I thought you were gonna keep me waiting.”

 Ugh, really? Another one? I’m surprised there hasn’t been a cat fight over her in here yet. But then again you don’t work here every day so who knows what happens when your off. 

 A few hours pass by and the place is packed with drunk teenagers and college girls flirting with those frat boys from earlier. Kirsch keeps giving you a face when ever Carmilla and that girl star kissing which by the way, ew. That brunette girl seems like she’s slobbering her. Whatever, who am I to judge Carmilla’s taste in mouths. 

 Some teenagers start making a mess and you had to kick them out with your intimidating 5ft something height wearing your best tough face while pushing them out the door. You wipe your forehead dramatically and suddenly hear some arguing.

 “I’m sorry but I really have to go, my dad’s calling me like crazy.” 

 It’s the drooler. You laugh to yourself, because come on, that was a good one. But you walk closer to them, not because you wanna listen or anything but because the mess those guys made is closer to the sofa. 

 “So you’re just gonna leave me here? Come on cupcake, forget your dad. Let’s go somewhere else for the night.” says Carmilla.

 You scoff silently. Persistent little one isn’t she?

 “I can’t Carmilla, I really wanted to spend the night with you at my place but my dad’s freaking and he’ll be home any time soon, I gotta go.” She tries to kiss Carmilla but Carmilla kinda waves her off and looks away. The girl leaves in a rush with a sad face but Carmilla doesn’t look so sad herself, it’s more like frustrated or worried. I don’t know. The thought of her getting dumped made you chuckle out a bit.

 “What so funny?”

 Oh crap.

 “I'm sorry, what?”

 “Well you’re chuckling to yourself down there. Did you find what you were looking for? _Oh I don’t know_ like something that’s _actually_ your business?”

 Woah ok, she seems pissed. 

 “Hey it’s not my fault you just got turned down. Life’s fair like that sometimes, you know.”

 You say as you grin sarcastically. She glares at you and damn it’s like her eyes are piercing through you. It makes your stomach do something, it’s weird. 

 “You-” she stops or stutters, you’re not really sure because she still has those eyes on you.

 “You’re a child! And you understand nothing. Certainly not about what it takes to- you know what? I don’t have time for this.” 

 She gets up and shakes her head while walking fast towards the door. Maybe you were a little to harsh. “I mean I don’t exactly ‘know’ this girl” you think to yourself. _Maybe_ you shouldn’t have judged her like that. You grunt to yourself and manage to face palm your way back to the counter. 

 “I’m the worst.”

 You work till 5am that night and can’t get Carmilla’s eyes and the way they felt like they were looking into your soul out of your head.

 “Ugh, I feel terrible.” 

 You walk outside towards your bike. You're really tired both physically and mentally from thinking too much. As you drag your feet to where your bike is in the back you notice someone by the parking lot in the back sitting up against the wall. 

 It’s Carmilla. 

 “What the what.” you whisper to yourself

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if my vocabulary isn't exactly SUPER EXPANDED. English isn't my 1st language and I don't know deep words for things.
> 
> ANYWAYS, hope you enjoy!
> 
> my tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com just in case.
> 
> (I'm updating it this Thursday afternoon!TOMORROW)


	3. Accidents Happen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura can't stop staring at Carmilla's face and thinking about her and I guess you could say it has it's consequences. Carmilla sure isn't a morning person at all. Also Danny finally pops up.

CHAPTER THREE

Carmilla is sleeping in the back of the station with her flannel shirt she had tied around her waist covering her shoulders and front like a blanket. What the fuck. Why is she still here? It’s been like three hours since she walked out that door. You walk towards her with a confused face. She still hasn’t noticed you’re there. Is she... _sleeping_? You crouch down to stare at her with a concerned look and wave your hand in front of her face. How long has she been out here by herself? Did she stay here all this time? Nah, must have been one hell of a night. You role your eyes as you let out a short laugh. Suddenly you stop and look at her face. Her skin is so pale and her eye lashes are so long. You can see that she’s breathing softly since you looked down at her lips awhile ago. They look soft and a little chapped. You can imagine it’s do to the cold outside. You’ve never really looked at her like this before. This is the closest you’ve ever been to her. The closest you’ve ever been to her face.

 “Wow, she’s really pretty.” You say as you stare at her for way too long. You get on your knees to lean even closer and tuck some of your hair behind you ear while still looking softly at her face. You reach your hand out towards her and put it against the wall to keep your balance as your other hands gets closer and closer to her the side of her face. You don’t know why you’re being so careful right now but whatever you’re weird sometimes. You finally feel her skin as you poke her face with your finger. 

 “Heeey-uh, wake up.” 

 She squirms a little and answers with a scratchy and sleepy _no_. You think maybe she still isn’t really aware of where she is right now or _who_ is poking her. So you try again.

 “Hey-um, Carmilla. You should wake up.”

 You’ve never said her name before and it feels weird coming from your mouth. You don’t even know this girl. Yet her name doesn’t feel new to you at all, just weird and by weird you mean it made your chest feel tight which holy crap you should get that checked out later. Maybe you’re just still anxious from yesterday which by the way you should get going if you want to get to your morning class later. You poke at Carmilla again and tickle her nose with your pinky finger. She squirms.

 “Ngh, what the-” She finally opens her eyes a little and leans closer to the wall behind her. 

 “What are you doing?”

 “Waking you up from the streets, what does it look like I’m doing?”

 She looks around a little while she scrunches her face. How long had she been sleeping here anyway? 

 “The last thing I want right now is help from you, creampuff.” she says as she gets up and ties her shirt around her waist again, passing her hand over her face as she tries and wakes herself up afterwards.

 “Fine, _whatever._ My bad for helping a girl who’s flat out _wasted_ in the back of a gas station. Seriously, you should be more careful where you nap. You could have gone back inside an  used our couch you know.”

 “I didn’t want to go back in there. You guys have terrible customer service.”

 You grunt irritated. “ _Fine_ , suit yourself! I’m not the one who’d rather get raped or murdered in the middle of the night because I’m a stubborn _child_.” You make sure to say the child part in the tone she used earlier that night towards you. Haha you so win this round. You walk to your bike not giving her a second look and put your black helmet on while getting on. This girl doesn’t even deserve a goodbye or you waking her up or you looking back at her right now with a stupid sad smile which by the way what was that? She looks back at you and doesn’t look away even as your cycling away from her on your bike. You try not to think about it or look back but you can’t help it. You look back and there she is, staring directly at you with what you think is a small (really small, maybe non existent) smile. You look to the front quickly trying to hide the fact you looked back. God what is it with this girl?

 You get to your apartment and grab a button up shirt and change as quickly as you can. No time for breakfast you’ll grab something at the university. Right now you have to get to the library to meet up with Perry so she can give you some of her notes for todays lesson. You get there and greet Perry quietly. Libraries can suck but maybe that’s just cause you enjoy talking to much. You grab the notes and pass them to your notebook. 

 Maybe today won’t be as frustrating as yesterday.

 You're walking fast trying to get to class and grab a seat by the front. You’re still really tired and sitting in the back would mean falling asleep and not taking notes again. Someone was sitting next to you but you’re so tired you didn’t even notice they where there. It’s Danny. 

 “Well _someone_ must have had a rough night, huh?”

 “Ugh, you have no idea. I feel like I’m a robot running on low battery and my light keeps bleeping warning me that I’ll shut down soon.” 

 Danny laughs at your specific description of how tired you feel.

 “Well, at least _you_ look great- you know in a _you got some sleep last night_ kind of great. Or maybe you didn’t and you just have really good skin when you wake up.” You try and save yourself but end up rambling on and making it worse so you decide to just shut up.

 “Thanks.”

 You jump up a little and face Danny who is smiling at you.

 “For what?”

 “Oh nothing, you know just for being so nice all the time. You’re a big ball of fluff Hollis.”

 Great, now you’re fluffy. That’s even worse than “cute” or “adorable” You sigh internally and give her a goofy smile.

 “Well I’m glad someone seems to be having a good morning.” You say to her with a dorky grin on your face.

 “I sure am now.”

 You smile at her and the teacher comes in. Damn it, you forgot you didn’t really enjoy Mr. Lucas’ lectures in the morning. You also forgot you didn’t have breakfast. Luckily Danny has a delicious muffin that she’s sharing with you. Gosh, she’s so great.

 It’s been a long day and you finally get home. You feel like you’re gonna collapse right then and there but you go and get in the shower. You almost fall asleep but the water turns cold and wakes you up. You go and get dressed while dragging your feet and whining eventually heading face first to bed. _Finally._

 It’s Sunday and thank god there’s no classes on Sunday because you really needed that extra sleep. It’s almost 4pm when you wake up. You where having a dream about a black cat that kept following you from afar and you didn’t know if you wanted to chase it away or snuggle it but whatever dreams are weird. You're not even really a cat person anyway. You check your phone and have a message from LaF.

 

Laffy Taffy (1:26pm): Hey! Sorry to wake you from your beauty sleep and all but I’m just gonna go ahead and remind you that you said you’d cover for Betty today.

Laura (4:12pm): Crap. Yeah I’ll be there! Thanks for the reminder LaF! 

Laffy Taffy (4:13pm): No prob! “little hottie” lol

Laura (4:13pm): Shut up LaF! I regret telling you things sometimes! Haha

Laffy Taffy (4:14pm): W.e dude! You and your frat boy gang stories are hilarious.

Laura (4:15pm): I can’t believe u called them my “frat boy gang”. I AM THEIR LEADER!

Laffy Taffy (4:17pm): Yeah, sure, you little ball of rage haha see u soon.

 You start to get ready and fill your backpack with some books. You _really_ need to start reading those new chapters Mr. Elmer gave you this week. One bad grades is all you can take without hurting your pride too much. You head out with a sandwich in your mouth as you lock the door and put your helmet on. You're riding your bike with one hand and the other is holding the sandwich you’re currently taking a bite of. “I wonder if Carmilla will show up today?” you ask yourself out loud with a full mouth. Probably not, you doubt she’d come back without a new “gal pal” to hit on. You scoff. It’s not like you really care though. You just wanna figure her out already so you can make her life story up like you do with the rest of the customers. You have a slow ride to work for the first time in awhile.  

 Once you get there LaF is at the counter again. They actually look tired today.

 “Wow, someone didn’t have a good nights sleep, huh?”

 "Yeah, I didn’t really sleep at all yesterday.”

 “You okay?” you give LaF a worried look. They don’t usually look so worn down.

 “Not really, I had some trouble at home but don’t worry about it.”

 You know LaF’s situation back home isn’t exactly the best and if you had a bigger apartment you’d totally let them move in with you but you try not to pry on their stuff right now. You know better than to bring it up.

 “Well you know you can call me if you need anything, right LaF?” you tell them as you rub their back with a soft smile.

 “Yeah I know, thanks Laura.” she gives you a weak smile. “Try not to over do it today okay? Wouldn’t want to have to come wake you up later and drive you home.”

 “Yeah yeah, I promise, you dork.” You love that even though LaF is going through a rough time they still find the time to worry about you. You’re so happy to have them as a good friend.

 It’s around 7pm now and you're glad you only have to cover for Betty till 9pm. At least the store is quiet tonight. Just a few customers here and there and some teenagers reading some magazines by the coffee spot. You take the opportunity to study and take your big book out with your notebook and two different colored pens. You like to organize your notes from “most important” to “things you should know but might don’t matter”. One in blue pen and the other in red. The rest of the info is usually in black but you only write those just in case. You can’t really afford to drop you grades and lose the little money they give you back. You need that to help your dad out with the college tuition. He doesn’t admit it but you know he’s grateful that you try and help out as much as you can. You study for about an hour when you start dozing of. For some reason your wondering if Carmilla will _actually_ show tonight.  What could she be up to? Is she sleeping somewhere in the street again? My god that girl sure isn’t careful at all. Doesn’t she have someone to take care of her or something? I mean she’s literally here almost every night that you work and when she’s not you’ve managed to see her at the bars across the street through the stations glass. Not like your looking for her or anything, it’s usually just pure coincidence. _Usually._

 You’re currently biting your blue pen while looking into nothing but blank space. Then you hear the chimes and you slowly move your eyes towards the door without changing your position. 

 Holy crap, it’s her. 

 She’s not wearing her usual amount of make up or leather pants. Instead she’s wearing a black used up t-shirt, some black skinnies with the knees ripped and some boots. She doesn’t catch you staring, _luckily_. Al though you don’t think she’s paying any attention to you at all. She walked in looking down at her book. You lean to the side a little trying to catch the cover but you fail. “I wonder what she’s into reading..I bet it’s some 50 Shades of Grey type of thing which ew.” you think to yourself. You watch her as she heads to the sofa and stares at the teenagers who are sitting in it. You think she must have scared them off because they moved aside and sat on some small chairs by the window. She lays down on the couch and continues reading still not making no kind of effort to look your way. You sigh for some reason and get back to reading your own book which fuck your only at chapter 32 of 45. Time sure has flown by quickly today. You continue reading and taking notes and try not to look Carmilla’s way. It’s not like she’s paying any attention to you anyway which what the hell is up with that? She could at least say “hi, thanks for not letting me die in the streets and all.” You don’t get this girl at all and it’s eating you up inside. You bite angrily at your pen as you grunt a little.

 “Wow, you sure are intense tonight.”

 You look to the side and Danny’s there with some of her club girls. You think their called “Sister Society” or something like that. Wow that can’t be it, it sounds like they’re a group of feminist nuns or something. You giggle. Making up stories should be like a total hobby.

 “Yeah, it’s this stupid reading I have for Tuesday. I need to step up my A game in that class, so _here I am_!”

 Oh god why are you so bad with words and being cool in front of Danny? You slap yourself internally.

 “Well if you need any help I’m all for being your study buddy.” she smiles at you while staring directly at your eyes. Oh god is there something wrong with the AC in here?

 “But you’re not even in that class with me, you don’t _have to_ , really.” 

 “Well yeah but I want to help you out if I can. I wouldn’t mind at all.” She hands you some cash for some gas and leans a bit closer to say something and whispers in a raspy way

 “Don’t over work yourself TOO much, Hollis.” she messes up the top of your hair with her hand and walks away while laughing a little.

 You can’t help but smile like a goof and comb your hair a bit. Danny’s so great. You look to the couch and see Carmilla staring at you over the top of her book. Oh no, did she see your stupid face right now? Oh god thats embarrassing. It’s not your fault girls make you all gullible. Especially when they’re pretty and nice to you. Carmilla covers her face with her book again trying to play it cool but you know she was staring. Why was she staring anyway? Now of all times? you don’t get this girl. She gets up from the couch with a dramatic sigh and walks around the aisles passing right by you and still not saying a word. 

 “Ugh this girl is killing me here!!” you say grunting to yourself while glaring at her and pouting your lip like a child. You try and keep reading and write some stuff down when you feel someone call you.

 “Laura.”

 You’ve never heard your name in that voice before. Who is this? And why did you feel the hairs on the back of your neck rise up?

 “Are you gonna take my money or not, creampuff?”

 It’s Carmilla.

 “Wait, you know my name?”

 “You _do_ realize you have a NAME TAG.”

 Oh, right, that again. Wow Laura you sure are smooth. You grab her money and hand her her change back with a awkward closed smile while trying not to look at her face. She doesn’t look away and grabs her bottle of iced tea heading back to the couch. 

 “Well that went well.” you say to yourself sarcastically while staring at her laying back down on the couch. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her here this early, and by early you mean before 10pm. Maybe she just came in to annoy you today. You role your eyes at the thought and get back to studying. 

 A while has passed and you look up at the clock to see it’s almost 9pm so you start closing your books and packing up. Carmilla’s been sleeping on the couch for the past hour with her book laying opened on her chest. You didn’t want to bother her because in a way she took the advice you told her last time and slept on the couch instead of outside. It’s weird, she’s still alone. Usually a girl would have popped up by now. But then again today hasn’t exactly been a usual day when it comes to Carmilla. You’ve never seen her be here since the late afternoon. She always pops up around at night or something. You stop your train of thought when you see Betty walking towards the entrance. Yes! You can finally go home now.

 “Heeey! Thanks for covering for me! I owe you soooo much!” You don’t know Betty all that much but she’s always nice to you and you cover for each other so you think she’s a bit sweet.

 “No problem! I cleaned up the place a bit. All you have to do is restock the beverages.”

 “Okay, thanks so much again!”

 You smile and pick up your backpack over one shoulder and start walking out. You’re outside now when you hear the chimes behind you.

 “H-hey Laura! Wait!”

 Okay? What the heck? What’s happening now? You turn around with a confuse face to see Carmilla standing by the door.

 “Okay, whats up?” You have no idea what to expect from this girl and it’s starting to make your palms sweat.

 “Nothing just--thanks for the other night. I shouldn’t have been _that_ mean to you.” She’s staring at you again and you can’t help but swallow. Is she embarrassed? You feel like she’s trying really hard not to maintain eye contact which you don’t understand why.

 “ _That_ mean?” You say laughing playfully. Maybe you can lighten the mood a little.

 “Yeah, I’m not really a morning person.” she gives you a short smile and looks away. “Anyway, sorry I drooled on your couch today.”

 “Haha no it’s fine. I’d rather have you napping there than some drunk teens screaming and laughing. At least you’re quiet, you know _not snoring_ or anything.” you tease a little. It just feels right and you’re not sure why words keep coming out of your mouth. But you have to ask. you're too curious.

 “Soo...where exactly did you go that night?”

 “Well I have to keep some of my secrets or I’ll lose my air of mystery, won’t I?” you follow her eyes as they go up and down your face slowly. What’s she looking for? Why are you so nervous right now? This girl is smooth as fuck at dodging questions. She starts walking away backwards still watching you with a sweet grin on her face and turns around to keep walking the other direction.

 Woah, what just happened? You notice you kept staring at her walking away for longer that you should and shake your head. You were smiling and you feel your face is warm. _Maybe she’s not so bad after all_. You get on your bike giggling.You start riding your bike fast and after awhile you notice you're still kinda smiling. You like the way the night breeze feels on your face and hair.

  _Sundays are great_.

That whole thought was ruined in less that a few seconds when you're on the ground in a little bit of pain (okay _maybe_ a _lot_ of pain.) You ran into a car backing out of their drive way, flipping your bike forward and making you fly onto the cars roof and rolling of the other side of the car. 

 “Ouch.” 

_Well that’s just great_. Where did that car even come from? You really should pay more attention to your surroundings. You feel something get in your eye and wince as you try to get on one of your elbows while reaching up with your left hand which by the way OW. You hiss a little and wipe your eye. Blood. You forgot to put your freaking helmet on. Why did you forget to put your freaking helmet on, Laura?? A man gets out of the car and runs to you asking if you’re okay and trying to help you up.

  _Freaking.Great._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! I'm trying to keep it slow and sweet for now but hang in there! 
> 
> my tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com


	4. Keep You Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura goes to the hospital and is sore for the rest of the week while still going to work. Carmilla gets worried when she sees Laura like that. In a way, they both worry about each other. Also Dave pops up and he's a super cool guy.

 

CHAPTER FOUR

 That night the man who _so nicely_ just _ruined_ your freaking day insist on taking you to the hospital even though youinsist that you’re fine. At least you got run over by a gentleman or probably a dad that saw his kid in you and is freaking the fuck out which is sweet in a way. Also _lucky, very lucky_. 

 In the hospital they run a check up on you. No concussion they say and you joke to the doctor saying “no internal bleeding?” with a sarcastic tone trying to lighten the mood and the doctor smiles at you agreeing and saying you sure are handling things well. Yeah totally, cause you are as adult as fuck you think to yourself, grabbing a lollipop he gives you with the happiest face. Yeah, _totally an adult._ You managed to call LaF to come and pick you up. You didn’t really want to bother them but they said you _had_ to call someone to pick you up and your dad was not gonna find out about this accident. He’d flip and come get you and take you back to the house back home. So LaF’s your next best thing. They pick you up and take you to your apartment dropping you off. You feel filthy. You still have some dried up blood here and there and dirt all over and you _really_ wanna take a shower but everything kinda hurts and you decide on just sleeping it off. You’ll deal with everything tomorrow. The medication they gave you in the hospital for the pain helps you sleep like a baby at least for tonight.

 When you wake up the next day your body aches all over and you don’t really want to move from your bed at all. Most of the pain is in your right side and all around your back and right shoulder. Plus your left hand got kinda banged up from failing to place it right in the fall but it’s not bad enough to get a brace for it. 

 You went to college the next morning bandages and all, leaving your hair down to try and not draw to much attention to the bandage on your forehead. You’re wearing jeans and a tank top with a cardigan that you later decide to put on so people won’t be judging you for the bruises that are now forming all over you. Thankfully you didn’t run into Danny or Perry cause you _really_ don’t wanna have to explain yourself today, you’re still embarrassed by the whole thing. I mean how much more of a loop and a klutz can you be, Laura? You walk home that day since your bike is now messed up and it’s gonna take some cash to fix it back up to how it was. You’re feeling super sore all over and LaF calls you saying not to come to work today to which you argue and they don’t let you win _insisting_ you need some rest even if it’s just for today and that they’re taking your shift for you. You grunt and agree with an angry but thankful _fine_. You take off your bandages and clean your wounds wincing every now and then. It’s nothing to serious just a bunch of scratches and a few stitches on the top of your head near your hair line. Luckily that scar won’t be too noticeable. You have a big band aid covering it now and you head to your kitchen and make yourself some soup. It’s starting to rain outside so it seems like an appropriate meal for tonight. The weather forecast said it would be rainy all day tomorrow which sucks cause now you don’t have your bike and you work tomorrow so you have to walk in the freaking rain in the middle of the night. You finish your soup and check your emails before going to bed. You received an email from Natalie about some group project thing that’s due for next week. 

  _GREAT_ more things you need to get done. You head to bed aching all over and whining out loud. This sucks. You spend the next few minutes trying to find a comfortable position that doesn’t involve the upper right side of your back and your left arm causing you extreme discomfort. That landing could have been better but your not exactly and athlete and more a tiny walking disaster. You finally fall asleep belly flat on the bed with your left arm resting over your yellow pillow. This position doesn’t hurt as much. 

 You wake up and you’ve never hated waking up on a Tuesday like you do _right now_. You’re still very much sore all over but you have things to do so you get up and start heading out with your umbrella to the library to meet up with the guys from the group project. Your group partners are some guy named Will, who you later learn is part of the Zeta Omega Mu frat boys; and too girls, Sarah Jane and Natalie. Time passes quick and you manage to get a ride from LaF to work around 3pm. _Thank god_ cause it’s still raining out. Work is slow and you mostly restock the goodies. They have you running the coffee spot for awhile. The whole rain thing is getting people to get some hot cocoa and coffee to keep warm so business is booming there right now. You like serving coffee, it keeps you busy and that’s great cause right now you really need to keep your mind off how your body is killing you right now.

 You see Carmilla come in _soaked_ from the rain. Doesn’t she have an umbrella or something? I mean you bet she lives nearby cause she’s here _all the time_. Carmilla bends her back down and messes her hair up with her hands letting the water drip from it and shaking her head a bit. You giggle cause she kinda looked like a wet dog or a cat, _it’s cute_. She walks up to the coffee spot and you’re pretty sure she hasn’t noticed it’s you on the register as she pulls out some cash. 

 “God, just give me something warm please.”

 She hands you the cash still not looking up at you while shivering a bit and rubbing her own arms up and down trying to warm herself up. You smile big and say “what would you like specifically, Carmilla? Some hot cocoa?” she darts her head up looking at you. 

  _Finally._

 “Cupcake, I didn’t realize it was-Woah wait a second, what happened to your face.”

 Oh darn, you forgot all about your band aids and scratches and the fact that you were aching all over till like a minute ago. 

 “Heh. I um- I had a little accident the other night. It’s no biggie.”

 “No biggie? Laura you’ve got a bruise forming on your cheek bone.” 

  _There it is again_ , your name coming from her lips. It kinda makes you feel all happy inside. That and you think you’re getting indigestion because your tummy feels weird all of a sudden. 

 “Yeah I know, thanks for noticing the fact that I’m terrible with make up and didn’t know how to hide it well.” 

 She laughs, still with a worried look on her face and it looks like she’s about to say something but you interrupt her.

 “Here, have some hot cocoa. It’s _really good_. And you kinda look like you could use something warm right now.” You say while smiling softly at her. 

“Well, I’m sure I could find other ways to keep warm right now.” she’s grinning at you with these eyes that just-wow it’s like they’re seducing you right now, going deep into your chest and squeezing at your heart. You smile drops and you blush looking away from her and down at her hot cocoa with her receipt. You hand it over to her and as she grabs it her fingers brush against your hand just barely and you inhale a short breath for some reason. Maybe it was because her hands where _really cold_ do to the fact she’s probably freezing right now. She walks away saying thanks while you nod and look down again. Why is she suddenly being so nice to you? Unless it’s-

  _Oh no_. 

 Seduction eyes? Sudden niceness? Hand touching?? Making you blush with inappropriate thoughts?? 

 YOU’RE NEXT. 

 No no no no no there’s no way you’ll get involved in the endless cycle of ladies Carmilla has hit on in _this very gas station_. You’re not that kind of girl, but you do enjoy teasing a little so it’s not _so_ bad. You just won’t do anything about it. Yeah, take _that_ Carmilla. Try all you want but I’m not falling for your lesbian ways of seduction. You’re talking to yourself in your head and making hand gestures and smiling like an evil idiot who’s just figured out how to get what they want. But then you stare over to the couch and see Carmilla. She isn’t facing your way or anything but you can see her shivering. She takes of her damped jacket and brushes her hair back with her hand. You can see her leg is tapping rapidly and she reaches for the hot cocoa you made her while staring at it like it’s everything to her, like she’s so glad it’s in her hands right now warming them up while she blows a little at the top and takes a sip closing her eyes and letting out a long breath while squishing her lips together tightly. Her leg is still tapping. You quickly walk to the back where you remember you kept something warm. It’s a white hoodie with the Silas University logo on the front. You walk back to where Carmilla is.

 “Hey.”

 She stares at you surprised.

 “Hey” she says softly.

 “Here, you can borrow this.” You stretch your hand out with your hoodie. “ I know it’s probably not really your style or whatever but I can tell you _kinda_ need it badly so.”

 “Thanks for the offer cupcake, but I’m doing just fine. You don’t have to-” You don’t let her finish and say “Your teeth are chattering Carmilla.” you notice she looks down to see it’s true and that she’s kinda shaking still.

 “Just take it you grumpy customer.” You look at her with eyes of approval and tipping your head to the side a little, trying to convince her to just take it so you can both move on with your lives.

 “Fine.” She reaches up to grab it and takes it in her hand.

 “Good. Now don’t stink it up to much please.” you say teasing her with an evil grin. She rolls her eyes and you walk away back to the counter. She looks down at the hoodie and stretches it out to see what it says. 

 “Silas? Wait you go to Silas Univeristy?” she says still looking at the stretched up hoodie.

 “Yeah, what of it?”

 “No nothing it’s just- I go to Silas Univeristy as well is all. I’ve never seen you around creampuff.”

 “Yeah let’s keep it that way then. Wouldn’t want cha bothering me THERE TOO.” You say laughing playfully. She stares at you and has a look on her face like she’s trying her hardest not to smile. 

 “Yeah. _Wouldn’t want that at all_ , huh?” She finally goes and slides the hoodie on while taking her hair out and brushing it to the side with her hand. She stares at you with a half smile when she’s done and spreads her arms to the sides while looking down and back up at you.

 “Looks better on me, doesn’t it?”

 “Ha-ha.” you try and contain your smile and look away getting back to work. 

The station isn’t busy at all today. So far you’ve had four old men, one business woman on her phone and two pairs of parents with their kids wanting some hot cocoa. Other than Carmilla (who is now snuggled up to the couch in your hoodie) nobody’s really stayed in the station long. Everyone is just running late to somewhere or someone. In rainy days like these though, it’s mostly home. You wish you where home too. All the soreness that’s going on all over your body sucks and you kinda just wanna lay down on the sofa yourself. Speaking of which, how come Carmilla is still here anyway? Wouldn’t she rather be at her place all cozy? On top of that you think this is the first time you see her here this early. Then again you rarely have shifts around the after noon and right now it’s only somewhere around 5pm. Carmilla’s been here since like 3 something and just stayed after drinking her hot cocoa. She didn’t even bring one of her books that she usually reads here. UGH you wanna find her out already, this is getting annoyingly frustrating. 

The station has been completely empty for about half an hour. You look out the glass. There aren’t any cars passing by and the rain is getting pretty heavy. You look back towards the couch and decide to walk up to it. You can hear your slow footsteps. It’s so quiet in here now  that other than the storm happening outside and the stations playlist playing low in the background you hear nothing. Right now their playing Running by No Doubt. The owner really likes the oldies and you don’t really complain cause sometimes it’s like a free karaoke. 

You reach the couch and stand on the end of it near Carmilla’s boots. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps like that. Her face just looks so soft. You remember you thought the same thing when you found her outside last week. You remember how close to her you where. Almost as close as you are right now, staring at her face. Her bangs are draped over her eyes covering them slightly and you can see her breathing softly. She’s not wearing all that make up she had on last time you where looking at her like this and you actually get a little grumpy because how can she still look so good. You try and get up from where you’re sitting on the floor next to her but everything hurts and you let out a small whine as you slowly bend your back up straight. Your eyes are closed from the ache as you scrunch up your nose while rubbing your right shoulder a little. 

 “Ngh” You hear a small and sleepy whine. “Hey...are you okay?” she asks, staring up at you while rubbing one of her eyes a little.

 “Wha? Oh, yeah I’m fine! It’s just- I’m a little sore is all.”

 She sits up leaning against the couches arm rest and looks around the station. “Man this place looks like a ghost town.”

 “Yeah it’s been like this for awhile now. The rain isn’t exactly getting better.” you pause and stop rubbing at your shoulder. “You know, you should probably head out soon. I don’t think the rains gonna stop any time soon and you might end up getting stuck here by a storm.”

 She glances at you with her eyebrows slightly raised and then looks out the glass to the rain.

 “Yeaaah I _think_ I’ll just stay here. Besides who’s going to keep you company if I leave, cutie?” she looks up at you and catches you blushing a little. You didn’t see that one coming. You opened your mouth to say some dumb come back when suddenly someones barges into the station with a rain coat on. 

 “Ah, Laura! Glad your still here!”

 It’s Dave, the owner of “Pump It Dave’s”. He comes by occasionally which is nice since he’s kind of a giant goof.

 “Yeah. Where else would I be on my shift Dave?” you say sarcastically and he laughs at you.

 “Good point! Man it’s really pouring out. I’m gonna head to the back real quick. You can take a break Laura I’ll handle things for a bit. I know you could really use it...LaF told me what happened, how’s that head of yours doing?”

 “Eeh, it’s been better. It just hurts a bit but nothing to bad.” you tap on your band aid softly while smiling at Dave.

 “Well that’s good! Still, take a break Laura. I wanna check everything out while I’m here so you don’t have to do anything till I head out.”

 That sounds _great_ because you’re yawning as Dave laughs at you and heads to the back. _Maybe you’ll take that break then._

 “You wanna join, cupcake?” says Carmilla to you while tapping the space next to her that she made for you. You shrug and sit down letting out a huff and giving her a quick half smile. 

 “Sooo you still gonna keep me company? I mean Dave’s here now so I won’t be alone in this teeeerrible weather.”

 “You’re just saying that so you can have the couch all to yourself.” 

 You laugh as you lean against your good hand, your arm bent on the arm rest. You didn’t realize you where so tired. Your eyes are closing as your laugh turns into a shrinking smile. This couch is nice. Suddenly Carmilla is putting her legs on your lap while laying back down. You open your eyes surprised and look at her. She’s smirking. 

 “Well _aren’t you_ comfortable.”

 “Well I _was_ here first, buttercup. It’s only fair.”

You role your eyes and lean against your hand again while putting your other hand over Carmilla’s legs. Her leg twitches suddenly but you don’t really care, you’ve seen her be all close and touchy with a bunch of other girls. What would be the harm in a little physical contact right? She doesn’t move again which proves your point and you start drifting to sleep. 

 This is nice. 

You never knew this couch was so comfortable. You sleep really well and man that couch sure must have helped you sleep so nicely. You’re woken up by Dave telling you he’s heading out and letting you know that Betty is already here to relieve you. Holy crap you slept here for like two and a half fucking hours. You grab at something on your lap. Carmilla’s still here too. Did we stay like this the whole time? Carmilla’s slightly more awake than you and is now checking her phone. You brush her legs off so you can stand up and go get your things.

 “Heeey!” She says to you in a grumpy tone.

 “What? You had enough time being all comfortable.” You start heading to the counter and grab your phone and umbrella. You look outside to see that the rains died down a little but it still hasn’t stopped. You start heading out and wave goodbye to Betty as you reach the door you decide to speak to Carmilla. Why not right?

 “You can borrow the hoodie.” you point at her with your umbrella and then push the door open while starting to open your umbrella. Carmilla walks up to you at the door.

 “You know, I don’t think you can hold and umbrella _and_ ride a bike, sweetheart.”

 “I’m not riding my bike today.” 

 She looks at you confused. “Why, what happened?” 

 “Weeeell you remember that whole “little accident” I mentioned earlier? My bike didn’t really survive it.” You shrug at Carmilla who’s eyes are wide with shock. “Anyways, I’m walking home so, yeah. I’d better get going.” You start walking away but Carmilla grabs your left arm. You know the one you hurt? Yup that one.

 “OWW.”  She flinches after hearing you in pain.

 “Woah, sorry. That accident must have been bad. _How_ the frilly hell have you been working all this time?”

 “Well unlike _you, I_ have a life.” You say with a sarcastic smirk. “I have to go. Don’t stay out, you’ll get sick if you get soaked again.” You start walking.

 “I can get you a ride.”

 You turn around. Really? Wait should you even trust this girl? I mean sure she’s a usual customer at the station and she’s actually been kinda nice to you all day but come on-you know how she is. Right? Maybe this is all part of her _gay agenda_. Oh god what have you become Laura?! You have _nothing_ figured out about her. _Nothing!_

 “Really? You’d do that? Um- _how_ exactly?”

 “Well I can call a cab obviously. Why haven’t you thought of this?”

 Damn she’s right. Why _haven’t_ you thought of that? Oh right because you’re a cheapskate and would walk in the pouring rain rather than waste money you could use on food or your bike. She calls a cab and it gets there pretty quick which is good because this girl is kind of making you nervous. I mean what is she trying to do? Get with you? Find out where you live for future references? _Oh god Laura stop it_. Think straight for a second. Haha think _straight,_ yeah right.

You start walking towards the cab and Carmilla follows you close getting under your umbrella a little. She steps out from under your umbrella smoothly and opens the door for you while looking at you. Well that’s nice of her. Or smooth, _pretty damn_ smooth. 

 “Well try not to ramble the driver to death, cutie.” she teases you.

 “Wait, aren’t you getting in? We could split the cab you know, _both_ get home safely.” Oh god you hope that didn’t sound like an invite to your place. You totally meant it as in her to her house and you to yours. Al though the words kinda felt natural in your lips for some reason. She tries to brush off giving you a solid answer.

 “Na I have other places to be right now.” She gives you a small and really short smile as she stars walking away.

 “You have a nice night, cutie. Don’t go running into things.” She laughs a little and turns around to leave. You don’t know if she’s messing with you in a _teasing way_ or in a _flirting way._ You think about that the whole car ride. Why is she so hard to figure out? Maybe you’re over thinking things, maybe she’s _super easy_ to figure out. Ugh you really wanna know! You get home and drop on your bed. You can’t stop thinking about her. She’s such a mystery. As you close your eyes to get some well deserved rest you can’t help but have her running around your mind all night and this is not helping the fact that she always seems to leave you wanting to know more and more. Drifting to sleep you can’t help but wonder.

  _Where does she go all night? Where does she even live?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there's some errors I wrote this one super quick! The next one is from Carmilla's point of view soo stay tuned!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> My tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com :)


	5. Cold World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is everything that's happened so far but from Carmilla's point of view. Carmilla's life style is well...different and it can be hard for her sometimes to just sleep. Also she starts coming to the gas station more that she used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla POV this chapter and the next one too so you can get to know Carmilla and her life right now. It's not exactly the easiest. It's kind of long though so sorry haha.

 

CHAPTER FIVE

You wake up in a room you don’t recognize again. This isn’t the same one from yesterday or the day before for that matter. You stare blankly at the ceiling. It’s just another regular Thursday for you. You look beside you and there’s a girl sleeping soundly. She’s naked, her hair is all messed up and she still has a lot of her make up on from last night. You get up and start getting dressed. You still had your underwear on which is absolutely fine by you so you put on your tight leather pants and cream colored shirt with black lace on the shoulders. It’s a bit see through but that’s exactly what you need when you have to go out at nights to find a new girl who is longing for affection. You leave the girls house without saying a word to her and walk your way to the nearest bus stop. It’s around 11am and you feel pretty rested which is always a relief considering your situation. You take a bus to college, Silas University. 

 It’s not too late yet so you have time before your class in the afternoon. You walk your way towards the Silas dorms and sneak in. Girls are not supposed to enter the boy dorms but you have your ways.You follow a familiar path leading you to Will’s dorm room. Will is your younger brother by about a year and you don’t necessarily like him sometimes, but you don’t hate him either. He’s _your brother_ and siblings love each other even when they are constantly having sarcastic battles or bothering one another. Will, even though he would never admit to this being true; _cares_ for you and makes sure to always leave his door unlocked during the day. You keep most of your clothing in his dorm room and come by almost every morning to shower and change. His roommates have no issues with having an attractive girl entering their room during the day and showering in their dorm. You don’t pay much attention to it though, Will on the other hand would beat any of the boys there if they ever tried to take advantage of you showering there which, in his own way; is a bit sweet. You finish showering and get dressed in some used up shorts and a tacky punk band t-shirt that go with your boots. You still have some free time so you head to the library to catch up on your classes this week. You hang around there and spend plenty of time there when it comes to studying or just grabbing yourself a good book. It’s one of your favorite places in this university. You go to your class and pay no attention to your classmates. You don’t really pay _any_ attention to anyone on campus really. You’re here to _study what you love_ which is literature/ philosophy and you don’t really enjoy wasting your time on getting to know people. The only people you know here other than your brother are the professors. They actually consider you a great student and help out whenever you can’t stay awake in class. Sometimes giving you book suggestions from that days topic or asking some other student to take notes in your place. _You appreciate it dearly_. 

 It’s already some time around 9pm and you are changing into a more seductive look for tonight. It’s Wednesday and on Wednesday’s the bars downtown are filled with women who are either drunk out of their minds or looking for someone to be with. Also known as “Ladies Night”. You usually rather go for the drunk girl and help her back to her place using that as a tactic to stay over but sometimes that fails and you must resort to sleeping with women. All of the different kinds. You find a lonely girl and start your plan. After awhile you both leave the bar and cross the street heading to a gas station called Pump It Dave’s. You like this gas station quite a lot actually. It’s _nice_ , it’s _clean_ , it _serves snacks and coffee_ , and on occasion it _saves you_ from spending the night outside somewhere. They have a pretty comfy couch here and it’s right by the coffee spot and all the books they keep there for people to enjoy while taking their coffee. 

 There’s this one thing about this place though that you won’t admit to and that’s the fact that a few weeks ago a new girl started working here and well, _she’s adorable_ (in the most naive way of course) and it makes you chuckle to yourself sometimes as you watch her dealing with customers, being all _quirky_ towards them or sometimes catching her playing with the customers child or giving them free candy. She can be such a _cutie._ You’ve never really spoken to her though and maybe that’s something you should change.

  _No_ , you shouldn’t get involved with her. She doesn’t deserve someone like you around her life. You guys don’t go together at all. Plus that girl isn’t a toy. There’s no way you could live with yourself if you ever ended up hurting someone as sweet as her. 

 You feel someone’s hand move up your thigh. 

  _Oh right_ , you’re busy right now.

 You turn to the girl to give her the attention she seeks so much and caress her neck as you pull her into a hot kiss. She pulls you in closer and is kissing you desperately all while moving her hand from your thigh to your ass as she grabs you and continues to pull you in even more. She starts kissing down your neck and you tilt your head so she has more access. In the position your head is right now you can see the tiny brunette that works there talking to some tall guy. _She’s smiling at him_. Are they flirting? The guy leaves and you stare at her as she moves her eyes your way. 

  _She’s looking at you._ You’re looking straight at her and she is _still_ looking at _you_. Both of your eyes linger there until she opens her’s wide and looks away fast making a funny face that looks like she’s trying to seem disgusted. You grin at this as you turn your attention back to the blonde who is now turning your head to kiss you again with a lot of tongue. You tease her by stroking up her back slowly but roughly until you reach the back of her head and pull her hair arching her head back a little and breaking the kiss. She’s hot and all but you just really want to get this over with so you can go to bed early. You have class around 9am tomorrow so you’re trying to hurry this up back to her place as much as you can. She takes the bate and gets up pulling you by your hand and heading towards the door to leave. As you reach the door she let’s go of your hand to push the door open with both of her hands. You look back at the tiny brunette and lose yourself as you stare at her, like _really_ stare at her for the first time. 

 “ _She’s more than just cute, she’s beautiful_.” you think to yourself as you stare at her up and down. She has long brown hair that falls on top of her shoulder as she looks down. The way her cheeks are softly blushing as she’s staring back at you now from the side of her eye. You don’t try and hide the fact that you’re looking at her, _totally_ and _completely_ all of her. You’re awestruck and you can feel as your lips were parted all this time from how pretty she is. 

 You turn and leave. 

 You have other things to do, Carmilla. Stop fantasizing about the impossible. You catch up to the blonde girl outside and smile at her seductively as she bites her lip and grabs your hand pulling you towards a cab and taking you to her place. As you get there you’re giving this girl steamy kisses as she pulls you into her bedroom. You start undressing her quickly. You just want to get this over with. You push her down on the bed and lick her neck from the bottom up making her moan as your hands are going down her chest slightly stroking her breast while continuing down her stomach and reaching exactly where she wants you to be. That night you do it all pretty quickly and lay down next to her as she cuddles up by your side. You can finally get some sleep.

  _You dream of her for the very first time._ Not the girl that’s sleeping next to you,the one you mean is the girl from the gas station. In your dream she is sleeping next to you as you feel her long brown hair on your neck, her head laying on your chest. You wake up longing for that feeling to come back. _You really liked that dream._

  

* * *

 

 

It’s been a while since you noticed how beautiful Laura is.

  _Laura._

You found out that was her name a few days ago when you heard a little kid thank her for the free candy and kind of yelling from excitement. You’ve been coming to the station more often just so you can catch a glimpse of her. She hasn’t really looked your way. You think she’s ignoring you after the whole awkward _staring at her as another girl is kissing down your neck_ thing. Ugh it irritates you a little. You want her to look at you just as much as you can’t help but look at _her_. You’ve mostly been coming here before heading to the bars across the street and getting back to your usual thing. You sigh to yourself. It’s something you _have_ to do. It’s what you _always_ do. 

You haven’t had the courage to even go up and talk to this girl. You think it’s what’s best, you shouldn’t get to know her or anything. You’re both better off that way. You stare at her as she is looking down at some books attentively, her hair dangling by her face from looking down. You can see her lips moving just a bit as she silently mumbles what she’s reading to herself and passes the page blinking and tucking some hair behind her ear as she continues to read. She’s been like this for about two weeks. You blink slowly and look away, staring down at your own book again. 

_You can’t bother this girl._

 It’s Friday now and you made plans with Elsie a girl from college who’m you’ve been “study buddies” with for awhile. At least with her you _know_ you’ll have somewhere to crash at night. You leave class and head to Will’s dorm to change into something more _appropriate_ for the night. As you walk in you see Will is there today. 

 “How nice of you to visit Carmilla.” he says sarcastically as he looks at you with his arms crossed.

 “Oh I’m sorry, do you miss me little bro?” you say in a sarcastic tone as you mock him.

 “Where are you going tonight?”

 You don’t like explaining yourself to Will. The less he knows the less he’ll worry about you. You start changing into some shorts, knee highs and a sleeveless shirt that you tie a knot on the bottom side. 

 “Out. You know, that’s what people with social lives do.” You respond as you tie a flannel shirt around your waist and head to the bathroom to put some make up on.

“Yeah I know, so why are _you_ going then?” He grins to himself. He knows you don’t really have a social life, I mean the contacts on your phone are either girls that call you up for sex and teachers. Other than Will’s you don’t have anyone else that matters in your life.

  _Not even your Mother._

 “If you _must know_ I’ve got a date.” You start shading your eyes the way you always do for nights like these. 

 “Uwww still in the game I see. Rumors on campus are that you sure are popular among the ladies.”

 “Well how could I not be?” you say as you apply some mascara on with a smirk.

 “Yeah well you should let them know about a “certain boy in college who is oh so sweet and a total cutie”. Help a brother out you know!” He says pointing at himself with both of his hands. You laugh hard at this and finish your make up.

 “I’ll keep that in mind the next time my tongue is down some other girls throat.” you say sarcastic as you raise your eye brows at him telling him you don’t plan on saying shit to any girls.

 “God you suck as a sister you know that?” he roles his eyes as he smiles and reaches in his pocket. “Here, for the rest of the week.” He’s always giving you money and you hate taking it from him but if you don’t accept it he just hides it in your clothes for you to find later on. Your face gets dead serious as you reach to take the money. 

 “Thanks, Will.” You say not looking straight at him.

 “Oh this is me bribing you to talk about me to those girls. Don’t take it the wrong way.” he jokes laughing afterwards.

 “Yeah yeah, just go find yourself a nice smart girl who studies something she loves and smiles at you like the stars are in your eyes.” You say to him as you are walking out the door. For some reason after saying all that you think about Laura.

  _Laura seems like she’d be that kind of girl._

 After a walk and a bus ride you finally reach Pump it Dave’s as your reading a text you had sent Elsie to meet you there soon. You walk in tucking your phone in your pocket and see Laura smiling and holding hands with that tall guy from the other day. What the fuck? Could it be that they’re dating? Just look at them smiling at each other widely, they _must be dating._ For some reason you feel your stomach drop. Laura is turning to look at you now. _Shit._ You look away as you walk towards the aisles without a single stare. No eye contact. You can’t right now, your kinda furious inside and trying to hide it as best you can. You start browsing down the aisles like nothing has happened but you feel Laura’s eyes on you. You try not to pay attention to them. Suddenly Laura leaves her spot and head to the counter to take care of a lady with her little girl. You managed to grab two beers and some brownies for you and Elsie. Right, Elsie is probably on her way here and all you’ve been paying attention to is freaking _Laura the possible straight girl_ over there. Ugh you can’t believe yourself. It’s like your jealous of that big tall idiot who’s now mopping while laughing with those other idiot boys. You walk up to the counter doing the line behind the lady and the little girl when you see and hear the little girl in front of you giggling. You look up and see that Laura is making faces at her as her mom smiles while looking for something in her purse. _God she’s so cute._ You feel a smile growing on your face as you continue to stare at them sharing silly faces. This girl is just something else. There’s no way she’s straight. You chuckle to yourself quietly as you see the both of them giggling while Laura passes the lady’s card handing it back to her afterwards with a receipt. The lady leaves with her little girl in hand who’s waving goodbye to Laura and when you look at Laura she’s smiling and saying “Have a nice night!” as she waves back at them. This girl is just the sweetest tiny dork you’ve ever seen. She looks at you as you walk up to the counter trying to hide the fact that you were smiling a few seconds ago. She’s staring at you pretty damn openly with her lips slightly parting. _Oh god why did you have to go an stare at her lips._ You raise your eyebrows still trying to contain your smile as her head darts up and her mouth is now shut tight. 

 “Hey”You take one step closer and place your things on the counter. She grabs them scanning them and staring at the register saying “That’ll be-” as you interrupt her.

  _“_ Yeah whatever. keep the change, cutie.” as you grin and take a few steps backwards still looking at her and then turning around. _Fuck yeah_ that was smooth, right? Your smooth exit is interrupted by someone yelling your name. Oh, right. It’s Elsie. You were waiting for Elsie, of course how could you forget why you were here in the first place. You smile seductively at her and tell her you thought she was gonna keep you waiting in the most flirtatious tone you can make. You hand her one of the beers you just bought and head back to the couch. 

 A few hours have passed and you’ve kept making out with Elsie on the couch while occasionally teasing her. Right now she’s kissing you again and god is she a sloppy kisser. Not that you care. You’ve kissed so many girls that you’re kind of numb to actually enjoying the kiss. It’s more like an automatic type of thing. You’ve been trying not to look at Laura from the side of your eye like it’s the hardest thing you have to deal with right now. Suddenly you hear some dimwit high schoolers knock some things down while making fun of something. You stop kissing Elsie to stare at them near the couch. Ugh teens can be such assholes. You see Laura making this bunched up face as she comes marching their way and is scolding them while pushing them out the station door. It’s both the cutest and the funniest thing you think you’ve ever seen. And you smile mockingly for a quick second before Elsie is apologizing to you saying she can’t stay. What? Oh no. Fuck no. This wasn’t part of your original plan. You try and convince her to forget whatever situation she was talking about of her dad. You didn’t really care enough to listen, you just don’t want to have wasted your valuable time for nothing, it’s too late to go girl hunting. All the girls already have a frat boy hitting on them or are too drunk to even remember where they live. Elsie doesn’t fall for it and  insist on having to go while apologizing. _Shit._

 Shit shit shit shit shit.

 You’re angry now. Why did this have to happen now? Couldn’t she have told you this sooner? Now you have no idea where you’re gonna end up spending the night and you are really pissed at this situation. You haven’t had to sleep out for about almost a month now and you don’t wanna give up a warm bed for a cold park bench. UGH. You are _so fucking pissed_ right now. Elsie leans in to try and kiss you goodbye but you’re not having any of that crap. You look away raising your hand denying her any kiss. You’re not giving this shit away for free and if that’s the only ounce of pride you have left than whatever. You don’t give a fuck if you’re being rude right now. Elsie walks out and you can’t help but be angry right now. Just so freaking angry. 

  _God_ , what are you going to do now, Carmilla?

 You hear someone chuckle near you. It was Laura. She’s kneeling down grabbing the things those idiots knocked down and re positioning them where they were. 

  _“What’s so funny?”_

 “What?”

You are so fucking mad right now, you just want to burst and Laura is right there. _Right fucking there_ just _\--laughing._

 “Hey it’s not my fault you just got turned down. Life’s fair like that sometimes, you know.”

 Did she just- did she just _fucking say that_ to you? Who _the fuck_ does she think she is? She doesn’t know shit-she has no fucking clue what you’re going through right now. How dare she just mock you when you’re in your situation. You are glaring at her, just glaring at her with anger and _honestly_ , pain in your eyes. You’ve had just about enough and start to rant at Laura angrily. 

 “You-you’re a _child_! And you understand _nothing_. Certainly not about what it takes to- you know what? I don’t have time for this.” 

 You get up from the couch. You can’t take this out on Laura. She doesn’t know anything. Ugh but she was such an asshole right now. _God damn this girl_. If it was anyone else you would have murdered them right then and there but Laura, she’s--Laura’s different. You don’t know how she does this to you. Ugh you’re just so fucking angry damn it. You’re outside now and decide to go to the bar across the street. 

 You really need a fucking drink right now.

 In the bar there’s a bunch of men and women hitting on you but you just can’t take that right now. You’re so angry. Angry at Laura. 

 Laura Laura Laura.

 God damn it, why won’t she get out of your mind already. When the bars start closing you head outside. You see it’s 4am now when you check your phone and notice you have a text message from Elsie. You scoff. You don’t give a fuck about Elsie right now or ever really. You stare across the street to the gas station. It’s cold out tonight. You rub your hand together and breath out in one heavy huff. Shit, where are you going to sleep tonight? You’re too tired to walk to your usual park bench...the family house isn’t too far awa--NO. You are NOT going back there again, no matter how cold it is. Fuck it’s cold. You walk to the back of the station while looking around to see if there’s anyone creeping up behind you. You sit down with your back against a wall in the parking lot. You take a deep breath with your eyes closed and then exhale it out completely. This is fine. It’s not too bad and the wall is blocking out the breeze so it’s not _that_ cold. You take the flannel shirt around your waist and cover the top of your body with it trying to warm up a little. You look up at the starry night sky. It’s quiet, really quiet.  You feel a single tear go down your face. It’s cold and you wipe it off quickly. You fall asleep staring up at the stars. It makes you feel like you’re not alone in the world. Like you’re not alone _right now_. 

 You feel and hear someone say something to you softly. You think it was something about waking up but you’re still half asleep so you ignore it with a simple grumpy _no_ as a reply and shift a little to the side. 

 “Carmilla, you should wake up.”

Wow. That voice is so soft and gentle. It’s like the voice of an angel is trying to wake you up to take you to heaven. Wait, are you dreaming or are you dead? You feel a finger tickle your nose. “Ngh! What the-” You open your eyes.You’re not dreaming. You are very very awake. Laura is waking you up for real and you can’t believe it’s her. She’s so close to you and it’s all so unexpected. You had to lean back a little against the wall.

 “What are you doing?”

 “Waking you up from the streets, what does it look like I’m doing?”

 You look around with your face scrunched up from the sunlight starting to pop up. Shit right, you slept in the parking lot. Oh god Laura caught you sleeping in the parking lot. What does she think this is? You don’t want her to know anything. You get nervous really quickly. Improvise Carmilla. Improvise!

 “The last thing I want right now is help from you, creampuff.” You try and deflect her questioning eyes with that crappy statement as you get up and tie your flannel shirt around your waist again.

 “Fine, _whatever._ My bad for helping a girl who’s flat out _wasted_ in the back of a gas station. Seriously, you should be more careful where you nap. You could have gone back inside an  used our couch you know.”

 Shit you made her angry now. That’s not what you wanted to happen. But anything to distract her from the fact that you were sleeping in the streets.

 “I didn’t want to go back in there. You guys have terrible customer service.”

 She has a hurt look on her face mixed with anger. Fuck what are you doing Carmilla? She was just trying to help. 

 “ _Fine_ , suit yourself! I’m not the one who’d rather get raped or murdered in the middle of the night because I’m a stubborn _child_.” Laura walks away with a sassy hair flip as she turns around which you bet she didn’t even noticed she did it. It makes you giggle silently. Even when she’s angry she’s so freaking adorable. But now she’s leaving you and your giggly smile slowly starts falling. She is turning around and thank god, she didn’t leave without looking your way. Your smile is still there but it’s sad. It’s sad because you _know_ you fucked up. Ugh Carmilla Karnstein how could you be such an idiot. You finally get her to come after you (technically I guess) and talk to you and you just screwed it all up. You sigh and let out a frustrated grunt as you start walking to a bus stop nearby. You’re kinda grateful Laura woke you up because if not you wouldn’t have made it to your class at 7am. You can really concentrate in class though. Your mind is filled with re runs of you and Laura arguing. Also you have one hell of a hangover right now that isn’t helping the fact that you have only slept for about an hour. 

 God today just all around sucks. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! I'll try and update again sometime this week, probably Friday.
> 
> my tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com :)


	6. Chase You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is starting to feel like a creeper from how much she's coming to the station, but she can't help herself, she needs to see Laura and apologize. She meets LaF and somehow she doesn't hate them just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part to the Carmilla POV. Next chapter is gonna be hard on ya'll.

CHAPTER SIX

By your second class that morning your eyes were shutting on their own. You where so tired and you smelled like liquor. Your make up was messy but not bad enough for you to feel uncomfortable. You can rock the messy look. Your breath on the other hand, Yuck. Okay maybe you won’t speak for the rest of the class. Al though its not like you’ve been able to pay much attention with the way your eyes are twitching as you try and look up at the chalk board.  There so heavy, so so heavy. Suddenly you feel something touch you and it’s the teacher telling you class is over. Shit you fell asleep again. You furrow your brow and apologize to the professor. He doesn’t deserve that disrespect but he simply lifts his hand up at you while shaking his head letting you know it’s fine. You are kind of the star pupil when it comes to this philosophy class so he doesn’t mind it all that much. You manage to grab a meal in the cafeteria before you start walking your way to the library. The professor said you could pick up a reading there to catch you up on what you missed today. You’re tired as fuck and you’re not really paying attention to your surroundings and basically dragging your feet as you walk, slowly looking down with your eyes almost shut. Today is gonna be a _long_ day. 

Afterwards you head to Will’s dorm and enter not really paying attention to who’s inside. You hear someone greet you and you stare their way. Holy shit, it’s that guy from the gas station who was flirting with Laura. The tall puppy guy with big blue eyes and the face of a happy idiot? Yeah that one. You give him a tired and uninterested wave as you walk to the closet. Will pops up from the side. 

 “Oh, hey Carmilla. You sure look like shit today.”

 You flip him off as you pick some clothes out. Some sweatpants and a black t-shirt.

 “Uff that hurt. Hangovers make you one hell of a sour puss.”

You grab a thong and a black bra and swing them around in your finger while making a face at Will mocking him talking to you. You head to the shower and leave them be. But you hear the puppy guy ask how Will knows you. 

 “Oh that Grumpy cat? That’s just my older sister.”

 “Woah! No way bro! This sure is a small world haha.”

 “Yeah I guess so, anyway let’s give her some privacy bro, wouldn’t wanna be a non-gentleman right?”

 “Oh sure sure! Right! Let’s go to the cafeteria then. I’m craving that mineral and by mineral I mean those hot dogs.”

You hear them laughing together as the laughter fades from them leaving the room. _Finally._ You undress and get in the shower. College dorm showers can suck but anythings better than being this filthy. That’s like your one true condition in all of this, you _need_ a nice shower every day. You smile as the water hits your chest while your hands are open in front of it. Long showers are your favorites. They can be so relaxing.

You don’t know why but you ended up in the gas station. You didn’t intend on coming but your feet just kind of brought you here and oh god you totally forgot you were in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Crap why did you come here, Carmilla? You look to the counter nervously as you open the door.

No Laura.

You pout to yourself as you realize how much you actually wanted to see her. Al though you doubt that she felt the same way after how rude you were to her this morning. You grunt as you walk in and buy yourself a coffee to wake you up enough for the walk back to Silas. You sit on your usual spot in the empty couch as you take a sip of your coffee. There’s a ginger at the counter instead of the girl you were looking forward to seeing an you’re not sure why but you can’t stop your mouth from opening on it’s own.

 “Hey, ginger!”

 They look your way with an eye brow raised as you wave them to come to you which they do.

 “How can I help you today, dude?”

 “Um, no that’s fine I just wanted to ask if that tiny dork that’s here at nights works today. You know, out of curiosity.”

 “Sooo for _research purposes_ then?” They grin at you like they know what you really wanna know. 

 “It’s just a question dork wad, are you really gonna make me beg for an answer?” 

 They roll their eyes as they sit on the coffee table directly in front of you. “Weeell sorry to burst your bubble “ _Lover of tiny gays_ ” but she’s off tonight. She’s got a lot going on with classes so she took yesterday’s night shift to have tonight off. So sorry dude but you came here to investigate for nothin’.” They tap your arm with a tight smile. “Better luck next time.”

 “It was just a simple _yes or no_ question ginger bread no need for that whole explanation you know.”

 They scoff “Bah yeah yeah I know you love getting free details to add on your _list of things to know about Laura_ so just take the info and shove it.” They get up grinning and walking back to the counter. _“_ That’s all you’re gettin’ from me though.” They say raising their hands as if apologizing.

 “Whatever.” You sip more coffee trying to hide the fact that you’re embarrassed. “Don’t tell her I asked or I swear I’ll shove this hot coffee down your shirt, got it?”

 “I never reveal my leakage of info. It’s company policy.”

 You laugh out loud as you finish your coffee. They’re not so bad. “All right, I’ll be sure to re pay you for your services Agent Gin. You both grin and you walk out the station. Looks like you got somebody on your side. Is this what not hating someone feels like? Friendship maybe? Ew, you don’t do friends but you will admit they aren’t on your black list. You walk back to Will’s dorm and lay on his bed. You don’t have the energy to go out tonight to find a place to crash so you try and take a nap here while Will and his roommates are in class. You know he won’t mind so you drift off to sleep. You smile at yourself though as you think about what the ginger told you. How did they know you wanted the dish on Laura? The only possible answer is that Laura has talked to them about you, and that just made your freaking day. You finally sleep with no interruptions. Man you were tired.

 

* * *

 

It’s Monday and you’re handing in a take home test that the professor gave you that morning. He says you can have some more time with it but you know you don’t have time for that plus you already finished it about an hour ago in the library so you tell him that it’s fine and leave. The real reason though is that you don’t really have a _home_ to take it to. You didn’t sleep on the streets yesterday since you slept on Will’s bed for a few hours so you just spent the whole night walking around town. It’s already noon and you’re starting to get tired already. You really don’t feel like going out tonight but you don’t have anywhere else to go. Last night you got kicked out by the floor don in Will’s dorm around midnight and you don’t want to get Will in any trouble. Mother would find out what you’ve been up to and blame Will for getting involved when she _clearly_ stated to keep away from you until you came back to your senses. You decide to go to the station later. I mean you’re already thinking of dropping by, you know just to chill or something, _not_ to go see if Laura will be there. 

 Laura…

 You wonder if she’s still mad from your last encounter together. Maybe you shouldn’t go to the station after all. Just take this as a sign and keep away. You don’t.

 A few hours later you’re about to walk in to the station. Pfft “ _Stay away”,_ who are you kidding Carmilla? This girl has something that just makes you keep coming back. You’re carrying one of your usual books and decide to play it cool this time just in case the ginger is here again instead of Laura. You don’t wanna seem like a _total_ creeper that would be bad. You walk in reading your book and not looking at the counter. Instead you head directly to the couch where some teens are sitting. You glare at them and growl a little making them leave and sit somewhere else. Kids are so easy to scare off. You lay down on the couch as comfortably as you can trying to look casual. You don’t look right away but eventually you lower your book a little and look to the counter from the top of your book. Yes. It’s Laura. You smile to yourself thanking the fact that the book is hiding all your face except your eyes and get back to reading happily. Yo giggle to yourself. She’s not going anywhere so why not tease her and make her wait a little. You continue to read you book with a soft smile hiding behind it.

 A while later you look back up to see what Laura’s up to. She had been studying since you got here but you furrow your brown as you see she’s talking to this reeeeally tall ginger. She’s smiling and laughing with her. Who the hell is this girl? You try to chill, she’s probably just another customer that Laura is being overly nice too. You see the tall girl leaning down near Laura’s face but from your angle you can’t see what’s happening. This freaking ginger giant  is blocking your view. You shoot up to sit with wide eyes. 

 Is she giving her a kiss?! No no way. You’ve never seen this tall girl around here before, they can’t be together. Why do you care anyway Carmilla? That’s none of your business so just chill. You quickly get back to the position you where in but you can’t contain yourself. You _have_ to look. You glimpse from the top of your book again and see the tall girl leaving with a bunch of other girls. Yeah that’s right Xena, get the hell outta here! You stare back towards Laura now and she sees you staring. _Shit_. Play it cool Carmilla, play it cool. You maintain the gaze for a few more seconds and then casually look back down at your book. _Nailed it._

 You get up from the couch while sighing deeply as to make Laura look at you. You like it when she’s watching your every move. You fake going through the aisles when all you plan on doing is just grabbing something to use as an excuse to go talk to Laura at the register. You grab an Iced tea. You take a quick peek as you lean from the end of the aisle and see that Laura’s staring down at her book distracted. Now’s your chance. You grin as you feel your plan start to go into place and walk to the counter. You stand there for a few seconds quietly. Laura hasn’t noticed you there and she’s got all her attention on her studies. You scrunch up your nose trying to contain the giggle you want to badly let out. You take a deep breath and a step forward as you say softly.

 “Laura.”

 You see her breath hitch as she slowly stares up. Her hair dropping a bit on her face from having been looking down. Woah, she’s so cute. Nevermind that Carmilla, you got to break the ice.

 “Are you gonna take my money or not, creampuff?” Yes that’s a good start.

 “Wait, you know my name?” 

 Oh my god how can someone be so clueless yet so adorable?

 “You _do_ realize you have a NAME TAG.”

 She blushes and looks down embarrassed taking your money awkwardly. You watch her, every inch of her, her movements and hand gestures. Everything, and walk back to the couch. You lay back down and try to keep reading your book. You’re so tired though but you can’t leave, not until you actually tell Laura what you came here to say. You failed and fell asleep with the book opened to your chest. You wake up from the sound of some stupid idiot barging into the station and talking really loud towards Laura. Oh shit, right, Laura! You see her putting her back pack on and starting to head out. Crap. You wipe your mouth because apparently you were drooling and run after her. 

 “H-hey Laura! Wait!” Laura turns around to look at you. Oh god I didn’t think this through enough, you think to yourself.

 “Okay, whats up?” 

 “Nothing just--thanks for the other night. I shouldn’t have been _that_ mean to you.” Wow Carmilla that came out terribly.

 “ _That_ mean?” Laura laughs and thank god she took it in a good way. You can work with this.

 “Yeah, I’m not really a morning person. Anyway, sorry I drooled on your couch today.”

 “Haha no it’s fine. I’d rather have you napping there than some drunk teens screaming and laughing. At least you’re quiet, you know _not snoring_ or anything.” You feel like talking to her just comes so naturally. You could listen to her voice for hours.

 “Soo...where exactly did you go that night?” 

  _Fuck._ Okay maybe not right now. You have to deflect this question. You can’t just go and tell her the truth. That you where drinking all night and have no home to go too afterwards. That you _literally_ sleep in the streets more that she should ever know.

 “Well I have to keep some of my secrets or I’ll lose my air of mystery, won’t I?” It doesn’t feel right to lie to Laura for some reason. You can easily lie to anyone but not her. She’s different. She’s Laura, _sweet, goofy, tiny, beautiful_ Laura. You can’t help but scan Laura up and down with your eyes as you think these things to yourself. You start walking away backwards. You don’t want to ever not see Laura but you can’t stay. She’ll keep asking questions. You need to leave. You turn around and keep walking. You wish you didn’t have to stop talking to Laura. You walk to the usual park nearby and can’t help but feel lonely without Laura’s eyes on yours. 

 

* * *

 You didn’t see Laura yesterday. You had a big test in the afternoon and had to stay studying all day at the library but your mind never let the thought of Laura slip away. Today though you were planning on finding a part time or something. You had tried it once but gave up after you noticed just how many connections your mother had by being turned down by every single place in town you applied to. Still you don’t feel like pleasing random women anymore and you want to have money to have your own place at least. Secretly though, what you want is to be worth more in Laura’s eyes. You don’t want her to think of you as a sleazy lesbian with no boundaries and goals. _God you’re such a sap_. Anyway, as you where out handing in applications around town it started to rain _Hard_. It’s been kind of rainy the whole day but you don’t own an umbrella. Maybe today just isn’t the right time for this. You’re near the station and you’re soaking wet right now. You head inside shaking off the water as your hair drips. You try and dry it up a bit shaking your head quickly. _Shit it’s cold out_. You walk quickly to buy something at the coffee spot and _holy fuck_ your hands are shaking as you grab some money from your wallet. You give them desperately to whomever’s in the register and your head shoots up as they talk to you. It’s Laura. Laura’s _here, this early_ , serving coffee and giggling at you and-holy shit. What happened to her?! Her face is pretty beat up and she’s got a big band aid on her head. Did someone hurt her? Who could ever hurt Laura? What the fuck is wrong with them, Laura’s so gentle and sweet, she doesn’t deserve that. She explains she had an accident and you calm down a bit. Whatever at least she’s fine. She hands you some hot cocoa an you head back to the couch after teasing her a bit. The hot cocoa feels so nice against your hands right now. You sip burning yourself a bit but you don’t care, you’re so cold right now. Suddenly you feel someone hand something over to you. It’s Laura. She’s trying to give you a hoodie but you can’t accept that. That’s Laura’s and you’ll probably just get it dirty and wet. She insist while telling you your mouth is chattering and holy cow it’s true. You’re kind of shaking and Laura insist one last time. You accept her hoodie and she grins and leaves you. You stretch the hoodie out to see it says Silas University on the front. Wait.

  _Laura goes to Silas??_ How come you didn’t know this before? She had been so near you all this time and you _didn’t have a freaking clue_. You put the hoodie on after speaking to Laura. It’s so warm and it smells so nice and sweet. It’s smells like her. 

 Somehow you and Laura ended up sleeping on the couch together. But she’s about to leave. _“No, please stay”_ you think to yourself. You sure are sappy when you wake up. You decide to go after her again leaving your cell phone on the couch as you chase her. You catch up to her and she’s not heading to the back where she usually goes to get her bike. She tells you she’s on foot because her bike is busted from the accident. It’s starting to rain harder again. You don’t want her to have to walk to wherever it is she lives in this rain, wounded and alone.

“I can get you a ride.”

 Shit, Carmilla what the hell are you doing? She turns to you wondering what you mean and you tell her you can call her a cab. You do and you both lean against the glass outside waiting in silence. The cab gets here and you walk with her to it and open the door for her.

 “Well try not to ramble the driver to death, cutie.”

 “Wait, aren’t you getting in? We could split the cab you know, _both_ get home safely.”

 Crap, why does she have to be so nice and caring? How the hell are you gonna get out of this one you useless lesbian? You can’t just get in with her because you have nowhere to _go_ to. 

 “Na I have other places to be right now.” 

  _You don’t._

“You have a nice night, cutie. Don’t go running into things.”

 You wish you could stay with her and keep her company but you can’t. You just can’t. God you should have known better. What were you thinking Carmilla? There’s no way you and her could ever be a thing. Hell not even friends. You’re both so different. She’s light, you’re darkness. She’s warmth and you’re the cold cold world. You need to stop this. You can’t keep doing these things to yourself. Didn’t you learn your lesson last time? Fuck. No. You can’t keep coming here.

 You _won’t_ keep coming here.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy! I couldn't give this one as much attention in certain scenes because of school but i hope you like it!
> 
> my tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com :)


	7. Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla tries to avoid Laura and fails miserably. Also Kirsch is a cute hilarious puppy who can sure motivate a girl to have fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for this one ;) it's kind of long but worth it.

CHAPTER SEVEN

 

_ Bullshit. _

Three days later you had to go back. You left your phone there and you tried to just forget about it and leave it behind but you _need_ that stupid thing. Luckily when you get there Laura isn’t the one working. You feel kind of sad but it’s for the best. You shouldn’t keep seeing Laura here. LaF is working today instead. You’re quite fond of this smart ass ginger. They greet you and hand you your phone.

 “So you _finally_ came back to get it. Laura was the one who found it and told me to give it to you if I saw you laying around. Can’t get digits without a phone am I right? Haha”

“Very funny dork wad. I needed it to stay in contact with my brother and the professors at Silas.”

 "Oh, I didn’t picture you as a sisterly girl.”

 “Shut up, I have the right to be a softie if I chose to be.”

 They laugh at you as you smirk while trying to look angry and as you leave they yell something at you.

 “Be sure to go by your contacts! You never know if you _lost a number_!...or _gained_. Hehe”

 They smirk at you and you don’t get it. Their probably still teasing with the whole _get digits_ thing. You head to Silas after that. You have a big test tomorrow evening and you really need to catch up on your reading. You’ve gotten a little behind in class since you keep falling asleep. You haven’t slept on a nice bed for about a week now. It just doesn’t feel right anymore, the whole _hunting for girls to get to their beds_ thing. Ever since that day Laura woke you up in the parking lot you haven’t been able to do what you normally would to get some sleep. You head to the library to study and find a nice empty table. You started reading but ended up falling asleep on top of the books for awhile. At least you managed to get through one of the books in a few hours but fell asleep on the other one mid book. It’s getting pretty late and you’re too tired to walk anywhere. You don’t know where you’ll sleep tonight. You go through your phone not knowing if you should ask Will to come get you. You hate bothering him with this but your back is starting to hurt from that park bench downtown. As you scrolled through your contacts you noticed that there’s a “Tiny Laura” in the list. You don’t remember adding that on to your phone. Who could this be? I mean you _might_ sleep around a lot but you would have remembered a ‘Laura’ because of _your_ Laura. Pfff just listen to you, “your Laura” yeah right. You get curious and send a text. Could it really be her?

 Carmilla (10:30pm): “Tiny Laura, huh?”

 You wait nervously and start to regret texting this person. Its not like their friends. Its not like she’d reply. _What if it’s not even her?_ Suddenly you hear your phone beep and vibrate. You jump up as the librarian is shushing you now. It’s a text. 

 Tiny Laura (10:32pm): “Well how else would u know who it is :P”

 Your eyes are wide open filled with surprise and you can feel a giant smile grown on your face. _Shit, what should you reply?_ Okay think smooth, just be cool, be cool. 

 Carmilla (10:33pm): “idk, you could have just put “Laura the Cupcake” or something. I think I would have remember way easier. ;)”

Thats ok right? Not too flirty, not too lame? Oh god it was _totally_ lame wasn’t it? Fuck you’re an idiot.You get another text. You had put your phone on vibrate earlier to not get shushed again. 

 Tiny Laura(10:35pm): “Haha nope. U can change it if u want.”

Tiny Laura(10:35pm): “whatcha doing right now, anyway?” 

 You smile and quickly reply.

 Carmilla(10:35pm): “Well wouldn’t u want to know.” 

 You bite your lip trying to contain your excitement right now. 

 Tiny Laura(10:36pm): “Obviously, why else would I ask, you big dummy. :B” 

 You let out a loud laugh and quickly cover your mouth with your hand looking back at the librarian who is glaring at you. 

 Carmilla(10:37pm): “Well if you MUST know, I’m at the library right now.” 

 You put your phone on the table and your smile falls when you remember why you’re still here. You have nowhere else to _go_ tonight. Your phone vibrates and you quickly look up at it on the table and grab it. 

 Tiny Laura(10:40pm): “Sooo Silas? This late? You must have lost a bet. Haha” 

 You role your eyes at how innocent she is. She has _no clue_ you’ve been here all night and are most likely going to end up sleeping outside again. You reply with a sad expression on your face.

 Carmilla(10:44pm): “I have nowhere better to go so.”

 You put your phone down again and put your elbows on the table while resting your face on one of your hands. You grunt softly with your eyes closed as you lean against your hand falling over on the table on top of your arm and letting your bangs fall over your face. You’re frustrated and kind of sad. You wish you could explain to Laura how desperate you are, how lonely you’ve been for most of the past week in the nights without getting to see her. You wish she would be there with you, staring at the stars together from your park bench in the middle of the starry night. 

 “Well this sure looks like a whole lot of fun, huh?” 

 You open your eyes instantly. You’d recognize that voice anywhere. You’d recognize the way you inhale slightly whenever you hear it. You lift yourself from your arm and turn to look at her. You can’t help but smile. 

 “Are u stalking me now, cutie?”

 She rolls her eyes and pulls out the seat next to you. 

“I just got out of a meeting with some classmates that totally sucked and _you_ suck less so I came to see you.” she says while narrowing her eyes to her hands on the table and with a small grin. 

 “So whatcha up to? Isn’t the library about to close?” shit she’s right. 

 “Uh, yeah I just...had to read some things for a test tomorrow. Nothing quieter than the library.” She leans forward while placing her head on her hand and turning a little to look at you. 

 “Well well well, I never took you for the responsible type.” 

 “There’s a lot that you don’t know about me, buttercup.” and you want to keep it that way. Laura doesn’t need to know your situation. 

 “Hmm I guess I’ll just have to find out somehow.” She chuckles and looks back down at the table. _Somethings different._ She seems tired and worn out and I mean sure she’s smiling but it doesn’t have her usual spark. Your about to ask her if everything’s okay when the librarian interrupts you and tells you both that the library is now closing as she shoo’s you out with her hand. Laura gets up and pulls her backpack over her shoulder but stands there waiting for you. It makes your stomach do a flip. You walk out together from the library and Laura’s still quiet. She’s never quiet. 

 “Hey...are you okay?” 

 She raises her eyebrows and looks your way but quickly turns her face forward again. “Yeah, I’m fine I guess. Why do u ask?”

 You gulp and start talking again. “Well-I mean, your just less annoying today is all.”

 She lets out a short and quiet laugh as she stares at the floor in front of her while holding the strap of her backpack with one hand. 

 “Yeah sorry about that, I don’t feel as energized as I usually do tonight. I’m pretty tired.”

 “But you’re heading home now right? You can catch up on some sleep. You know, get some drive to bother me sometime in the near future.” you say with a sly smile. 

 “Yeah, the walk home sucks though. It’s pretty dark and creepy at night.” 

 “I can walk with you till you get there...if you want.” Her head darts up and she looks at you with a surprised face. 

 “Really? You’d do that?”

 “Well yeah, I don’t have anything better to do so. Might as well keep a looser like you some company.” 

 She smiles. Yes that’s better. You love seeing her smile.

 “Well sure I mean, if u don’t mind. I mean if it’s not on your route back then you don’t have to really. Its fine I swear. I wouldn’t want to be any trouble or anything, plus you look tired, are you sure you-” 

 “Laura, it’s fine. Which way do we go?” 

 She smiles wide and then quickly shuts her lips tight trying to stop her smile. 

 “This way, it’s a bit of a long walk but not as long as it is from the station. 20 minutes tops!”

 “Al right then, well let’s get a move on, sunshine.” you smile playfully at her. You don’t know where your sleeping tonight but thats okay for now because your with Laura and you couldn’t be happier.

 The walk is nice and you starred at the stars for a while. It’s a pretty dark area so you can see them pretty clearly. 

 “Whatcha looking at?”

 “The stars.” you pause and stare back down at her. “It’s comforting, to think how small we are in comparison. All the lives we’ve led...the people we’e been...it’s all nothing to that light.”

 “Well you sure are deep.” She giggles sweetly while staring at you.

 “When I wanna be, sure.” you smile as you stare down at her eyes. You gaze into each others eyes for a few silent seconds while still walking. Her eyes have a sparkle right now that reminds you of the stars you love so much. She’s the brightest star you’ve ever seen.

 You both reach Laura’s place as Laura squishes her eye with her hand saying thank you and asking you if you want anything. You stay quiet for a moment and reply with a soft no. Laura stares at you and then looks around. She grunts.

 “Ngh I don’t know, I don’t like the fact that you’ll be walking around alone this late at night...you know...you should stay. I mean you CAN stay-if you want.”

 Carmilla looks at Laura surprised and has a glisten in her eyes. 

 “...I….I really shouldn’t.” you pause and look nervously at the floor and then up at Laura. “I wouldn’t want to be a bother..” 

 Laura stares at Carmilla. “Seriously? You’d cause me more trouble _not_ staying. I wouldn’t be able to sleep thinking you’re out there being stalked by some random creeper while I’m here as snug as a bug in a rug.” 

 You laugh softly as you look into her eyes with a thankful gaze. 

 “Um...i...i mean I guess I could stay.” 

 She pushes back her door with a playful grin so you can come in.

 “Just get in will you.” 

 You  step in as she locks her door. Its a small place but it’s nice. And you’ll take anything instead of a night out in the streets. You see Laura get another blanket for you and some clothes. You know you’re all happy to sleep safely tonight but what really makes you happy is the fact that it’s with Laura. Your cheeks feel warm. _Oh god, your alone with Laura at her place._ She walks your way while looking at some clothes in her hands. 

 “Here, so you can get more comfortable.” She makes a bed on the floor and your kinda sad you wont get to sleep next to her but then again you guys barely even _know_ each other. Sure you feel a strange connection to her but you forget it’s not exactly ok to bring a stranger home. Laura is different though.You haven’t made a move on her like you do with all the other girls, but it feels so nice to just _be near_ Laura. You change into some sweat pants and a tank top and lay on the floor next to her bed. She was already sleeping soundly when you came back from changing in the bathroom. You feel like you haven’t slept this great in years. No, you _know_ this is like never before. This is _happiness_ , this is _peaceful_.

 -

 Laura wakes up and as she turns and opens her eyes yawning she sees Carmilla on the ground and shoots up on her bed. “Oh my God...wait, right I made her stay.” Laura blushes a little and smiles to herself. “...She stayed.” Laura gets up an goes to make a quick breakfast. She has to go to class but she doesn’t want to leave Carmilla on an empty stomach. So she does some quick pancakes getting dressed as she waits to flip them. Carmilla squints and looks up to where the smell and noise is coming from. She sees Laura in a rush but still concentrating her hardest on cooking something. Carmilla takes a big wiff. 

 Mmmm pancakes.

 She can’t remember the last time she had a nice meal that wasn’t goodies and junk food. She doesn’t think Laura has noticed she’s awake. (for the most part) and it’s kinda cute seeing her run around with her jeans un zipped and un buttoned while trying to put on a buttoned down blue shirt that- 

  _Oh God Carmilla don’t stare._

 Carmilla stuffs her face in the yellow pillow Laura gave her last night to cover the fact she was staring. After a few seconds she can’t help but notice how nice the pillow smells. Like, _really_ nice. She can’t help but take a big wiff as she smiles with her eyes closed. _Is this what Laura smells like?_ Suddenly she feels Laura tip toe quickly around her and leave the apartment. _Wait, she didn’t wake you up?_ Why didn’t she kick you out? Carmilla gets up from the floor with a confused sleepy face. This is the first time someone’s let her stay in their apartment like this. Well _usually_ she’s the one that leaves in the morning but that makes sense right? It’s never her place she’s leaving, it’s the other girls. But Laura just left her own apartment, she left her in her home with like no problem at all. 

Carmilla gets up stretching and walks to the kitchen counter. She left you the pancakes. She didn’t even eat any. It’s like she made them for you...wait, did she make these for you? You have a sad smile right now and can feel your eyes get a little hazy. You shake your head and blink the possible tears away. _This girl is just something else_. You grabs the pancakes and some utensils when you lift the plate up you sees a note. 

  _“Hey! Didn’t wanna wake you, you seemed really tired yesterday. Anyway have some pancakes! I made too many so whatever. Don’t steal anything. (Ha!)”_

  _-Laura_

 She lied. You knows she didn’t have any pancakes for herself and that just makes you laugh out loud. You eat the pancakes and god they’re so delicious and warm and soft. You can’t help but feel like this is just like Laura, a warm and sweet softie. You look around the place. You can’t help it, You’re curious. You see the clothes in Laura’s closet, the Doctor Who poster and tardis mug she has laying around, the picture she has tapped to her wall next to her bed. It’s must be Laura’s family. It’s a childhood picture of her with her parents probably. Her mom looks just like her but with a lighter brown in her hair, same pure smile, kind of the same tinniness. You chuckle to yourself. Laura’s looking up at her mother with the most cute admiring eyes and the biggest smile while holding both her parents hands. Her dad is looking down at Laura while laughing wearing a big goofy beanie that’s got long braids on the sides and a mohawk on the top. _They look so happy._  

 Your smile fades. So _that’s_ what a real family is supposed to look like. You never really knew your father. Your mother wouldn’t let you and at first you would believe the terrible things she told you about him but as you grew older you knew better. You never found your father though. He’s probably long gone by now with a new beautiful family just like Laura’s. You hear a something ringing with a weird whooshing theme. It’s a cellphone but it’s not yours. _Shit, Laura left her phone_. You get off the bed quickly trying to find where the sound is coming from. It’s the bathroom. You run to get it and grab it with your hand. 

 “Papa Bear”

 Oh god what should you do? Should you answer it? What if it’s important? What if Laura usually answers and then her dad will freak out thinking something terrible could be happening to her daughter. Shit. Shit shit shit shit. You take a deep breath and pick up.

 “Um..hello?”

 “Laura Hollis what took you so long? Did you get my package yet? I’m sure it should be there any day this week.”

 “Um..sir?”

 “Wait...you’re not Laura. Where’s Laura? Do you know my daughter? Why do you have her phone? Why are you _answering_ her phone? What happened? Wait--Did something happen to Laura?!” 

 You can hear the panic slowly growing in his voice. Oh god this was a terrible idea.

 “Nonono! Don’t worry sir, Laura’s fine! She just left her phone is all.”

 “Oh...oh okay that’s good-that’s--that’s good to know I guess.”

 “Yeah. I’m sure she’ll notice she left it eventually though.”

 “That darn girl, she knows I got her that phone so she could be safer over there and call me everyday. She sure is something.”

 “Haha, yeah she sure is. I’m sure she’ll be fine though, I can tell she knows how to take care of herself. You raised her well uhhh...sir.”

 “haha thanks for saying that. I just hope she didn’t forget her phone because of all the stress she’s been having lately. I know she doesn’t act like it but I can tell college is hard on her. She won’t let me help her anymore than I already do though.” You hear him sigh. “ Being a super dad is hard.”

 “Well I think you’ve done a fine job, sir.”

 “Heh, thanks...So um, not to be rude or anything but, who _are_ you-exactly?”

 “ _Oh_! Oh um! I’mmm uh-I guess I’m a friend.”

 “You guess? Hahaha”

 “Yeah, sorry I’m not good with parents and words.”

 “It’s fine, thank you for letting me know about my Laura...umm..”

 “Carmilla.”

 “Carmilla? Aaaah so _you’reee_ the girl from Laura’s job!”

 “Wait, she’s told you about me? What did she say??”

 “Hahaha nothing much, she’s mentioned you a few times and the fact that you enjoy bothering her. I think that qualifies as a friend right there, Carmilla.”

 You smile wide. “ I’m glad to hear it.”

 “Well then Carmilla I’d best be leaving you to do your own thing. Thanks again, really. I would have had a panic attack.”

 “Haha no problem, sir. But umm...can we please keep this a secret, just between us? If that’s okay of course.”

 “Yeah no problemo kiddo. I owe you one! You have yourself a nice day young lady. Don’t pick on Laura TOO much haha.”

 “That’s a hard favor to ask, but I’ll try.”

 “Haha. Goodbye Carmilla.”

 “Bye Mr. Hollis.”

 You hangs up with a happy smile and go to change back into your clothes from yesterday. You leave the apartment putting the phone back where it was. You grins while reaching to open the door. _So that’s what a dad sounds like._

 Laura is so lucky.

 You open the door and almost bump into a running Laura who seemed to be in a hurry. You are surprised at first but then you feel a smile on your lips that you struggle to hide. 

 “Forget something?” you say with a playful grin. Laura is panting.

 “Uh-yeah actually. I didn’t think you’d be awake already.”

 “Well I also have classes to go to you know. Current college student.” you point at yourself with your hand while trying not to laugh at how cute Laura is. _God_ she’s cute. She’s still panting a little but let’s out a soft laugh. Her cheeks are pink but you’re not sure if it’s from running or from how close you guys still are after almost bumping into one another. 

 “Well...I better get going.” You can’t help but stare down at Laura’s mouth, her lips are parted from her still slightly panting. _God_ her lips look so soft. You both step forward and to the side slowly switching places under the door frame. Laura is now holding the door and you are outside, still only inches apart and staring down at her lips. The urge to feel them is _killing you_ right now. 

 “Okay...bye then, I--I guess.” Laura is stuttering and pausing between words while her stare moves up and down your face, switching from your eyes to your lips a few times. The lips that you can’t help but lick from her staring. 

 “Yeah…I don’t know how to thank you for last night. You’re a life saver-really.” She is. You hadn’t slept so well in weeks, maybe months and just being near her made it all the more better.

 “Haha nonsense! I’m sure you could think of a few ways to thank me later.” 

 “Yeah well, I’ve only got one way in mind right now.”

 “Oh yeah? And what _iiiis_ this thankful _way_ if one may ask?” 

 You can’t take it anymore. Her lips are so perfect and the small smile on them is only making it ever harder on you. You take a quick step forward and close the few inches that were between the two of you and kiss Laura. You feel her quickly tense up but she doesn’t push you away. Oh my god you didn’t know for how long you’ve been craving this but you couldn’t stay far anymore and you are _so glad_ you didn’t because this girls lips feel _nothing_ like you had ever felt before. They’re soft and warm and smooth, unlike yours that are a bit chapped from being out at nights in the freezing cold. You separate each others lips but you linger. Your eyes filled with want. It was a quick kiss but you could swear it felt like an eternity. You feel Laura’s breathing on your lips and notice her surprised and red face with wide eyes. Shit Carmilla what have you done? You react and quickly take a step back creating some distance between the two of you.

 “I-uh, I’m sorry I think I went to far..I’d--I’d better go.” You point behind you with your thumb as you quickly turn and start walking fast. Shit...shit shit shit you useless lesbian what where you thinking?! You shouldn’t have done that. You should’t have put Laura in that position. She must be thinking of you as a creep who takes advantage of people. Fuck, she probably _does_ think that about you. You’re always bringing different girls to her job and she see’s you with them. _Of course_ she thinks you’re like that. I mean, you are but you’re not _really_ like that. You don’t _want to be_. Circumstances have made you be this way, it’s different. 

 You walk your way back to Silas quietly and start slowing down the extreme power walk you were doing. You kissed her. You _really_ kissed her. You grin to yourself as you touch your lips with the fingers on your right hand. You can still feel her lips, the way they taste. It was basically the shortest kiss you’ve ever given but it was all you needed, all you ever wanted. Your face is really warm from how hard you’ve been blushing this whole walk. It’s not so cold today.

  _-_

 Laura is still standing under the door frame. Her face burning from what just happened. It wasn’t even that much of a kiss but oh my god, she kissed you. It’s really hard to breath right now (probably since she totally caught you off guard there) and you can just feel how your heart wants to pop out through your chest right now. “I can’t remember how to breath” you think to yourself as you inhale deeply and blink your eyes a few times fast. Did that really just happen? Holy shit that just happened, and you are just week at the knees right now like a gay piece of trash. You close the door and head inside to the bathroom. You look at yourself in the mirror and holy shit you really are red right now. Breath woman! You take in a few deep breaths and look to the side where you left your phone this morning. Right, you came back for your phone. How were you supposed to see this coming? It was totally not on your mind at all. I mean sure you’ve thought about how it would be like to _kiss_ Carmilla out of your gay gay gaaaay curiosity but you never thought it would actually happen!  Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god Laura what is happening to you? You are melting into a puddle of gay feels and the worst part is...you don’t regret it at all. You drop down to your bed grunting in frustration. 

  _“Worst. Crush. Ever.”_

 Ugh no. You don’t want this! (well...you do but still!) You don’t want to be included in the list of “girls Carmilla’s gotten it _on_ with”. Well okay so you didn’t exactly “get it on” or anything but still. You kissed! That counts for something right?!  You grab your yellow pillow and cover your face with it while grunting into it. This sucks. This is _not fair_ at all. You look at your phone and see the time. “Crap! My morning class!” you jump up and dart to your door opening it. You stop as your about to step out and look back into your apartment in silence and then back down at the side walk. You can feel yourself smiling. Oh god your such a dork Laura. You role your eyes at the thought and close the door darting to college. You can’t stop smiling. Maybe you’ll run into Carmilla still walking on your way there. (well that would be awkward though..right?) Crap okay maybe you should call a cab or something. You let out a big mocking laugh. Yeah right, I’m not wasting money on that. You’ll just have to handle the possible awkward on the way there. You kinda wouldn’t mind seeing Carmilla again. You reach Silas not having run into her and pout. Laura you are an idiot, God just focus on your class.

 

* * *

 It’s been a a few weeks now and you haven’t been going to the station. You’re too embarrassed. What if Laura is there? What if she’s totally mad at the whole kiss thing that happened? What if she would rather not see your broody useless lesbian ass? Ugh, you can’t handle the thought alone of seeing her ignore you or even worse; confront you of your actions towards her. You haven’t been completely wasting your time though. You somehow managed to find a shitty “under the table pay” job at a dance studio. As much as you find dancing great that’s not what you’re doing. You’re just the official janitor who comes by twice a week at night to clean. The owner is a really nice lady. Very strange and somewhat uptight but still really nice. Something about her reminds you of your mother. You hate it. She gave you a spare key to come in during the night and clean. You take advantage of this and on those nights clean and sleep in. Her classes are during the afternoon so no one drops by during the morning which is great. You somewhat have a place to stay occasionally and that’s all around wonderful. 

 Still…

 There’s no place like Laura’s. God you can’t stop thinking about that night. She was so nice to you and let you sleepover and even made some freaking pancakes especially for you and you just went and fucked it all up. Why do you always have to fuck everything up? You put your face in your hands grunting exasperatingly and then dragging one of your hands through your hair. It’s early in the morning and you’re sitting on your bed, and by _bed_ you mean your usual park bench under a big tree. You’re wearing the hoodie Laura gave you a few weeks ago. It doesn’t smell like her anymore but you’ve been sleeping in it ever since she lent it to you. It’s the closest thing you have to having her, having her near you, having her in your arms, having her keep you warm. Ugh Carmilla you need to stop all this-this-- _whatever this is_! You get up and stretch with a bunched up face. Sleeping on this bench on most nights is really getting to your back and neck. Maybe you should go out hunting tonight… That should both get all thoughts of Laura out of your mind plus a bed to sleep in for the night. You stretch some more and start walking to Silas. Luckily you haven’t run into her there, as much as you actually _really_ want to see her. But enough of that, today that’s all going to change. You’re going to find a hot lady in need of some loving and you are going to enjoy it damn it! Maybe that’s all you need...to feel another girl in your arms so you can see that with Laura it’s feels the same as the rest. Just _business_. You try to convince yourself of this but you know it’s useless. 

  _Laura’s special._

 You reach Silas and go straight to your class. You’ve been more awake in them than usual which is a good thing but you can’t completely pay attention do to stressing over stupid things in your mind _all_ day _every_ day. Later in the afternoon you head to Will’s dorm. Will is sitting by his small desk face flat in a book. 

 “Let me guess, mid terms?” You hear him let out a long grunt and reply without lifting his face from the book.

 “This sucks. I hate reading, that’s always been more your thing kitty.”

 You laugh as you go to stand next to him. “Well well well, who’s having a rough time now? I thought you said you didn’t _need_ my tutoring?”

 He lifts up his face while a page is sticking to his cheek and he groans at you. “ Yeah well, things were easier when we lived under the same roof.” he pauses and pushes down the page from his cheek looking at you more seriously now. “ Carmilla, when are you gonna start telling me things again?”

 “When you admit you need my help studying and I have to read things to you, of course.”

 “You know what I mean, Carmilla.” there’s a few seconds of silence as you look away from him and start walking to the closet. 

 “There’s nothing to tell, Will. Mind your own business, I can handle things myself.” you grab some underwear and a towel, closing the closet and walking to the shower before you stop and turn around slightly. “Don’t you worry about me, okay? I’m doing alright.” 

 He sighs. “..okay if you say so.” his face drops and you can see his jaw clenches.

 “Worry about your own shit Will, you wouldn’t want to disappoint _mummy dearest_ now would you?”

 He scoffs and nods getting back to his book. “ You bet your ass I don’t.”

 You give him a tight smile even though he’s not staring anymore and turn around to the shower. You don’t want Will to go through anything like what you’re going through. “At least he should be on mother’s good side…” you think to yourself as you start undressing and turn on the shower. Tonight seems like a good night to have a long shower. You need some time to clear your head and just relax and this shower is perfect. It’s warm.

 Just like Laura’s pancakes.

 -  


 “Fuck school, fuck class, fuck reading and fuck freaking essays.” you think to yourself. You are extremely stressing out right now. You have a paper do tomorrow around noon and you’ve been writing non stop all damn week. All week...right...you haven’t seen Carmilla all week either. I mean you casually saw her from a distance handing some books over at the library but she left too quick for you to say hi and she probably didn’t even see you as you were hidden behind a giant stack of books you needed. Ugh this is so frustrating. You guys haven’t spoken or even seen each other since that kiss and it’s eating you up inside. How can she kiss you and then just-just--DISAPPEAR?! Women can be so cruel. Especially lesbians, they are the freaking cruelest when it comes to crushing on one of them. You grunt out loud and slam your face against your book a few times with 3 seconds between each slap. 

 “Woah, go easy on the book little nerd.”

 You tilt your face to be able to see who’s standing beside you and it’s Kirsch.

 “Leave me alone Kirsch, I’m not done writing yet.” you mumble against the book.

 “Hahaha dang Laura, it looks to me like you need some time to chill.” he puts his hand against your shoulder. “ What YOUUU need is a bro’s night out.”

 You raise an eyebrow at his statement and mumble. “I’m listening..”

 “Well some zeta’s and I are going out tonight to dance and drink and scout some hotties. Of course my sweet sweet babe Sarah Jane is coming with Natalie so you have some lady friends to do lady things with.”

 “So you mean you want me to join?”

 “Uh-DUH you dummy. C’mon I promise you you’ll have loads of fun! You can even invite that skyscraper friend of yours.”

 “You mean Danny?”

 “Yeah yeah that psycho society girl. Some of the psycho society gals are gonna be there anyway so she’s probably gonna end up showing up too.”

You lift your head up and look down at your hands in indecision. “ I-I don’t know Kirsch, I still haven’t finished this paper and I--do you think your bro’s would mind?”

“Pff of course they won’t mind! You’re one of the bro’s remember! Trident and all! C’mon! I’ll pick you up tonight, yeah?”

 You hesitate “nnnnnngghhhh this is a bad idea Kiiiiiirschhh.”

 “Little hottie just have some fun! You need to loosen up and dancing is the perfect thing.”

 You look up at him and try to hold a smile. “ mmmmm fine, I’m in.”

 “Awesome! We’re gonna have so much fun! Beers on me!”

 “Text you my address?”

 “Yeah totally. See you around 9pm then.” He walks away while winking and pointing gun fingers at you. You giggle, he’s such a dork but he’s surprisingly a really nice guy. You sigh and slump with your eyes closed to then bolt up with a determined face. You better get this shit done if you wanna go out tonight. Kirsch sure knows how to motivate a girl. 

 -

It’s already almost 10pm and you’re walking to the bar. It’s ladies night tonight so that’s a good sign. Variety is always a good thing in women. You step inside and holy shit it’s already filled with a bunch of white girls singing mainstream pop songs that the dj is playing. You role your eyes so hard you feel like you could have seen the back of your head. You walk up to the bar to get started. It’s been awhile since you did this but it’s time to get back in the game, you need this. You buy yourself a few shots to get the night started and take one after the other with only a few tight faces in between. Shots are cheap and reliable to get the job done so you always start off with them. You then order a beer and look around to see what girl you can start on. You see one with a group of girl friends on the other side of the bar and send her a beer too. She takes it from the bartender as he points at you and she looks your way as you have the tip of your own beer on your lips while smirking her way. You know exactly what eyes to give a girl for her to come your way. She does, along with her friends sitting a bit closer. Jackpot. Now let’s just hope she’s not an ignorant beauty queen girl, you like to _at least_ have something that attracts you to them before you sleep with them. It wouldn’t feel right any other way. ( Well it doesn’t feel right _ever_ but you try and fool yourself otherwise.) Her friends keep interrupting and talking to you and her a lot.

 This is gonna be a _long_ night.

 -

 Kirsch comes to pick you up along with all the ladies in his shitty mini van. 

 “Woah, you look like a tiny hot model from a movie that’s like...in dramatic slow mo as they walk. Little hottie just--I mean Laura _not_ little hottie.Sorry I forgot.”

 You let out a loud laugh. Kirsch may not be great with words but you know what he meant. You’re in a tight short maroon dress with no sleeves. The top is a see through kind of black fabric and the dress reveals your back almost completely in a open v shape. You have some cute bad ass boots though. You don’t wanna look too “girly hot”. Kirsch helps you in the mini van like a goofy gentleman and hands you some drink.

 “Here! We’re pre gaming so we won’t have to waste so much money on drinks. Pretty smart huh?”

 You laugh and nod. “Yeah, nice quick thinking there Kirsch.”

 He smiles wide at you “ I know right?! I should get like a medal or something. Anyway it’s some cheap vodka and orange juice if that’s okay.” 

 You wave him off making a face that says it’s totally fine as he starts to drive off. He’s  blasting Katy Perry on the speakers and you brace yourself for what is to come.

 “I knew you wereeeee- you were gonna come to me! And here you aaareee!” Kirsch mumbles the rest of the lyrics not knowing them but still trying to sing while he tries and dance like a sexy girl. It’s hilarious. He stops at a red light and turns around dramatically.

 “Are you READDY FOR-READY FOOOOR! A PERFECT STORM PERFECT STORMM! CAUSE ONCE YOUR MINE-ONCE YOUR MINE!” Kirsch is faking having a mic as he points at Sarah Jane who’s in the front seat and sings to her.

 You have a feeling that tonight is going to be a great night. 

-

You are bored drinking your beer. You’re not really paying attention to what the girl and her friends are talking about but you give understanding nods every once in awhile. This sucks, you don’t want to be here right now. Ugh, sometimes you just wish you could be happy god damn it, is that to much to ask? They’re playing Taylor Swift now and you hate your life. You glare at a blank space in front of you as you take another sip of your beer. “I’m sure this is the type of music Laura would be into...Laura.” You think to yourself. _Shit_ why can’t your brain just take a hint. If Laura not texting you or anything this whole time isn’t a sign to keep back you don’t know what is. You look back at the girls talking and hear some people singing loudly to Shake It Off somewhere. You look past the girls and see a group of people laughing and dancing. _Hey isn’t that that tall guy that hangs around with Will?_ You stick your lips out in a curious way and see that the super tall ginger girl you saw flirting with Laura once is there too. Ugh, just what you needed. Too people who probably have more chances with Laura than you ever will. You frown as you look down and pass a hand through your hair.

 “Kirsch stop that! Hahaha!” 

 Your eyes open wide. That voice, it sounded so familiar.

  _No way._

You quickly look up and back to where the tall guy was and you see him trying to twerk to the song, you see a tiny girl standing next to him laughing really hard and kneeling forward slapping her knee. 

It’s Laura. _Oh my god it’s Laura._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! This is like my favorite chapter so far. (I mean come on, Papa Bear? Twerking Kirsch? DAT KISS?? how can you not like this one. lol
> 
> my tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com :)


	8. Me and You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura sure is having a good time and Carmilla wishes it was with her. Be careful what you wish for right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs to include if you want: Cassie "Me and You". either the original or the "Le Youth" remake is fine. It was on my mind all week SO I HAD TO.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Laura is on the dance floor and you’re frozen in your stool by the bar. You don’t know what to do. Should you hide? Should you leave? You haven’t spoken to her since your kiss in front of Laura’s apartment. You freak out and try to look away and turn around to the bar. You hear a girl laughing loudly. 

“Anybody wanna do some table dancing? You? No? You?”

Oh god it’s Sarah Jane and Natalie, “Miss Madness and Terror” as you like to call them. You know them from the clubs and bars in this area. Those girls are always getting hammered and you pride yourself with the fact that you haven’t slept with either of them. Hell no. Natalie is drunk as fuck and so is Sarah Jane (No surprise to you at all). Meanwhile Laura’s doing a choreography with Kirsch that consists of “the carlton”, “the Single Ladies pump walk” and “the shoulder shimmy”. You can’t believe you even know these moves. It’s embarrassing really, but seeing Laura doing them with this guy and having so much fun laughing and knee slapping just makes you laugh along with her. Meanwhile Xena is over there next to them trying awkwardly to get away from Natalie’s grip. You smirk at all this and your eyes drift back to Laura. She’s dancing and laughing hard. God she’s so beautiful. I mean wow just look at that dress she’s wearing and the way she keeps brushing her hair to one shoulder revealing her neck as she dances and smiles looking down at the floor.

You turn around and stop paying attention to the girl you were with. There’s no way you can focus on a girl when Laura’s here. Not because you feel guilty or anything I mean she knows you get girls, she’s seen you at her job with a bunch of different ones. It’s more from you not being able to stop looking at her. The way she moves, the way she looks, the way her lips move as she’s singing the lyrics to Taylor Swift. Yeah, you can’t even _see_ the other girl anymore. Your brain has blocked her out completely. Shit. You turn to back to the bar and buy yourself another drink. _This isn’t fair_. Seeing Laura as happy as she is with other people is _killing you_. You want to be there with her. You want to be around her _so bad_. You want to be able to see her smile from up close, hear her laugh, smell her sweet scent. But what you actually want is to be the one making her laugh. To be the one who’s dancing with her. Ugh this is torture, but there’s no way you can go near her. You need to keep away damn it, you promised yourself you would. But looking is okay though, right? Yeah I think just looking is fine. You turn around again and grin sadly as you see Laura having so much fun. 

 

_God she’s beautiful._  

-

It’s been a while and you literally changed were you were sitting with those girls to go and be alone. You quit on hunting tonight. You decide to just drink by yourself. No hunt means no bed which means no sleep. You sigh as you take a big gulp from your beer. How can the fact that Laura’s _here_ make your game just fail. Well it isn’t _failing_ but you don’t want to be flirting or looking at any girl right now. At least any girl who isn’t Laura.

The song changes into what you think is Ariana Grande and my god why is this dj doing this to you? Girls night in this particular bar is way too girly for your liking but that all changes when you switch your eyes from glaring at the dj to where Laura was now dancing. Holy shit.

Sarah Jane had just started grabbing on to Laura’s waist while dancing sexily towards her and getting _real_ close _real_ quick. You can see how Laura’s eyes suddenly switch into this sensual stare as she smiles while bitting down on her bottom lip and pulling Sarah Jane closer. _Holy shit_ , holy _fucking_ shit that face was _way_ too hot for you to keep drinking your beer which you almost chocked on when you saw it change. You cough a little as you wipe the drops of beer from the side of your mouth that spilled out when you chocked. You take a deep breath with your eyes wide open as you quickly stare back to were Laura is.   

_One less problem without ya._

_I got!_

_One less problem without ya._

_I got!_

Laura is grinding onto Sarah Jane as she does the same while her hands are holding on to Laura’s hips for support. The tall frat boy and the ginger giant are both staring with their mouths wide open in shock (just like you are right now) and you see the frat boy’s lips turn into a big smile from excitement.

“Damn ladies! I thought I was the one who got to grind with Sarah Jane! Boyfriend benefits and all you know.” yells out the frat boy as he’s laughing.

You keep staring. You can’t take your eyes away from Laura’s movements, it’s practically impossible. She takes one hand up from Sarah Jane’s side and gently tucks some hair behind her own ear. She starts to turn around and her back is now to Sarah Jane’s front as she repositions Sarah Jane’s hands on her hips. She starts swaying them from side to side as she tilts her head a little to stare at how the other girls movements counter hers. She’s still got that seductive smile on her lips and _oh my freaking god_ you’re dying here. You want to be the one Laura’s dancing with. The one Laura’s grinding on and giggling every few seconds as she continues to grind on her.  

_One less problem without ya._

_I got one less, one less problem._

You swallow hard and lick your lips. Oh my god what is this girl doing to you Carmilla?! You close your eyes and shake your head trying to focus on something else. You turn around and face the bar again. You grab what’s left of your beer and chug it down. You need to go like as soon as possible. You can’t take much more of this. You _crave_ Laura way too much right now. _Oh god Laura_. She’s so beautiful tonight; so _sexy_. You let your mind drift back into thoughts of Laura again and you start bitting your lip and groaning as you close your eyes in frustration. “This girl is going to be the death of me” you mumble to yourself. Suddenly you feel someone stand near you by the bar and fuck. 

_Fuck fuck fuck._

It’s Laura. 

Oh god what am I gonna do? Did she see me? Oh fuck is she going to argue with me for totally ignoring her for the past week? You freak out internally as you try to seem calm and as if you hadn’t noticed it was her next to you. She’s slowly leaning against the bar.

“Hey! Excuse me! Can I get a water bottle?”

She orders and after leaning her forearms more on the bar she tilts her head forward and looks to where you’re sitting, her hair dripping by her face as she looks at you. She has drunk flirty eyes and a tight smirk on her lips.

“Well well well, didn’t think I’d run into _you_ here.” She chuckles.

“I thought _I_ was the one who was supposed to say that, cutie.”

She scrunches up her face and then giggles. She bites her bottom lip while turning her body to face you as she’s still leaning on the bar. 

“I can have some fun every once in a while too you know.”

“Yeah I can see that.” You reply and you can’t help but scan her body from the bottom up after she turned to face you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her legs. She’s usually in jeans but not tonight. Tonight she’s in a short maroon dress that’s tight in all the right places. You trace the curves of her body with your eyes when you see her moving up on her tippy toes to grab the bottle of water the bartender is giving her. Shit you shouldn’t stare. You quickly look up and close your mouth that was slightly open this whole time. She looks your way with the side of her eye and grins. She turns back to the bartender.

“Can I get two shots here please?” She pays him and turns your way again and takes a few steps closer to you. 

“You wouldn’t wanna let a girl drink alone, right?” She’s now standing right next to you staring at you with these longing eyes that make you forget how to breath for a second.

“I thought you were done drinking, you know water bottle and all.” 

She chuckles “This? No this is for my friend Sarah Jane, she’s a little bit _too_ drunk.”

You nod in understanding and let out a soft smile. Your eyes are now filled with the same longing as Laura’s while you give in and stare at her directly. You both stay like that for a while, just staring at each other with not so subtle flirty smiles. The bartender hands Laura the shots. She thanks him and hands you one while raising her eyebrows and giggling. You take it from her hand slowly as to feel her hand against yours. You could swear you can feel your hand tingling from the slight contact and you let out a giggle of your own. 

“Sooo, cheers to a good night?” 

“Fine then. Cheers, creampuff.”

You bump glasses and take the shot. You laugh at how Laura’s face is scrunched up by the hard liquor and she tries to glare at you but let’s out a laugh instead. The music starts to turn into a hard bass with a semi slow beat.  

_You’ve been waiting so long_

_I’m here to answer your call_

Laura’s laugh turns into a gentle smile and her eyes are kind of glistening now as she stares into yours. She slowly reaches to your hand and grabs it.

“Come on, let’s go dance!” She says excitedly. You try and role your eyes but you can’t stop a smile from happening do to the fact that she wants to dance with _you_ : Carmilla _“the useless lesbian”_ Karnstein.   

_I know that I shouldn’t have had you waiting at all_

_I’ve been so busy, but I’ve been thinking about what I wanna do with you_

You let her pull you by the hand to the dance floor and the cute smile she has on her lips is  making your chest feel funny. She laces your fingers and gets a firmer grip on your hand to pull you through the crowd. It’s much more crowded now than it was earlier. She turns around to face you now without letting go of your hand. You’re both very close to one another from the space getting smaller because of the crowd. You don’t mind it at all though. 

  _I can see you want me too_

_Now, It’s me and you_

 She starts goofing off with you and twirling herself with your hand giggling. She’s such a cute idiot, _God I just love this girl._ She starts dancing closer to you and the smile you had on your face fades as you lick your lips slightly. She grabs your free hand and places it on her waist as she steps closer to you. Your hips are grazing each other. Laura’s hand is on top of yours on her hip as she guides you with her movements. Her other hand is resting on your lower back. 

  _It’s me and you, now_

_I’ve been waiting (waiting)_

_Think I wanna make that move, now_

 Your looking down through your lashes at her lips. She has a slight smile on them. Suddenly you see the corners of her lips rise up a little more and she let’s out a small giggle. 

 “You know it’s not polite to stare, right?”

You quickly move your eyes to meet hers and she’s staring directly at you. _Oh fuck she caught you staring_. She giggles again and you can’t help but smile softly not answering her question. She lifts her hand off of yours and pulls you in closer slightly with both hands now on your lower back. Your stomach’s are touching now and your faces are even closer. Oh god this girl is _killing_ you. 

  _I was waiting for you to tell me you were ready_

_I know what to do, if only you would let me_

_As long as you’re cool with it, I’ll treat you right_

_Here is where you wanna be_

You let yourself get caught up in the moment and slide your hands down her lower back (which by the way you feel her bare skin from the back of the dress being so open) letting them rest were her back ends and her ass starts. She licks her lips and you place your forehead on hers. She stars to slowly grind your hips together not separating your foreheads and one of her hand drags up your back slowly and gently.  

_Baby, I’ll love you all the way down_

_Get you right where you like it, I promise you’ll like it (I swear)_

_Just relax and let me make that move_

_Keep it between me and you_

You’re both staring into each others eyes through your lashes, both sparkling with desire. She switches her grinding movement into one that makes you feel her even closer to you core. _Fuck._ She lets out a small smile before bitting into her bottom lip while her eyes switch from your eyes to your lips. Knowing she’s staring at them makes you lick your lips unconsciously. You can’t take this anymore, the urge to kiss her is overpowering you.

“Laura!”

_You’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

It’s that tall guy from earlier with the rest of Laura’s group. Laura’s forehead leaves yours and she steps away from you a little as she stares at him behind you.

“Yo! We’ve been looking for you! Did you get that bottle for Sarah Jane?”

“Oh crap! I left it at the bar. Sorry Kirsch!”

“Fuck. Na it’s fine I’ll go get another one.” He turns to look at you. “ Heeey it’s you! I remember you from the dorms!” _Shit. He’s that guy who was with Will the other day_. You start getting really nervous and looking away. _Shit what are you gonna do Carmilla?_

“Wait so you know Carmilla from college too?”

“Yeaaah yeah I remember now! She’s my Zeta bro’s-”

“Look it’s Sarah Jane falling over back there!”

You say to distract him while you get ready to escape this. Close call. You don’t want him telling Laura about you spending so much time in Will’s dorm. Kirsch turns around quickly to see Sarah Jane on the floor while Danny and Natalie try to lift her up.

“Shit, never mind ladies! I better go get that water. Just a heads up, I think we’re gonna leave soon.”

“Awwwww really? That sucks! I was just starting to have a good time.”

You blush and try to look away from her. You start to step away from them.

“Sorry cutie, I guess the nights been cut short for both of us. I’m leaving anyway.” You turn around and start trying to break through the crowd to make a quick exit. You can’t handle anymore questions from Kirsch or Laura. You feel a hand grab yours and turn to see her. 

“Hey, wait. I still have time for one more dance-if you want to.”

She’s looking at you just like before with this sheer desire in her eyes that switch into a pleading look and pout on her lips. How can she be so seductive and innocently cute at the same time? You turn around to face her nervously.

“I-uh-this type of music isn’t really my thing.”

“Oh yeah? And what exactly is your _type_ , Carmilla?” She smiles playfully at you while crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“Are we talking about music or women now?” you smirk at her teasingly.

She nods and raises her eyebrows as if waiting for you to answer. You can only think of one thing right now. One of the few things you’re actually glad your mother did for you when you were younger. You always loved classical/old school things. You find it all kind of beautiful and your mother unknowingly put you in some waltzing classes for a while that you really enjoyed.

“Well, I’m into anything I can waltz to.”

“And can you waltz to this?”

You raise one of your eyebrows and smirk at her again. 

“I’m sure I could try.”

“Well then teach me! I don’t really know anything about waltzing.”

You smirk grows as you offer your hand out for her to reach. She does and you tug at her a little while you step forward. 

“Well, partners are face to face, chest to chest.” You quickly pull her even closer to you by her waist. Suddenly you feel the exact same urge you did a few minutes ago. You love feeling so close to her.

“All of that, um, whirling.” You twirl her and once she’s facing you again she steps in closer to you giggling while slowly lacing your fingers.

“In 1698 it may as well have been sex.”

“Well aren’t you full of fun facts and surprises?” She teases and you both giggle as you stare at one another.

“Hey yo! Laura! Time to go dude.” Kirsch pops up again as he tries to help Sarah Jane to the entrance. “ Sorry to cut the night short ladies.”

Laura grunts “Ugh this sucks...but it’s fine Kirsch.” She turns to look at you “You said you where heading out too right?”

“Uh...yeah I did.”

“Well Kirsch can give you a ride! Right Kirsch?”

“Yeah! It’s totally cool! I’ll do anything to help out a pretty lady.”

Shit. Oh no. What are you supposed to tell them? “Oh sorry, I don’t really have a home to go to so yeah?” Yeah right that sounds super fine. You roll your eyes internally from your own sarcasm. Shit, think fast Carmilla. You’re about to open your mouth but get interrupted by Kirsch.

“I’ll go get the van! Meet you girls outside in 5!” He walks away and you feel sheer panic going through all of your being.

“Come on, let’s wait outside.” Laura pulls you towards the entrance and you are freaking out. You are now standing outside with Laura and drunk Natalie.

What am I going to do? What am I going to say? Where will I tell them to take me? _Fuck_.

You’re now standing outside leaning against a wall as you all wait for Kirsch to come back and you can just feel your heart racing. Damn it, this wasn’t the plan for tonight at all. You weren’t prepared for this kind of situation. Laura yawns and takes out her phone. She stars texting someone and you try not to look but you can’t help but wonder.

“Reporting to someone?”

She looks up at you with a slightly confused face. “ Yeah I’m just letting Danny know we’re leaving. I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to her inside.”

“Oh, well, that’s no way to treat a girlfriend, buttercup.”

She looks up from her phone again even more confused. “Wait what? Girlfriend?” She pauses and answers firmly. “I don’t have a girlfriend, Carmilla.”

Oh, that’s good. I mean good to know I guess. Carmilla you are an oblivious idiot. You think to yourself embarrassed but at the same time you feel kind of happy. You look down at your boots and kick at the empty beer cans on the side walk.

“Well I suppose that’s her lose.”

Her confused face turns into a somewhat glad one and she blushes slightly. _God she’s so cute._ You could just stare at her all night like this. In a comfortable silence. All of a sudden you hear a car honk their horn. It’s Kirsch in a beat up mini van.

“Why hello there babes, you come around here often?” says Kirsch as he teases and raises his eyebrows playfully.

“Shut up Kirsch and just open the damn door.” says Laura as she laughs and walks towards the van. You’re frozen in your spot. What should you do? Laura turns to you and notices your not moving.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

You don’t answer and her face turns from questioning to worry as she walks back to you. She grabs your hand.

“Are you okay?”

Shit, why does she have to care so much?

“Uh...yeah I’m fine. It’s just...I...I left my keys so I’m locked out for the night.” That sounds believable right? You sure freaking hope it does. Laura takes the bait.

“Oh crap, really? Well where are you gonna go then?”

“Uh I don’t know. I only have to waste a few hours so I’m just gonna keep hanging nearby..i guess.”

She looks at you as if thinking or wondering and you can’t help but swallow. You hope she’s buying all this bullshit coming out of your mouth.

“Well...you know..you can totally stay over at my place for the night. Like seriously it’s no biggie.”

Wait what? You weren’t expecting that at all. 

“So? You coming?” she tugs at your hand smiling softly.

“Sure...if it’s no inconvenience to you, I guess.”

“Then it’s settled. C’mon, I’m tired let’s hurry.” She pulls you to the van and you sit next to her by the door. Sarah Jane is totally out of it in the front chair and Natalie is laying down taking the whole seat in the back. 

“All right, everyone on board the Macho-Van! So where am I taking this sexy lady?”

“No worries Kirsch, Carmilla’s staying over at my place.” 

Kirsch’s eye open wide and he nods.

“Oooh, cool cool. Well let’s get you ladies home. Your dude-scort has been activated!”

Laura shakes her head while laughing softly as she leans on the window and starts looking out. It’s mostly a quiet ride back once Natalie get’s dropped off. Laura seems tired. You’ve been staring at her for some time now and her eyes are slowly shutting and her head some times bobs as she accidentally starts falling asleep. You love seeing her like this. She moves away from the window yawning and leans on your shoulder instead. It makes your heart skip a beat, it was so unexpected. You don’t bother her and let her take a nap on your shoulder. 

This is nice.

You reach Laura’s apartment and Kirsch opens the door for the two of you to step out. You nudge Laura and she wakes up grumpily.

“Hey sleepyhead, we’re here.”

She grunts and steps out over you making you laugh silently to yourself as you step out too. She turns to Kirsch rubbing her eye in the most adorable way.

“Thanks so much Kirsch. I had a really good time.” Laura’s sleepy voice is probably the cutest thing you’ve ever heard. It’s like a whiney adorable child. 

“No prob Laura. I knew you needed a bro’s night out! See you ladies around then!” Kirsch steps in his van and leaves. You follow Laura to her door as she tries to find the key. You chuckle.

“Need some help with that?”

She grunts at you “No. I’m perfectly capable of opening my own door.”

She finally finds the key and opens her door stepping inside quickly. You start to follow when you see where you are again. You’re standing exactly where you were when you kissed her. Right under this door frame. You blush hard and kind of get nervous. Why are you nervous? You step inside and lock the door shut turning around with a sigh. 

Holy shit.

There she is, standing right in front of you taking her dress off and you can see as the dress slides right off her shoulder. You can see her nice smooth back with a bruise you hadn’t noticed before, probably from her bike accident. She starts sliding her dress down her hips and you jump back hitting the door making her turn around with a confused face. 

“Are you okay?”

No. I am the furthest thing from okay Laura. I am totally _not_ okay at all.

“Yeah, sorry I tripped.” You can’t look her way. You _want to_ but nononono you can’t. You respect Laura more than any other girl you’ve ever known. It’s extremely tempting though, especially when she’s only a few feet away from you putting a baggy t-shirt on and sliding some short shorts on. She goes to her bed and throws you her yellow pillow. What does this mean? What is this? What’s supposed to happen right now? You’re so nervous and so confused and you’re not used to this kind of feeling in your chest. You throw the pillow on the floor and lay down. This is okay right? Last time she made you sleep on the floor so this is how it should be tonight right? 

It’s been quiet for a few minutes now and you are _still_ freaking out internally. There’s no way you’re sleeping tonight. Suddenly you hear Laura move on her bed and moan slightly sending shivers down your body. Holy fucking shit what the fuck is happening to you right now Carmilla?! Control the gay, she’s just sleeping. You wonder. You can’t remember the last time you were just “sleeping” in a girls house. Other than Laura’s last time but that’s your point. It feels strange but...you like it. You try to day dream to fool your mind into going to sleep but it doesn’t work and you just keep moving around on the floor.

“Hey..”

You hear a scratchy low voice come from her bed.

“You awake?”

"Yeah…”

You hear her shuffle in her bed some more until she’s leaning on the side of her mattress looking down at you with her messy hair and a sleepy somewhat drunk face. Right, you forgot she had been drinking tonight.

 “Can’t sleep huh?”

“Not with you babbling on.”

She scoffs and it gets quiet again.

“I’ve slept in worse places.”

She giggles. She doesn’t know you’re being dead serious. She moves around in her mattress again and suddenly you hear her patting down on the side next to her while looking at you with sleepy eyes.

“Just get in already. I can’t sleep thinking I’m being a terrible host.”

You oblige and grab your yellow pillow and get in beside her. Oh god oh god. Your so nervous right now but when you start laying down next to her and see that she isn’t even looking at you anymore and has her eyes closed you calm down a bit. You lay your head on her yellow pillow. This time you don’t need the pillow to know Laura’s smell. You can’t help but look at her while she breaths softly. You’re so close you can feel her breath on you. It’s warm. You’re not sure why everything just feels so different with this girl. Everything just feels so _right._ She’s sweet and even though she tries to be mean to you sometimes you can see through her facade. Sure you didn’t see it the first time obviously with yelling at her at the parking lot, refusing her help when she woke you up and all. You let out a soft laugh and smile a little. She has some of her hair falling over her face near her nose. You reach up and gently tuck it behind her ear and accidentally feel her cheek. You feel warmth wrapping up your body reaching your face. Your blushing hard and you can feel as your own breath is warm now. Her skin was so soft. You notice she still has some stitches by the top of her hair line and it makes you hesitate and move away from her a little. She’s so gentle when she’s like this and seeing her injured forehead just makes you feel like you should be protecting her, even though right now it kinda feels the other way around. You lean closer to her and gently kiss her forehead. She moves a little bit but doesn’t wake up. Maybe you can be a little nicer to her. You guess It wouldn’t hurt. You snuggle in a little closer to her and slowly close your eyes while never looking away from her lips. They look so pink and warm from this distance. You finally fall asleep now that you’re next to her. 

You _like_ being with this girl.

You like _her._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! i'll try and update next thursday but who knows maybe a miracle will happen and chapter nine will be done by tuesday haha.
> 
> my tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com :)


	9. Take Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is an idiot and Laura really needs someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait anymore! i had to post this one early! You guys are gonna hate me.
> 
> (please don't kill me LOL)

CHAPTER NINE 

You wake up and groan tired as you move in your bed. Suddenly you feel something against you, something warm. You quickly open your eyes and flinch back. 

“What the-”

It’s Carmilla, she’s here sleeping soundly beside you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen her face look so soft and relaxed. You take a minute to stare at her sleeping but then realize what this could all mean. You lift up your blanket.

“Oh thank god.”  you say out in relief. You’re both still dressed so that means nothing happened, right? You pout unconsciously and slump laying back down in bed. It’s not like you don’t _want_ those things to happen with her it’s just...you don’t want to be just another one of the many girls she’s with...you want to be special. Ugh what are you thinking Laura? There’s no way in hell or Hogwarts that this girl would be interested in you, at least not in a serious way. I mean last night she seemed pretty interested but then again you were drunk and flirty and grinding on her in ways that you wouldn’t have had the guts to do sober.

_Anyway_ , what the fuck Laura? Didn’t you tell yourself you wouldn’t get like this with this girl? She’s a player, she’s a sarcastic little jerk, she’s….she’s...laying so peacefully next to you, she’s gentle and kind to you and she’s kind of sweet sometimes. You take in a deep breath. God this sucks. You think you might be starting to like this girl a little _too much._ You let yourself stare at her, every bit of her. Her hair is messy and somewhat curly, her make up is a little smudged and it makes her look dangerous and tough. Right now though with her sleeping face she looks the complete opposite to that. She looks gentle and sensitive and in a way like she’s scared. It makes you want to take care of her and hold her tightly but that would be wrong, right? You keep scanning her and you see her lips are a bit chapped, you feel and urge to moisturize them yourself but you control yourself because that would be totally super _wrong_ , right? Your eyes go down her neck and you can see a healing mark a little to the back. It looks like an old hickey which doesn’t surprise you at all.  She isn’t a typical “good girl” and you know it but somehow it doesn’t change the way you see her. You keep staring and you see she has a necklace with an anchor on it. Is she a fan of the sea or something? You don’t think much of it and keep staring. Her shirt is draping forward a little and you can see some of her chest. You blush hard. Her skins looks so pale and smooth against what you think is a lacy black bra. You try to look away because _god_ that is so tempting. Your eyes follow her arm to where her hand is by her ribs. She has black nail polish and a punk type of bracelet. You grin because she always looks so tough and punk but not right now. Not while she’s sleeping here beside you. You rest your head against the pillow as you softly stare more and more at her. You crave a lot of things right now. 

You crave _her_.

You try and not think about it all too much but you slowly reach down at her hand and you finally feel her skin against yours. You lace your fingers together and you could have sworn she laced them tighter as she moved a little. Her fingertips feel so cold against your hand and you just want to warm her up with your own body heat. Holding her hand will just have to do though. You don’t want to send the wrong message to her about who you are. You drift back to sleep.

 -

You wake up and blush as you feel a hand against yours. _When did you grab her hand?_ Oh god you can’t remember doing that. You look up at her nervously without letting go of her hand. _It doesn’t look like she minds_...then again she was drunk last night and she isn’t even awake to know your holding her hand right now.

Laura’s hand..

It feels so warm against yours. She’s so close to you right now and she looks so comfortable sleeping by your side. It makes your heart start to race. You search her face nervously for an answer to what could be on her mind. How does she feel about this? How does she feel about _you?_ Is this wrong? Are you taking things the wrong way? Could she even be interested in you? 

No it can’t be that.

She was drunk last night. She probably didn’t have a clue what she was doing. Your hand flinches as you feel kind of hurt. This is wrong, you think to yourself. You shouldn’t be with Laura, not like this and not in any way at all. You’re not good enough to be by her side and she probably knows that. You break your hands apart and slowly get up. She could never like a girl like you. You’re just a sleaze in her eyes. A girl who sleeps around and parties way more that she should, a girl who gets wasted and stays with strangers or crashes in the street. You feel hurt with all these thoughts in your head. Your chest literally _hurts_ right now and you get off the bed and stand up, quickly putting your boots on. You need to go, you need to leave, like now. You shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be anywhere near Laura. You stand in front of her bed and stare at her one last time. 

“I’m sorry.” 

You whisper out hoping she would hear you but not wanting her to wake up. You head out the door quickly and close it behind you. You lean your back against it and take a deep shaky breath. This can’t be, Carmilla. It just can’t. 

“God I’m an idiot.”

 -

You wake up from your phone ringing on the floor by your bed. You get up from bed confused. No Carmilla. You pick up your phone from the floor and see it says “Papa Bear”. You answer it while clearing your throat.

“Heeey daaad.”

“Good morning, muffin! Or should I say good afternoon..”

You look at your phone to see it’s already 1pm. You grunt.

“Ughh sorry dad, I slept in today.”

“It’s fine sweetheart...Is it because of tomorrow?”

You stay quiet for a few seconds not answering him immediately. You know what tomorrow is. You’ve been trying not to think about it though.

“No dad, I just went out last night with some friends...Don’t worry I’m fine.” 

You really hope he wont start and argument over you going out with friends late and drinking. You’re really not in a mood for that right now. He speaks up again and you’re glad he doesn’t sound angry.

“Oh, okay, that’s fine I guess. Well are you sure you don’t want me to drive down there tonight? You know I don’t mind, Laura.”

“No it’s fine dad. I can take care of myself. I’ll be fine so _stop worrying_ so much.”

“Al right...I’m just saying. If you need anything you know I’m only a phone call away, okay?”

“Yeah dad, I know. Thanks.”

“Well don’t you have classes to get to, Laura? Get your lazy but outta bed already!”

You giggle. You know your dad only wants what’s best for you. You love your dad but you have to learn to handle this yourself.

“Will do Papa Bear. Thanks for checking up on me dad.”

“No problemo kiddo. Call me if you need anything. Have a good day today.”

“You too dad. Go watch some football re-runs or something.”

You both laugh and you finally hang up. You notice Carmilla’s shoes aren’t by the door anymore. _She left._ She left without saying a word to you. You feel sadness overflow inside your chest but try to wave it off as you get up to take a shower. You knew you shouldn’t have given her so much thought. You were right after all. She doesn’t like you the way you wish she did. Or at least the way you think you like _her_. Ugh today just all around sucks. You get in your shower and black out for a second when you remember what tomorrow is. You take a long shower today. You need it to calm down. You’re not sure if you’re ready for tomorrow to get here. 

-

You just showered in the dorms when you see Will come in. You try and get dressed to leave quickly. You don’t feel like talking to anyone today. 

“Look what the cat dragged in.”

“Hello Will.”

“You seem down. That greeting had no bite to it.”

You pick out some jeans and Laura’s hoodie.

“Yeah well, maybe I just don’t feel like wasting my time talking to you today.”

“Uww, there’s the bite. What’s up with you big sis? Trouble in gay paradise?”

“Shut the hell up Will.”

“Woah...okay-sorry. Man who pissed in your cereal this morning.”

“Mother pissed in my cereal _years ago_.”

You don’t know why you brought that up right now but you feel your eyes water up with angry tears fighting to come down.

“Carmilla…”

“It’s fine Will, I’m just really not in a good mood right now, okay?”

“Sis, you know you can talk to me. What’s got you so sensitive? You’ve never brought that up before. What’s wrong?”

You give in to your anger.

“I’m sick of mother just _screwing everything up_ for me, Will. If it wasn’t for all her religious bullshit I would be living a normal life with _friends_ , and a place to call _home_ and...and maybe...even someone who loved an idiot like me enough to stay.”

You feel the tears already going down your face as you’re not able to keep it together today. You’ve had just about enough of this shitty lifestyle you’ve had to maintain to survive. 

“Carmilla, you know none of that is your fault. Not mother’s extreme ways and most certainly not what happened with Elle afterwards.”

“Don’t talk about Elle to me. I don’t want to deal with that right now.”

“Carmilla, you’re gonna have to deal with it eventually. Look at you! Look at how she still has you so messed up! Elle is-”

“William I am fucking dead serious. Shut the hell up.”

It gets silent between the two of you and you can just feel the awkward tension in the room. 

“Look-i’m sorry. Just...don’t do that.” 

You walk out staring at the floor. You feel like such an asshole. You _are_ such an asshole damn it. Maybe you can’t get over things. Maybe you’re just jealous that Will still has a home to go to. He has the life you wish you had and you hate it so much. You can’t blame him though, it’s not his fault you fuck everything up. You head to the dance studio you work at and take out your spare key. You start cleaning everything up while occasionally still having some angry tears down your cheeks. You feel so weak tonight. You’re chest just really hurts. 

As you finish up cleaning the studio you sit by the desk and think to yourself. _This is the closest thing you have to a home._ You scoff at how pathetic you are right now with tears in your eyes and wipe them from your eyes letting out a few sniffles. You feel so alone. You hate it. You think about Laura and how big of an idiot you are. Maybe you shouldn’t have just _left_ this morning. When ever you’re with her you don’t feel so alone and right about now...you _really_ wish she was here. You rest your head on top of your crossed arms on the desk. You clench some of the fabric from Laura’s hoodie. You wish it still smelled like her but it’s okay, because at least you can fool yourself into thinking she’s sort of here. You _really_ hope Laura doesn’t hate you as much as you hate yourself right now. You bury your damp face in your arms and quietly cry yourself to sleep.  

-

You wake up when the alarm on your phone goes off. You need to leave this place early before the owner notices you spent the night. It’s somewhere around noon and you head to Silas. You feel like shit, Your eyes are a little puffy from crying which you’re not proud of at all. You can’t believe how pathetic you where last night. You brush your bangs back with your hand as you take a deep breath and continue to walk firmly. Get your shit together Karnstein. This isn’t like you at all and you have to deal with it. You don’t want to keep running away from your problems, it’s one of your dumbest faults. You take one of your classes and try to pay as much attention as you can but Laura still lingers somewhere in the back of your mind. You head to Will’s dorm in deep thought. Maybe you should go talk to her (or maybe you’re just over thinking things) but something inside you just _tells you_ that you need to stop running, just this once. At least go thank her for letting you spend the night at her place or something. That can’t be _too_ awkward, right? You let out a huge sigh as you walk into Will’s room. It’s empty. You start to trail back all of last nights remarks towards Will and you can’t help but feel like shit. None of the things between you and your mother is Will’s fault, he didn’t deserve to be treated that way. The truth is...you’re just not ready to talk about Elle or even deal with what happened. You groan and grab a paper and pen by Will’s desk and draw him a doodle of you with a menacing pose and vampire fangs that says:

_“ I’m sorry I suck. I’m a vampire, it’s how I_ _survive_ _._

  _Love u Silly Willy,_

        _-Catmilla the shitty sister ”_

You laugh to yourself, he’s gonna tease you with this for the rest of your life but it’s worth it. You take off Laura’s hoodie and take a second to just stare at it and feel it in your hands. It’s the only thing you have that’s Laura’s and it’s dear to you, more than you’ll ever admit. You put it away and change into something else. You decided that today you are dealing with shit god damn it and you are going to face Laura even if it’s the last thing you do. You want to be honest with her, at least a little bit. You don’t want the image she has of you to just be this “punk lady killer with good looks and no boundaries”. Al though come on, you do have the first part down. You snicker to yourself like a narcissist even though you’re just trying to distract yourself from the fact that you’re almost at the station and Laura will probably be there. You take a few deep breaths before you head inside. Your palms are sweaty and you can’t help but tap your fingers against your thigh. How are you going to do this Carmilla? What exactly are you going to tell her? What if she freaks out or doesn’t want to be around you anymore? You whine to yourself with a worried face. 

_You’re scarred._

You don’t open up to anyone, not even your damn brother, but for some idiotic reason you feel like you need to do this with this damn girl that you barely even know. You take one last shaky deep breath and step inside pushing the door quickly. 

“Hey-” You stop yourself when you see Laura isn’t the one by the counter, instead LaF is there.

“Oh, never mind.”

“Well aren’t you the charmer?”

“Sorry ginger bread, you weren’t the person I was expecting to be here.”

“Yeah well, we can agree on that one.”

You don’t really know what they mean but you can see that somethings bothering them. They look worried. 

“Hey...is everything okay? You’re not exactly doing your usual ‘sassy comebacks’ today.”

They look up at you and seem frustrated. Okay you don’t really know them that well but you don’t enjoy seeing them like this. They can be sarcastic and rude sometimes but that’s what you like about them. They finally start to talk back.

“Yeah it’s just- I don’t know man. Somethings not right.”

You raise an eyebrow at them and answer. “Yeah well, the world can suck sometimes. Care to share? Maybe I can be of some help or something- I don’t know.”

“Well- I don’t know. I mean-” they pause but decide to continue “It’s just- I’m worried about Laura.”

“What do you mean? Did something happen?” You can’t help but feel some panic start inside you but you try and stay calm and listen to LaF.

“Nothing really it’s just- Laura was supposed to be working today and I called her a few times but she didn’t pick up so I came here to check if she came _just in case_ and she never showed so I took over her shift for her. I’m really worried, Carmilla.”

“Well is something wrong with her? Why didn’t she come to work?” You can’t help but feel guilty. Could it have been because of you? Is she trying to avoid you?

“No, she’s fine. Well...kind of fine. Ugh it’s complicated! It’s just--today is a hard day for Laura and I knew it would be, so I came to check up on her here. I just hope she’s okay. She doesn’t really know that many people here and I’m the closest thing she’s got.”

“What do you mean today’s a hard day for her? I don’t understand.”

“Never mind that, it’s kind of a sensitive subject...but I’m really worried dude.” They stop and look like they just came up with a solution. “Okay, so, I know you’re not a total creep by what Laura’s told me and I _know_ you know where she lives so I have a super favor to ask.”

You nod waiting for them to continue.

“Okay-so, would it be too much to ask for you to go check up on her at her place?”

“What?! I mean I guess but...what if she doesn’t want to see me right now? What if she ignores me outside her house?”

“She wont, but if she does I know where she keeps her spare key. I’m serious Carmilla, I reeeeally need you to see if she’s okay.”

You’re worried now but you agree to their plan. “Fine, if it’ll cool your jets.”

“Awesome! Okay give me your phone, I’m giving you my number so you can report back to me. Please don’t send me nudes, have some dignity.”

“Ha-ha big-brain. These goodies are “in-person” privileges only. Dream on” 

“Haha...thanks for this dude, like really. I wish I could be there for Laura right now but you’ll have to do.”

“Wow, those sure are some words of encouragement there.”

You both laugh and you know their officially okay in your book. They trust you with something that’s so important to them. _They trust you with Laura._ You start heading out and decide to take the bus there, it’ll be faster than the walking plus you can process this whole thing on the way there. You wonder what could today be. Laura seems like a responsible type so her missing work is really strange. You start to worry more. Maybe you  should leave all your baggage for another time. You finally make it to Laura’s apartment and hesitate to walk up to the door. You feel as nervous as you did before outside the gas station. The only difference was that now you didn’t have any kind of lame excuse because you are literally in front of her house to see her. Not casually walking in on her job. You argue over staying or leaving in your head but decide to stay. You’re more concerned about Laura than you would ever be about yourself. You clench your fists and walk up to the door, knocking.

“Hey, Laura!”

Nothing. You try again.

“Laura! Open up!” you pause “ I really need to talk to you!”

Still nothing. You don’t know if she’s just ignoring you because _its you_ or if it’s because of what LaF was worrying about so you decide to call LaF up.

“Hello?”

“LaF, it’s me. She won’t open.”

“Fuck, really? Has she said anything though?”

“No, nothing. Total radio silence. Why?”

“Fuck-okay so I need you to barge in and see if she’s okay.”

“What?! No, I can’t just do that--it’s not right.”

“Listen you broody gay Carmilla! I _really_ need you to literally _see_ how Laura is doing. Like I’m not kidding.”

“Woah, okay fine- what is going on with her anyway? I still don’t understand what this is all about, ginger bread.”

“Listen--ugh I don’t think it’s my place to say but...for Laura’s sake...today is Laura’s mom’s death anniversary.”

You feel your heart stop and your eyes go wide open. You didn’t know about Laura’s mother being dead. Shit, you should have been there for her yesterday. She might have needed someone back then.

“Shit I-I had no clue.”

“Yeah...it’s kind of a sensitive subject for Laura and this is the first time ever that she’s spending it alone and away from home so right now I need you to open her damn door and tell me how she’s doing.”

“Yeah sure. Where does she keeps her spare key?”

“Okay, you see the bottom of the left side of the door? It’s kind of broker right? Reach inside and you should find it between the crack.”

You squat down and reach inside to feel for the key which you find pretty quickly.

“Okay I got it.”

“Good, okay so right now I can’t keep talking because I’m at work but like just text me if anything comes up, I’ll figure out how to get there later. Good luck.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know.”

“Great and Carmilla?” they pause as if to catch your full attention “ please take care of her. She needs someone right now.”

“Will do LaF. You don’t have to worry about that.”

You hang up and tuck your phone in your back pocket as you stare at the door. You reach for the lock and turn the key in it. You hesitate to push the door open for an instant but shake your head and just do it. 

“Laura?”

You look around but don’t see her anywhere. Her bed isn’t made and there’s some shoes laying around the floor next to her work shirt. Where could she be? What if she isn’t even here and you basically just broke into her home for nothing? You break out of though when you think you hear something. It sounds like water running. You start to walk towards the bathroom where you can see the lights on. 

“Laura??”

As you get closer you can hear someone sniffling. You lean against the door slowly, trying to be careful not to accidentally peak inside. You knock while slowly opening the door and there’s no response so you stare inside through the creak. Your eyes open in surprise as you see Laura fully clothed sitting curled up in her shower under the running water. She’s crying. You swing the door open and quickly walk up to her.

“Hey, hey, hey. Laura,Laura.”

You kneel down in front of her and turn off the water. You reach out to her shoulder.

“Hey, you’re fine. I’m here.”

Laura tries to lift her head up from in between her arms but fails and let’s it fall a little to the side. You notice there’s a bottle of whiskey between her thighs. She’s drunk.

“mm-mom..”

Seeing her like this is breaking your heart. Laura should never be this broken. 

“No it’s me, Carmilla.”

She manages to lift her head up this time to look at you with sad drunk eyes and you see her lower lip start to quiver. You could have sworn someone staked you in the heart when you saw that and you reach out to her again, this time softly stroking her cheek with your hand.

“Cupcake, it’s okay, you’re not alone, I’m right here with you.”

Tears stars to fall from her eyes and it hurts so much to see her like this. She let’s out a sob between her breath and reaches up to touch your hand on her cheek.

“I thought--I felt so alone today and-and I just--I didn’t know what to do.”

She continues to cry while looking at you, her eyes are red and puffy from god knows how long she’s been crying like this. You feel terrible. Maybe if you had stayed yesterday you could have somehow been there for her earlier.

“I’m not going anywhere today okay? I’m staying right here for as long as you need me, Laura. I promise.”

Her crying simmers a little bit and she leans into you as you open your arms to grab her in a tight embrace. Her face is in the crook of your neck and you can feel her ragged breath start to stabilize. She’s calmer now that you’re here and that somehow helps the pain in your chest feel less terrible. You sit there and just hold her for a few minutes until she’s basically stopped crying. You feel her wipe her nose with her hand as she sniffles.

“How did you even get in here?”

“I broke down your door, obviously.”

“You did?! Holy crap sticks you’re not just pretty, you’re super strong too?”

You let out a short laugh. She’s super drunk right now. You grab the whiskey and place it somewhere away from her. 

“You’re drunk, Laura.” 

You pull her up with you and she struggles to keep her balance.

“What? No I’m not. I’m perfectly fine if I do say so myself little lady.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me something that’s on your _sober_ mind then.”

“Fffiine! Okay well-” she pauses and stares at your face. “ I think you have really bad ass eyebrows, like holy shit your eyebrow game is bomb.”

“ _That’s_ what’s on your sober mind right now?” You giggle.

“Well, it’s one of the many things on it but I just thought someone should tell you someday. It’s like you have two mortal weapons. You can just, like, control girls with them. Like-just raise them up!”

You subconsciously do what she tells you to and she opens her mouth and eyes wide.

“Seeeee!! It’s like they have some powerful mind control thing to gay women!” 

She reaches up to feel one of your eyebrows with a concentrated face and you can’t help but smile like an idiot at how Laura’s acting. At least when she’s like this she doesn’t seem to keep boundaries when it comes to physical contact or personal space. 

“Come oooon. Let’s get you changed. You’re soaking wet.”

“Well having a super hot girl in your house can do that to you, you know?”

You blush hard and try to not pay too much attention to that comment. You grab a towel from the rack next to you.

“Shut up, you fluffy idiot.”

You dry her hair aggressively to piss her off and then use the towel to dry off her face.

“I’m sorry I’m like this, it’s just- showers usually make me calm down and relax and I was having a break down so I just ran in and turned it on...It didn’t really work though.”

Her eyes start to look sad again, probably because she’s thinking of her mom.

“You know, when I was a kid my mom used to wash my hair and dry it off just like you just did.” She pauses and there’s silence between the two of you for a bit. “I’m glad you’re here...I like having you in my home.”

You feel your heart flutter and you don’t know how to feel about that. She’s drunk, she’s probably not thinking straight at all.

“I’m gonna go get you something to change into.”

You walk out of the bathroom and grab some sweats and a t shirt from Laura’s closet. You remember you had to text LaF and update them of the situation.

Carmilla (4:47pm): “Reporting to Commander Brains; Laura’s alive and really drunk.”

You start walking back to the bathroom clothes in hand and tuck your phone in your pocket.

“Here, change into these.”

You hand Laura the clothes but she doesn’t grab them. Instead she tries to pull her shirt up from her body and fails almost tipping over. She groans and whines like a frustrated sad child.

“Can you please help me?”

That takes you completely by surprise and you take a minute to answer with a nod. You start to pull the bottom of her shirt upwards and she lifts her arms up to help you. You put the dripping shirt on the sink and try not to stare at Laura’s body. You fail like _miserably._ She has a cute wet dark blue bra on and you can see how her nipples aren’t hidden that well from the cold. Holy fucking shit. You swallow hard as you feel your heart start to race. She reaches behind her to try and un cuff her soaked bra but you jump up and grab her arms.

“Nononono!!”

She’s startled by your sudden burst of panic and she looks confused at you.

“What? I thought you said I had to change my wet clothes.”

“Well...yeah but…”

You can’t help but stare at her mostly bare body. You can still see that small bruise by the right side of her ribs from her bike accident. Your eyes trail down her stomach which wow, it looks so smooth and kind of tight which shouldn’t surprise you cause I mean she did ride her bike everywhere. You feel your face heating up more and more and you notice Laura’s staring at you as you stared at her.

“...Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like...like you want to eat me.”

“What?? That’s not- I don’t want to-”

You stop your rambling. God you’re acting just like Laura when she keeps talking. She doesn’t pry on getting an answer from you. Instead she stares at you, at your neck, then at your chest, then at your stomach, then her eyes trail back slowly at your own. Her eyes are still a bit red from crying but they look soft, drunk but soft.

“Carmilla...why are you here?”

“I…”

You don’t know if you should just explain everything that happened with LaF or if you should be honest and just tell her everything you originally had your mind set on saying.

“I just really needed to talk to you.”

“Talk to me about what?”

She steps closer to you but you try not to focus on that and instead continue talking.

“About why I left yesterday, about why I am the way I am.”

“And how’s that?”

Her eyes slowly search your face for something but you still continue. You need to tell her.

“A stupid, lesbian, selfish, idiot, with way too much shit on her mind.”

“Well yeah, but I already know all that.”

“No, you _don’t_ , Laura. You don’t know anything about me.”

“Still, you’re standing right here. In front of me. In my apartment. Taking care of me.”

“Yeah...but…Laura I-”

“Carm, you’re not just a stupid lesbian, and I know that.”

Carm? Did she just call you Carm? Your heart is beating so fast right now that you don’t know how you’re still just standing here while she is extremely close for just ‘talking’ to you.

“I can’t really read you, and _believe me_ I’ve tried but...I know you have to be so much more than all that.” she pauses and steps closer. You’re practically inches away from each other. “and somehow you just always seem near me…” 

You try and step back but stumble against the door frame. Laura’s eyes are observing you cautiously as you nervously hold on to the wall, trying not to fall back.

“Carm..”

She closes the gap between the two of you and stops right in front of your lips to stare down at them in anticipation. Oh my god what is she doing? What’s happening? 

“Laur-”

You try and say something but your cut short from Laura’s lips being against yours in a sweet and tender kiss which you return without any type of hesitation. You feel your face just burning in heat as you lean into the kiss, slightly pushing Laura back. She almost loses her balance but you grab her by her shoulder blade to keep her stable and slightly pull her back into you. You can feel her bare back against your hand and she’s really cold. Her wet hair dripping against your fingers on her back as she slowly pulls back from the kiss. Her face still hovering near yours. You see her eyes change into some sadness and start to get watery again. Her lips get into a tight pout and you don’t know what to do, you don’t know what’s wrong, you’re so confused now. She leans her forehead against your chin and you don’t know if you should hold her again so you hesitate when you hear a soft shaky whisper.

“Please don’t leave today. I don’t wanna be alone…”

You’re feel a tight squeeze at your heart and finally wrap your arms around this sweet adorable drunk mess of a cutie, pulling her in as you kiss her forehead that’s been against your lips all this time. She let’s out a sad sigh and a sniffle as she gets into your embrace and leans closer, putting her head against your shoulder now. You can feel your shirt starting to get damp and your chest just keeps hurting. Laura should never have to go through this, it’s not fair, it’s not right. You caress her back and comb her wet hair with one hand.

“Come on cupcake let’s get you in some dry clothes, okay?”

You pull her away from you and wipe some of her tears as she sniffles and nods adorably. You don’t like seeing Laura like this but you must admit, it’s absolutely adorable. You grab the dry shirt and pull it over her head as she whines and you laugh at that. You reach behind her under her shirt and un hook her soaked bra. You feel yourself blush. You wish this happened in other circumstances but it’s fine like this, Laura needs you to be with her, she needs you to be gentle. You toss it aside and look down at her jeans. They’re soaked so they look extremely tight and just staring is kind of making your mind hazy. You try and undo her button as slowly as you possibly can with how nervous she has you. You un zip her jeans and look up at the ceiling as you help her slide out of them. She hops out of them and almost trips on them but you grab her biceps, accidentally looking down and seeing her in nothing but her shirt and soaked underwear. 

_Oh my fucking god I can’t breath._

You quickly look up at the ceiling again trying to forget how those wet dark blue and magenta stripped panties looked tight on her hips and the somewhat outline of the curve down there that is making you want to die right now. You see her crouch down as she takes her panties off and you are looking at this ceiling like your life depended on it. You pass her some dry underwear and you feel her hand grab it from yours, her touch was warm now. You blow out a breath trying to control yourself and not looking away from the ceiling at all. You hear her pull them up and oh thank god that’s over, that was the biggest test you’ve gone through in your life. You look down from the ceiling now and stare at her face intently as you give her some sweatpants. She grabs them and tries to put them on but loses her balance and almost falls on you. 

_Oh dear lord why._

You grab her by her biceps again and crouch down to your knees as you open the sweatpants by her feet for her to step in. She’s blushing and she puts her hands on your shoulders hanging on steadily as she steps in her pants. Her hands are really warm against your shoulders. You get distracted for a second as you gently pull her pants up having direct eye contact with the front of her now dry underwear. Your eyes open immediately and you feel your face is basically boiling right now. You quickly finish raising the rest of her pants and adjust the strap on her waist, getting up again. Her hands still haven’t left your shoulders and you’re now looking at each other dearly. Her cheeks are flushed red and so are yours. This is the most awkward tension situation you’ve gone through in your entire existence on this planet and you are so fucking gay right now. Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you get startled by it but pull it out.

Ginger Bread (5:00pm): “oh thank god. I’ll be there around 9pm! Thanks for everything you big softie.”

Carmilla (5:01pm): “Fuck off. I think I’ll stick around till u get here. Laura isn’t really herself right now.”

You put your phone away and look up at Laura who’s face it kind of bobbing to the side. Right, she’s hammered right now and you should take care of her. You grab her hand and pull her out of the bathroom.

“Come on, you should lay down for a while.”

You lead her to her bed and let go of her hand as you gesture for her to get in.

“Why is my bed so low?”

“Because your mattress is on the floor Laura.”

“Oh. Well that’s fine I guess.”

You shake your head as you try to role your eyes letting out a small chuckle. She stares back at you with a pleading puppy face that is pulling at your heart strings.

“What is it?”

“Will you lay down with me?”

“…Sure.”

You sit on the end of the bed leaning your back on the wall, crossing your legs infront of you.. There’s no way you can lay down next to Laura when she’s like this. I mean for heaven’s sake she freaking kissed you and then started crying, god knows what she’d do here in bed. All of a sudden you feel her laying her head down on your lap. She snuggles into you sighing and you can feel the back of her head by your stomach, her hair still wet against your shirt. You sit there quietly for a few minutes until she finally speaks up.

“Can we watch Doctor Who?”

“What?”

“Doctor Who! Maybe he’s the doctor that’ll make me feel better right now.”

“You do know he’s not an actual doctor right?”

“You watch Doctor Who??”

“Just because I know about it doesn’t necessarily mean I watch that terrible show, buttercup.”

“Ooooh. Well, I for one _love_ Doctor Who and I don’t care _what_ you think.” She sticks her tongue out at you and lays her head back into place on your lap.

“Well aren’t you the nicest host.” you tease her as she points next to you towards her laptop by the bed.You role your eyes and grab the laptop placing it on your knees and opening it up.

“It’s asking for a password.”

“honey bunny”

“You’re kidding right?” 

“Shut up, my mom used to call me that.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah whatever, don’t judge.”

You type in the password and the desktop comes up with a background picture of Laura,  her parents and a big dog. This picture seems more recent than the one beside her bed. Laura looks like a wild dorky teen hugging her dog. She seems happy. You look down to Laura and see she looks sad again. _Fuck._

_“_ That’s the last picture we took together.”

You click on netflix and find Doctor Who on her queue and press play. You’re not good with the feelings thing but you don’t want Laura to keep being down. You give her bicep a tight squeeze and she gives you a half smile and then staring at the screen. You start watching Doctor Who with her and try and cheer her up a bit.

“This isn’t so bad. Doctor Who may suck but Rose Tyler is one _hell_ of a babe.”

Laura laughs and thank god you finally hear that sound again, you really missed it. You watch a few episodes and keep making snarky comments trying to make Laura laugh again. You love her laugh. 

-

It’s been a few hours and somewhere in between episodes you notice Laura fell asleep. You’re currently passing your hand through her now dry hair, it’s soft and you keep combing it gently. You watch her breathing steadily. God this girl is amazing. You hear a phone ringing in the distance. 

“Oh shit.”

You look down at Laura who’s sleeping soundly on your lap and put her laptop away as you try and sneak out from under her. You don’t want to wake her up, she looks way too cute and peaceful. You manage to escape with only a small sleepy whine from Laura as she snuggles up in her bed without you. You find her phone and see the screen says “Papa Bear.” Right, he must be worried about how Laura’s doing today. You pick up the phone with only a slight hesitation.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Laura?”

“Nope, it’s me again, Mr. Hollis.”

“Me who? Wait--Carmilla is that you?”

“Yes it’s me. Laura’s asleep right now.”

“Oh...oh okay, good.” he pauses. “How’s she doing today?” 

“Well...she’s fine now.”

“Now? How was she before?? Is she okay??”

“Don’t worry Mr. Hollis, LaF sent me here to check up on her and I found her in the bathroom. She wasn’t really okay but...nothing too serious. I stayed with her just in case.”

You hear him sigh sadly.

“Oh Laura...well, I’m relieved she’s doing better. Thanks for taking care of her, Carmilla.”

“No need to thank me, it’s my pleasure, sir.” you pause. “and...I’m sorry for your lose.”

You hear him hum happily. “Thanks, kid. You know, you’re all right kiddo.”

“Haha thanks Mr. Hollis, you too.”

“Well I’d better go. I’m sure Laura needs you right now.” 

You turn around and see that Laura’s still sleeping soundly.

“Na, I’m pretty sure _I’m_ the one who needs her.”

Oh god did you seriously just say that to Laura’s father. What the hell are you thinking Carmilla?!

“That so, huh? Well she does have that effect on people haha. You have yourself a good night, little lady.”

You try and reply but you feel so awkward now. You are the biggest gay idiot to ever exist.

“Bye Mr. Hollis.”

You hang up and face palm yourself, mumbling “I am a fucking idiot.” You hear Laura turn in her bed and groan.

“Ugggghhhh my heeeead huuuuuurts.” 

You can’t stop the huff of laughter that escapes your mouth and head to the kitchen. You grab a glass of water and walk back to the bed.

“Here, sunshine. I think you need this.”

She stares at you with a bunched up face and grabs the glass of water drinking half the cup and puts it by the bed as she rolls over and groans again.

“Ughhh when is papa bear coming home?”

“what?”

“I want porridge.”

“….what?”

She mumbles something else and falls asleep again. This girl is freaking out of it tonight and you put your hand against your mouth trying to cover your laughter. You hear someone knock on the door.

“Hey gay-nanny, open up.”

You scoff and head to the door to open it. It’s LaF.

“Took you long enough, big brain.”

“Yeah well I just got off work.” she looks to were Laura is in bed. “Wow, good job there.” 

They high five you and you shake your head.

“She’s still kind of out of it, but at least she stopped crying.”

LaF walks up to Laura dropping down on the bed next to her.

“Yeah, she’s gonna have one hell of a hangover tomorrow. Serves her right for making everyone worry like that!” they turn to look at you. “Thanks dude, I really owe you one. I can take it from here.”

You realize they probably think you have somewhere to be right now and you had forgotten for a second that you actually _don’t_. You sadly grab your things and grab the door knob, looking back at Laura one last time. _You wish you could stay_. Instead you close the door and walk for a while. A few minutes later you’re walking calmly in a park near town and you reach your usual bed. You drop yourself lazily on the bench and let out a long breath. You throw your head back and open your eyes to stare at the stars between the tree leaves.

“There’s no place like home”, right?

You sigh and close your eyes laying down on the bench after a while. You _wish_ you weren’t so alone on such a beautiful cold starry night. You place your arm under your head to feel more comfortable. You frown.

There aren’t any shooting stars to wish on.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY! (no i'm not bwahahaha)
> 
> hope you enjoyed!
> 
> my tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com :)


	10. Stomach Pains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura wakes up and a hangover isn't the thing she should be worried about after today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cut this chapter in half so i could update it quicker but i promise i'll post the other half tonight when i'm done with it.

You’re in your room and there was something in your bed; something under your bed, this dark prowling thing without a face and then it was this little girl crying. You try and move towards her but once your about to touch her you wake up. You were dreaming again. You sit up in your bed and you quickly feel the giant headache that follows. 

“God it feels like someone’s hammering my brain.”

“Well yeah, that’s what happens when you’ve got a huuuge hang over. _”_

You jump back, turning your attention to where the voice came from and see that it’s LaF. You cringe at the pain that followed your quick and hasty movement.

“LaF? When did you get here?”

“Last night. I _knew_ you were lying. You should have just told me you were like this yesterday, L.”

You duck your head in embarrassment over LaF babying you. You thought you didn’t need any more babying from anyone but you guess you were wrong. 

“Yeah...I’m sorry LaF. I really thought I could handle it on my own this time.”

You feel tears start to form in your eyes and you hate feeling so weak, like such a damn child. LaF walks up to you and sits beside you on your bed, rubbing you back.

“It’s okay L, I’m just glad you were fine when Carmilla got here.”

You feel your whole train of thought change, the tears in your eyes stop from the shock you feel with this information. _Carmilla was here? Wait, how did she even get in? Did you open the door for her?_ You don’t remember anything at all right now and that scares you. _What if you said something to her that you shouldn’t have? What if you started to cry like the baby you are? What if- (you gasp internally) what if you barfed on her?!?_ LaF is snapping their fingers in front of your face as if trying to catch your attention. You react instantly and stare at them wide eyed.

“Wait so, Carmilla was here? With me? Alone?”

“Yup. I got her to do me the favor while I took your shift which by the way you totally owe me for that.”

“Oh crap-right. I’m so sorry about that LaF. I couldn’t leave the house. I was drinking to clear my mind and started getting dressed and everything, but it just made it worse. I think I was starting to have a panic attack or something so I wanted to take a shower to calm down but-”

You start sticking the pieces together in your head.

“But what?” 

“...but then, I heard someone yelling outside but I couldn’t move from the shower and then I heard someone say my name a lot and grab me. I--I think she calmed me down somehow.”

“Well yeah, she told me she found you in the shower _with your clothes still on_.”

“Really? She told you that? What else did she say?”

“She said you were really drunk and crying a lot.”

Oh God. You face palm yourself in embarrassment. This girl barely knows you and she’s already seen you crying like a drunk mess.

“Anything else to mortify me?”

“Nope. I didn’t get much from her. She was still here when I got here though.”

“Wait-she was? 

“Yeah, she said she’d stick around till I got here but I didn’t think she’d do it.”

_So Carmilla came to your house, took you out of the shower like the drunken mess you were, and stayed the whole evening taking care of you?_ You feel a smile creep up your face. You knew she wasn’t all that bad, god how stupid can you be Laura? To think you misjudged her most of the time. Maybe you should thank her later. You hear your phone ringing and get up to go pick it up. Weird, you never leave your phone in the kitchen counter, but then again you were probably too drunk to even notice. You open it up and see an alarm. 

“Stitches!”

You take in a big breath of air. How could you forget?? You’re supposed to get your stitches out today. 

“Shit! I’m gonna be late!”

“Late for what?”

“My appointment! I’m supposed to get these removed today.” 

You point at your hairline as if to show LaF what you mean.

“Well I’m off today so I can totally give you a ride, L.”

“Really? Awesome! Let me change real quick then.”

You grab some Advil and a glass of water that was next to your bed (which by the way, when did that get there?) and you start changing. You head out with LaF to the hospital and you can’t help but wonder what Carmilla could be up to. It’s strange, even though you have this enormous hang over, _you feel happy_.  

-

You wake up sometimes around noon when you hear some rustling and banging a few feet away. You scrunch up your face from the sudden sunlight and try to look to where the noise is coming from. It’s a homeless guy checking the trash bins nearby while throwing everything he doesn’t need on the ground, making a mess. You stare at him and promise yourself you’ll never reach that level of living on the street. At least you get to eat everyday in college and around town with the money Will lends you. Oh shit-right Will. You check your phone to see if you have any messages from him and you see you have two.

Silly Willy (10:13am): “ Catmilla the shitty sister? Oh that was GOLD!”

Silly Willy (10:18am): “ it’s okay btw...Just you know don’t stop coming by the dorm. You’re always welcome here Kitty. OR SHOULD I SAY CATMILLA?? Lololol”

You smack yourself in the face. Why did you ever think saying that to Will was a good idea? You chuckle to yourself. It was worth it though. You yawn and stand in order to stretch properly and your mind drifts to last night. 

_“Carm, you’re not just a stupid lesbian, and I know that.”_

  _“..I know that you have to be so much more than all that.”_

  _“Please don’t leave today, I don’t wanna be alone…”_

Laura said so many things last night, things that you’re not sure she even meant. Could it be that she really doesn’t think of you in a bad way? You think of how she kissed you before you could say anything to stop her drunk self. You think of how gentle it felt yet how it felt so heavy. You think of Laura trusting you enough to cry in your arms. Laura trusted you enough to take care of her, and that’s just something you will never get over. You wonder if she’s already woken up. Hopefully she’s doing alright without you. I mean it’s not like she really needed you there any longer since LaF was with her but still. You really want to be the one she wakes up to. You want to be the one to console her, to take care of her, to hold her, to make her smile, to make her feel like she’s not alone. Laura was so sincere to herself yesterday, sincere to _you_. She wasn’t afraid to feel sad, to feel upset, and that’s just another thing to add on your list of things you love about Laura. You start heading to Silas while in deep thoughts of Laura Hollis. You wonder what she could be doing right now without you.

-

“Aaaah finally!”

You rub your hair line with a big dorky smile on your face. You haven’t been able to feel your head like this in what feels like ages. You’re walking back to LaF’s car so that they can take you to Silas. You want to go catch up on all the school work you didn’t do yesterday, plus you have a meeting with your group in the library today so there’s that too. You’re kinda excited to go to the library later. Maybe you’ll run into Carmilla there. She _does_ go to Silas and all and everyone goes to the library at some point right? You want to thank her for taking care of you. She didn’t have to do it but she did and there’s no way you’re not gonna pay her back for it somehow. You smile to yourself while in the car ride to Silas. 

You _really_ want to see her again.  

-

You reach Silas and head to the boy dorms first thing. You got to do some laundry today, you don’t have any clean underwear left other than thongs and you haven’t really needed sexy underwear these past few weeks. Come to think of it, you haven’t slept with any girls since that one girl with curly hair a few weeks back. For some reason you just don’t really feel like being with anyone right now. You haven’t been feeling like being with anyone for a _while_ now and it feels so weird, but different. A _good different_. You get to Will’s room and start packing up all your dirty clothes. There’s a wash room in the 1st floor that you use even though you’re not supposed to be allowed to do so (but come on, really? You do whatever you feel like when it comes to college or your life in general.) You take the stairs down to the 1st floor and start putting your clothes in the washer. You grab a few shirts and underwear and put them in the washer but you stop once you notice what you’re currently holding in your hands. Laura’s hoodie. You might as well wash it, I mean it doesn’t even smell like her anymore (Not that you only wanted it because of that or anything.) You wish it did though. You wish you could smell Laura, her vanilla like smell that matches her so well. You wish you could see her right now but you don’t really know any of her classes or anything about her when it comes to Silas. Come to think of it...maybe you should change that. You smile at the idea of getting to know Laura better. Yeah maybe you should change that.  

-

Once you finally get out of class you head to the library a little more excited that usual to meet up with your group for the lit class. You probably look like such a dork walking around with a big smile on your face while carrying some books around your chest that you need to return too. You reach the library and it seems you’re the first one to get there but that’s fine, maybe you’ll just look around for a bit inside the library. Not like you’re looking for her or anything but who knows _maybe_ she’s here. After walking through every hall of books at least 4 times you decide to give up. _What are you even doing, Laura?_ Stop being such a puppy. You walk back to your table and see that Will is putting his book bag on the floor beside the chair that’s facing yours. You don’t know much about Will but at least he actually reads and does his share of work unlike SJ. Natalie is actually pretty organized and smart even though her and SJ are kinda party animals so you’re glad she’s in your group too. Will seems like the kind of guy who walks up to girls with suave moves and a wink or the guy who get’s in trouble and ends up in the principals office.

“Sup little Lo.”

Then again in a way he seems totally harmless and he’s actually _not_ a douche even though he’s part of the whole _Zeta Omega Mu_ frat boy thing where Kirsch is in. Apparently they’re actually really good friends which is kind of sweet. They mention each other when you’re with each one of them and you find this whole brotp cute. You greet him and sit down with a long sigh. 

“Sooo, did you read the 5 chapter’s?”

“Ughh yeah. I swear to God this professor wants to turn us into locals here, we should practically move in the library already.”

You let out a huffed laugh and shrug at his statement.

“Might as well, right?” you take out your notes and open up some books on the table. “Okaaay so we should get started on these questions. I can’t hand in anything late this time, my grades’ll drop.”

“Ha! Your grades? I swear if it wasn’t for you in this group we’d all get an even lower grade.”

See, he’s sweet. In a way he reminded you of Carmilla and how she has this tough exterior...but-you think, maybe she has a soft interior. You can’t stop the smile that escapes your lips from the thought of her. For now though you should really get started on these questions. You hand Will one of your books and point out at him were you think it says something important to this subject. _You really hope you see her today._

_-_

You’re walking your way back to Will’s dorm when you run into Kirsch. Surprisingly enough he greets you with a big smile and excitement. It makes you feel a bit content but you’ll never admit it.

“Hey Carm-kitty!”

_“Oh my god,_ you read the note. _”_

_“_ Yeah haha I saw it on Will’s fridge this morning. You know, that was one awesome vampire doodle dude. Can you make me like a doodle with the Zeta’s triton like real bad ass warrior guy style?”

“Only if you swear you won’t say a word of this to anyone. Not about me, not about the note, not about the drawing.”

“Totally! No biggie dude. My lips are sealed with glue! Well...not really but you get it.”

“Fine, I’ll give it to you later or something.”

“Awesome!”

You can’t believe you’re about to ask this guy what you are but the curiosity is killing you.

“Hey so-uuh...have you seen Laura around? How’s she doing?”

_Kill me now._ His expression goes from happy to surprised to oddly enthusiastic about your question.

“Ahhh Laura huuuh? The little nerd is at the library from what I’ve heard. Study group thing or whatever.”

_Library, of course_. You smack your forehead internally in disappointment. _How did you not think of that?_ The memory from you bumping into her there flashes through your mind and you try and fight back a grin.

“Oh.”

“Yeah oh.” he laughs and you think he’s on to you so you decide to dodge this conversation.

“Well, whatever. At least she actually studies unlike you, beaf cake.”

“I study!...Sometimes...Laura’s been helping me with some readings and stuff so yeah!”

“Sucks to be her then.” 

You smirk and walk away giving him a nod as a goodbye. _Library huh?_ Maybe you’ll stop by to grab some books later or something, you know, totally casual stuff. You continue making your way to Will’s room to finish folding your laundry as quick as possible. You can’t help but feel a bit excited to go get some books.

-

It’s been like an hour and you’ve got most of the questions done but you swear if you have to read another 8 pages to find the answer to this question you’re gonna shot yourself. SJ and Natalie got here only a while ago so it’s only fair you leave the remaining questions to them.

“I think I’m done reading the same page for the day.”

You see Will shut his book and start packing his stuff in his bag.

“Yeah, same.” you look at SJ and Natalie. “You guys are in charge of answering the last three, okay?”

SJ groans while Natalie gives you a quick wave and continues reading. 

“Ruthless as ever I see.” 

Will chuckles as he slips the strap on his back pack over his shoulder. He gives you a quick wave and heads out. You start to pack your things to leave too. You need to work tonight and you already owe LaF for taking your shift yesterday so you need to go tonight. You frown a bit and pout your lip. _You didn’t see her today…_ You stand up and put your backpack on saying goodbye to the girls and walking towards the exit. _You wish you’d seen her today._

_-_

Folding your laundry took longer than you thought it would so now you’re power walking your way to the library. _Fuck, what if she isn’t there anymore?_ You take a turn and almost run into Will.

“Well if it isn’t Catmilla the shitty sis.”

He smirks at you and you’re sure he’s not letting that go for a year or two. 

“Hey Will.”

“Where you headed in such a rush, anyway?”

“Library. I have to get there fast.”

“Oh, I was just there. It’s not too crowded today.”

_Not too crowded today_. Shit. Shit shit shit. You start to walk past Will trying to continue your power walk there.

“Well I gotta go, don’t fry up your brain with too much reading little brother.”

You turn and walk as fast as you can. You wish you could run but there’s no way you’re doing that for a girl. _No way._

-

You’re walking down the hall the library is in and you let out a sad sigh. _What were you thinking Laura? That she’d be waiting for you there with arms wide open or something?_ You hear someones steps getting closer to you and lift your head from it’s slump to see who it is.

“Hey Hollis!”

“Hey Danny. Long time no see.”

“Yeah, I didn’t see you yesterday in class, you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine, I didn’t really feel up to hearing a boring lecture is all.” 

Lies. You know it’s cause you literally couldn’t leave your bed to even grab some breakfast. You weren’t hungry at all yesterday.

“Oh yeah I get it. You can borrow my notes if anything.”

“Really? That would totally be awesome, Danny!”

“Yeah no problem.” she looks at your forehead. “Hey, did you get your stitches out?”

“Huh? Oh-yeah! This morning! Finally.” 

You rub your forehead with a slight embarrassed look and feel some blush creeping up your cheeks.

“That’s great! Glad to see your pretty face is still intact.”

  _Wait what._

Suddenly Danny’s smile seems different, it seems loving and she’s brushing your hair back while staring at you dearly. You feel yourself blush and for a second there you think you forgot to breath. This whole thing caught you off guard. She steps closer to you and leans down from her usual height to kiss you, or so you think. She kisses you on the little scar on your hair line and you feel yourself close your eyes and finally breath. _Why were you so nervous? Gosh Laura Hollis chill your gay._ She brushes your hair a little bit again and smiles.

“Well, It was nice bumping into you Hollis but I have to go do some Summer Society things.”

“Oh, yeah it’s totally cool, I was just heading out anyway.”

She smiles at you and leans in again, this time giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

“See you around, squirt.”

She walks away and this isn’t exactly what you had in mind when you wished you’d bump into “her”. You totally meant another _her_ but the world works in mysterious ways. You shrug and giggle to yourself as you turn around, getting back to your original corse. You wish it was Carmilla you had ran into though.

-

You’re running by the time you’re almost at the library when you see someone down the hall on the other end. Your huffing from the sudden run (which you totally ignored your remark of not running earlier) when you notice it’s Laura and that Xena girl. They’re talking real close to each other and smiling. You furrow your brow wondering what they could be talking about. Suddenly you see the ginger’s expression change and her fingers are going through Laura’s hair and she’s leaning in on her. _What the fuck is she doing?_ She kisses Laura’s forehead and you can see Laura closing her eyes into it. Your stomach feels funny.  Danny steps back and brushes her hair again. _Don’t fucking touch her like that, I swear Xena._ She steps away, turning to Laura and the way they’re standing now doesn’t allow you to see much of Laura. You think she’s saying something and you see her lean in again, this time way lower than for a forehead kiss. You feel your stomach drop. _She’s kissing her_. You can’t tell by the way her head is tilted and she’s kissing her, _she’s kissing Laura._ She steps away and turns to leave and you swear you feel your knees give for a moment but you step backwards and hide behind a column. You see Danny pass you in a hurry and thank god she didn’t notice you were there because you could have sworn you were dying. Your chest hurts and you feel your face pale. _Laura was kissing someone else. She doesn’t like you._ You punch yourself internally. _Of course she doesn’t like you, she could never like a girl like you._ You let out a sudden huff of air and bend down putting one of your hands on your knee and the other covering your face. You think you’re about to cry but this is your own fault. This is what you get for thinking someone could ever be remotely _interested_ in you. You try and breath your way out of crying and brush your hair back, straightening up again. You fix your shirt and let out a sniffle before you start walking back to the dorms. _Fuck this. Fuck Laura._

 

 


	11. Heartache

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla hasn't been able to look at Laura after seeing her kiss Danny and her mind is set on forgetting about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the other half. I'll be waiting at the bottom of the page with tissues. LOL
> 
> Also songs i recommend with this chapter: Not The Only One-Sam Smith/ Lost Stars-Keira Knightley

_\------_

It’s been a few days. 

You haven’t run into her. Not at Silas, not at the gas station, not near the bars, not anywhere. You sigh as you step out of the shower, wrapping yourself up in a blue towel. You walk to where your phone is in the kitchen counter and you read your text messages.

Laura (7:04pm): “Hey! You get sick of that couch or something? Haven’t seen you come by the station in a while.”

You sent that text message to her like two days ago and there was no reply. _Is she busy? Did she lose her phone?_ You tuck some of your dripping hair behind your ear. _Is she...ignoring you?_ I mean, you know you can be annoying at times but she seemed to like you even just a little bit, _right?_ Maybe something happened to her. You start to worry now and contemplate wether or not to call her. 

“Maybe later.”

You put your phone back down and start to dress yourself for work today. It’s Thursday so it won’t be too bad today and you finally fixed your bike so getting there is easier now. You walk back to the kitchen while scrubbing your towel on your head, drying your hair roughly. You grab your phone and think of calling her again but you shake your head and put it in your back pocket. 

_Maybe later._

_-_

You’re sitting on the steps outside of the dance studio you slept in and you light up a cigarette, taking a long drag while looking into nothingness. You’ve been feeling like shit all week. All you’ve been able to think of is Laura and the thoughts of _her_ are quickly followed by _her kissing Danny_ , immediately erasing the smile that was starting to form across your lips and bringing you that strange ache in your chest again. You don’t usually smoke but it’s distracted you from that feeling so far. _God Carmilla what the hell is wrong with you?_ You take out your phone an read Laura’s last text. You didn’t reply, _you couldn’t_. It hurt you way too much to even see her name light up on your screen. _She isn’t texting you because she’s into you, she isn’t texting you because she cares about you._ Fuck you don’t even really know _why_ she’s texting you in the first place. You grunt and punch the fence next to you making a loud metal clang come from it. _Fuck this, I’m sick of feeling shitty, I’m sick of thinking about this damn girl, I’m sick of holding back my stupid fucking tears, I’m sick of sleeping either in the street or in this damn studio, I’m just so fucking sick of it._ You put the cigarettes out against the floor and walk back inside to the bathroom. You’re going out tonight and that’s that. You need to find a _real_ distraction thats not fucking smoking. You take out your liner and start doing your make up. Luckily you’ve been keeping some of your clothes in a bag here so you don’t have to be in Silas for more than taking classes. Less probability of seeing Laura. You change into a sexy corset and you’re tight leather pants. 

_It’s time to start hunting again._

-

You reach the gas station and step off your bike, parking it in your usual spot. You take your helmet off and start walking towards the entrance where you see your boss Dave. 

“Lauraaa! Nice of you to show up again!”

“Dave, for like the sixteenth time I’m sorry I skipped out last week, it won’t happen again, I swear!”

“haha it’s fine Laura! No pressure! LaF covered for you anyway so you’re not in the hot spot.”

You let out a breath of relief and smile at him. He’s as good as bosses can get.

“Thanks Dave, I promise I’ll make it up to you and bring you some of my sci-fi movies.”

“Wuuu! Sounds like a plan! Now help me out. Pass me that banner over there.”

You hand him a banner that says “Welcome Back Buddy!”

“Who’s this for?” 

“Aaah this? It’s for my childhood/college buddy! He’s coming to visit tonight! He hasn’t been in town for yeeeears.”

“That’s sweet of you Dave.”

“You think? I really miss that ol’ idiot. He’s like a brother to me.”

You smile at how happy Dave looks. He’s an outgoing guy and all but he genuinely looks excited to see his friend again. Your smile fades. You wonder if Carmilla will ever show up again. I mean she’s not exactly your _friend_ but like you guys are more than strangers right? You guys are _different_ , right? You head inside trying to clear your thoughts. You have work to do anyway.

-

It’s dark out and you’re sitting by the bar with your glass of whiskey. You see a girl with long brown hair walk in wearing some jeans and a dorky star wars shirt. She kind of reminds you of Laura but you try not to think about that. She’s the only girl you’ve shown a tad bit of interest the whole night so you decide to go for it. You lock eyes with her after a while and she smiles at you in a flirty way. You smile back and gesture her to come to you which oddly enough she does. You buy her a drink and talk and this girl is actually quite a catch for the night. She’s cute and funny and isn’t afraid to laugh, but that might just be all the alcohol you’ve both been drinking. The night passes by quickly and you find yourself getting up to dance with this girl in the crowd. It’s not too crowded, not as crowded as that time you danced with Laura. You try and forget about that and instead pull this girl closer to you. _You’re done thinking about Laura tonight._ You dance for what seems like ages and suddenly you’re making out with this girl while the lights are flashing in the background, loud music banging on your ears and body as you stick your tongue in her mouth. 

She’s a good kisser. 

-

You groan in boredom, the station hasn’t really had many customers tonight, not that you’re complaining but you wish you had someone to talk to to help with these long hours. Dave is still here but he’s your boss and you don’t really talk to him about anything other than LaF, the different type of customers you get and stories about them, the hot brown girl that comes by on weekends and asks about Dave. (You think she has a thing for him but by the way Dave asks you about her you can see he does too.) Either way you don’t feel like babbling to your boss about your life.

“Hey Laura! You can head home early if you want, I’ve got this tonight.”

“Nooo it’s fine, I’m here to work so work is what I’ll do.”

You reply as you rest your head in your hand, leaning on the counter with a whining childlike face. Secretly you want to stay just in case you see her.

-

You’re really really drunk and you don’t really know what’s going on but you’re outside with this girl, laughing and giggling and kissing. It’s nice. 

_You don’t need Laura, you don’t like Laura. It’s all in your head. She’s sweet and that’s something you crave is all. Nothing more, nothing less._  

She’s leading you into the gas station as she holds your hand and you don’t think much about it. All you could catch was something about going to an ATM to pay for a cab. You’re too drunk to even walk properly even with her holding onto you so you just follow as she pulls you inside, the two of you giggling. _“Just get to the point”_ you think. _Let’s just go fuck so I can get over all of this bullshit i’m feeling and get some actual rest in an actual bed. Maybe thats all you need to get Laura out of your mind._  

Little did you know, _Laura was working tonight._

-

No way. There’s just no way. You finally see her, you finally see Carmilla and she’s as beautiful as ever, her hair in these beautiful curls, her lips a light shade of red as if she was previously wearing lipstick, her genuine smile al though clearly drunken. She looks so happy and so beautiful. So happy and beautiful with this random girl you’ve never seen holding her hand and pulling her through the aisles to the ATM in the back, kissing her intensely when they finally get there. 

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

You feel so hurt, you feel sick, like you _literally_ could vomit right now and for a second there you could have sworn you locked eyes with Carmilla once the girl stopped kissing her to use the ATM machine. You feel disgusted. How could she just look at you after that? After you’ve been thinking about her for all this time, worrying about her, wanting to see her, thinking of her at night before you went to sleep and dreamed of her. _How_ fucking _could she._ You shake your head as your eyes are still locked to hers and you’re angry, so _fucking_ angry. _How stupid could you be, Laura?_

- 

You head into the station around 3am and you forgot everything. Your just giggling with this girl thats got your hand in hers as she drags you in towards the ATM and kisses you but then you see her. _Shit you see her_. She’s here and right now your holding hands with another girl _right in front of her_. And she looks like she’s sick of you and looks at you quickly from the counter. She looks angry. _Fuck why is she angry? Did I get this all wrong?_

-

You look away from her and reach for your helmet.

“You know what Dave? I think I’m taking you up on that offer! I’m leaving!” 

You yell out to the back where Dave is currently doing some paper work.

_“_ Okay Laura! Have a nice night!”

You hear him yell back in response so you snatch your helmet in the angriest way possible and storm out of the station, not looking back to see Carmilla again. Fuck. Fuck Laura, _why did you ever change your mind about her?_ She’s an asshole. She’s just a womanizer or whatever and you were only another game to her. _Fuck_. You’re so angry at yourself that you feel like crying.

-

Shit. _Shit shit shit._ You let go of the girls hand and run, following Laura. 

“Laura! Hey! Wait!” she isn’t turning around. _Shit. She totally hates you right now._

-

You hear her voice and it hurts, it hurts so much. You keep walking, you won’t stop for a girl who toys with you the way she has. 

_You won’t fucking stop._

You turn around and give her the most “sick of your shit” face you can possible give.

“What, Carmilla! What!” your anger got the better of you and you stopped walking. “ What the hell do you want from me!? _Clearly_ you’re hands are full with that girl! You couldn’t possibly handle the two of us right? Or maybe you could! Since you’re just _“a stupid, lesbian, selfish, idiot, with way too much shit on her mind”_ right?”

_“_ Wait you remember all that?”

“Of course I fucking remember! I may have been drunk but I’m not stupid! But then again maybe I _am_ stupid! Maybe I’m a freaking idiot for thinking you were more than just a hot girl who parties and sleeps around with girls. Maybe I deserved this, whatever _this_ is.”

You’re so sick of this shit. You’re so sick of feeling your heart break.

-

You’re arguing. She cares. You were totally wrong. She doesn’t hate you and you just fucked up and you’re the biggest fucking idiot ever. Shit. _How can I stop this? How can I fix this?_ Laura is yelling at you and you’ve never seen her so worked up. You can’t believe the words that are coming out of her mouth. She cares, she actually cares about you and you just fucked everything up and it’s all your fault. _How did you not know Laura cared? How did you not see it? How could you treat Laura this way?_

“I’m done. I’m totally done with this shit. I won’t be another one of your sleazy victims, Carmilla.”

Laura starts to turn around but you can’t leave things this way, you have to stop her, you have to show her how you really feel about this, about _her_. You grabs Laura’s wrist, turning  her around and she looks so hurt and so angry. You pull Laura closer to you and kiss her, making her drop her helmet. It’s a rough kiss filled with desperation, longing, craving, _everything_. You pour all of yourself in this kiss and she was instantly kissing you back just as hard. You feel her hands on your face, cupping it, pulling you closer as if it was physically possible, feeling how warm your cheeks are and you grab the back of her head. The kiss is so passionate as if it was our last, as if you were afraid of losing her and then losing yourself. You feel warmth wrap your body up completely and you pull Laura closer, tugging at the back of her shirt, desperately wanting to feel her skin against your hands but then you feel something cold on your burning cheeks. Laura quickly separates her lips from yours and shoves you away from her. You’re both quiet and in shock, neither of you are saying a word or moving your eyes from each other. Laura had tears in her eyes and her face looked so hurt, so betrayed, so angry. 

Everything is a mess.

-

You can’t believe Carmilla would treat you like this, like one of the rest of them. You take another step back raising your eyebrows in worry and disbelief. You shake your head “no” slowly at her and she reaches to grab your hand but you don’t let her touch you. You’re walking away backwards. You want to say “ _What is your problem?”_ or _“How could you just do that, you had no right!”_ but you can’t really come up with words right now and you don’t understand why. You’re usually great at rambling and arguing but you don’t feel coherent right now so you settle for just walking away. After a few seconds you hear her calling back to you.

“Laura. Laura!”

You shake your head, not turning around to face her and putting your helmet on. You _can’t_ face her right now, you feel so broken and confused. You get on your bike quickly and head out. You’ve never gotten on your bike so fast and your peddling as if your life depended on it. You try and remember the fact that you just got your stitches removed the other day and how you got them in the first place as you try and convince yourself to go slower but you can’t. You have some tears going down your face and you kinda just wanna get home as fast as possible. 

_What is this girl doing to you Laura?_ _You’re just another game to her. One of the many._

You reach your apartment and sigh as you drag your feet inside, whipping away your tears. You throw your helmet to the side and sit on your bed taking of your shoes, stopping midway to cry. _Why are you even crying?_ You lay down on your bed not finishing getting undressed as you cry while looking up at your ceiling, pushing your hair back with your hand in it, touching your scar a bit. You think to yourself that getting that scar didn’t hurt as much as _this_ did. Carmilla just sees you like one of the rest, just another girl she can mess with. _Shit...why are you crying, Laura??_ You let out a loud sob from the bottom of your throat.

You like her, you really _really_ fucking like her. _Crap_.

_-_

Laura stops and pulls your lips apart. She’s got such a sad look on her face. Like disappointment. _Shit you fucked up again didn’t you? What is_ wrong _with you Carmilla?? Shit did you just ruin everything all over again in less that 2 fucking minutes?_  

She walks away leaving and you call to her but she doesn’t turn back.

_Shit shit shit!_

You head back inside frustrated, walking to the beer aisle and grabbing one from the fridge. You feel someone’s arms hugging you from behind... _Laura?_ It’s not her. It’s the girl you where originally with tonight. Right, you completely forgot about her. Your so frustrated and confused and you just need to do something to get all of this out of your head so you grab this girl by the hand, dragging her to the counter. You pay for your beer, trying not to pay attention to how Dave is looking at you confused. You chug it down and walk outside. You turn around and kiss this girl _hard_. You’re not thinking right now and this kiss feels nothing like the one you just had. All that’s crossing through your mind is Laura. 

_Laura. Laura. Laura._

The way her lips felt against yours. The way she kissed you back with just as much desire as you kissed her. _Fuck_. You go to this girls place and do things to her that you don’t really care for. Your not really there right now. Even after having heated sex with this girl you’re still the same. Your mind is still in the same place. Laura.

Your laying there while this girl is asleep on top of you as you face the ceiling and you’re crying. You’re crying _so much_.

_What have u done._

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hands tissues* it's gonna be okay guys! hang in there!


	12. Something Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura is angry and she decides to deal with this situation in the dumbest way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long, if you need me i'll just be here hiding under my bed sheets as i eat ice cream and cry a little. 
> 
> ALSO I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS IN ADVANCE.
> 
> Songs for this chapter "Bloodstream" by Stateless. (it's my new obsession and it fits.)

The sun is starting to come out. You couldn’t sleep at all last night, not after everything, not after you hurt Laura _or well_... _she hurt you_ but still it was all your fault. Well not all of it, she _did_ kiss Danny so what the fuck you don’t understand why she got so worked up over you. Sure maybe she cares but--but what if you’re wrong? _No Carmilla you need to stop doing this._ You’ve been at it all night. You cried like a fool last night and all you could think about was every word Laura said. Re runs going over and over in your head, it was impossible to stop them so you let your mind submerge in those thoughts, eating you up inside, making you rethink anything you’ve ever done. Laura has that effect on you. I mean before last night you basically hadn’t had sex with a girl in weeks. You spent the past few weeks sleeping at the dance studio or at your usual park bench downtown or at Will’s dorm. You _not once_ went to the damn bars after you started to like Laura this way, not until yesterday that is. 

_God damn it why did you have to go and do that?_

Laura thinks of you as scum now, as a slut, as a totally fucking asshole and you _hate it_ , you _hate yourself_. You can understand why Laura would hate you now too. You sigh and leave the bathtub you’ve been in all night. You couldn’t stop crying or stay in bed with this girl after what you did. You should have never fucked her. It only made you realize how much you didn’t want to. It made you realize how much you wish it was Laura instead. Laura’s kisses felt nothing like the ones that girl gave you, her hands against your skin felt nothing like the ones you had clawing all over you last night, and you hate that. You hate how much power she has over you and you hate that she isn’t even _trying_ to use it at all. You brush your bangs back and take a deep breath before opening the bathroom door. The girl was still asleep. You did her pretty hard with all the anger and frustrations that were going through your head. You grab the remainder of your clothes and leave, not once looking back at the girl. She didn’t deserve to be used the way you used her. None of the girls you’ve been with do. 

You hate when you start feeling guilty for your actions. It’s not your style but neither is toying with people’s feelings. You would never lead anyone on for more than a one night stand and you do make it clear to them as best as you can. Yet you always leave them without a word the next day. 

You always _leave_.

_Just like Ell._

-

You feel like shit today. Your eyes are all red and puffy from crying so much last night but you still have obligations so you left your apartment and went to Silas. You’re wearing a grey tank top with some jeans and a light blue cardigan and you have your hair combed straight. You always try too look a little nice when you’re feeling shitty, it makes you feel a little better inside or whatever. You really want to talk to someone about all this shitty heartbreak thing and right now you really wish your mom was still here. She’d always want to listen to you rambling on and on. You feel a sad smile form on your lips. You miss your mom.

After class you head to the cafeteria. LaF had texted you earlier to meet up for some reason and you’re kinda glad they did. Maybe they need someone to talk to today too.You push the door open and look around the semi crowded cafeteria trying to find the closest person you’ve got in this stupid town. You catch a glimpse of some short red hair and you actually smile for the first time since yesterday. You walk towards their table and slam your backpack on the seat next to yours as you sigh loudly and drop yourself in it to face LaF.

“Whoa, so what’s up with _you_ today?”

“Oh nothing much just total gay drama but I’m fine. Just picking up the broken peaces of my COMPLETELY SHATTERED HEART.” You raised your voice in that last part and LaF’s eyes widened. 

“Whoaa, calm down tiger. Tell the _complicated queer child_ aaall about it.”

You stop sulking as much and sit up a bit straighter, leaning forward with a worried look.

“LaF, what happened now?”

“Na it’s nothing too bad, just got into some new battles with my brother is all.”

“Marcus is an asshole and his brain is made of poo and porn. Don’t listen to him.”

“I know I know, I’m trying but whatever enough about my daily struggles, tell me what’s up. Who’s got your heart so bummed and bruised?”

You whine and slouch back in your chair, sulking even more.

“It’s that stupid girl from the station that I can never understand.”

“Ooooh, Carmilla the _mysterious babe_? Tell me more!”  

“Well you know I don’t really know her that well and I barely ever see her around and that she’s always got girls here and there and that she kinda flirts with me sometimes and that she took care of me when you made her and that-”

“Laura, you’re rambling.”

“Right right, sorry it’s just-” you sigh. “I just don’t know what’s right or wrong anymore. She confuses me so freaking much, I hate it.”

“Well that’s what happens when you like a girl you haven’t even taken the time to get to know.”

“I know her! Well...a little, I mean I know where she usually hangs out and what books she likes to read and that she smells like men’s soap and that she sleep anywhere she feels like and that she likes the stars a lot and-”

“Okay okay I get it, crushes on broody gay girl.”

They laugh and you just sink more into your feelings and whine.

“uuuugh I hate this. Why did I have to start liking an asshole like her?”

“She’s not _that_ bad.”

“Yeah sure, you’re not the one who saw her ,after days and days of waiting for a reply, with another girl, making out in your _own.freaking.job_.”

“Uuww yeesh. I get it now.”

“I mean, I know we aren’t dating or anything, not even friends or whatever but like I don’t know I thought she might have actually had a thing for me.”

“But she totally does, L! Sure she’s got a fucked up way of showing it but it’s super obvious she’s into you too.”

“Yeah well she seemed super into _that girl_ yesterday too. Like literally into her, tongue and all.”

“Uhh okay, the details weren’t necessary but they add to the empathy so I’ll take ‘em.”

You slam your forehead against the table and mumble.

“This sucks. She sucks, girls suck, everything _freaking_ sucks.”

LaF pats your shoulder and you can hear them hum in approval so you continue.

“I mean-It’s just--I stormed out pissed and she chased after me and I kind of blew up on her and she kinda stopped me and kissed me and it felt _amazing_ but _terrible_ at the same time.” you pause and you feel like you might start crying again but you hold it back. “It just felt like I was just another pretty girl she could get and screw or whatever…”

“And that’s not what you want from her, right?”

“Noo...at least I don’t think so. I don’t know LaF, I _am_ really attracted to her but you know. I’m not that type of girl.”

“Yeah I know but you don’t really know what type of girl _she_ is either. I mean like, not from her own mouth.”

You remember the things Carmilla said to you when you were drunk and miserable.

_“...I just need to talk to you…_

_...about why I am the way I am..”_

You shake your head.

“No. I’m pretty sure she’s just who she seems to be.”

A freaking girl who lies and toys with people that’s who. This freaking sucks. You hate her for being this way. You wish she was serious with you. You really wish she actually saw _you_ and not just another pretty face to please.

_Maybe that’s all you’ve ever been to her. A pretty face._

  _-_

You walk into Will’s dorm and throw yourself on his bed grunting. He’s standing by his closet getting dressed and stares at you.

“Woah, what’s got you so down in the dumps?”

“I don’t feel like _sharing_ , William.”

He doesn’t dig anymore after that until he gets a look at your face. You must look like shit right now. He walks towards you and sits next to you on his bed.

“Okay big sis, I know we don’t really do the siblings feeling thing but what’s up? I haven’t seen you this shitty in years.”

“Ugh Will...it’s just...I fucked up again. Whatever I suck.”

“Again? Kitty you weren’t the one who fucked up last time and you know it. Stop beating yourself up for something you never did.”

You know what he means is that Ell leaving you wasn’t your fault but you can’t help feeling like it was. You _loved_ that girl with all your life but it wasn’t enough to keep her. It wasn’t enough to make her stay.

“Will, I told you I don’t want to talk about that.”

“I know I know whatever, just tell me what happened now. What did you “fuck up”?”

You sigh and push yourself up on your elbows.

“Okay so, there’s this girl…”

“A girl huh? Like a recent hook up or something?”

“No--she... _she’s different_. I _think_ she’s different-ugh I don’t know Will.”

“Interestiiiing okay go on go on.”

“Well this girl, she’s such an asshole sometimes. She is so naive and annoying and-and just all around a twerp but...there’s something about her. She can be...kind and caring and...sweet and sometimes I could swear her eyes tell me something that her lips are too afraid to say--I just- I don’t get her Will, she’s messing up my entire state of being.”

“Shit...Well sis it sounds to me like you’re totally whipped.”

“What? No I’m-”

“Whipped as fuck that’s what you are.”

“Listen William I am not-”

“Getting sparkly eyes and kinky thoughts over this mystery babe? Yeah totally not.”

He smirks and you swear you could kill him. _Why did you even start telling him about any of this anyway?_

“Look, _Catmilla_ , you’ve got bags under your eyes and rings around them. This girl _obviously_ means more to you that you let yourself know.”

He nudges you with his elbow and sure it’s awkward having this conversation with him but he has the most nurturing face you’ve ever seen on him so you can’t just turn his words down. You groan and sit up completely on his bed while slouching and picking your nails.

“I know-it’s just...I’m afraid.”

For a second there it got quiet between you two but Will starts talking again.

“Carmilla, not everyone is like Elle.”

You don’t respond to him. He knows you’ll never talk about her, it hurts too much.

“Listen sis, I don’t know what you did to this girl but just give her a chance. _Try again_. She might be worth it. Hell if she’s got a grumpy-naggy gay girl like you all flustered she _must_ be special.” 

You didn’t notice but you were starting to get teary eyed and Will wouldn’t hurt your pride so he’s looking away while talking to you. You let out a sniffle and rub your hand against your nose trying to contain yourself.

“You think she’d listen?”

“Well how would I know! Anyways, good luck sis. Go get ‘em tiger. _I’veeee_ got a date to get to.”

He winks and walks away like he’s the smoothest guy in town and you can’t help but scoff and smile. William is such an idiot. 

_The best idiot you know._

-

You felt a little better after talking with LaF. It sucks that they’re having a hard time at home. LaF’s brother can be a real dick and their sexuality isn’t even a problem with their parents, it’s just their shitty ass of a brother. What really makes you angry is that their parents don’t do anything about it.

“ That’s how the world works LaFontaine, you need to get used to it if you’re gonna be...well like _this_.”

Freaking parenting done half assed. Ugh. You wish more people would be like your dad. He can be overprotective at times (or well, always) but he listens to you, he cares about what you feel or what you like or what you say and it sucks that not everyone has that. Right now you’re at the library taking out some books for a test you have next week. You walk up to the librarian.

“Hi, can I haaaave-” you hand her a list you made.” all of these? If not then just the first two are fine.”

“Sure. One moment Miss Hollis.”

She walks off and gets lost within the halls filled with books. It must be nice to get lost like that.

-

You’re nervous again but determined. You need to talk to Laura, you need to find her and this time nothing will fucking stop you, not Will, not the long walk there, and certainly not fucking Danny Lawrence. You’re almost jogging your way to the library. It’s the first thing that came to mind. You remember the last time you were headed there you got your heart thrown in the gutter but not this time. No matter what happens you _need_ to see her, you _need_ to fix this. You finally walk in an you’re out of breath. _Okay so maybe jogging here wasn’t such a good idea._ But it was worth it. You see Laura leaning on the librarians counter, her head leaning against her hand and you could’ve sworn you felt your heart skip a beat. 

_It’s now or never._

You walk up to her taking deep breaths as you try and come up with what you’re going to say.

“Laura, hey.”

She jumps a bit surprised by your presence but she doesn’t talk to you. Instead she changes the way she was leaning on the counter and faces forward.

“Can we talk?”

No response. God this girl is like a brick wall.

-

Carmilla is talking to you. The nerve that girl has. She breaks your freaking heart and thinks it’s fine to just stroll back in well heck no. You’re not gonna make it easy on her, you won’t say a word to her EVER. God you’re so angry.

“Can we talk?”

_No we cannot freaking talk you freaking asshole I’ve been crying all damn night and day because of you._

“Laura would you just _try_ and act like I’m here?”

_No, that’s the whole point of “ignoring you” you numb nuts._ Instead you turn around to look the other way back into the aisles of the library where the librarian disappeared in. You haven’t said a word to her but Carmilla hasn’t left. You try and sneak a look with the side of your eye and you can see her scratching her temple, looking to the side. _Ha! That’s right, get frustrated you big meany._

“You know, creampuff, for someone who loves to talk as much as you you sure are quiet.”

“Ha!” you scoff.

_Shit did that count as a reply? Darn it!_

“Aaah she speaks!” 

You can just feel Carmilla’s smirk creep up your neck. Damn it, this freaking girl is too good at making you angry.

“Listen, I really want to talk about last nigh-”

“Excuuse meee! Did you find those books yet Mrs. Jade?”

The librarian pops her head through the aisle and glares at you for speaking so loudly. Mrs. _Jade_ is giving you some _shade_. Haha good one but distracting yourself with puns and jokes isn’t working while Carmilla is stepping closer behind you and grabbing your shoulder as if so you would turn to face her.

“Laura, I want to-”

“I don’t _care_ about what you want or don’t want Carmilla. Now, what I WANT is for you to leave me alone.”

Carmilla flinches back as if hurt or stung by your words but you don’t care. It’s not like she actually gives a rats ass about you. _Ugh what were you thinking Laura?_ You turn to see the librarian smashing the books on the counter with the angriest snake eye to ever hit you. You shrug and whisper an apology towards her as you grab the books and walk past Carmilla.

If she thinks she can just talk to you like nothing happened then she’s got another thing coming. You’re not like the other girls she hooks up with, you’re not easy and you wont fall victim to her clutches. Hell no. You dart out of there and at first you thought Carmilla was going after you but you turned on the corner so fast and got in one of the random classrooms that there’s no way she followed you quick enough. 

“Umm, Miss?”

_Oh shit right, this is a classroom._

“Oh! Uuuh..sorry I’ll just go now...in a minute..umm what class is this?”

You try and stall just in case Carmilla is lingering around the hall.

“Basic physics.”

You look at the class and see LaF holding in their laughter. Shit they’re so not letting you live through this one.

“Right uh, sorry about this. I’ll be going now..uh...have a nice day.”

You walk out and head to your bike. God that was embarrassing.

-

Fuck. You couldn’t say anything to her and you tried to stop her but she disappeared on you. Man that girls fast. _Damn it Carmilla, how are you ever going to fix this?_ You don’t want this to be the end of whatever was starting with her. You don’t want to lose her too. 

“Ugh this is pointless.”

_What were you thinking, Carmilla?_ Love doesn’t work for you, it never has. You need to stop filling your head with all these ideas. That’s not the way the world works. It’s not the way _your_ world works. You decide to clear your head tonight. You need to keep yourself busy. You head back to Will’s dorm to shower and get dressed. You need to go out tonight.

-

You’re helping Betty out by staying after your evening shift to restock the aisles.

“Thanks L you’re the beeest!”

“Yeah yeah Betty. Sooo, how’s fulfilling your dream going?”

“My dream? Well I’ve gotten into Princeton!..but my funds aren’t quite there yet. That trip is soo expensive.”

“You’ll get there Betty.”

You give her a reassuring smile and it seems to giver her some hope. You wish someone would have that effect on you too. _Ugh why are you so affected by this?_ It’s not like she was _dating_ you Laura. It’s not like she had any obligations to _not_ screw some hot chick. You sigh. It’s not like she ever even thought of having anything real with you, anything other than sex or whatever.

You’ve been here all day on your shift and now that it’s Betty’s night shift you should be able to leave and eat your heart out at home, with no Carmilla in sight tonight. _Why is that? Why isn’t she even here? She bothered you at Silas so why didn’t she come here too? Isn’t she even trying to get you back? God that girl is a freaking piece of work. Who does she think she is? Is she just gonna give up just like that? Not even gonna try and get a piece of this ass?_ You’re kinda angry right now and you stood up crossing your arms in front of you.

“Screw it.”

Betty pops up from the counter confused.

“Huh? Screw what?”

You head out the station door. You had finished restocking anyway so whatever Betty can handle the rest. You strut your way angrily to where you wanna go and push the door open fiercely. You walk to the bar and see Carmilla siting by herself looking amazingly beautiful as always which by the way _why is that? And also why is she alone?_ There’s hot drunk party girls all around this bar I mean it is a Friday night so what the hell? You storm your way to her and when you’re about to reach her she notices you coming her way and turns in her stall. 

“Laura! You-”

“Shut up.”

You pull her by the collar of her shirt and smash your lips against hers in a sloppy and messy kiss. It was rushed and way out of the norm for your taste but even though you weren’t trying to enjoy it, having Carmilla kiss you back made something inside you squeeze. You separate your lips from hers and stare at her. Her eyes were still closed. _Damn_ she looks amazing.

“Let’s go.” 

“What?”

“All you really want is sex right? Then let’s- _freaking_ -go. Now.”

Carmilla hesitates but stands up when you pull her by her forearm. _All she wants to do is have sex with girls right?_ Then let’s have freaking sex then. You start walking to your apartment. 

-

Laura completely took you by surprise. You were just sitting at the bar drinking your sorrows when she stormed in and kissed you. You didn’t even think you’d talk to anyone tonight let alone kiss someone, but Laura’s pulling you outside to go to her place and she seems determined to fuck. But..It’s wrong. _This is all wrong_. This isn’t what you wanted, not like this. Laura thinks the worst of you and she’s only using you for sex but you don’t want that, you don’t want to just _fuck_ Laura. She...she’s different, _we’re_ different. Still, you could never say no to her. She hates you and this might be the only chance you get to be close to her, to feel her, to kiss her and touch her soft skin one last time. You never said anything to her, you’re too hurt at this point and you deserve to be treated this way. You deserve to do what ever Laura wants you to and right now Laura only wants you for pleasure, just like every girl you’ve ever slept with. _Just like Ell._

-

You’re walking together to your apartment and it’s been a long walk. You totally forgot about your bike and left it at the station. It all happened in the spur of the moment and you don’t know how you got the courage to do any of this but you did it and now the both of you are walking in awkward silence to your place. You stare at Carmilla walking a step behind you and you don’t really get the expression on her face. She looks like she’s in deep thought or hurt or something. You start to wonder if this was a good idea. I mean, she didn’t exactly say _no_ but she didn’t say _yes_ either. Ugh you’re sick of not knowing with this girl, you’re _just fucking_ sick. You get home and when Carmilla steps inside you close the door shut and turn around to face her before she’s even finished turning around herself. You stomp your way towards her and kiss her roughly. She doesn’t pull back but she doesn’t grab you at first either. It’s a heated kiss but it’s sloppy. You don’t want to feel anything when you kiss her so you’re just trying to get this over with quickly. You lead her to your bed stumbling over things as you continue kissing her roughly. She flips your position once she’s almost at the bed and the back of your ankles are against the mattress. You forgot your mattress is so low on the floor and all but it didn’t matter much to her. She has a hand against your back as if to balance you as she pushes you down on the bed, at the same time you’re pulling her with you and she gets on top of you, straddling you. You start to speed up your kissing and slip your tongue in her mouth. 

_This is just sex._

_-_

Laura is kissing you messily and sloppily but it’s still amazing. You still forget to breath a little every time she slips her tongue in your mouth but this isn’t right. It doesn’t feel right. Laura’s different, you have feelings for her. You decide you’re going to show her just how much she really means to you. If this is the only chance you’ll get to be with Laura you’re going to make it as real as possible. She’s not just sex and you’re going to show her that. You’re going to make her see and feel the way you feel. You’ve made up your mind, you won’t let Laura just _fuck_ you.

_-_

All of a sudden Carmilla stops kissing you for a moment and just stares at you. _What is she doing?_ _Let’s just get this over with_. She stares at your lips and leans in slowly, never looking away from them. She kisses you again but she doesn’t kiss you like before, this time it’s different. She isn’t letting you kiss her with the same pace you were doing earlier, instead she’s kissing you so sweet and lovely and she deepens the kiss once one of her hands cups your face. _What is this?_ You’re so confused but you can’t do anything about it. _You don’t want to do anything about it_. Instead you kiss her back just as deeply. It feels like you’re sucking the air out of each others lungs and she slowly grinds on you and holy crap you think your heart almost popped out of your chest. She grabs both of your arms and pins them on top of you as she intertwines your fingers. She’s starts to grind into you again and she slowly pulls away from your lips and stares into your eyes. Her face dives slowly to the side of your face as her lips graze your ear and you feel her breathing. It sends heat to your cheeks instantly. She’s kissing down your neck now, taking her time between each kiss. 

_God why is she doing this?_  

_It’s killing you._ She sucks on your neck slightly and you let out a silent and soft moan. She stops sucking and you feel her lips sweep up your neck making their way back to your lips. _Holy fuck_. She reaches your face, holding eye contact for a moment before kissing you again, still sweetly but with more and more passion, more intensity. She’s still grinding on you and you’re trying your hardest not to grind you’re hips against hers but you don’t try anything, you just want her to do what she always does with all those girls and get it over with. But the urge is _killing you_ , it’s so tempting. Having her on top of you like this is turning you on way more than it should. Suddenly she grinds into you harder and you moan a little in her mouth. _Crap._ She stops kissing you and you look her face up and down trying to see what’s wrong but she just takes your hands from on top of you and places them on her hips. _Does she want you to touch?_ You didn’t think this was part of the deal, you thought she’d just do what she does best, you didn’t expect _this._ She dives back down to crash her lips against yours, grinding into you more and more. _You can’t take it,_ you make your hips move in a slow rhythm against hers and your hands start to slide under her shirt, her back is warm. You start pulling her towards you by her sides as you start kissing her more passionately and she responds just as passionate as you. Your body feels like it’s on fire and you’re taking deeper and deeper breaths as you move your hands slowly up Carmilla’s lower back, lifting up her shirt slightly. _She’s so soft, she’s so warm._  

She stops kissing you suddenly and you take a second before opening your eyes to see why. You can see she’s breathing heavily and staring at you again. She sits up slightly and starts to take off her shirt. It slowly slides off her body-her _skin_. You can’t help but stare, you see her stomach, her sexy black bra, the way she stretches as she takes of her shirt with both arms. 

_Oh my fucking god_.

She tosses the shirt to the side on the floor and starts to lean forward again, brushing some hair off your face and grabbing your hands, placing them back where they were. She stars to lean down slowly and just as your lips are inches apart you hear someone knock on your door. Neither of you move, you stay frozen in each other’s gaze, eyes sparkling with desire, with need, with want for her lips to be on yours again. You’re both huffing and you can feel her warm breath against your skin. You start to lean up to close the gap between the two of you but someone knocks again.

“For fucks sake.”

You start to slide off from under Carmilla and she moves aside, sitting on the mattress. You get up and throw her her shirt back as you go to open the door. Who the hell just interrupted this? What ever _this_ was.You slightly open your door and see LaF. Their face is red and one of their cheeks is a little swollen. _Oh no._

You let LaF in as you worry about them while quickly closing the door behind you.

“LaF, what happened?!”

“I’m sorry Laura I didn’t know where else to go.” LaF finally looks up from the ground and notices that someone’s here. “Oh-sorry, I can totally leave-”

“LaF, you’re not going anywhere. That’s Carmilla.”

LaF’s eyes open (well as much as they can open their left eye anyway) in realization.

“Ooooh, so you finally got the guts to go for it huh?”

You blush hard. Oh god. How embarrassing. _Was that really necessary LaF?!?_ Your “tiny ball of rage” side really wants to whack them in the back of their head right now for failing to be even a tad bit discreet but you know better than to treat them like that right now. They need you, not the _tinny ball of rage_ you but the _good caring friend_ you. They sit down on the mattress next to Carmilla and give her an awkward wave which Carmilla returns. 

“So, what happened LaF? Who did this to you?”

“Marcus and his palls. It’s not a big deal.”

“LaF of course it’s a big deal, look at you!”

“I know I know, I’m sorry…”

You sigh and walk to them and mess up their hair.

“I’ll go get you something for that.”

You walk to the kitchen and grab some ice from the fridge. You haven’t gone grocery shopping in a while so it’s all you have that can help. You but it in a zip lock and hand it to them. 

“So tell me how it started.”

“Well..” they put the bag against their left eye and cheek bone. “ You know, the usual. Marcus brought some friends over to play video games and when I came downstairs to grab some snacks he started making fun of me and his friends laughed so I got angry and started arguing with him and I pushed him against the couch and he got angry and well, ta-da!”

“Ooh LaF. You really should have just ignored him. He can be such an asshole.” 

You start to check their eye to see if it’s okay. You’re mom was a nurse so she taught you how to handle bumps and bruises at least.

“I swear to god if I ever see him around the station I’m throwing tampons at him.”

LaF laughs at you’re shitty but effective ways of handling things and you’re glad LaF feels comfortable enough to come over after having such a rough night. Even if they totally ruined the mood.

“Well, you can stay over.”

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t wanna bother the two of you ladies.”

“Oh my god, LaF. It’s fine! You can take the bed.”

You grab some blankets from your closet and LaF tries to go to sleep with the ice pack against their face. You start making a bed on the floor beside the mattress when you see Carmilla walk up to you and try to say something but you walk away and grab some pajamas and lock yourself in the bathroom to change. Once you come back out Carmilla’s putting on her boots as if to leave.

“Where are you going? You’re not leaving it’s like 2am.” 

“Oh.”

She takes off her boots and you toss her some sweatpants and a big t shirt so she can change. She starts changing right in front of you and oh my god you try not to look. _Funny, how you were both on top of each other and she was half naked but you can’t seem to peak at her changing._ You look at LaF and see they already fell asleep. You cover them up with the blanket and turn to see Carmilla sitting on the floor where you made a bed. You grab your yellow pillow and throw it beside her as you sit down and start pulling the blanket up to cover you.

“What are you doing?”

God is this girl clueless or is she just asking to have a reason to make you start talking to her again? You sigh as you grab the yellow pillow and hug it in your lap.

“Going to sleep, what about you?” 

You say to her with your tired eyes and serious face. You’re not even looking at her right now. You’re kind of staring blankly in front of you.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go somewhere else?”

You turn to her now, furrowing your eyebrows. What is she thinking? Does she think you’re _that_ cold hearted? There’s no way you’re making her leave right now and _frankly you don’t want her to._

“Don’t be silly. You’re staying right where you are tonight.”

Yo look away from her now that you’ve made yourself as clear as water and place your yellow pillow behind you, laying down on the floor beside her, grabbing a part of the blanket that she’s not holding. You stay facing up as you close your eyes and after a while you feel her laying down next to you and getting a little closer. _Not to close_ , neither of you is touching one another right now but you can feel the heat radiating from your body. You open your eyes and stare at the ceiling and you blink a few times before you decide to turn to face her. _You crave having her close to you tonight._ You lean a little closer and rest your head on your pillow as you stare down at Carmilla’s lips. You can’t help but lick yours. You’re not sure what this girl is doing to you but you don’t complain right now. 

Right now, _you like having her so close to you_. Right now, you like _her_. You like _this_. You fall asleep listening to her breathing.

_This was just "almost" sex, right?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY! PLZ FORGIVE ME! ( also first time ever sorta writing smut or w.e so be gentle plz.)
> 
> hope u enjoyed!


	13. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura tries and figures out more about Carmilla's life and she finds out something she had no clue about.
> 
> Also Charles pops in! new character!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's pretty long. i was gonna divide it in 2 pieces but nah. fuck it.
> 
> Enjoy!

It’s windy but the glowing sun feels warm against your skin, you feel someone’s arm around your shoulder. It’s a familiar presence but you can’t see them as they start to get further and further away, for a second you feel like you did when you felt like you were starting to lose your mom. It suddenly gets colder and darker and the only thing you can feel is the tingling where there was an arm around you. You don’t want it to fade away like everything else.

Your eyes shoot open and you remember where you really are. 

“nggggg.”

Another damn weird dream. You move your arm beside you and feel the cold empty space as you open your eyes wide again. Carmilla isn’t here anymore, she not here _again._ Ugh seriously why did you ever even think she’d stay anyway. 

“Good morning dude.”

You hear LaF call out from your mattress and you start to sit up, hair all messy, shirt dripping down your shoulder and the biggest disappointed look you can give as you grumble to them.

“Heeey LaF…”

“Okay so maybe not _good_ morning.”

You sigh and slouch forward making some of your hair drip down your face.

“What’s got you so down in the dumps now? Is it the ‘me cock blocking you’ last night?”

“Nooo it’s not that.” you say as you brush your hair back and shake your head. “It’s just, she’s gone. AGAIN. You see what I mean, this girl is just all around rude.”

“Well what did you think she’d do, just stay?”

“What are you trying to say LaF?” you furrow you brow kind of angry.

“Don’t get me wrong! I’m still team tiny gay, but...do you think she’d stay after you basically ignored her to then suddenly booty call her? Cause that’s the vibe I got when you two were going to sleep.”

“What, it wasn’t a booty call-It was…”

LaF looks at you as if saying “you’re kidding me right?” with theor eyes, and you notice their right.

“Oh crap…”

“Yeah, crap indeed Hollis. Did you forget our little convo yesterday at the cafeteria? You know the _“I’m not that kind of girl”_ one?”

“Well, I mean that’s what she’s always looking for anyway so I don’t see what the big deal is.”

“It’s a big deal because you _know_ you’re not a booty call type of girl, L.”

“Well yeah but...I was really angry and-”

“So you thought it’d be fine to just forget everything and do the dirty? Everything’ll be totally fine afterwards. Total bed buds?”

“Okay--no but like-”

“L-” LaF crosses their arms and give you a serious stare. “You know you’re the one who’s wrong in this one.”

Crap.

“Okay, so maybe you’re right but that still doesn’t make her totally innocent here. She did pull something shitty the other day.”

“Well that is also _true_ but still, you guys need to chill. Just talk to the damn girl, Laura! Why do girls make everything so difficult?”

“Says the person who’s been avoiding Perry ever since that “I think you’re beautiful” slipped.”

You tease them and you can see them blush hard. Then again maybe that’s the bruises they got last night.

“Hey, don’t change the subject! I’m still working on that, I’ve just been...busy.”

“ _Busy_ , huh?” you giggle as you continue to tease them.

“Okay, so maybe I’ve been too embarrassed to go up to her but still-Anyway! The point of this conversation is that you, my friend, need to stop judging and start investigating.”

“Investigating?”

“You’re into journalism right? Go get that girls story! Find some reliable sources or whatever.”

You scratch your cheek. _Investigate her huh? That’s not such a bad idea after all. I mean I already know where she hangs, plus where she studies, how hard could it be? It’s all purely for journalism practice, right?_

“ I think I might just do that.” you turn to LaF with a mischievous smile.” Oh but, can you like, give me a ride back to the station? I left my bike last night.”

“You left your bike? Wait...you guys WALKED all the way here to do the do?!”

“Maybe…”

“Holy cow, L! You’ve got that girl rapped around your finger!”

You scoff. “Of course not, don’t exaggerate.”

“Laura you clueless gay of all gays, the poor girl agreed to your shameless booty call, walked all the way here, got cock blocked and stayed the night anyway? Totally whipped.”

“No, there’s no way-”

“You were being an ass to her and then suddenly booty call her and she doesn’t let that chance slip. Either she’s whipped as fuck or she’s really into the idea of having sex with you.”

You start to recall everything that happened yesterday, from your encounter at the library treating her like crap, to you pouncing on her that same night and bringing her home. _Okay so maybe she is kind of into you._ You bite down the smile that’s trying to escape your lips. Crap, now you don’t know what to think anymore.

-

You rode back home on your bike after getting it back from the station. You went inside to casually check if Carmilla was coincidentally on the couch today but there was no sign of her so you just left. Once you got home you decide to get some overdue papers done. Saturday’s can be so nice but not for you, you never have time for anything anymore so weekends are mostly you slamming your face against a book. You start to get hungry after a few hours and decide to take a break to cook something quick. You’re a good cook but not the best, hell most of the things in your fridge and cabinets are all junk food and goodies, but come one snack cakes? Delicious. As you’re stirring some pasta you look at your phone on the kitchen counter.

_What if I called her?_

_No, there’s no way she’d want to talk to me, right?_ You shake your head and keep stirring. Man you’re hungry.

  _-_  

The next night you couldn’t take it anymore, you had to try something, anything. You’re looking at your phone screen as you lay in bed in the dark.

**Laura (10:45pm):** Hey

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best conversation starter you could have used but you tried texting her a bunch of different things like “ Carmilla can we talk?” or “ Hey sooo why did you leave again?” or “Wasaaap sexy lady”. Maybe Kirsch inspired that last option but there’s no way you’d text her that so you decided to go with a casual hey. Not “hi” or “heeeey” or “hello!” just… _”hey.”_

You sigh and drop your phone next to you. It’s already been like 10 minutes and she hasn’t even said hey back. Maybe you really did do something wrong. You role on your belly and stuff your face on your yellow pillow. No, you’re not the villain here Laura, chill. Maybe you’ll try something else later.

-

You were sitting at your bench in your usual park doing some homework when you got Laura’s text. You’ve been staring at it for like the past 30 minutes. You haven’t answered back. No, you _can’t_ answer back. She just wants to use you for sex like every other girl. You can’t believe you even agreed to go to her place the other day. She just sees you like this monster, just like everyone else, just like Ell. And frankly, you’re still pretty hurt by it. You had to leave once you woke up, _I mean how could you stay? What for? So she’d kick you out when she woke up? So she could just be done with you?_ No, you had to leave, just like always you had to just go. What’s the point in trying to talk to her when nothing will ever change? You sigh and slam your phone on the bench. 

You can’t deal with this right now. 

The night is really nice tonight, it’s quiet, it’s calm, it’s dark and a bit creepy but you know how to take care of yourself and you know some of the locals around here who jog at night so you’re not too worried about anything. Suddenly you hear your phone ring and you’re frightened by it. _Is she_ calling _you now??_ You calm down when you see a picture of Will come up on the screen. 

“God damn it, William.”

“Heeey is that any way to speak to your favorite little brother?”

“You mean my _only_ little brother.”

“Well who knows about that, for all we know dad’s been busy somewhere else all these years.”

“Ha-ha Will, what are you really calling me for?”

Will gets really quiet and hesitates for a minute. You start to get worried.

“Where are you now?”

“Dad’s park, why? Is something wrong, Will?”

You tense up on the bench. Will doesn’t usually call you in the middle of the night. 

“Oh...you still go there?”

“Well-yeah, it’s a nice par--Wait! Will, don’t change the subject, what’s up?”

“Aaaah na nothing much, I just got dumped after a 2nd date and the guys are planning a party this week..”

“aaand?”

“ _aaand_ I was wondering if you could come... _andbringsomeofyourladyfriends_ BUT you know just hang with some zeta bro’s and stuff.”

“William, you are not using my long list of women on campus to your advantage for a stupid frat party.”

“Oh come on! I need a babe for the party! How else will I make Sammy jealous for dumping me!”

“Will, don’t steep so low for another girl, you’re a Karnstein for God’s sake.”

“Kitty! Just do your little brother this one favor pleeeease. When have I ever asked you for anything?”

“Oh, you mean that time you used me as a human shield against mother’s outbreak when she found out you broke her favorite vase? Or maybe that time you made me be a third wheel in high school cause you were nervous to be alone with a girl? Or what about that one time mother found your porn stash and you said it was mine? Or-”

“Okay okay I get it, I can be a real Louis Stevens when it comes to little bro things.”

“Yeah, _you can_.”

“Ughh fine, I’ll figure something out then...Don’t stay out too long okay?”

“Yeah Will, I’m just relaxing here, don’t worry.”

That’s a lie, but you don’t want Will to end up freaking out. He doesn’t know where it is you stay at night.

“Fine, bye then. Thanks for nothing Catmilla!”

You chuckle and hang up. Little does Will know this bench is as closest thing to a home you have right now. Maybe it helps that it’s dad’s park. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself when you think of him. 

-

It’s been like a few days and Carmilla still hasn’t texted you back and you are debating to yourself if you should call her or text her or anything. You haven’t even seen her by the station and yesterday you _casually_ tried to pass by the bars near the station to see if you saw her but nothing. Where could this girl be? So far _actively investigation Carmilla, completely disregarding anything like interpersonal boundaries and essentially stalking her_ , you haven’t even been able to actually spot the girl anywhere. So here we are, back at Silas University where your plan is now to figure out what classes she’s in or who she hangs with or where she goes etc.

So far you haven’t spotted her near the library or the girls dorm (which you’d think she’d hang there with all her girl seducing and everything) but nothing. You swear you’re about to give up when you see a bunch of students start to leave a classroom. You role your eyes and start to go another way to stay out of a human traffic jam when you look back almost as if startled to see that Carmilla’s there. You fidget and move around trying to find where to go and hide when you step behind a classroom door that’s open and peek to see her. 

It _is_ Carmilla. 

You actually huff out a breath as you smile excitedly. (which by the way, what was that?) She’s talking to a bunch of guys and she looks really into whatever she’s saying. She looks beautiful when she’s like this, feeling so strongly about something and in a cute sleeveless black shirt with moons on the front, and long black pants with the knees torn. She looks so...ordinary. Like she’s just another college girl who enjoys what she’s studying and talking about it with classmates. You feel your chest tighten all of a sudden and you can’t help but blush a bit. 

She’s looks nice.

You shake your head and decide to go up to her but when you start walking a crowd of students start to block your way.

“God damn it!”

You try and squeeze past them and look for Carmilla but don’t see her. You look inside the classroom and se a teacher packing her things.

“Um, excuse me, what class was this?”

“Art history.”

“Oh, okay thanks.”

Art history huh? Interesting. You walk down a hall and catch her walking looking down at her phone and you can feel your smile widen. This is your chance, you should fix this, you should just go up to her and talk all casually. 

You don’t. You don’t know what you’d say to her anyway so you decide to just sneakily follow her instead. _What could she be up to now? Where is she going?_ You manage to follow her all the way into the boys dorm. What the hell is she gonna do here? You gasp. Is she into guys too? Or maybe she’s got a boyfriend? Or maybe a bunch of guy friends like earlier? Or- 

“Little nerd!”

Your rambling train of thought is interrupted by Kirsch and you try and hide behind him hoping that Carmilla didn’t hear him.

“Hi Kirsch.”

“What are you doing here in the land of the men?”

“ Land of the men?”

“Yeah, the bro house, the zeta mansion, the-”

“Okay Kirsch I get it, this is the boys dorm.”

“Exactly, so what’s got you in this side of Silas? Come to visit me huh?”

“Noo I was just walking by and decided to take a peek. Girls aren’t allowed here right?”

“Well they have to sign up at the desk over there to go in and be out by like 8pm but yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Sooo little Lo, you got any plans for Saturday night?”

“Saturday? No, I got work on Friday so I’m free Saturday. Why?”

“Cool cool, so you wouldn’t mind coming to the super duper Zeta house party then.”

“Mmmm na I don’t feel like it.”

“Oh come on bro! Everyone’s going!”

“Naa maybe another time, Kirsch.”

“Bro, it’s gonna be awesome! You should totally come! Everyone on campus is going!”

“Everyone?” _Could Carmilla be going then?_ “Fine, I’ll think about it.”

“Awesome! I’ll be texting you non stop to convince you till then!”

Kirsch walks away before you can say anything else. You don’t really have the time or energy to go to a party but...Carmilla might be there...soooo maybe going isn’t such a bad idea.

-

You’re currently at the station working your shift and Dave is around back again so at least you’re not alone with all these drunk teens. Friday nights can be so intense. You won’t admit it but you were wishing she’d stop by randomly, hell even if it was in another awkward situation like last time with her “date”. You sigh and drop your head when you hear a deep raspy voice speak.

“Excuse me, Miss...Laura.”

You look up and see this tall pale looking man in a fancy suit, sleek black hair combed back neatly, a really nice bone structure and a somewhat snarky stare as he looks back up from your name tag and lifts one eyebrow from you analyzing this new found customer. Oh crap-right-you’re staring. 

“Hi Sir! What can I do for you tonight?”

“Well for starters you could smile a little more, customer service is important in a business like this.”

He smirks at you and at first you glare at him a bit confused but oblige and give him a small smile.

“There, that’s better! A natural beauty like yourself should use that smile to your advantage. It’ll warm up peoples cold cold hearts.”

“I’ll try and stay in a good mood then.” 

You let out a small laugh. Who is this guy anyway? He looks older, like he could be in his mid forties or something and even though he’s smiling at you sincerely, deep down you can see some sadness in his eyes. Rough past? Gone bankrupt? Just divorced? Who knows! But you always love a new mystery to solve.

“Charles!”

Dave comes up behind you and his face is the most lit up you’ve ever seen it be.

“Hello Dave.”

The man’s smile widens and Dave almost dart to him bringing him into a big hug while the other man looks a tad bit uncomfortable. 

“You made it!”

“Yes, sorry, I came straight out of the office so pardon my attire for the occasion.”

“Oh it’s quite all right buddy! Come on! Boy have I got some stuff to show you.”

“Sure just give me one moment.” he turns to face you and extends his hand. “ Charles by the way.”

“Laura.” you smile and shake his firm hand.

“Oh so you’ve noticed my favorite little girl! Laura is the sweetest biscuit of the bunch. She’s like a niece to me.”

“Aaah that’s nice. The feeling of family can be the sweetest gift.” 

His smile softens and there it is again, that sad look deep in his eyes.

“Well anyway, you were gonna show me something today, Dave.”

“Oh yeah yeah, right this way buddy! I made the us some of the best moonshine in town! Plus I found a box of old pictures from college.”

Dave pulls him away and they place an arm around each other’s shoulder. It’s nice that Dave can still be so close to someone after so many years apart. You start to wonder if you’ll ever have something like that with someone. With a friend...or you know.

Whatever.

-

Once you finish your shift you casually pass by the bars again but still nothing. No sign of the girl who’s been haunting your thoughts for the past few weeks. You sigh and get on your bike and ride home lost in thought. Once you shower and change into your pijamas you get into bed and find yourself looking at your phone again. The contact lists open on one specific name. Carmilla’s.

 “Maybe I should call…”

Your eyes wonder to the top of your phone screen and you see that it’s almost 6am. _Okay, maybe not right now._

-

The next morning ( or well, a few hours later to be exact) you wake up by someone knocking on your door again and again. You grunt loudly and flip on your bed, falling to the group and almost crawling your way to the door. _Who the hell is bothering you this early?_ You open the door with squinted eyes and a moody/grumpy face to find a tall red head smiling at you.

“Danny?”

“Hey Hollis.”

“What are you doing here this early?”

“Early? Laura it’s almost 1pm.”

“Oh...of course.”

“I came here to help convince you to go to the Zeta party tonight. Kirsch has recruited me telling me you’ve been ignoring his texts so he told me to come and “get her into the party mood” or something.”

“Ughhh that damn giant puppy.”

“Sooo I’m guessing I woke you up.”

“What? Yeah why?”

You realize Danny is staring at you slightly blushing and holding in a smile. You look down at yourself to find you’re wearing a giant doctor who shirt that’s falling on one shoulder and  some red boxers, while your hair is tied up in a messy bun. _Oh god why._ You fidget and step behind your door giving Danny an embarrassed smile and she let’s out a snort.

“Um...can you give me just one sec?”

She nods and you close the door running to your closet and changing into some sweatpants and a tank top. You brush your teeth and as you run back to the door you stop to put your hair down and comb it with your hand, taking a deep breath before re opening the door.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Sooo, if you’re here to help convince me, then why not help me with my lit assignment.”

“Using your TA to your advantage, huh?”

“Maaybee, but you’re the one who came knocking on my door, remember.”

She laughs and steps in.

“Fine, but only if you’ll go to the party with me. Kirsch is gonna take my parking spot for a month if you don’t go.”

“Haha fine fine, if we finish this tonight, I’ll go with you.”

“Great! It’s a date then...ish?”

“Hahaha a forced by Kirsch triple date huh?”

“Yeah something like that. He said he needs extra girl power for something with Will, I don’t know.”

“Yeah me either.”

“Well let’s get to it Hollis. We’ve only got a few more hours till the party.”

You close the door and get your books and spread them on your small dinning table that you never really use. Danny stayed for like four hours before she had to go to a meeting with the Summer Society girls to recruit more ladies or something. It was sweet of her to come by and help you (also casually throw you a flirty comment here and there that might have made you blush like a twelve year old) but she’s nice. You think you might actually enjoy tonight. You should stop worrying so much about stupid things and just have some fun. Yeah that sounds nice.

-

You’re at the dorms getting dressed after showering when Will walks in.

“Aaah warn a guy before he walks in on his semi naked sister, gosh.”

“Sorry. It must suck that your semi naked sister is the closest thing you get to see when it comes to a girls body.”

“Ha-ha kitty, I’ve seen my share of naked babes, and you’re not one of them.”

“Yeah yeah, tell that to half of the girls on campus.”

“Show off.”

You smirk and put on some black jeans and Laura’s Silas hoodie.

“Not going to the party after all are we?”

“I told you, I don’t feel like hanging out with a bunch of drunk frat boys chanting “Pizza or Death!” as they fight to the death.”

“They can be way funner than you make them seem, you Sour Puss.”

“Whatever William, you go have fun with a bunch of irresponsible idiots. I’m going to go chill somewhere.”

“and where exactly is somewhere?”

“Somewhere dimwitted little brothers won’t come and bother me.”

“Fine, don’t tell me where you spend your nights. I still think you should come though, and bring your long list of babes that want to date me.”

“Dream on, Romeo.”

You walk out and leave Will. You take the bus to the park downtown and walk down the path under the trees. Lately you don’t feel like partying. Like, at all. All you’ve been able to do is gloat and sulk and mope. All after that damn girl appeared in your life. That damn beautiful girl.

-

_“_ This place is packed!”

You yell out as Kirsch brings you another drink. You’ve been at the party for a few hours now and all of a sudden a bunch of people started showing up. Kirsch wasn’t joking when he said everyone was coming. 

“I told you! Everyone comes to the Zeta party!”

“I know!”

“Here! Have some booze! You need to loosen up little Lo!”

“Not if I’m gonna end up like SJ over there!”

You point towards the dance floor where SJ is dancing with a bunch of glow sticks beside Natalie who is dancing and laughing along while SJ keeps stumbling with her feet every now and then.” 

“Yeah! Sj’s been drinking a lot lately! I don’t know what to do! She won’t listen to me!” 

You shrug and he shrugs back as he walks back to a crowd of his bros. Will is standing next to you drinking his whiskey and looking kinda gloomy.

“You okay?!”

You yell out. The music is really loud in here. He turns to face you.

“Yeah! It’s just! That girl over there!” he points at a girl by another corner who’s flirting with a big buff guy. “She and I were a thing!” he swats his hand as he takes another drink. “ Not anymore as you can see!”

“I’m sorry about that!” you rub his arm and he gives you a tight smile.”Come on! Let’s get you dancing with some girls then!”

You pull him to the dance floor near SJ and Natalie but manage to make the group grown as you danced with some Summer Society girls that joined in. You slowly guided them to Will and he seemed to look a bit better. _Yeah baby! ‘Laura Hollis, wingman of the year_ ’.

  _-_

After a few more hours you went outside to escape from the noise and you see Sarah Jane arguing with some guys. _Oh boy._ Kirsch comes up to them trying to take SJ away and calm her down but she is really freaking drunk, like extremely white girl wasted and she throws her heel at one of the guys. He seems really angry and he charges towards Kirsch pushing him to the ground along with SJ. _Oh crap._ You start to walk their way and try to help him up as you glare at the other guys.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Don’t get into this you tiny bitch.”

“Hey don’t call her that! What kind of a man are you? Oh I know! A fucking tiny wiener boy with daddy issues, right?”

Will came up behind you and stepped in front of you.

“What the hell bro! Who do you think you’re talking to?!”

_“_ I just _told_ you _._ Itsy bitsy wiener guy.”

“You fucking asshole!”

The guy charges up to Will and they start punching each other but he has big douche bag friends who come to help him out and start to out macho Will. Kirsch dart to help him out and this is bad. Really bad. Will got hit really hard and he dropped to the ground cursing in pain.

You turn to see Danny by the door with some Summer Society girls and yell out for her to come help. She drops her drink and darts to help and tackles one of the guys. _Holy shit._

  _-_

“Well that was intense.”

Kirsch is panting laying on the ground along with Danny. You turn to look at Will who’s still groaning and moaning in pain and rush to his side.

“Will, Will! What is it? Are you okay?”

“Aaaagh no...my...my chest..it hurts it’s...I can’t get up.”

You quickly turn to Kirsch and tell him about this also telling him to call an ambulance.

“No, it’ll take way too long to get here. Let’s take him in my van!”

You’re rushing to the hospital with Kirsch and Will. Danny stayed behind to take care of SJ along with Natalie. Once you reach the hospital they take Will on one of those wheel beds and rush him inside. You go up to the counter with Kirsch who’s kind of panicking. You grab his hand and squeeze it to try and calm him down and it seems to work.

“Excuse me young man, would you happen to know how to contact this boys parents or legal guardian? We don’t know if he needs surgery but we need a family members permission to do so.”

“Yeah yeah, uh he’s got a sister!” 

Kirsch takes out Will’s cellphone from his pocket and tries to dial the number but his hands are shaking.

“Let me do it, Kirsch.”

“O-okay, thanks, Laura.”

You squeeze his arm and stand up to go outside and make the call. His emergency contact says “Grumpy Cat”.

-

You’re sitting by a small lake that’s in the park when you feel your phone ring. It’s Will again. You grin and pick up the phone.

“William, I told you I won’t give your number to any hot girls, stop begging.”

“Hello?”

You hear a girls voice on the line and your expression changes into confusion.

“Hello?”

“Um is this Will’s sister?”

“Yes, who’s asking?”

“Um, I’m one of Will’s friends. Will got hurt at a party and we’re in the hospital now and they need a family member to come by. Sooo could you by any chance get here?”

“Wha--okay, I’m on my way. Is-is he hurt??”

“Um I don’t think he’s hurt that badly but you need to get here like now.”

You hang up and start running to the nearest street to find a cab. You’re panicking. Will’s hurt, he’s hurt and he’s in the hospital. You need to get there _now_.

  _-_

You hang up the phone and start to walk back inside. 

“Wait, I never told her which hospital we were in.”

 You quickly dial back and wait for her to answer.

  _“What?!”_

You’re startled by her response but you can understand how she must be feeling right now.

“Um, hey, it’s Will’s friend again. I just called to tell you we’re in Robinson Creak Hospital.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“Okay.”

You hang up and stare into blank space for a second, putting the phone up against your chin as you think.

Her voice sounds kind of familiar.

You head back inside and find Kirsch again, sitting down next to him and handing him the phone back.

“She’s on her way.”

“Oh-okay, that’s cool, that’s-that’s great.”

“Don’t worry Kirsch, Will is going to be fine.”

“Yeah you’re right, he’s a tough dude, he can take it. I bet his sister’s gonna be super pissed though. They’re real protective of each other.”

“That’s good. She’ll be here in no time then.”

You smile to reassure Kirsch that everything’s gonna be okay and he gives you a hesitant smile back.

-

You’ve been waiting for about 20 minutes now but their’s still no sign of Will’s sister and Kirsch is moving his knee nervously. Suddenly you see a girl barge in through the door and run up to the desk.

“Carm?”

She’s panting and her eyes are wide open with panic and worry and she’s wearing the white Silas University hoodie you lent her weeks ago.

“Hi! I’m here to see William Karnstein.”

“Come right this way.”

You stand up and quickly do a little run towards her before they lead her away.

“Carmilla?”

She looks at you surprised but with a still worried face and panting.

“Laura? I--I can’t talk right now.”

“Wait are-are you here for Will?”

Carmilla opens her mouth to speak to you but the nurse interrupts her, pulling Carmilla’s attention away from you.

“Excuse me, how are you related to William?”

“We’re siblings.” She tells the nurse as she fidgets through her pockets, taking out her wallet and ID. 

“I’m his older sister.”

 

 


	14. Mummy Dearest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla is extremely uncomfortable with today and Laura is slowly getting to know more and more about her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> meh, surprise update. This chapter is more of a filling up for things chapter. the next ones are the ones that will change things. Bare with me!

Okay, so Carmilla and Will are related and you knew both of them yet you had no idea about it. _How dense can you be Hollis?_ Well, then again you never really asked either of them about their family and they never really casually mentioned each other either so it’s not totally your fault you were clueless about this whole thing. Right now Carmilla is following a nurse down the hall to some office to learn about Will’s condition and you don’t think you’ve ever seen this side of her. She was so worried, she was literally acting like a big sister who babies her brother and you find that absolutely sweet. Also the fact that she’s wearing your hoodie may have made your chest feel all fuzzy.

Maybe you really don’t know how this girl actually is…

You’re deep in thought now trying to absorb this whole thing and you go back to the waiting room and plop yourself down next to Kirsch who still seems nervous.

“She’s his sister.”

“What?”

“Carmilla, she’s _Will’s sister_. I had no idea.”

“Really?”

You snap yourself from your daze and turn to face Kirsch confused.

“Wait, did _you_ know?”

“Well yeah, I mean, she’s always hanging around Will’s dorm. I thought you two were buds, how did you _not_ know?”

Ouch, okay that kinda stung but he’s right, you don’t know anything about Carmilla, not really. Now though, you’re determined to change that. 

-

“What do you mean I can’t be the one to sign the papers?”

You’re in an office with some doctor who won’t let you see your brother and insist that the legal guardian is the one who has to sign the papers in order to treat Will properly in case of the need for surgery.

“Miss. Karnstein, as I already explained, you don’t have the authority to change the system. William _needs_ his legal guardian or a permit or something to state that you can take charge. I suggest you contact one of your parents immediately.”

You scoff. Parents? As if you knew where your father’s been all these years, and your mother? Let’s not even begin with that one. You’ve barely spoken to her through the last few years, let alone _called_ her. If Will was here he’d tell you he’d do it, he’d take care of contacting mother, but he’s not in any state to do so. This is something you’ll have to do yourself. 

“I’ll call our mother.”

“Great, we’ll be waiting for her then.”

You storm out of that office enraged but at the same time panicking. You don’t want to have to hear mother’s voice, you don’t want to pay attention to the throwing up kind of feeling you have right now, but you have to. So you make your way back outside and take out your phone. You dial a number you didn’t even keep saved as a contact and hear it ring, each ring making your heart race more and more until-

“Hello?” 

“Mother.”

You’re barely capable of letting out those simple words while trying to keep calm. 

“Carmilla? What a surpri-”

“Will’s had an accident. We’re at the Robinson Creak Hospital downtown. You need to come.”

The words left your throat so fast you didn’t even have the time to breath in. You hang up immediately after that with no goodbye and take in a ragged breath. You’re shaking and the anxiety is getting worse so you start searching for your pack of cigarettes but you can’t find them.

“Shit.”

You left them by the lake at the park. You rushed out so quickly you didn’t even notice. You let out a shaky breath trying to compose yourself when you hear someone call out to you.

“Carmilla, is everything alright?”

You turn around frightened from the sudden presence of someone and realize it’s Laura. She’s got her arms wrapped around herself trying to keep warm.

“You should come inside, it’s cold out here.”

She turns and starts walking back inside and you follow her.

-

Once you’re inside you sit back down next to Kirsch and wait patiently for news. Carmilla’s been pacing around the waiting room anxiously. She looks worried but it’s different than how she looked earlier.

“Carmilla.”

She instantly stops pacing and looks to you.

“Calm down. Come on, have a seat.”

She hesitates at first and almost starts pacing again but in stead walks towards you and sits next to you. She’s fidgeting in her seat, her elbows on her knees as she’s leaning forward with one hand in her hair. She looks stressed out. You don’t know what to do. You never thought you’d see Carmilla like this, she’s always so calm and composed. You’re about to say something to her when she stands up.

“I’m going to the restroom, I’ll be right back.”

You close your mouth since your attempt to speak has been denied. You stay sitting there when you see a woman walk in and walk to the counter asking for William. You can feel tension in the air so thick that you could cut it, but you decide to walk up to her and introduce yourself. No harm in being polite right? 

“Hi.”

She turns to you and you can just feel the goose bumps on your arms.

“Hello, and just who might you be?”

“I’m Laura-Laura Hollis. Me and Kirsch over there were with Will when he got hurt. We brought him here as fast as we could.”

“Is that so…”

You’re opening your mouth as you’re about to tell her how everything went down when you see Carmilla stand in front of you, putting some space between you and her mother. It felt almost as if she was protecting you from something.

“Mother, you need to go to Will now.”

You noticed her voice was kind of shaky and you don’t think you’ve ever hear Carmilla speak in that tone.

“Oh, I was just meeting this young girl. Do you know her? Is she also a friend of yours, an acquaintance perhaps?”

“That’s none of your business mother.”

Carmilla bites back at her mother as if afraid of her getting to know you and you’re confused, sooo confused. But Carmilla took a step back closer to you and further from her mother and you can see her hands are shaking. You observe her more and see that she’s extremely tense and nervous so when you see this you grab one of her hands from behind her and you saw Carmilla’s breath hitch but her shoulders relaxed a little and she squeezed your hand back.

“Well there’s no need to be rude, Carmilla. I though I raised you better than that, but then again, it’s not the first time I doubt-”

“Excuse me, are you by any chance William Karnstein’s mother?”

A doctor interrupted her thankfully and you’re glad doctors always have terrible timing because you think this woman was kinda insulting Carmilla right in front of you, hell right in front of this whole waiting room.

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Follow me please.”

The doctor starts to lead her to his office but she turns to face Carmilla before she leaves.

“We’ll talk about this later I’m sure.”

“I’m sure _we wont._ ”

Her mother leaves but not without glaring at Carmilla as she followed the doctor. You take a step beside Carmilla and look at her and she’s looking frantically at the floor, chewing on her lower lip anxiously.

“Carm, it’s okay.” you grab her forearm and she looks at you. “You’re fine. Will’s gonna be fine.”

“Uh-yeah um-I think I’m gonna go..take a walk or something.”

“You want me to come with?”

“No, it’s fine.”

She walks away and leaves so you go back to were Kirsch is and sit down next to him. You sigh and lean back on the chair.

“That was weird. Do you know anything about this?”

“You mean like Will’s freaky mom? Not much. He doesn’t talk about family a lot.”

“Well I could have sworn Carmilla was about to have a nervous break down because of her mom.” 

“Yeah, I saw the tension all the way from here. It looked ugly man.”

“It _felt_ ugly.”

Kirsch laughs and pats your back.

“Well from what Will’s mentioned, Carm-sexy hasn’t lived with her mom for months cause of some drama or something. Will takes care of her and stuff-well, they take care of _each other_ but yeah I don’t know dude.”

“You sure do know a lot about Will, huh?”

“Well yeah, that dude’s my bro. We got each other’s back always. Zeta’s 5 ever.”

Kirsch smacks his chest with a fist while making a tough guy face and you can’t help but giggle. 

-

Some time later you go outside to call your dad. You usually call him when your plans change cause if he found out in any way he’d freak. It’s really late though but you know he’s probably in his office at home going through some case files or something so you call.

“Hello?”

“Hey dad, sorry for calling so late. I just wanted to report back before you went to bed or something.”

“No worries sweetie, is something wrong? Do you need anything?”

“Everything’s fine dad. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier, I’m at the hospital and-”

“You’re at the hospital?!? Which one?? What happened?? Are you okay??”

“Caaalm dooown dad! I’m fine, nothing happened to me. It was a friend of mine, Will, and I’ve been waiting here at the hospital all night.”

“Oh, well I hope he’s doing alright. When are you gonna go home though? It’s really late for you to be out on your own Laura.”

“I know, I know but I think I’m gonna stay here for a while with my friends.”

“So there’s someone else with you there?”

“Well I’m with Kirsch and...Carmilla’s here too but...I don’t know.”

“What don’t you know, Laura?”

You know it’s fine to talk to your dad about things. He’s always a good listener so you automatically feel like it’s right to just ask for advice or let him hear you out.

“Well it’s just- I don’t know dad. I don’t know what to think. It’s just-apparently I found out Will, the guy who got hurt, is Carmilla’s brother and she’s not okay right now and...i don’t know...I don’t know what to do dad.”

“Oh..” he pauses to organize his thoughts. “Well don’t leave her alone then. I’m sure she needs someone right now.”

He’s right. You remember how you didn’t want to be alone when your mom got worse and you know how scary it is. She shouldn’t be alone right now.

“Yeah...you’re right dad. Thanks. I think I’m gonna go look for her.”

“Alright, you be careful out there tonight. Goodnight sweetie.”

“Goodnight dad.”

You hang up and walk back inside and see that Kirsch isn’t in the waiting room anymore. Probably went to the bathroom or something. You think of calling Carmilla to find her but you know she probably won’t answer. Just cause you saw her today doesn’t change what’s been going on with you too. She’d probably ignore the text or call so in stead you walk around the hospital trying to find her, in the cafeteria, in the bathroom, down the halls, outside by the parking, in the doctors office. _Nothing_. Where the hell did this girl go? She said she was going for a walk but did she like leave? As you’re turning down a new hallway you run into Kirsch.

“Little Lo! There you are! Will’s doing ok! He almost fractured his clavicle or whatever. They put him in a private room or something. I’m getting some coffee before I go see him. Want anything?”

“No I’m fine thanks. Have you seen Carmilla anywhere?”

“Not since her mom got here. Maybe she’s with Will already.”

“Yeah, I’ll go check.”

“Okay.”

You part your ways and head to the nearest counter to ask which room Will’s in. You make your way to the room (which by the way, how the heck did he get one so fast? I mean a _private room_ , really?) Once you’re near the room you over hear him and his mom talking when you step inside.

“-be as troublesome as your sister.”

You interrupt awkwardly once Will looks at you by the door and he seems annoyed and in pain. His mom looks at you with an annoyed look but gives you an awkward tight smile as she steps out.

“I’ll go make the arrangements for your care.”

She leaves and you look at Will confused.

“Hi, little Laura.”

“What was up with that?”

“With what?”

He tries to act dumb but you bob your head not believing him and he roles his eyes and sighs. He knows you won’t take a half assed answer as a reply.

“Family drama, it’s not important.”

He looks like he’s drunk on meds and his words are a little slurred but he might be the only one who can answer your question.

“Will, do you know where Carmilla is? I can’t seem to find her and she didn’t really look okay. She was worried about you, you know.”

He chews on his lip and looks down.

“She’s probably gone already. She wouldn’t want to be around mother.”

You think back to how Carmilla reacted to her mom’s presence and how the tension was so big and what Kirsch told you about some family drama between them. You think you understand her more now.

“Well do you know where I can find her? I think someone should check on her. An address maybe?”

He shakes his head and sighs, giving you a sad look.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh come on Will I know you’re hurt which by the way I’m glad you’re okay, but you can’t be high enough to not remember your sister’s address.”

“No that’s not it. I...I don’t know where my sister lives.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah, she never told me. She never mentions her place and I think...whatever.I don’t know where she lives, Laura.”

“That’s just weird.”

He drops his head and just shrugs at you.

“Anyway, considering she ran into mother, she’s probably still out somewhere.”

“Do you know where she’d go?”

“mmm I don’t know..”

You cross your arms in front of you and chew your lip, thinking.

“All I can think of is that she likes to look at the stars when she’s stressed. I don’t know if that helps.”

“The stars?” he trails on.” Maybe she’s at the park.”

He leans forward but instantly regrets it when the pain hits him. You go up to him and help him get comfortable again.

“You should stay put, Will.”

“Ugh don’t baby me, stop it.”

You lift your hands up in defeat and chuckle. I guess he’s not that hurt after all.

“Sooo the park?”

“Yeah umm.” he pauses and looks back down, clenching his jaw. “There’s a park we used to go as kids. It’s a big one nearby, next to some big hotel. I don’t really know the name.”

“I think I know which one you mean. I’m gonna see if I find her. Get well soon, Will!”

“It’s really late Laura, you should be careful!”

You swat your hand as if telling him not to worry.

“It’s okay, my dad signed me up for krav maga at age eight. I can handle myself.”

You leave and send a quick text to Kirsch telling him you went home. 

-

Okay, so maybe walking alone wasn’t such a good idea. It’s almost 4am and you’re walking through this big park and it’s really freaking dark here. You’ve gone around the different paths and maybe you’re not so confident on your krav maga skills anymore. You sigh giving up and head down a different path that leads back to the hotel across the street. (At least that’s what the sign said) and this path is clearer than the rest. There’s big beautiful trees here and there’s not much light pollution so the stars look so beautiful from here. You decide to sit down and take a break from walking so you drop yourself on the first park bench you can find. You yawn and stretch, rubbing your arms trying to keep warm. It’s gonna get light out soon and you’ve walked most of the park already with no sign of anyone. You’re tired and technically you’ve been out all night. You sigh and look around. 

This park is actually really nice.

You notice there’s another park bench near a big tree (well under it but yeah) and you think you see someone’s hair draping from the side of the bench so you quickly get up curious and walk that way. Once you’re closer you look around and try to be quiet and sneaky just in case it’s some sort of trap for young cute girls but you relax when you see who it is. It’s Carmilla, she’s sleeping soundly, still in your hoodie and curled up on the bench. It’s cold out and she’s sleeping _here_? You face turns confused as your rubbing up and down your arms from the cold and you start thinking. _This is odd, Why didn’t she just go back to her place? Why didn’t Will know where she lives?_ You start to remember what Kirsch told you about her not living with her mom for a while and Will’s mother speaking bad about her and how Carmilla tensed up when her mom got to the hospital and- you suddenly realize something. She’s never once told you about her place either, where it is, what it’s like, nothing.

          “I forgot my keys and got locked out.”

“No it’s fine you take the cab, I’ll walk back.”

“I’ve slept in worse places.”

OH GOD WAIT. Does Carmilla even have a home to go home to? You shake your head. You’re probably just exaggerating. You’re probably completely wrong but right now nothing proves you otherwise either. For now you should just keep your theories to yourself. You don’t want her to feel awkward or anything I mean you’re not 100% sure anyway. You should stop jumping to conclusion with this girl, just look at where it’s gotten you. You step closer to her and whisper as you tap on her shoulder.

“Heeey, Caaaarm, wake up.” 

She quickly wakes up scared and flinches away from you, sitting up. She’s probably scared of who could be touching her in a damn park at night but maybe she’s just scared that you caught her sleeping in the street again, _Oh god wait so back then she was legit sleeping in the street?_

“It’s just me.”

“What are you doing here, Laura?”

“Oooh you knooow, waking you up from sleeping in the streets again. You know, you should be more careful.”

You try and tease her but you’re not so sure that was a good way to put it. She doesn’t say anything and looks away sitting up right on the bench.

“What are you doing here anyway?”

“I was just...out for a walk. I needed to clear my head.”

“Oh.” that’s total bull (at least the walk part) she went for a walk _hours_ ago. You slowly sit down next to her without getting to close. She seems uncomfortable and scoots away a little and that totally stung, but you deserve it. You’re the one who screwed up.

“..How’d you find me?”

She mumbles almost to herself.

“Will told me you liked this park and it’s near the hospital so I thought _‘hey why not go for a walk.”_

She doesn’t seem to want to talk right now or come up with snarky come backs so maybe you should change the mood.

“I was worried about you.”

Her face quickly turns to you but you don’t want to look at her. It would stop you from being able to talk so casually.

“You didn’t look so good back at the hospital and you never came back. I got worried.”

“I’m sorry, you didn’t have to worry about me. I’m fine, really.”

“You didn’t look fine when your mom was talking to you.”

She looks away again and brushes her bangs out of her face, sitting still. She looks so cute in your Silas hoodie and the fact that she kept it all this time and even uses it makes you kinda happy and blush. It gets quiet between you two and you’re so tired but you don’t want to just leave her here. 

“Come on, let’s go back to my place where you can actually rest.”

She hesitates and you remember how you’ve been with her lately, how you treated her the last time you were together. God you’re such an idiot.

“I...I promise I won’t do anything to make you feel uncomfortable okay..”

Her face turns to you and she looks at you confused but softly.

“You’ve never made me feel uncomfortable, Laura.”

You feel your heart drop to your stomach. You treated her like a piece of meat and she isn’t even mad at you. God you suck.

“No but-I just--I don’t want you to think that’s what I’m like because it’s not and I’m sorry about all that and you’ve been kind of distant after that night and I feel terrible and I shouldn’t have forced you into doing those things and I just-” 

You’re rambling Laura get to the point.

“Laura.” she interrupts your rambling. “You didn’t force me into doing anything. It’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

“...Okay.”

It gets quiet again and she looks like she’s trying to read you which probably makes sense since you keep changing the way you act around her, treating her bad and then good and then bad again. She probably doesn’t know what to think of you or if she could even trust you and it makes sense but it still hurts you inside.

“Anyway I shouldn’t, I have to go and check on Will and everything.”

She finally replies and you turn to see her.

“Well, I was just there a while ago.”

Her expression changes.

“You stayed all night?? Cupcake, you didn’t have to, really.”

“No it’s fine, I just wanted to make sure he was okay and everything so when you came back I could let you know how he was doing.”

She looks sad and hurt but somehow like you just said something heart warming to her, something that relieved her. She really does care about her brother a lot.

“You really didn’t have to, cupcake...but thanks.”

She gives you a half smile with a still sad expression.

“Well, anyway, I got to see him before I left and he seemed better. Really tired and in some pain but better. The nurse said he needed some rest and they but him on some meds for the pain that had him kinda drunk, but Kirsch stayed by his side anyway. Some zeta omega mu bro thing.”

You chuckle and so does Carmilla, her expression is a bit lighter now and you don’t feel like she’s as uncomfortable as she seemed before so you ask again.

“Come on, just come to my place and take a nap or something. Will’s not gonna be awake for a while anyway and I know you haven’t slept well either.”

Carmilla thinks about it for a few seconds and you can’t help but feel nervous. She sighs and turns to you breathing out a “Fine.” and you can’t help but smile wide and let out an excited squeal.

“That’s great! Come on then, let’s go. I’m sooo tired.”

You pull her by her hand which you later notice it might be awkward or inappropriate after what happened last time but you guess it’s not since she doesn’t let go and you feel your chest tighten. 

You like holding her hand.

-

The sun is starting to come out and you get home after a mostly quiet walk back and drop yourself on your bed with a long sigh. She’s standing next to your bed not knowing what to do and you realize she’s uncomfortable.

“You can sleep in my bed if you want. I totally understand if you don’t- I won’t make you do anything awkward or inappropriate or that you wound’t want to do-so if not I can just-”

She plops down next to you on the bed.

“just shut up already.”

You smile but then purse your lips as if annoyed from her telling you to shut up and she chuckles and makes herself comfortable. You reach down for your sheets and cover the two of you gently.

“Goodnight, Carm.”

She smiles but doesn’t reply. Keeping her distance from you but it’s a start. 

_You can fix this._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this wasn't as good as i wanted it to be, i'm sick and packed with homework and shit so i wanted to update sooner just in case i wasn't able to this week.


	15. Breakfast?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla try and start over and get to know each other but theirs still some secrets between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is late, i had a really busy week plus what i had previously written got lost and i had to start this chapter ALL OVER AGAIN so my motivation was not the best. lol. hope it's okay though!

You’re still laying in your bed. You’re awake but your eyes are still closed. You didn’t have any weird dreams or nightmares last night for the first time in so long. You haven’t felt so relaxed and well rested since you moved out of your house to move into this shitty apartment. Well...maybe it’s not so shitty anymore, I mean sure it’s small and you don’t have much stuff but Carmilla’s here. She’s still here, laying next to you, she hasn’t left yet and somehow that makes you really _really_ happy. Then when you feel her move beside you and the warmth that was there a few seconds ago be gone you feel your chest tighten.  _She’s leaving again. Why did you ever think she’d stay Hollis? You can be so damn dumb, ugh._ All of a sudden you feel her lay back down on the bed and you try and act as if you’re still sleeping. What is she doing?

“Laura.”

You feel a hand comb some hair off of your face and tuck it behind your ear, quickly pulling away once it’s done.

“Laura, hey.”

You open your eyes to see her leaning on her elbow beside you and she speaks, looking away from your stare.

“I uh, I have to go check up on Will.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah but.” She pauses and looks back at you, giving you a shy smile. “Thanks for letting me spend the night.”

You give her a shy smile back and she actually woke you up to let you know she was leaving. She didn’t just disappear this time. You feel your heart start to race and you don’t really have any control over it but then Carmilla looks away and gets out of bed. She stretches like a cat and starts walking to your door. You notice she already had her boots on and she’s about to grab the door knob and you have to say something, anything.

“You know, you shouldn’t start your day on an empty stomach, it’s not healthy. I can totally make you some breakfast.”

She turns around with a surprised look and licks her lips before talking.

“No it’s fine, I can just grab something on the way there. Besides, you’re probably tired from yesterday, you should catch some more sleep.”

“Actuallyyyyy, I promised Will I’d grab some books from the library for him. He’s probably gonna be in the hospital for a few days so I said I’d help him out. Sooo I should get up to leave soon too I guess.

Well that wasn’t entirely a lie. You did tell Will you’d take care of helping him out but you could just go do that tomorrow. She doesn’t need to know the whole truth, right? You give her another shy smile as you play with your thumbs.

“Soooo how do you feel about french toast?”

She opens her mouth to reply but shuts it when she hears her stomach grumble. She puts a hand to her stomach and smiles embarrassed.

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

“Fine.”

She mutters between her teeth and you’re beaming, you’re way too excited to cook for her. (for her? I mean for both of you but oh god it’s totally cooking for her, how did you not see this Laura?!) You get up and quickly head to the bathroom to wash your teeth. _Oh, right._ You pop your head out of the bathroom, toothbrush still in your mouth.

“I have a spare toothbrush if you wanna.”

She’s still standing in the same spot, her hands in her back pockets and she’s looking at you nervously but nods and walks your way. You hand her a toothbrush and she gives you a small and quick smile. This is nice. You could totally get used to it. Then you look in the mirror and see your hair. Oh god, okay maybe not. You finish washing up and frantically start brushing your hair with your hand once you step into the kitchen. 

“Okay Hollis, focus. This better be the best damn french toast you’ve ever made. Crap now I’m nervous. What if I burn it or or-”

You were mumbling to yourself in panic when you hear Carmilla step out of the bathroom and quickly shut up. She’s lounging around your small kitchen and it’s making you even more nervous as you start gathering the necessary materials. You place the bowl on the counter and tuck some hair behind your ear as you try and focus on what you’re doing instead of the fact that there’s a very attractive girl who slept in the same bed as you last night and you’re both alone in here and you’re cooking for her and she’s stepping closer to you and leaning her back against the counter and oh my god Laura chill.

“You know, you really should stop cooking for me, I feel spoiled.”

You turn your head to face her confused as you start adding the ingredients in the bowl.

“What?”

“This isn’t the first time you cook for me, cupcake.”

“Yes it is. I never cooked for you before.”

“Really? Cause I specifically remember you made me pancakes once before you left to go to class.”

Your face changes when you suddenly realize that you did in fact make her some pancakes that one time and you blush slightly, looking back down at the bowl as you start to mix. It’s kinda sweet she’d remember that.

“Ooooh riiiight. Well I mean I made too many or whatever. Wouldn’t want them to go to waste.”

She chuckles and it’s the cutest thing.

“I was half awake, Laura. You didn’t eat any pancakes.”

Your blush intensifies and you start stirring the mix faster trying to hide your embarrassment.

“Whatever, just accept the damn food and stop making fun of me.”

She raises her hands up in defeat while grinning.

“I try and be a good host or person or whatever so just let me be, will ya?”

She laughs and you tried to keep an angry face but you’re big smile wasn’t letting that happen.

“Well I for one think you’re a _great_ host.”

You smile and comfortable silence slips in for a few seconds before you turn to face her, grabbing the bowl and continuing to mix.”

“So-” you pause and she looks at you, waiting for you to continue. “You’re Will sister, huh?”

She laughs and shakes her head.

“Yes cupcake, I have a life outside of gay bars and Silas.”

“I just can’t believe I never caught on to it. Pale skin? Amazing jaw lines? Snarky comments? You two are practically twins!”

She laughs even more now and you can’t help but join in.

“I had no idea that either of you knew each other. What classes do you have with him?”

“Mostly english lit.”

“Ha! He hates literature. You should see him beating himself up with those essays.”

“Yeah, he doesn’t do much with group projects but he’s a way better member than the other girls. At least he does his share of work.”

“I try and recommend him some good books to help but he never reads them. Says reading is for the snotty old rich people.”

She roles her eyes and you start dipping the bread in the mix. You realize you still don’t even know what she’s into or what she’s even studying. 

“You like to read right? What are you majoring in anyway?” 

“Well, it’s kind of complicated but-” she stares away from you and up somewhere while shestars to talk. Her face lights up in a different way, a way that you really love seeing. “Basically I’m studying art history along with philosophy. I’m taking some language classes on the side too.”

“Well _that’s_ a whole lot to do. How the hell are you keeping up??”

She turns to face you now with a smirk as you start to put the bread on the pan.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m kind of a big deal.” she looks at you with these eyes that are just-wow, seduction eyes much? And you feel yourself swallow. “Do you think I’m all good looks and no brain?” 

She holds a hand to her chest dramatically and you role your eyes.

“No, I just think you party way too much for someone who should be so busy all the time.”

“I have my ways. What about you, what are you studying?”

She leans on the counter, her elbows keeping her up and she lifts her chin. How can she be so casual and so sharp looking at the same time?

“Well-” 

You flip the bread and start your very long explanation. 

“I’m studying to be a journalist. Mostly because I enjoy talking to people so much and learning new things about them or about anything and I can always come up with a good story to tell even with the smallest amount of information about someone and someday I’d like to travel too.” 

Carmilla doesn’t interrupt you or talk when you pause, instead she’s listening intently and you feel your heart start to race again. Her being her and talking to you is nice.

“I just- I really wanna explore the world and all the different cultures and things and people, just so I can share the wonders of it all with everyone I can and just- just learn more.” 

You take in a deep breath as you start to put a new piece of bread on the pan.

“I’ve always wanted to go to this one place my mom always talked about that she loved as a kid and my dad’s never been able to take me there but I know one day I’ll go and probably cry like a kid. That place-” You swallow and pause for dramatic effect. “Is DisneyWorld.”

Carmilla’s silence is quickly broken by her loud cackling and you start to laugh with her, slapping your knee as you try and compose yourself to pay attention to the french toast.

“Cupcake, I’m sure your completely original childhood dream will come true one day.”

“I sure hope so. After all.” you pause again and look at her straight in the eye trying to keep a serious face. “It’s where dreams come true.”

She starts to laugh again and you love hearing her laugh. You love seeing this side of her. Maybe she doesn’t show this side enough. Hopefully that’ll change around you.

“I can’t believe you just literally used their slogan. You are too much.”

“Yeah well, at least I have hopes and dreams. What about you? Any deep dark secrets you want to share?”

Her smile drops and okay maybe you’re getting ahead of yourself Laura. You shouldn’t step over the line because there clearly is one when it comes to her past or whatever. 

“Well, I guess I might have one but it’s not exactly a dream that would ever come true or whatever.” 

She drops her head and you feel your stomach drop nervously. Why did you have to ask? Damn your stupid curious mind and big yapping mouth.

“My childhood dream or whatever would be to see my dad again. Things didn’t really go so well between us when I was a kid, and I just wish I knew the things I know now. Maybe things would have been different.” 

She looks back up at you nervously and quickly tries to brush her words off.

“It’s stupid, whatever just forget I ever said that.”

“It’s not stupid. You have every right to want to see him again.”

She shrugs and you should really know when to quit Laura.

“Did he pass away?”

Really Laura?! Really??? That’s not something people just bring up my god you have no chill.

“What? No. At least I don’t think so.”

“Oh.”

“My parents uh...their legally divorced.”

“and you don’t get to see your dad? Doesn’t the whole custody thing help out with that?”

“No it’s not that. It’s complicated.”

You take that as a sign to back off and you try and change the subject to make things less awkward.

“I don’t think it’s a stupid dream but come on, it can’t compete with DisneyWorld.”

She chuckles lightly and you place another piece of bread on the pan. After a moment of silence you hear her start to step closer.

“I have other dreams.”

“Yeah?”

“mhmm.”

She steps closer, standing behind you.

“Dreams with someone I can’t seem to stay away from.”

She steps even closer and you can almost feel her touching you. She places one of her hands on the counter next to you.

“Yeah? What kind of dreams?”

You’re heart is beating so fast you can hear it in your head and your breathing is starting to get shorter and shorter by the second.

“Dreams that I’m not sure I want to come true.” she steps closer, and you can feel her body against yours, her chin is on your shoulder as she looks down at what you’re cooking. “not yet anyway.”

“Why not?”

You turn your face to look at her and she does the same, your faces inches from each other. The sudden movement startled you and you flinched back, accidentally moving the pan from the grill, almost pushing it off to the counter. The loud metal clanking made the two of you jump away from each other and you quickly place the pan back where it was and turn of the flames.

“We should eat.”

You start nervously fidgeting through the kitchen cabinets, looking for plates and utensils, placing them down on the counter next to the made french toasts. You start serving them and feel Carmilla step behind you again. You start serving them faster and quickly turn around with both plates in your hands. Now you’re both facing each other completely and she’s looking down at your lips. You swallow nervously and hand her her plate. She looks at it and then back up at you giving you a small smile and walking to the small dinning table. You follow and sit next to her.

-

The two of you ate in awkward silence at first but then she started talking again. You told her about your dad and your place back home and she told you more things about Will and some childhood stories about the two of them fighting and causing mayhem. She didn’t talk much about her past though and you tried not to pry on it. You did, on one hand, have to comment on how scary her mom is and the fact that she can seem very intimidating, to which she laughed and agreed. 

Afterwards when you both left she walked with you to Silas to help you with the books for Will. The whole walk there was amazing. You talked the whole way there and laughed and shoved one another playfully (occasionally getting to close and stepping away into awkward silence for a few minutes) You loved it.

Once you went to see Will he was still sleeping from the meds they gave him and Kirsch had left to shower but said he’d come back in an hour to “be by my bro’s side.” You told Carmilla about what happened at the party and how Will got hurt and about Danny saving the day. (She didn’t seem to happy when you brought her up for some reason but whatever, she’s always a bit grumpy.) She’s still wearing your hoodie through all of this and you had to bring it up just to see how she’d react.

“You know, borrowing doesn’t mean the same as giving away.”

She looks confused and you smirk when you point at the hoodie she’s wearing. She stutters nervously and you giggle waving your hand.

“It’s fine. You can keep it, I have another one just like it but black.”

“Black? Can I have that one instead?”

You laugh and shove her in her place.

“Nope. Sorry, you look too cute in white.” 

She grins and you think you see her cheeks turn pink before she looks away to Will’s bed. She looks adorable when you manage to embarrass her.

-

Once Kirsch finally gets back you walk to the exit with Carmilla. You have to go to work tonight so you can’t spend any more time with her but she walked you down to the entrance and that’s super sweet of her. Once you get there you spit up to go your separate ways and she genuinely smiles at you kinda shyly as she waves you goodbye while starting to walk back to Will’s room. You want this to be how you always are with her

You want this to be normal between the two of you. You walk to the station in a really good mood and work your shift, smiling at every customer that comes your way. You can’t stop thinking about your day and how different everything can start to be. Carmilla isn’t just a hot girl who hangs out at bars, she’s so much more and she’s just an ordinary girl with hopes and dreams and classes and problems just like everyone. She’s also absolutely sweet and a total softie deep down who cares a lot about her little brother, something you’d never even think she’d be like. She’s all around wonderful and your whole day has been all around wonderful and you feel so so soooo happy today. _Nothing’s_ gonna make you stop smiling.

_Nothing’s_ gonna get that beautiful girl out of your head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was supposed to be waaay longer but im tired and i had to write it twice and everything sucks but w.e lol ill make it up to u guys later!


	16. Broken Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla and Laura star hanging out more but Laura notices somethings off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! i made it long to make up for that! beware of tears, fluff and heart break!

Things are going well with you. College is getting more bearable, work is less of a hassle now that Dave seems to have decided to stay in town for a while. You’re not sure if it’s because he’s dating someone now or because his old friend (Charlie? Charles?) has been coming by more often to visit the store and hang with Dave. They seem pretty close and you’ve never seen Dave so happy. Sometimes Charles stops by the counter and talks to you which is nice. He seems like a nice man and he kinda reminds you of someone. Point is, he’s a really cool dude. (Maybe you say that cause he usually leaves you a big tip in the jar..but hey, thanks to him you don’t have to be worrying about money as much as you used to.) If he’s trying to buy your approval to hang around the store for so long when Dave isn’t here than it’s totally working. 

Anyway, back to how life has been going lately. LaF is finally doing better. Their brother moved in with some girlfriend so they don’t have to go through shit at the house. Their parents are still not the best but at least they’re not the worst either. Kirsch is doing fine-ish. Sarah Jane kinda dumped him before she got sent to rehab by her parents. Natalie had gone to her mom and told her what had happened and well--yeah, rehab. Kirsch has been keeping himself busy having so bro time with Will and helping him out with whatever he can. Will’s out of the hospital by the way! He got the okay to head home like three days ago. Which is weird since it turns out his injury wasn’t that bad but somehow his mother got the doctors to keep him in the hospital till she was sure he was okay. He still isn’t back at Silas so you’ve been helping him out sending him notes and assignments through Kirsch. (It’s weird, for some reason he doesn’t want you to go visit him at his house.) either way with his mom there eeeeh you don’t really think you want to go to his house either. She seems intense. You kinda get why Carmilla acted the way she did around her that day at the hospital but you don’t really know much about their relationship. 

I mean sure, you’ve been hanging around with Carmilla more with the whole ‘visiting Will to bring him school work while he was at the hospital’ and all, but she hasn’t really opened up to you or anything. At least things aren’t as awkward as they were a few weeks ago so this is totally progress. You just wish you knew more about her…

Lately though you’ve been seeing here more often in the mornings, bumping into her after class, sometimes siting with her during lunch when LaF can’t make it. But then...yesterday when you ran into her before class she looked more tired than the usual and you think she probably hasn’t gotten much sleep. She hasn’t stayed over at your place in weeks so you wonder where she’s been spending the nights. 

You hope you’re completely wrong about this and that she actually does have a nice cozy home to go to but she’s never really mentioned it and she’s never really invited you over or anything. (not that you think she should of course-I mean no but--you know!) Still she seemed to be having a rough day. She looks so tired, her eyes mostly, but she kind of brushed you off this time and left you with a shy smile and small wave. What is up with her today? Does she know you’re on to how tired she is? Is that why she won’t answer your questions? Ugh, maybe you’re just digging in too much, maybe you’re making her uncomfortable. You sigh and slouch as you start turning to walk to your own class.

“stupid girl crushes.”

-

Once you’re done with classes for the day you meet up with LaF and walk to get your bike.

“What’s wrong now?”

“What?”

“You’ve been slouching and sighing all damn day.”

“What? No I haven’t. I haven’t even seen you all day till now!”

“Yeah well, I can feel your bad vibes coming from your texts, now spill.”

You grunt and pout giving into LaF’s ways of always being able to read your mood.

“It’s Carmilla..”

“Oh boy. What now? Did she catch you stalking her?”

LaF holds in a laugh and you glare at them.

“Ha-ha LaF.” you pause and sigh again. “It’s nothing baaaad, it’s just...she seemed weird today.”

“What kind of weird? Weird doesn’t always mean bad, L.”

“I know I know but like-she just--i don’t know she seemed tired and she kinda blew me off earlier which is fine, I get it, I’ve been totally pushy for the past few weeks trying to get us to be normal or friends or whatever and it was all going totally fine till today or at least I thought it was.”

“Laura, don’t be stupid. You haven’t been pushy, you’re just trying to get to know her better. Al though “friends”? HA! You know that’ not what you really want and who knows maybe it’s not what she wants either. Maybe that’s why she was being weird today. Maybe she’s tired of you trying the whole “friends” thing.

“Nooo it’s not that.” you grunt. “I don’t know LaF.”

You continue walking in silence while LaF is putting their thinking face.

“Well, why don’t you just ask her or whatever?”

“I can’t just ASK if we’re okay, that’s totally awkward. I don’t even know if _she’s_ okay.”

“What do you mean?”

You tuck some hair behind your ear and chew on your bottom lip as you look down, trying to figure Carmilla out, but you’ll never figure that damn girl out. You’ve known her for a few months already and you _still_ don’t know anything.

“I ran into her today before class and she didn’t look so good. She looked...tired. Like _really_ tired. Droopy eyes and bags under them and everything.”

“hmmm I don’t know man, maybe she’s been having a tough week with exams or something.”

“I don’t know, she’s never been one to worry much over classes. Apparently she’s like a genius. I still don’t understand how she can take so many classes and STILL be alive.”

“Lucky I guess?” they shrug.

“You’re not helping LaF.”

“Sorry… why don’t you just text her? Maybe something else is up and she could use a ‘friend’ or whatever.”

“...maybe I will…”

You take out your phone and notice you’ve reached your bike. LaF automatically takes it and starts walking back to their car. You grin and start to follow them. _LaF is a gift to this world._ They’re the best thing you’ve got down here, but you still can’t help but miss your dad back home. 

“Well? Get on with it! Text the damn girl, L!”

“All right all right, chill LaF!”

You take in a deep breath as you stare at the blank text message thinking what you should write. LaF’s starts to try and pack your bike in their car.

“Okay...here goes nothing.”

  _-_

You’re walking (or well, dragging your feet) down the sidewalk. You’re really freakin’ tired and sore all over. Will not being in the hospital anymore makes you really happy and relieved but him having to stay back at the house with mother doesn’t. Without him in the dorms you can’t expect his door to stay opened and taking naps in his room without him near doesn’t feel right. It’d be weird for his roommates to come in to their room and find you there with no excuse of waiting for Will to get back or whatever. So that’s crossed out for now in your list of places to crash. It’s been raining lately so the park isn’t really an option for you either, and crashing with trashed girls isn’t a possibility either. Not since you’ve met Laura, not since she’s become a somewhat constant person in your life. She’s been talking to you normally now, eating lunch, walking to class with you when you have similar routes, texting you every now and then. 

You smile at the thought of having her around more. Sure she’s annoying at times and she treated you like shit in the past but she apologized and it actually felt genuine, plus she’s been trying so hard and you haven’t exactly been trying as much as she has but...it just...feels nice to see her every once in a while. Hear how her day’s been going, watch her sulk and nag about classes, hear her laugh when you tell her something you didn’t think she’d find funny, see her cheeks turn pink when she stares at you while you talk, feeling her hand tap your arm when she leaves you or runs into you. 

You sigh to yourself.

_Why can’t you just see her like another girl that’s crossed your path? Why is she so different? Why does she_ feel _so different?_

You lick your lips and grunt as you put a hand against your stomach. Fuck being hungry. You take out some crackers from your back pack and start munching on them. Without Will lending you some money you have to rely on what little you make at the dance studio. You should talk to the owner soon and ask for some more hours or something. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of your phone vibrating in your bag. You take three more crackers and put them in your mouth while you put away the rest of them. They ‘re sticking out of your mouth as you dig through your bag to find your phone. 

  _I wonder who it is? Could Will need something?_

You stop walking and stare blankly at your phone screen for a few seconds as you read a text from Laura.

Tiny Laura(4:52pm): heeey! Can we talk?

You still haven’t replied. You don’t really know what to reply anyway. “talk”? What does she mean by that? Oh god, did you do something to upset her again? Is she going to stop speaking to you now or something? Oh shit, oh no. You don’t want that. You don’t want that at all!

Suddenly your phone starts vibrating in your hand. “Tiny Laura” coming up on the screen as her call comes in. You jump back and some of the crackers break from your mouth and fall to the ground.

“Shit shit shit.” 

You try and much the rest of the crackers down and start to cough before pressing answer. You clear your throat.

“Uh-um-he--hello?”

You try and contain your coughing from earlier as you nervously wait for her to speak.

“Heeey…”

“Heey...wh--what’s up?”

You start pacing nervously from side to side.

“Are you busy right now?”

“What? Busy? Uuuh no...Not yet anyway.”

“Oh okay, that’s good, that’s--that’s probably good.”

“Why?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you asking?...Is something wrong?”

“What? No! No everything’s fine!”

“Oh. Okay then...yeah.”

“Soo umm are you doing something later?”

“Later? Well not really. I mean, I’m on my way to work right now.”

“Work? I didn’t know you had a job. Where do you work?”

“At a dance studio downtown.”

“A dance studio?? Wait are you giving a dance class??”

“What? No!” you chuckle. Laura can be so cute. “ I’m just a janitor there occasionally.”

“Oooooh okay.”

“Yeah…”

There’s silence between you two for a few seconds before Laura speaks up again.

“Sooo, can I come?”

“What?”

“Can I come along? I like to clean! I can help!”

“You’d do that?”

“Yeah! Totally! I could help out and keep you entertained too.”

“Sounds to good to be true.” 

You smile as you continue your walk there.

“So is that a yes?”

“Cupcake…”

“Come oooon Carmmm, don’t be such a loner! Let me come with!”

You chuckle and shake your head.

“Fine. You can come.”

“Awesome! Text me the directions?”

“Okay.”

“Okay! See you soon then.”

She hangs up and you take in a deep breath and stop walking again. You close your eyes and lift your head up, groaning into the skies. 

_How can this girl make you agree to everything?_ You just wanted to clean up the studio early so you could sleep at the desk more. You sigh and tuck your phone in your pocket as you continue to walk again. 

If it’s time spent with Laura then it’s worth it. 

-

LaF is driving but when you hang up and face them excited.

“Soo, I’m guessing it’s good news?”

“Mmmm kind off. Yes...i don’t know..maybe.”

“Make up your mind Laura! Is it good or not?”

“It’s good for me! Buuuut...bad for you?”

“Oh fish sticks.”

“Can you drive me somewhere?”

“Well that depends, how far away is it? 

“I don’t know yet, it’s somewhere downtown.”

“You don’t even know yet??”

You’re about to say something when you feel your phone vibrate and read a new text message from Carmilla.

“Here!” you hand the phone to LaF. “You know where it is?”

LaF reads the text and gives you a glare, shoving your phone back at you. 

“Fine fine, but you so owe me.”

You squeal and jump in your seat as you drive to the address that Carmilla sent you.

-

You’re looking for the keys to open the gate that leads to the dance studio when you hear a car honk behind you.

“Sup cranky panties.”

“Sup ginger bread.”

Laura steps out of LaF’s car and smiles at you before walking your way.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

You stare at each other like two big dorks when LaF yells something out of their window.

“I’ll drop your bike off at your place! Later L!”

“Thanks LaF!”

Laura waves LaF off and you turn to continue opening the gate, pushing it open with one hand and gesturing for Laura to go in first.

“Ladies first.”

“You know you’re also a lady right?”

“Jesus, can’t a girl be chivalrous anymore?”

She smirks and steps in, going up the steps to the studio and waiting for you to catch up to her. You go up the steps and un lock the door so Laura can step inside. 

“Okay sooo, where do we start?”

“We? I thought you were going to do everything for me.”

“As if. I’m only helping out! I’m not your little slave.”

“whatever you say, cupcake.”

You walk past her and enter the office to get some supplies from the closet. You step back out and lean on the door frame as you hold out some supplies. You wave them around and Laura steps closer, grabbing some of the supplies.

“Okay, so what first?”

You grin at how she’s lifting an eye brow at you. You walk away and show her the actual dance studio. 

“The mirrors first. I do half and you do half, yeah?”

“Okay, deal.” She walks towards the mirrors. “ But I bet I can clean mine faster than you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Obviously.”

She starts to frantically spray and wipe the mirrors in quick circles and you rush to the mirror next to her and do the same. She’s already finished three mirrors and you spray her to distract her. She squeals but sprays you back and it’s all giggles and playful shoves.

After you finished the mirrors you started to broom the studio while Laura cleaned the bathroom. Once you finished you filled the bucket to start mopping. You were almost half way through mopping when you notice Laura sitting under the door frame and watching you intently. It made you kind of nervous but knowing that she’s here with you and looking at you kinda makes your chest feel fuzzy. After a few minutes she stands up and goes to you.

“Let me do the rest. Half and half right?”

“You don’t have to. I’m almost done.”

“Just give me the darn mop woman.”

She grabs the mop and grins at you as she starts to take it away from you. 

“Fine, but now it’s my turn to creepily watch you work.”

“Hey! No, you can’t watch!”

“Why? You watched me! It’s only fair. Half and half remember?”

You smirk at her and she’s got that bunched up face that you love so much. 

“Fine.”

You stick your tongue out and start to walk away with a smirk when you feel her smack you with the wet mop.

“Hey!”

She starts laughing and you go for the bucket and start to splash her with the water.

“No! Stop!” she keeps laughing and trying to hit you with the mop again but you grab it and pull it, thinking she’d let it go. She didn’t and you ended up pulling her closer with it. Her laughing turns into giggles as she stares at you sweetly with a slight blush in her cheeks.

“Well I guess that makes mopping easier.”

She gestures towards the puddles of water you made and she takes the mop away from you again.

“I’ll finish. Got that?”

“Fine.”

She’s still smiling at you and you start walking away. You lean on the wall and cross your arms by your chest as you stare at her. She takes her phone out.

“Is it okay if I put some music on? I work faster with music.”

“Yeah sure, knock yourself out.”

She smiles wide and searches on her phone for music, playing a song. At first she was just bobbing her head but then she started swinging her hips and mumbling the lyrics as she continued to mop. 

  _I don’t wanna be needing your love,_

_I just wanna be deep in your love_

_And it’s killing me when you’re away, ooh baby_

_Cause I really don’t care where you are_

_I just wanna be there where you are_

_And I gotta get one little taste_

She started to actually sing once the chorus came on and she is just the cutest girl you’ve ever met. Laura’s just amazing. You chuckled to yourself when she started to use the mop stick as a mic and started doing Elvis Presley moves. 

Yeah, she’s amazing.

-

When you finished mopping you turned to find that Carmilla wasn’t standing there anymore, so you dump the bucket outside and start looking for her. You find her in the office standing by the desk and she seemed nervous when she noticed you were there. You noticed there’s a plastic bag filled with something by the desk but you don’t think you should ask anything. She doesn’t seem as comfortable as before and she still looks tired but you have an idea and you’re just gonna go for it.

“Sooo, are you doing anything else tonight?”

“Uhh no...i don’t think so no.”

You notice she’s fidgeting and won’t look you in the eyes. Yeah, you’re totally asking about this later.

-

“You wanna go home and watch some shitty indie films? Maybe some low quality queer films that we can judge till our hearts content?”

You love the way Laura says go home as if it was home for the both of you. It makes your chest tighten and you feel kind of special to her, even if you’re not. Still it gives you some hope.

“Yeah sure...I think I’d like that very much.”

Laura’s smile grows and she gives you a nod before stepping out of the office and leaving you to do whatever it is she thought you were doing. You let out a breath you were holding and bend down to reach for the plastic bag. You take some clean clothes from there and stuff it in your bag for tomorrow. You step out of the office and close the door behind you turning to see Laura looking out the window. The sunset light hitting her face and eyes. She looks so beautiful. She turns her face slightly to see you and gives you a tight smile.

“So ready to go?”

“Yeah, I just have to lock up.”

You both step outside and you lock up the door and then head down the steps to lock up the gate. You start walking to a nearby bus stop to wait for a bus to come by.

“Thanks for everything by the way. It was very...sweet of you.”

“No problem. I like spending time with you.”

You stare at her and start to feel your cheeks getting warm and she’s giving you a genuine smile which you return with a shy one. She starts looking inside her back pack for something and pulls out a chocolate bar.

“Share?”

“Um you really don’t hav-”

She rolls her eyes and splits the bar in half, giving you one while she starts munching on her own piece. 

“Thanks.”

She grins with her cheeks full and you take a bite of your own chocolate to try and hide the fact that you were staring at her for way too long 

“You got a little.”

She licks her thumb and starts to rub the side of your lip, taking some chocolate off of your face. You blush harder and she giggles and sucks on her thumb quickly.

“Sorry if that was gross. I couldn’t help it.”

“No it’s--it’s fine.”

She giggles more and you see the bus start to pull up. You take out some change and hand her the rest. At first she insists she doesn’t want to take it but you shove it in her hand and walk away, getting into the bus and she follows. 

The bus ride was nice. You’ve never really taken the bus with someone else. At least not since Ell back in high school. It’s different with Laura though. She only talks to you every few minutes and just stares out the window. After some time she leaned her head on your shoulder and shut her eyes. You didn’t mind, not at all.

Once you reach the stop that’s near her house you lightly slap her thigh and she opens her eyes, smacking her lips and stretching.

“We’re here?”

“Yeah this is our stop.”

You get up and Laura’s being slow so you shake your head and help her up, grabbing her hand and leading her out of the bus. Once you’re outside and the bus leaves you notice Laura looking down at your intertwined hands and you immediately let go tensing up. You start walking in the direction of her apartment and she’s texting someone on her phone but you try not to pry. Once you reach her apartment she opens the door and steps in, taking her shoes off and dropping on her bed with a groan. You chuckle and shake your head as you close the front door. You stand around not knowing what to do for a minute until she sits back up and grabs her laptop. 

“Sooo movie or series?”

“mmmm movie.”

She pats her bed for you to sit beside her and you slide off your boots and do just that.

-

You spend all evening watching romantic comedies and twilight to which Carmilla apparently had a lot to say about. Turns out she’s really into films and vampires and hates what Twilight did saying “You’re a vampire numbnuts! EAT HER!”. Seeing her so worked up over something so dumb made you love this movie night even more. The tension between the two of you during the queer film you watched was intense though, and awkward and quiet but it was kinda cute. It’s late now and you got up to take a shower after Carmilla fell asleep on your shoulder while watching a shitty romantic movie. When you’re done showering you come out of the bathroom in a towel like you always do, not thinking much about Carmilla being here since she’s asleep. Until you hear her waking up and a wave of nerves hits you like a cold breeze. You start to quickly pick out some pajamas and underwear when you hear her toss around in your bed. A new wave hits you, this time it’s a warm one creeping up your body and your cheeks and you dart and slide back into the bathroom. You hear her mumble something in an adorable and kind of sexy sleepy voice and peep your head out the bathroom door.

“What time is it?”

“Uuuh like 11:30.”

She shoots up and starts to look for her shoes as if to leave and you insist that she can stay over but it doesn’t look like she wants to so you feel kind of hurt and step back into the bathroom.

“Well it’s okay if you don’t wanna stay, I get it.”

You close the door and feel a weird ache in your chest. You huff out some air and start drying yourself and putting on your clothes before opening the door and coming out again. You’re surprised to see that she’s still there, standing exactly where she was looking nervously at the floor.

“Well I can’t just stay here, I haven’t even showered.”

“I can lend you some clothes so you can shower here. It’s no biggie.”

You see her think about it for a few seconds until she agrees and you can’t help but feel excited. She heads to the bathroom and closes the door. You hear the water start to run and you decide you should make some snacks before bed for the two of you so you make a few cookies quickly. Once you’re finished you place them on a plate on the floor beside your bed.

“Cupcake.”

You turn around to see a dripping Carmilla leaning behind the bathroom door.

“I need a towel.”

You notice you haven’t given her a towel or clothes yet so you quickly shoot up to get them.

“Uhh is it okay if you use mine? I haven’t done laundry so I don’t have any other clean towels.”

She smiles, giving you these incredible seduction eyes which holy crap.

“I don’t mind at all, cutie.”

You blush and quickly hand her your towel and clothes and she chuckles at your behavior and grabs them wiggling her eyebrows before she closes the door. God it’s like she has this power over you that you can’t explain, but you kind of...like it? She finally comes out of the bathroom and oh my god those pajama shorts sure look great on her like woah. You can see some of her stomach when she stretches her arms up like a cat and wow, she’s gorgeous. She drops on the bed beside you and grabs some cookies, stuffing her face. She let’s out a small moan that sends shivers down your spine.

“These are really good.”

She tells you while staring at you and nodding in approval.

“Yeah?” you smile shyly. “ I used to make these with my mom so they’re kind of my fav.”

“Oh. Well they taste delicious.”

You giggle and shove some cookies down too. Yeah, they really are your fav, and right now being here with Carmilla makes everything even better.

-

You finished up snacking and lay back down on the bed after you had put the plate away and brought a glass of milk that Carmilla takes from you. She can be rude sometimes or a total pain in the ass but you love having her company. You can’t believe you ever thought she was a bad person. I mean, sure she’s troublesome and a total mystery but she’s sweet and kind to you even if she tries to act like she doesn’t do it. You place the empty glass of milk beside your bed and turn to face her with a face full of shame.

“You okay, cupcake?”

“Yeah it’s just--I just feel like a total dick for how I treated you before. You really didn’t deserve that. I’m an idiot and I’m so sorry and I shouldn’t have forced you to do any of-”

“Laura” she rolls her eyes.” I already told you a million times, it’s fine. You don’t have to apologize for your actions. If it was under certain circumstances...I would have wanted _that_ to happen.”

You blush and see that she’s trying to hide her face with her bangs as she picks on a string of your bed sheets. _She’s too cute._

“Really?”

She rolls her eyes and lowers her head again and you can see the color in her cheeks start to change when she gives you a small nod. You try and contain the happiness that’s threatening to just burst inside you so instead you bite down on your lip, trying to hide your big goofy smile. You don’t say anything after that. You’re not really sure what would be the right thing to say anyway. You just know you reeeeally don’t wanna ruin this right now. You lay down on your bed and watch her follow. It’s still quiet between you two.

“You know...you’re the only girl I’ve slept with.”

You almost break your neck to face her and give her an “are you fucking kidding me” kind of glare and she starts to clarify.

“No, I mean like literally sleep. You’re the only girl I’ve literally just slept in a bed with.”

“Really? What about with girlfriends? I’m sure you’ve had a bunch.”

You say with a breathy laugh but you notice her expression changes. For a while she doesn’t say anything until she replies in a low tone.

“Not really...just one...well I doubt she’d count as a girlfriend and all but...whatever. 

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh come on! You already started! Tell me about her! How was she? What did she look like? How long did you guys dat-”

“I said no!”

You flinch back from her harsh tone and wow that freaking hurt. She didn’t have to get all hostile about it. The space between you two feels awkward now and you yank your sheets to cover you up as you aggressively turn to face away from her.

“Fine. Gosh, you didn’t have to be so mean about it. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Carmilla.”

A few minutes pass and you think you feel shitty and possibly want to cry a little which is stupid you didn’t do anything to get so upset. It’s just, everything seemed to be going so well and now the moment is totally gone to shit. You sigh and shut your eyes tight to go to sleep.

“Her name was Ell…”

You turn around to face her surprised and see that she’s going to continue so you pay as much attention as you can to her.

“She was my best friend in high school. Well, she was more to me though...I loved her in more ways than friendship.”

Her face starts to change and you can see sadness in her eyes when she tilts her head to look at you. You give her a soft smile and eyes to reassure her it’s okay and she takes in a deep breath and looks back up at the ceiling.

“God why am I telling you all of this?”

You shrug giving her another soft smile as you continue to listen.

“We started getting closer around sophomore year when she lost her father. I was always there for her and after a while, we fell in love. Or at least I did.”

She let’s out a mocking laugh as her eyes start to get watery. 

“Anyway, we spent a lot of time together and our sleep overs started to change from ordinary ones between friends, to sweet ones between lovers. Eventually I asked her to be my girlfriend and it wasn’t a secret to anyone.”

Her expression changes to one of anger and you can see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“Anyone but my mother.” she pauses and clenches her jaw. “ One day my mother overheard me talking on the phone with her and threw a tantrum. She said I was a disgusting, filthy, a sinner who was going to burn in the depths of hell if she didn’t repent.” 

She shakes her head in disbelief and continues.

“She told me I was not to see her anymore but I didn’t listen. I talked to Ell that same night after my mother had gone to bed and we agreed to meet up at our spot the next day to run away together. I was an idiot to believe that was even a possibility, a good choice...but it seemed like the best option at the time. So the next day came and I had packed my things to meet up with Ell in secret.”

Tears are now falling down Carmilla’s face and her chin is quivering a bit.

“I waited...and waited...and waited but Ell never showed. I stayed there till it was completely dark out and I called her, texted her, but nothing. She ditched me… she just left me there to my demise. I didn’t know what to do and eventually my mother found me crying like a lost child and dragged me back home by force when I insisted on waiting for Ell to show up.”

She takes in a deep breath and wipes her eyes quickly before staring at you and back up to the ceiling.

“Turns out my mother contacted Ell and somehow talked her out of meeting me. But she never tried to explain herself, she never tried to get me back, she never even tried to apologize for breaking my fucking stupid heart. I started disobeying my mother more after that and she ended up sending me far away to a school with nuns and rules and harsh punishments.”

You feel your heart just drop. Carmilla lost Ell and right now she was crying beside you. You reach up to wipe her tears away and she looks at you while sniffling.

“My mother tried to make me the way she wanted but my feelings didn’t change, I was still gay as fuck and still not over Ell. I haven’t completely been myself since then, but I’d say I’m doing fine.”

She wipes her face again and you pull her chin so that she’s facing up at you. Her eyes watery, tears still streaming down the side of her face. You’ve never seen her like this and even under all those tears she looks beautiful to you. You give her a tight smile trying to reassure her and huddle up inside her arms, hugging her. 

  _She needs a hug right now and you think it’s all you can really give her. Hopefully that’s enough to calm her down._

“If it makes you feel any better, I think Ell was an idiot in letting you go like that.”

She scoffs and you hear her sniffle a few times.

“Also...your mom’s kind of a bitch.”

She let’s out a loud laugh this time and you can’t help but join her.

“you think?”

“Oh believe me, the moment I saw her I knew she would put the eyeballs of the innocent in her martini’s.”

She starts laughing again and you love that sound. You’re glad it’s happening because of you.

“Yeah, my mother is kind of intense, but she’s family...well by the definition of the word  I suppose.”

“Well I’m just glad you’re not as scary as your mom.” 

You look down and away from her eyes.

“You don’t deserve people like that. You deserve to be loved for who you are...no matter what people think.”

You keep your eyes down but feel Carmilla’s hand pull your chin up to face her. All you can see are these glistening watery but heart warming eyes staring intently at you. You stay like that for a  few quiet seconds that feel like a lifetime. You were lost in those eyes, drowning in their gentleness. Carmilla brushes some of your hair away from your face gently and you blush. You lean forward and give her a gentle kiss on her forehead. Once you get back to your original position you see Carmilla’s cheek are now pink and she leans in closer to you and gives you a sweet gentle kiss on the lips and you feel like she needs you more than you need her. She needed that kiss right now and you won’t ever make her explain why, but you know she just needed to feel someone close to her right now, and that’s okay with you. She pulls back eyes closed and drops her face to your yellow pillow next to you. 

“Good night, cupcake.”

You stare at her waiting to see if there’s another reaction but nothing happens.

“Good night, Carm.”

At the sound of you calling her that she curls up closer into you and you feel her head against your chest. You automatically wrap your arms around her, pulling her closer, and you can feel her hand crawl up your lower back, caressing it for a brief moment. You stay like that, embracing each other in silence. You can see Carmilla’s rhythmic breathing against you, the warmth from her body wrapping you up.  You reach for the covers and cover the two of you, gently wrapping your arms around her again. 

You want to be there for her whenever she needs you, even if she won’t admit needing you in the first place. Maybe she’s not such a mystery after all. Maybe she’s just lonely. You sink your face into her hair and close your eyes to drift to sleep.

_Maybe you wan’t to be with her more than you thought._

 

 


	17. Tough Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla are getting closer and they might just even take a step further, sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ones pretty long. A lot of people are in it. Also i don't know shit about coffee so don't judge me for my fake knowledge. Also I'm sorry for the fluff and the thing that happens with somebody.

You’re awake now and you can feel warm arms wrapped around you, a slow and steady heart beat next to your ear. You don’t have to open your eyes to know who’s still holding you so tenderly and you let yourself indulge in this safe feeling as you take in a deep breath and smile to yourself. Laura’s still asleep beside you and you think you don’t ever want this to stop, you don’t even want to not feel her embrace, and for a few minutes there you forget everything. Silas, your problems, your mother, even the pain that Ell had left in your heart and it’s all because of this tiny girl next to you. It’s all because of Laura Hollis. You never thought you’d be so glad to stay over at someone’s house until today, and the fact that this someone showed you she cares about you yesterday only makes your feelings for her grown. You like this girl, no..you care for this girl, you can’t imagine not having her around, not feeling her close to you. You carefully snuggle closer to her, tightening your grip on the back of her shirt and you feel her move a bit and wrap her arms around you more. The warmth you feel right now while you’re cuddled inside her just feels right, something you haven’t felt in so long.

It just feels like home. 

You hear the theme of Doctor Who start to play somewhere in the room and Laura stars to move. You grumble, whining at the thought of this moment ending and you feel one of Laura’s leave you and search for her phone. She grumbles herself and you smile at the thought that she doesn’t want it to end either. Laura picks up her phone and her morning voice can’t be more adorable.

“mmmng helloooo…?”

You hear a man’s voice in the distance but you can’t make out the words. Laura sighs and rubs one of her eyes with the hand that’s still holding the phone.

“Heeey dad.-No I’m not up yet. -Yeah I know. -No I don’t have class for a few more hours.”

You feel Laura move slightly when she stops talking and she snuggles back closer to you, resting her chin on the top of your head as she continues to talk on the phone.

“Yeah I know dad. -Yeah I’m doing okay.- Will’s still not back at school.-No but he’s doing better from what Kirsch has told me. -What?- Yeah I remember, just call me to remind me next week.- Thanks dad, I love you too. Bye.”

Laura hangs up and you feel her arm wrap around you again, making you smile into her chest. Her phone start to ring again and you push away from her grunting.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“Sorry.”

She grunts herself, turning face up as she answers the phone.

“What is it LaF? - Yeah I’m busy.- No not like that! I’m sleeping! Gosh..-Yeah she’s here, why?”

Laura turns to look at you laughing after listening to whatever LaF is telling her.

“That’s totally true.- What?- Hmm I don’t know if that would be okay with her.- Yeah yeah I know.- Shut up! Gosh!- I’ll talk to you later you big nerd.”

Laura hangs up and starts to stretch in bed.

“What did they say?”

“What? Oh nothing, just messing with me and whatever.”

“Liar. They asked about me. What were they asking about?”

Laura’s cheeks start to turn a bit pink and you smirk at the realization that LaF was probably teasing her about you still being here. 

“Uhh...not much. Just wondering how you were doing. You seemed really tired yesterday so they got worried.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah..” she pauses and then sits up facing you. “You know-”

“Know what?”

“Well LaF was just asking me if you had a roommate you lived with or something.” She pauses and stares curiously at you. “Do you?”

“Not really.” You feel a bit of panic seep in but you try and push it down. “Why?”

“No reason! It’s just-- they’re getting rid of some of their brothers stuff and they have a mattress and they were asking me if I wanted it or something but I don’t know--you don’t have a roommate? That’s gotta get lonely and stuff. You live alone then?”

“Yes I live alone, what about it?” You say in a tone that feels like you snapped at her a little but you’re nervous and you hate this subject and you really don’t want to ruin how amazing this morning has been till now.

 “Nothing...just--well, I was wondering. Wouldn’t you rather live her with me and be my roommate?” Laura says in a somewhat shy tone.

“What?”

“My roommate! You’re not as much of an asshole as the typical roommate and we get along and I’m always alone here and you live alone there and my dad would totally love if I had a roommate instead of living on my own because he’s always scared of me being alone and I’d actually kind of really would like that very much but it’s totally just a question, you don’t have to answer right now I’m just curious and stuff.”

Laura finally breaths after rambling nervously and you’re not really sure what to make of all of this. Be roommates with Laura? You would see her every day and you wouldn’t be alone at nights and you would actually have a home to come to but...you barely make enough money to get by and the amount Will usually gives you isn’t a lot either. You can’t. You just can’t be with Laura, you can’t live with her like that and it sucks and it really hurts to admit that right now, but it’s the truth.

“Sorry cupcake, but I don’t think I could pay that much rent.”

“Are you good at cooking?”

“What? Uh yeah, why?”

“You can pay me with food! I don’t really cook and I barely ever have time to eat so I live off of junk food and cereal, so if you would just take care of feeding the two of us then that’s all the rent I need.”

She smiles shyly and fidgets in her place. Her hand pushing against your shoulder playfully.

“Come oooon, am I that bad? I’m giving you the offer of a life time! Cute girl, cheap place, my netflix account, all of the goodies, internet, the chance to torture me with your brooding? How can you not?”

You smile and shake your head.

“It sounds tempting.”

“Seeee! Come on come on, think about it.”

“I don’t really have any furniture or anything of my own.”

“I’ve got some stuff I left back home that I’ve been wanting to bring. You could use it.”

“Why are you giving me such an amazing offer, cupcake?”

“Because I like you and I may or may not have told my dad I had a prior roommate.”

She cringes at her own lie.

“You told him you had a roommate?”

“Maybe…”

“And he believed you?”

“Kind of...he’s coming by in few weeks and he’s not gonna like me lying to him.”

“Well that’s one hell of a pickle you’ve got yourself in, buttercup.”

You stand up from the bed and shrug at her.

“But it’s not my problem so.”

“Fine fine, don’t be my roommate. I’ll just find someone better and more _willing_.”

“More willing?”

“Yup.”

Laura grabs her phone and starts scrolling through her contacts as if actually searching for someone she would ask.

“Yeah? Like who?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe Betty ooooor Natalie oooor Danny…”

Danny? No no no no no, not that big idiot no way. That would mean Laura living with her and spending more time with her and Danny would probably take advantage of this and go for-

“Fine, I’ll do it.”

“What? Wait, really??”

Laura beamed and you can’t believe you just agreed to this. What the hell Karnstein? You’re developing a soft spot because of Laura like what the fuck is going on with you? Shit.

“Yes...really.”

Laura squealed and jumped up from the bed. 

“Carm, you’re the best!”

Laura darted towards you and gave you a hug and a kiss on the cheek, making you blush. You weren’t expecting that and okay...maybe being her roommate isn’t so bad after all. If there’s going to be more of that than maybe it’s all worth it. You just hope your mother doesn’t find out about this. You don’t want Laura to get involved in all of your baggage with your mother, and you certainly don’t want your mother hurting her too. There’s no way you’re letting that happen. She can’t take this away from you, not this.

-

The two of you are walking to Silas together and you can’t believe Carmilla agreed on being your roommate. It makes you so happy and excited and okay maybe you’re way too happy about this. Still, you’re just glad to know that she’s always gonna sleep in a safe place, and that’s what makes you the happiest. You don’t want her to be out there on her own at night if that’s even what’s really going on with her. You don’t have to know about it. If anything she’ll tell you what’s really up when she’s ready. I mean last night for the first time ever she actually opened up to you, and it was so sad but it made you feel happy at the same time. Happy because she actually trusted you with something so personal to her, happy that you had the chance to be the one to be there for her last night. You don’t ever want her to go through something like that on her own again. She doesn’t deserve to suffer like that. Carmilla may still be mostly a mystery to you but the image you had of her is slowly changing. She’s not just this tough, flirty girl who parties and goes to college. She’s so much more. You’re glad to finally be starting to know the real her, you’re glad she’s here with you.

You talk a lot on the way to Silas, mostly you asking more about the whole Ell thing to which Carmilla doesn’t seem so comfortable with but she actually answers you a few times. She told you what school they went together and the fact that you both had matching necklaces to which she says she just likes how it looks so she keeps wearing it but you know better than that. Carmilla really must have fallen hard for that girl and you don’t understand how Ell could have just left her like that but you try not to pry anymore since Carmilla starts walking faster obviously nervous about all these questions. The rest of the way to Silas you change the subject and she walks closer to you again, adding to the conversation. Once you get to Silas the two of you are walking down the same hall giggling when you run into Danny. Carmilla kind of tenses up for some reason but whatever, now you’re just exaggerating Laura.

“Hey Hollis. Out bright and early I see.”

“Yeah, I have to return some books and help Kirsch out with something about Beowulf.”

“You’re way too good to be true.” 

You giggle and smile shyly as Danny smiles down at you but then suddenly you feel Carmila putting her arm around your shoulder and your attention immediately changes to the girl next to you.

“Yeah, she is, so we’re just gonna keep heading in that direction now if you don’t mind un-blocking the hall, Hodor.”

“I’m not in a hurry.”

 You see Carmilla roll her eyes and she takes her arm away from you.

“I’ve got some never before pictures seen pictures from the Zeta party if you want to go through them with me.”

“You managed to take pictures? That’s awesome! Show me.”

Carmilla clears her throat and start walking away.

“Sorry. I just forgot that I have to be anywhere but here.”

“Oh that’s too baaaad. No, come baaack.”

Danny says sarcastically back at Carmilla and you don’t know why Carmilla’s acting like this but maybe she’s just grumpy or something because of the whole Ell talk the two of you were having earlier.

“Dont.”

“What? Why not?”

“She’s just, had a rough day is all.”

“Oh no, you are entirely too sweet.”

“Yeah yeah, so those pictures?”

“Yeah check them out. I caught the guy who injured Will and I’m on my way to get him busted.”

Danny continues to talk and you look behind her to see Carmilla walking away down another hall. Maybe you should text her later.

-

You’re walking to your first class of the day and you’re just angry and pissed and you really don’t like Laura being around that stupid tall Danny.

“Freaking Lawrence.”

You can’t believe she kissed Laura that day by the library, and no matter how hard you try you just can’t get it out of your head. You can’t fucking forget it, you can’t forget how hurt you felt when you saw it happen. Maybe you’re pushing things to fast. Maybe you shouldn’t be hanging so much around Laura. She obviously has better things to do, or even worse, better people. You scoff and walk into your classroom. You’re actually early this time thanks to Laura waking you up. Laura...Maybe you should ask her about the whole Danny thing, maybe she isn’t really that into her, maybe she likes you more. (or maybe she’s playing with the two of you.) You grunt and throw your book on the desk.

Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to be her new roommate.

-

You’re done with your classes for the day and now you’re on your way to the station. You didn’t see Carmilla on your lunch break so you maybe starting to worry again but you need to chill Hollis. Let the girl have her space, she has a life of her own to live. She’s probably just busy, you’ll call her later. You stopped by the apartment first to change and take your bike and you started to think of how you’d rearrange the apartment so there would be more room for her and her things when she moved in. Maybe you should check on her about that though, what if she changes her mind and you’re just a big gay idiot who’s left waiting in your own apartment. You think of what Carmilla had told you about Ell and how she waited hours and hours for her. No, Carmilla wouldn’t do that to you. She wouldn’t leave you waiting like that, she’s not that kind of girl and you’re very happy to know that now. 

You parked your bike at the usual spot and head inside the station to find Dave 

“Hey Boss.”

“Well if it isn’t my favorite employee!”

“I don’t think that’s something you should say, Dave. The other employees will get jealous.”

“Maybe, but I love all my employees equally! You’re just my favorite.”

He leans closer to you behind the desk and raises a hand to cover the side of his mouth as he whispers.

“You don’t talk as much as Betty and you don’t sass me as much as LaF, so you’re totally my favorite.”

He laughs and starts heading to the back to do his usual stuff.

“Thanks Dave. Does that mean I’m getting a raise?”

“HA! Well aren’t you cute.”

“I’ll take that as a maybe.”

He laughs and goes to the back. The station seems calm tonight and you look back at the empty couch by the coffee spot. You remember when Carmilla used to hang out there and take naps. You smile to yourself. You kinda miss that. Maybe you should text her already. You take out your phone since there’s no customers at the counter right now and text her.

Laura(6:22pm): Hey roomie! Are you busy right now?

Carm(7:13pm): I’m still at the Silas library. Why?

Man that took her a long time. You had kind of started freaking out a little but she replied so she can’t be that grumpy anymore.

Laura(7:19pm): Can you come by the station tonight?

Carm(7:25pm): Yeah. I can’t be there till 9 though.

Laura(7:26pm): That’s fine. I’m here all night anyway. :)

Carm(7:27pm): Okay.

You stare at your phone like it’s a puzzle that you can’t quite get, but then you hear the door open so you put your phone away.

“Hey, welcome t- Oh, hey Charles.”

“Hello Laura. Is Dave around?”

“Yeah he’s around back again.”

“Very well, thank you.”

He smiles and before he walks away he looks through his pockets and puts some cash in your tip jar with a big smile that you immediately mirror.

“Thanks Charles.”

“You’re welcome, Laura. Keeping those grades up right?”

“Yup. I’m doing my best.”

“Good, keep up the good work kiddo.”

He gives you one last encouraging smile and walks to the back. Charles sure is an okay dude. You don’t know why he always seems kind of sad. You’re sure he’s got a great life and by the amount of money he always tips you it sure looks that way. So why does he always seem like he’s sad about something? You don’t have any evidence but it’s just a gut feeling and something in his eyes. Charles is just another mystery you look forward to solving. 

It’s been about an hour and the station is still pretty empty. A few customers here and there but nothing too busy. Dave popped out of the back door and got your attention for something 

“Hey Laura! Would you mind getting Charles and me some coffee from the spot. Don’t let Johnny make it, he always screws up my latte! Switch places with him for a few.”

“Okay!”

You walk to the coffee spot by Carmilla’s couch where there’s a couple chatting and drinking coffee of their own. You wave Johnny out behind the coffee counter.

“What is it Laura?”

“Dave told me to switch with you for a few.”

“But I hate the front counteeeer.”

“Johnny the store’s not even busy. Just switch will ya?”

“Fine! But Dave owes me a free Mocha for this.”

“Yeah yeah.”

Johnny steps out and walks to your counter while you go behind his and start making Dave’s latte. You’ve learned that Charles like to take his coffee black, he says it’s the only way to keep him on his toes at work, so you start making it that way for him and he’s always very polite to you when you bring it to him. I bet he makes an amazing boss at that office of his. You go and take both coffee’s to the back when you hear the door open. A girl just walked in and she looked towards the coffee counter so you assume she’s buying some.

“Hey! I’ll be right there. Just give me one sec.”

She gives you a tight smile and nods. Curious...you’ve never seen her around before, not even at the clubs across the street which is weird since you mostly get locals here. You hum in interest but continue to walk towards the back. 

“Here you go guys. Just how you like it.”

“Thanks Laura! You get two more bucks on your christmas bonus!”

“Pfff that’s great Dave. What would I do without your bonus?” you say sarcastically and he laughs before he burns his tongue.

“Okay never mind, no bonus. That hurt!”

“I knew it was too good to be true.” You shake your head but still laugh.

“Thank you Laura. You’re a great kid you know that?”

“That’s what my dad always says.”

“Well...he’s a lucky father to have a kid like you. Make him proud, okay?”

“I’ll try my best.”

He gives you a sad smile and goes back to drinking his coffee. You head back to the counter and see that the girls standing there looking at the options so you quickly go to her to take her order. Johnny’s giving you begging signals so he can take her order instead but you stick your tongue out and speak to her.

“Hi. Sorry for the wait. How can I help you tonight.”

“It’s fine, just don’t let your boss catch you slacking off.”

“I wasn’t slacking-I’m sorry. I was just taking care of a previous order. My bad.”

Customer service Laura, customer service. Control the rage, you’ve gone through this.

“So...what would you like M’am.”

“M’am? I’m not even 25 yet.”

“Oops, my bad.”

You give her a smile because _haha take that I just called you old as pay back customer girl._ You take a second to look at her for the first time and she’s actually a very pretty girl, hell she’s kind of gorgeous if you’re being honest. Short blond hair, pale skin, a mole on her right cheek, blood red lipstick, green eyes and a very cute summer like dress.

“So your order Miss?”

“I’ll have a latte. Nice and sweet.”

“Sure thing. What’s your name?”

“What? I’m sorry honey but you’re not my type.”

Is this girl fucking serious. You’re trying really hard not to glare at her but you’re obviously failing terribly.

“I have to put the name of the customer to take the order, and you’re obviously not my type either. No offense.”

She chuckles. “Well you sure know how to compliment a girl.”

“I get that all the time.” you say sarcastically.

She starts looking through her purse for her phone and cash.

“Sooo your name?”

She starts dialing on her phone and doesn’t look your way. Her free hand plays with her necklace.

“Hi-yeah I’ll be there soon babe, one sec.- It’s Ell.”

She continues to talk on the phone and you try and register her name on your mind as you start to type it down on the register but you stop. _Wait...did she say Ell_. You’re eyes open wide and you look away from the register and up to the girl talking on the phone in front of you. Her hand still playing with her necklace, her anchor shaped necklace. You suddenly take in a sharp breath as you continue to realize who’s standing right in front of you. This gorgeous girl, she’s the one who broke Carmilla’s heart. Carmilla, the girl who only last night was crying because of her. This fucking girl, _is fucking Ell_. 

“One sec-excuse me, how much do I owe you?”

“You’re name is Ell.”

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re Ell.”

She stares at you confused and you’re still frozen in place. You hands slowly turning into fist behind the desk from the anger that’s rumbling up inside of you.

“You went to Silas Academy.”

“How do you know that? Did we go to school together?”

You scoff. “No.”

“I’m sorry, I’m in kind of a hurry, I have someone I need to meet so, how much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? It’s free of charge? Really? Well aren’t you sweet.”

“No, you don’t seem to understand. I’m not taking your order.”

“What? Why the hell not? What is wrong with you?”

“Me? What the hell is wrong with _you_!?”

“ _Me_?! Wha--You are being real rude!”

“Well I’m sorry but the sign on the door strictly says that we reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and I am clearly refusing my service.”

“What is your problem?!”

You manage to see Johnny on the other counter giving you signals to abandon ship but you don’t care. The girl in front of you doesn’t deserve your services or your fucks to give so you are standing by this decision. She’s raising her voice at you now and you’re about to unleash Laura Hollis hell when you see someone stand behind her.

“I’m sorry Miss. Is there something wrong?”

You see that it’s Charles and he has a kind face on. Crap, you’re gonna be in so much trouble with Dave.

“This _rude_ girl won’t take my order.”

“I see.” he pauses and gives you a quick look before turning back to face Ell. “ So?”

“So? I want a valid reason as to why she is being so rude. I’ve never even met her!”

“Precisely, so what gives you the right to treat her the way you did?”

“What? I’m not treating her in any way. She started it.”

“Miss, I saw the whole thing from that door over there, clearly you don’t understand the sign by the front door. If she doesn’t want to serve you then she has no obligation to do so.”

“What? I want to see the manager. This isn’t any of your business, sir.”

“I’ll go get him for you, Miss.”

Charles walks away and comes back with Dave and holy crap you are totally going to get fired. It’s nice of Charles to have defended you and all but he didn’t exactly help. 

“Hey there! How can I help you?”

“This girl was showing terrible customer service, and she won’t take my order. I don’t even care about the coffee anymore but she needs to know her place.”

“Well I’m sorry young lady but Laura here has the right to serve who she wants. It’s all part of the contract and the system and yata yata yata.”

“What kind of system is that? That isn’t good customer service at all. Why would you make such a crappy system?”

“Oh don’t look at me, I didn’t make the rules. That’s all my bosses doing.”

“Your boss, who’s that?”

“I believe you’ve already met him. This is Charles, the owner of all the gas stations in the city.”

“Hi.”

Charles gives her a tight smile and then steps back, stretching a hand forward.

“Would you be so kind as to leave my employees alone. I wouldn’t want to cause a scene. I could call my friends at the downtown police station if you’d like?”

Ell is just as shocked as you are and she’s stuttering not knowing what to say. Charles is the owner of not only a company but half of the gas stations in the city. No wonder he’s always leaving you big tips. The man is swimming in money. 

“Do you want me to escort you to the door, Miss?”

“No...that’s-that’s fine. I’m sorry for the trouble. I feel like I’ve seen you before.”

“I doubt it. I rarely come to town.”

“I guess you’re right. I’m sorry.”

She turns to you and you have your arms crossed in front of your chest as you glare at her.

“I don’t know what your problem with me is, but you need to chill. Thanks for the _non_ existent latte.”

“You’re _not_ welcome.”

She walks out and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. Charles and Dave turn to face you with unhappy faces and you give them an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry about that guys..I’m really very sorry.”

“Laura, why didn’t you want to take her order?” says Dave as he crosses his arms upset.

“Do you know her from somewhere? If the customer hasn’t done anything for you to feel the need to deny them service you have no right to reject them. Why did you treat her that way?” says Charles doing the same as Dave.

“I...she’s just--she hurt someone I care about. I’m sorry I was totally out of line.”

“This someone, are they worth losing your job?” said Charles in a sharp tone.

“I-” _shit._

“You have to think before you act Laura, what would you have done if she was someone important?” said Charles.

“I- she’s not. She’s just a very selfish person.”

“And that gave you the right to treat her the way you did?” said Dave.

“No--I...I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to do and I’m so so sorry. It won’t happen again I swear. I just-i couldn’t do what she wanted. Not after what she did to my friend.”

“Your friend is very lucky to have you then.” said Charles.

You lift your head back up from the dangling in shame it was in and you see Charles sigh and shake his head.

“It’s good that you’re there for the people you care for, but you need to be careful. Don’t do that again, Laura.”

“So I’m not fired then?”

“What? No, of course not. You’re Dave’s favorite.”

“Heeeey!” 

Johnny popped behind the two of them. 

“Johnny not now.”

“whatever guys, I just want to be back at my usual desk, thank you very much.”

“Fine.”

Dave gestures for you to leave the coffee counter and he stays talking with Johnny for a bit. Charles followed you to the front counter and he puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Listen Laura. You have a big heart… don’t ever lose that. I’m sure the friend you care about so much needs someone like you. I wish I had the same luck, but I got stuck with that goofball over there.”

You both laugh at the sight of Dave in his slippers and palm tree shirt.

“Thanks for having my back Charles. You’re a pretty cool dude.”

“No problem kid. I wish everyone thought of me the way you do.”

He gives you a small smile and heads to the door.

“I’m heading out Dave! Call me if anything else comes up!”

“Okidok buddy!”

“Have a goodnight Laura. Stay out of trouble.” 

He says the last part pointing a finger at you like a scolding father and you giggle.

“Sure thing _dad_.” 

You keep giggling but you see Charles face change into a sad but soft one. He gives you a tight smile before he walks out the door leaving. 

-

You’re almost at the station to go and see Laura for whatever it is she wants to say to you. You’re not sure what you want to say to _her_ either. You thought more about the whole roommate thing and you think it actually sounds really nice to share a living space with Laura. You just hope whatever it is she wants to tell you isn’t going to break your heart or something. You sigh as you cross the parking lot without looking and a car immediately breaks, almost hitting you. You flinched back and stare at the car. The lights are on so you can’t see anything and you’re squinting your eyes and putting your hands up in front of the car trying to block the light out, but you hear a man’s voice.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t see you there kid!”

“For fucks sake--be more careful!”

“My apologies! Are you al right?”

“I’m fine!” You grunt annoyed and brush your hair back, while still squinting.

“Are you sure kid?”

“Yes I’m fucking sure, watch where you’re going you idiot!”

You walk away and hear him yell out an ‘ I’m sorryyyy!’ and you lift a hand up as a reply. Freaking people don’t know how to look where they’re going. First Laura get’s hit and now you almost get hit? Who the hell is giving these people their license?! You walk inside pissed and see Laura by the front desk. She’s looking down at nothing and her face looks worried. Is she okay?

“Laura.”

Her head snaps up and she gives you a half smile.

“Carm, hey.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah” she hesitates before continuing. “Just...dozing off is all.”

“Well aren’t you the best employee.”

You tease and smirk at her but she doesn’t glare at you or anything, instead she laughs nervously.

“Cupcake, you sure you’re okay?”

“What? Yeah, sorry. I’m totally being weird aren’t I?”

“Kind of, is it because of what you wanted to tell me earlier?”

“What?? About what??”

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m here remember?”

“Oh--Oh! Right! No I was just--i was gonna ask you about the whole roommate thing.”

“What about it?”

“You didn’t change your mind or anything right?”

“No...why?”

Laura smiles and sighs. 

“No reason, just me being an idiot.”

“Okay.”

“So when are you moving in? You need any help with your things?”

“Um...not really. I’ll just bring my clothes. I don’t really need anything else other than essentials.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem nervous.”

“What? No I’m fine, I just had a bad run in with a customer a few minutes ago.”

“What? What happened? Did they disrespect you?”

“Not really...It was kind of my fault mostly.”

“Your fault?”

“Yeah...i got angry. It’s-whatever, don’t worry about it.”

“You angry? That’s not so hard to believe.”

“You’re not helping you know that?”

“Oh I know.”

You smirk at her and she rolls her eyes but smiles at you.

“You wanna chill on your usual spot till I’m free or are you heading home before me?”

You stare back at the couch you slept so many times in. If it weren’t for that couch you would have never met Laura. A smile grows across your lips while you stare at the couch and look back at Laura.

“I think I’ll chill on my couch. It’s been a while. I kinda miss it.”

“So you’re waiting for me? Well aren’t you sweet.”

She grins and you roll your eyes as you head to the couch and drop yourself on it, getting comfortable.

“I didn’t say that.” you cross your legs and smirk at her. “I’m just here for the couch.”

“Just the couch?”

“And the view.” your smirk grows and you can see Laura bit her lip as she giggles. You remember the first time your eyes met hers while you where in this very couch and she was in that very spot. You’re glad you found this couch. You’re glad you met Laura. She rests her head on the palm of her hand as she leans on the counter with a small smile.

“I like the view too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't hate Ell but like i kinda hate Ell. LOL. Laura needs to calm her tits hahahaha.
> 
> AND YES CHARLES ALMOST RAN OVER CARMILLA BECAUSE HE HAD FEELINGS FOR WHAT LAURA SAID I'M NOT OKAY.


	18. Family Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of talking in this one between all the Karnsteins about feelings and family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karnsteins are Hollstein af, Laura doesn't know how to be subtle, and Carmilla is totally jelly.
> 
> also it's kinda long so sorry hahah and sorry if their's typos! i didn't re-read it cus i was in a hurry.

 

It’s been more than a week since Carmilla moved in. LaF brought their mattress over and you stayed in the apartment with them reorganizing everything to make room for it while Carmilla went to get her things. She insisted she didn’t need any help moving in so you stayed behind with LaF instead. She had come back with a big duffle bag that apparently had a bunch of clothing, a few shoes, some books and her essentials. You tried helping her with the bag but it weighed a ton. How the hell she carried that herself the whole way here you’ll never know, but you were happy she actually came through with it. So far she’s kept her part of the deal and fed the two of you. Coming back from work has never been so exciting when a cooked meal by Carmilla is waiting in the kitchen. She’s actually really good at cooking, like hella good, like fancy restaurant good. 

Best.roommate decision.ever.  

She’s not around much though and whenever you comeback from your late shifts she’s already asleep. (then again you mostly work the night shifts so of course she’s snoozing by 5am) One thing you kind of miss though is having her sleeping with you in your bed. It only happened a few times but now that she’s got her own mattress she doesn’t use yours. You _have_ caught her napping in your bed when you get back from Silas though, which is adorable. Especially when she’s cuddled up with your yellow pillow. And okay, she _might_ always leave her things laying around (which infuriates you) but it’s nothing too bad, mostly her shoes or dirty clothes but you try and hold in your inner monster since it’s not so bad and no one ever really comes to your place other than LaF and Danny on occasion. Still, you’re gonna have to have a talk with her soon. Your dad’s coming to visit next week and you don’t want him to think your life is a mess so this place needs to stay cleaned up and nice and fresh and _spotless_. Your dad might be a nice guy but he’ll use anything he can to convince you to come back home and you don’t want that. 

So today you’ve decided you’re gonna clean up the apartment yourself. You’ll have that talk with Carmilla when she gets back tonight. Once you open your apartment door you stand in the middle of the room and take a deep breath.

“Let’s get this shit started.”

You change into your cleaning clothes (which are really just some heart boxers and a sports bra) and you pull your hair up into a messy bun. You plug in your earphones on your iPod and put “Yeah” by Usher on repeat. _Fuck yeah you’re totally in the zone now._ You’d better get started before Carmilla gets back. (then again she usually gets home like around 8pm so you have the place to yourself.) _Embarrassing dance moves activate, baby!_ You start doing the dishes, then moving to scrubbing the shower and toilet. You pick up all of Carmilla’s dirty clothes and put them in your own dirty pile. Once you’re done sweeping and mopping the floor you take the dirty clothes to the laundromat nearby and once you waited it out you bring it back to the apartment and throw it all on your bed. You sigh and start folding the clothes up and putting it away. You put Carmilla’s pile on her bed. 

Where is she? You thought she’d be back by now but you guess you miscalculated how she handles her time. You’re sitting in your bed tired and you glance at the pile on Carmilla’s bed. _Maybe I should fold hers too..._

-

You’re walking back home after a day of constant classes. You yawn as you turn to your street, you can’t wait to get back home to your bed. _Home_. You smile to yourself as you start making your way to your front door. _You like the way that sounds._ You see Laura’s bike chained up and stand there staring at it with your keys in your hand. As much as you love living with Laura, lately you rarely get to see her out of Silas. She’s always working or studying or helping Kirsch with college and that all kind of sucks. You miss spending time with Laura, even though the amount of times you actually spent with her before you moved in was every now and then. You sigh and start unlocking the door to step inside. 

  _You miss Laura._

You close the door behind you and turn on the light to see Laura sleeping in her bed. You quietly chuckle when you notice she’s only wearing boxers with hearts on them and a black sports bra. She looks like a mess, laying there like a sack of potatoes. You drop your bag on your bed and notice there is some clothes folded up on your bed, _your clothes._ You  stare confused at this and start to look around the apartment to see that it’s been cleaned and organized. Laura did this? All by herself? You stare back down at the clothes on your bed and feel a small smile form across your face. She did your laundry? You brush your bangs back and sigh at the sight of a tired Laura. You walk up to her bed and cover her with her blanket. She moves and mumbles a bit but doesn’t wake up. You smile more and lean over, giving Laura a kiss on her forehead. 

  _You need to make this up to her later._

You put away your folded clothes and grab your towel to shower. When you step in the shower you noticed it’s so clean you could swear it’s kind of sparkling. This girl did everything! You turn on the water and start to shower making sure to be quiet so you don’t wake Laura up. When you’re done you drip your way back to the dresser you’re currently sharing with Laura and grab some clothes. You slip on some underwear and a t shirt when you start to hear Laura fidget in her bed. She looks like she’s having a nightmare and by her moans and worried face you’re pretty sure you’re right so you kneel down beside her bed and try and wake her up.

“Laura, Laura hey.”

You brush some of her hair and she wakes up and nervously flinching away from you.

“Hey, it’s just me. You’re fine.”

You brush your fingers on her cheek and she starts to look less tense.

“You’re fine, it’s okay, it was just a dream.”

Her eyes are a bit watery and you rest your hand, cupping her cheek. She leans to your touch and closes her eyes letting out a small sniffle. You rub your thumb over her cheek gently and her hand comes up to yours. She gently grabs the wrist under the hand that’s still on her cheek and you feel her thumb rub you too. You smile at how fragile she looks holding onto you and you lean closer.

“I can stay with you if you want.”

She slightly opens her eyes and nods at you to stay so you let go of her cheek to climb in her bed with her and join her under the covers. She nuzzles into your side and you wrap your arm around her. You move you hand back up to her face and brush it over her cheek, moving up to her hair. You stroke her hair softly for a while before you feel Laura’s steady breathing against you. You feel so warm all over and you wish you could always have Laura this close. Maybe nightmares aren’t so bad if you get to be with Laura because of them. 

-

You feel your body against something warm and it somehow feels familiar and once you take in a breath you recognize that smell, Carmilla’s smell and you smile wide, nuzzling into her more. 

“Don’t you dare wake up and make me move before 1pm.”

You huff out a laugh and look up at Carmilla.

“I thought you looooved mornings.”

“Never.”

She purses her lips, her eyes still closed and you feel her grip on you tighten.

“You’re such a lazy cat.”

“Shut up. I’m not awake, you’re talking to yourself, cupcake.”

You laugh again but you don’t move away from her. You don’t mind having her hold you like this like _at all_. After a few quiet minutes before you start drifting back to sleep you hear a knock on your door and you jump a little bit in surprise. 

“Laura! You better not still be sleeping!”

Your eyes shoot open from the sound of Danny’s voice and you remember you promised to help her out grading some test. You groan and start untangling yourself from Carmilla. (She was already moving away from you anyway for some reason and you hear her groan herself). 

“I’m uuuup, just gimme a sec!”

You sit up in your bed and look at Carmilla who looks pissed about something. You furrow your brow confused and hear Danny through the door again. Carmilla rolls her eyes and gets out of your bed (which holy fucking crap this whole time she was in just a shirt and undies oh my god, how did you not notice that last night?!) It doesn’t seem like she cares though and you look down at yourself and see you’re only in a sports bra and boxers and a flash of heat comes to your face. You were cuddling with Carmilla (a half naked-ish Carmilla?) like this?! You get out of your bed and grab a shirt from your drawer and slide it on. You notice Carmilla slide on some shorts and was starting to slide on her boots.

“You’re going out already?”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“Well it’s like 9am, where are you going?”

“It’s none of your business. Get off my back already, jeez.”

“What is your deal? Why are you all of a sudden so angry at me?”

“I’m not.”

“ _Yes_ , you _are_.”

“Whatever Laura, just keep me out of your “Danny” time.”

“What? I’m _sorry_ I forgot to tell you she was coming over today. What, do I have to like _report to you_ now?”

“You don’t have to do anything with me, cupcake.”

She storms to the door and grabs the handle.

“and let’s keep it that way.”

She opens the door and shoves Danny out of the way as she storms out.

“The hell?”

“It’s nothing...just--just ignore her.”

“Why did you ask her to be your roommate again?”

You sigh and roll your eyes pulling out a chair in the small dining table you rarely use and leaning on your arm.

“Forget it. What do we need to do today?”

You stay in your apartment with Danny for a few hours helping her with things and leave to go to work for the day. Oddly enough you actually got a mid-day shift today so you should be done by 6pm. You re-run the whole argument you had with Carmilla earlier but you still don’t get what happened. What did you do wrong? Why is she so mad at you? You can’t help but be a little upset yourself, grumpy even, but you have a job to do and after the stunt you pulled with Ell you can’t afford to be rude to any customer. You take a deep breath and look out the glass to see Charles pulling up in his dark fancy car. You see him step out of his car slowly and linger for a bit before closing his door and slowly walking to the station. His head is down and he seems weirder than usual. You hear the jingle on the door and Charles lifts his head to greet you with a tight smile.

“Hey there, Laura. I’m not used to seeing you around at this hour.”

“Yeah, midnight shifts are more my thing but I switched with LaF for today.”

“LaF? That’s the red headed girl right?”

“Not girl.”

“Oh, fellow then?”

“Not fellow either.” you giggle at the confused face Charles has. “ LaF prefers they/them. Simple as that.”

“Hmmm well...all right. I’ll try and remember that when I see he--uhh...them?”

“Exactly.” you smile at him and he laughs and leans on his elbow on the counter.

“So, any other thing I should know about? I try to stay educated.”

“No you’re fine. Me and LaF are the only queer people working here anyway.”

“Queer people? So do I have to switch to those pronouns with you too? I’m sorry I had no clue!”

“Nonono you’re fine!” you laugh at how kind Charles can be. “I’m just gay, still the same old Laura.”

“Oh. Really? I had no clue. Well there was that one time you dropped a pretty girls change so I’m guessing you were nervous.” 

He laughs and you blush because you can’t help and get flustered by pretty girls. It’s a gift and a curse I swear.

“So is there someone you like? A girl I mean of course.”

You blush harder but purse your lips trying not to smile 

“Well..there is this _one_ girl…”

“Please don’t tell me it’s that Betty girl, she’s kind of intense sometimes.”

“No, not Betty.” you laugh again. “It’s a girl I met a few months ago at this station.”

“Aaah a customer then?”

“Yeah...well she used to be a regular but-”

“Oh so you haven’t seen her in a while then?”

“No she-” you wave your hand in front of you trying to explain Carmilla but we all know that’s not exactly easy. “She’s actually my roommate now.”

“She is??”

“Yeah--strictly roommates though! Nothing special.”

“Are you sure? It must be special to you, correct?”

“Well, yeah but- I don’t know. We’ve gotten closer since she moved in but not the closer I want it to be. Which is totally fine but I don’t really know with her, she can be so confusing and infuriating and messy and rude and--i don’t even know if she actually likes me the way I like her.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“Yeah.” you sigh.

“Well, do the two of you get along even with all those traits of hers?”

“...yeah...she takes care of me sometimes and helps me out with food and walks to college with me and she talks to me casually now and even gives me hugs on occasion. She can be really sweet and a total softie even though she seems rough on the outside.”

“Well then it sounds to me like she might care for you more than you let yourself think.”

“Really?”

“If she’s still sticking around even though the two of you have these rough patches and she _stil_ l treats you well and cares for you, then she _must_ have a soft spot for you in her heart. I can’t say it’s the type of thing you want but there’s something there for sure.”

“You really think so?”

“Yup, I do.”

“How could you tell what she could be like anyway? You don’t know her like I do.”

“ _True_ , but I’ve dealt with my share of ‘rough on the outside’ kids and I can tell you they’re not all stone and attitude. If a girl like that shows you even the slightest bit of care then you must mean a lot to her. Trust me kid.”

You smile at Charles and he’s actually gotten you out of your rut from earlier and helped you out with advice. Charles is a great man and you don’t understand how he can be a rich guy, a nice guy, and _still_ seem sad with something about his life.

“Charles, why are you so cool?”

He laughs hard and you laugh with him. At least he seems better right now.

“I don’t know, tell that to my kids.”

“I’m sure your kids couldn’t ask for a cooler dad! Giving them rides on that fancy car of yours and advice like you always give me.”

His big smile drops into a smaller one and he looks down at the desk with a small chuckle.

“I only gave you a ride on my fancy car _once_ because it was raining and I don’t give that much great advice.”

“Sure you do! You even remind me a little of my own dad. You two would get along great.”

“You really believe that? Naaah, I’m sure you’re father’s a way better dad than I am.”

“Obviously, I mean just look at me. I’m a gem.”

He chuckles again but he still looks a bit sad. What changed? He seemed better a few seconds a go. You’re about to say something else when Dave walks in.

“Hey you two!”

“Dave, where have you been?”

“Oh you know here and there. What are you two up to?”

“Nothing much, just chatting.”

A customer walks in and Dave gives them a big smile and turns to you.

“Well enough chit chat, Charles stop distracting my employees!”

“She’s my employee too you know.”

“Shhhh.”

Dave and Charles walk away and sit on the couch at the coffee spot to talk while you take care of the customer. You wonder what Charles is hidden from you. You’re determined to find out.

-

You’re throwing some rocks at a lake in the park when you feel someone sit next to you.

“So here you are.”

“What do you want now Will?”

“Woah, chill. Can’t a guy miss his evil sister? I’ve barely seen you in weeks.”

“Sorry...I couldn’t visit you back at the house.”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have visited me there either.”

“How’s your collarbone?”

“It’s better. Mother finally let me get back to the dorm a few days ago. I noticed all your stuff was gone. Why?”

“Oh, that’s right I haven’t told you yet. I actually...moved in with someone a while ago.”

“Wait, seriously?! That’s awesome! Who’s the lucky gal?”

“No it’s not like that, we’re just roommates..unfortunately.”

“Oooh I see how it is. You got yourself friend zoned huh? The mighty Carmilla Karnstein got friend zoned by a girl? I must be dreaming. Please don’t wake me up this is golden.”

“Fuck off Will. I’m not friend zoned...or at least I don’t think I am.”

“Make a move on her then. You already sleep in the same place, just go for it.”

“It’s not that simple.” you scoff. “She’s... _different_.”

Will’s goes quiet and his expression changes.

“Oh.”

“Yeah _oh_.”

“So does this mean you’re finally over-”

“No...I...I don’t know.”

“but you like her right?”

“Yeah, I do..”

“but do you love her?”

“What??”

“You heard me.”

You scratch your neck nervously and look away from Will’s determined eyes.

“I--I don’t know yet.”

“How can you not know?”

“I told you! I don’t know yet! Stop pushing!”

“Fine...So who’s the girl anyway?”

“You know her.”

“I do?”

“Yeah...I don’t think I should tell you. You’d tell that big puppy friend of yours.”

“Kirsch? I won’t tell him I swear! Who is it? Come on I’ll find out anyway. I’m obviously coming to visit your new pad eventually, right? So spill.”

“Ugh.” you groan and take a deep breath before hugging your knees and hiding your face in them. “It’s Laura.”

“Whaaaaat”

“Shut up!”

“Laura Hollis?”

“ _Shut_ up!”

“Little Lo? Tiny gay? Tutor girl? Gas station babe? Party Hollis? My main wing woman?”

“What?”

“She was my wing woman at that party I got--never mind! You got a thing for Laura??”

“...Yeah, what of it?”

He sits back and crosses his arms in front of his chest as he nods with a “not bad” face.

“What?!”

“Nothing! I totally approve.”

“I’m not asking for your opinion.”

“Whatever kitty. That girls an angel among humans. Don’t screw it up because of your shit with Ell.”

“Why do you always have to bring that up?! Just fuck off William!”

“I’m just telling you the truth and you know it! If you’re into Laura than you have to show her that, or else that Danny girl is gonna beat you too it.”

“She already did.”

“What? Really??”

“Yeah really…”

You clench your jaw and thud your head against your knees, hiding deeper.

“Well how can you be so sure? I mean Laura hasn’t mentioned anything to me and Kirsch and she’s like one of the bros so.”

“I saw them kiss one time.”

“One time? Was this before or after you started hanging out with her?”

“mmm kind of...in the middle? I don’t know Will! It doesn’t matter anyway! She’s into tall red heads and I’m just obviously wasting my time...She’s with her right now.”

“How do you know?”

“Because Willie Boy, she came by the apartment and interrupted our-”

You were getting angrier and upset, raising your voice and talking with your hands, so you stop yourself before you get deeper into this. You shouldn’t be thinking over every single thing that happens with Laura. She probably doesn’t even care that the two of you were cuddling half naked. The weird thing about all of this though, is that even though you had every reason to have been full of desire last night, you weren’t. You were fine just feeling her next to you, holding her and caressing her and--UGH you are turning into such a sap Karnstein. What the hell is happening to you?!

“Interrupted your what?” you feel Will nudge you with his elbow. “Well? What? Were you doing the dirty or something?”

“No! It’s not--” you huff out some air. “We were just...sleeping together and Danny just made it stop.”

“Uwwww you are totally smitten! Sis why the fuck haven’t you told her yet? I think she should know, she’d totally go for you, I just know it.”

“Yeah right. I fucked up a bunch of times before I got to know her. She’d never want anything to do with a girl like me, not in that way anyway.”

“I call bullshit.”

You glare at him and he raises his hands in defeat.

“Fine, all I’m saying is you should try it. Maybe you’ll be surprised.”

“Bad surprised.”

“oh my god sis, _good_ surprised! Now stop moping and go be gay.”

You sigh and stare back forward at the lake.

“Maybe later. I just want to be alone with my thoughts right now.”

“Fine I get it. I’ll leave you alone, but just know that I’m totally on your team.” 

He nudges your shoulder and stands up.

“Later sis. And stop thinking of yourself so low, you got this.”

You sigh again and take another rock in your hands, feeling it between your fingers first as you keep thinking. Maybe you should fight for Laura, that tall gay Danny girl doesn’t deserve her..or well maybe she does but does Laura even want her that bad? I mean, she _has_ been spending more time with you than with her, and you are living together and sharing things and you cook for her almost every day. You groan and throw the rock into the lake in frustration. 

“What do I do?”

-

You’ve been staring at Dave and Charles for a while now and you wonder what it is that you don’t know. Maybe you’re being kind of pushy but you can’t help it. It’s the journalist inside of you kicking in. Dave get’s up from the couch and is heading to the back when you stop him.

“Hey, Dave!”

“Yeah?”

You wave him to come over to the counter and he does. 

“What is it?”

“Can you tell me more about Charles?”

“Charles? Well he’s right there! You can just ask him yourself!”

“No I don’t know if I should. I just-I want to know why he’s like that.”

“Like what?”

“Sad.”

Dave freezes up for a moment and he puts on his thinking face. You get kinda nervous of what he might tell you but you’re dying to know already.

“Well...he’s had a rough few years.”

“Rough few years? _He’s rich and cool_ now so how were they rough?”

“Okay maybe more than a few years but-I wouldn’t know where to start. Why don’t you go and ask him yourself. Maybe you can help him out more than I ever can.”

“Are you sure that’s okay? I don’t want him to get angry for asking or something. He might stop giving me bit tips!”

“Hahaha I doubt that, Laura. I’ve tried to get him back to normal for years now but he doesn’t budge. Maybe what he needs is a girls point of view. You’re good with feelings and talking, I think you’d do great asking him about his past. Go ahead, ask him. I’ll take over the counter for a few.”

“Really?”

“Yeah sure thing. Good luck. Be gentle though. He can get snappy when he gets feelings.”

“Sure thing, Boss.”

You do a salute and Dave returns it with a tight smile. You turn around and see that Charles is still in Carmilla’s couch so you take a deep breath and put on your best determined face on. Here goes nothing.

“Charles.”

He stares up at you and gives you a small smile as you sit down next to him. Okay Laura, pick your words, be gentle and smart.

“What is it, Laura?”

“Why are you sad?”

“Pardon??”

“Sad, you’re always kinda gloomy and get even worse whenever I mention certain things. So what is it? What’s up with you?”

“You sure don’t know how to do a subtle approach do you?”

“Nope, sorry. I tried but I couldn’t contain myself. I’m curious.”

“I’m not sad, kid. I’m fine.”

“Don’t try and lie to me, Dave’s on my side.” 

He stares at Dave who waves at him shyly behind the counter.

“So Dave sent you huh? Tell him I don’t need any help with my life. You hear that Dave!”

“He’s just worried about you and he thinks I could help. Come on just spill, what happened to you? Pleeeeeeeaseee.”

“You sound like a child.”

“I am a child, a curious child who wants to help.”

“How can a child help an adult? I don’t need your advice or your pity, kid.”

“Dave said you’d get snappy.”

“I’m not being snappy.”

“Yes you are, cus you’re afraid of letting someone in. Come on, how bad could it be?”

“The worst thing to ever happen to me? _Oh I don’t know_ , pretty bad.”

“Yeees yeees, this is good. Let it out Charles!”

He shakes his head annoyed and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“It’s not so simple kid, sometimes things can’t be fixed.”

“What can’t be fixed? You? There’s always a way Charles.”

“Not for me kid, I lost my will to try anything many years ago.”

“How many years?”

“10.”

“TEN YEARS AGO??” 

“Yes 10. Get off my back, kid.”

“No way, we’re almost there. So what happened 10 years ago? What did you do?”

“I didn’t _do_ anything!”

“Is that why you’re upset with yourself? Because you didn’t do anything?”

“Wha--I…”

“Aha! Jackpot. What didn’t you do Charles?”

“Listen kid you need to mind your own business.”

“This is my business, you’re my boss. I need to work to make you rich and happy. We got the rich down now let’s keep working on the happy, yeah?”

“I’m perfectly fine, kid.”

“No you’re not. You’re beating yourself up for something that happened years ago. It’s okay to make mistakes Charles.”

“...Not this one.”

You see Charles drop his face and okay you might have made his usual gloomy vibe even worse because you’re pretty sure he might cry, but he keeps opening his mouth as if to say something so you’re staying quiet for now.

“They’re some things you just can’t take back.”

“Like what?”

“Like marrying an crazy evil bitch!” says Dave from the back of the counter and Charles glares at him like he’s about to chew off his head. It kinda reminds you of the way Carmilla stares at Danny sometimes.

“Shut up Dave, I know it was a mistake.” he pauses. “but if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have had my kids.”

“So you’re sad because you’re married to a bad lady?”

He let’s out a breathy laugh and shakes his head.

“Not anymore...not since I left her.”

“Well if she sucked so much then you did good. Why are you so upset about that?”

“You don’t understand, kid. Some decisions have their consequences.”

“Like what?”

He stays quiet and just shakes his head when you hear Dave butt in again.

“The kids!”

“Will you shut the fuck up Dave! I told you not to keep bringing this up! Why can’t you just let this go!?”

You scoot back in your seat as Charles kinda explodes. You’ve never seen him like this. Whatever happened to him really has affected him deep. 

“You can’t let it go either...right Charles?”

His angry face softens when he stares at you after speaking to him and his tense shoulders go soft as he leans deeper into the couch.

“Yeah well, neither could my kids.”

You try and help him calm down and pat his shoulder. He glances at your hand on his shoulder and chuckles sadly.

“You’re a good kid, you know that?”

“I’m sure your kids are even better.”

“Ha! I wouldn’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t seen them in 10 years.”

“Oooh. So that’s why you’re sad, because of your kids?”

“I don’t know what their mother told them but they hated me after that. Wouldn’t want to see me. After a while I just gave up. They didn’t want me as a father.”

“It’s not your fault Charles.”

“It _is_ my fault. I should have taken them with me when I first left.”

“I’m sure they’d understand.”

He looks at you with tears in his eyes but it doesn’t look like he believes you.

“Charles, if there’s anything I know about losing a parent is wishing I had spent more time with them.”

“You lost a parent?”

“Yeah, my mom passed away a few years ago, and there’s nothing I would have wanted more than to just talk to her more, say whatever I had to say before she was gone. I’m sure your kids want the same thing.”

“You really think so?” he wipes his eyes and straightens up trying to look unfazed. 

“Yeah. You should try contacting them. Closure is nice for everyone.”

“I doubt they’d want to see me again.”

“You never know. It might go bad but it might go good.”

“I don’t know...I’ll think about it but...I think it’s best if I let them lead their lives without any more problems.”

You’re about to say something when Dave calls after you and waves your phone in the air. You pat Charles back one more time and get up to see who’s calling you.

“I’ll let you take this call on the job, just cause you tried helping Charles out.”

He gives you a nudge and walks back to the couch with Charles who punches his arm and Dave stars to whine. You’re glad that even though Charles was yelling at Dave earlier they seem to be fine with each other. You stare back at your still vibrating phone and recognize the caller ID. You pick up.

“Dad?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry i'm not being all "schedule" with my fics. college is killing me cus we're in finals.


	19. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Father's and their kids everywhere. Laura and Carmilla confront each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a reminder of the past since i've been away for so long: Charles is Carmilla's dad, Carmilla's spoken on the phone with Papa Hollis before, Carmilla snapped at Laura because of Danny ad now Laura's upset, and that both of them have had talks with ppl (charles and Will) about them liking each other. 
> 
> CARRY ON!
> 
> it's a bit long by the way. but then end is worth it!

_So maybe I should tell Laura. What could go wrong right?_ You groan and throw your head back while still sitting by the lake. _Everything_ , everything could go wrong. What if she freaks out? What if she actually doesn’t like me? What if I end up on the streets again because I can’t control these stupid feelings I’m having? 

“God this sucks.”

Maybe you shouldn’t talk to Laura about this. Then again she probably wouldn’t want to talk to you after you basically lashed out on her this morning. Maybe you did over react a bit. It’s that stupid ginger giant! She’s always in the way. She’s always one giant step ahead of you, and she’s probably already won over Laura’s big gentle heart. 

You sigh and tilt your head forward to face the calm lake again. The sound of the ducks splashing around along with the rest of soothing natural sounds helps with your thoughts. It’s a beautiful and calming place. Maybe that’s why your father always liked this park. Maybe that’s why he always brought you and Will along with him.

You grab another rock from the ground and skip it through the lake just how your father taught you.

Maybe he came by to this park so often because he needed to resolve some thoughts of his own. You sit in silence for a bit, only hearing what’s around you until you take a big breath and huff it out sharply.

“Fuck it. I should go apologize.”

You stand up and start walking across the park back towards Laura’s apartment. _Your_ apartment. You shouldn’t have been so grumpy with her, she didn’t do anything wrong. She has no obligation to spend time with you just like she has no obligation to not see Danny. Freaking Danny. You grumble under your breath as you continue to walk. It’s already the afternoon, she should be gone by now right?

-

“Laura what is it?”

“I just-what time is it?”

“It’s almost 4pm. Why?”

“No reason.”

You fidget with your phone in your hands as you stare into blank space.

“Laura, are you sure everything’s fine?”

“What? Yeah! Totally fine. I just have to get home fast after my shift.”

Charles gets up from the couch and walks towards you with a worried face.

“If you need to go now it’s absolutely fine, Laura. The stations been empty today. I’m sure Dave can handle it.”

“No it’s fine really. It’s just my dad. I have to do something back home real quick, but it can wait, don’t worry guys. Really!”

“Hmmmm are you buying this Charles?”

“Not at all Dave.”

“Guuuuys really, it’s no big deal.”

“Nope, doesn’t matter. Charles?”

“Laura you can leave. I promise it won’t affect your work. You’ve got the bosses permission. If it’s something with your dad then I’m sure you really want to go handle it.”

You sigh and grin up at the two of them. “You guys spoil me too much.”

“Hahaha of course not! You’re like family to Dave. He trusts you and so do I. You don’t have to worry about it kid.”

“Thanks guys. I swear it’s not a big deal, I can totally leave later.”

“Nonsense.” Charles smiles at you. “Do you need a ride? I’m heading out to grab Dave and me some dinner.”

“That would be great! But I brought my bike…”

“Don’t worry! I’m sure it fits in the car. Come on let’s go. You can take an extra shift next week to pay us back.”

“Fiiiineeee.”

You grab your bag and helmet and head to the door as Charles holds it open for you.

“Thanks Dave! I owe you one.”

“No problemo.”

You smile and head to your bike. Charles brings his car over to you and helps you with the bike before opening the front door for you. Charles is such a gentleman. You bet he’s not single from the lack of women who find him handsome, you think it’s probably because of everything he’s had to deal with. Crazy evil ex-wife. Being misunderstood by his kids. No wonder he feels so lonely with everything he’s got. He’s got no one to share it with.

“Same place as last time right?”

“Yup.”

After a few minutes you’ve almost reached your apartment and you turn to look at Charles as he concentrates on the road with a soft expression.

“Hey, Charles?”

He turns his head to you surprised.

“Yes, Laura?”

“If it counts for anything, I think you’d be an awesome dad.”

“Heh...thanks Laura.”

“No problem.” you give him a tight half smile that he returns before facing the road again.

“Well, we’re here.”

He opens his door and starts taking out your bike. You step out of the car and grab it from him as he shuts the back door.

“Thanks for the ride Charles.”

“It was just a ride, no need to thank me.” he smiles at you. “Good luck with your dad.”

You give him a nod and start walking to your apartment. You tie down your bike by the side and as you open the front door you look back to see Charles hasn’t gotten in his car yet. He gives you a quick wave and goes to the drivers door. You shut the door behind you and as you think of how he waited till you got inside safe you remember how your dad does the same thing.

  _Yeah. He’d be a great dad._

-

You’re almost at the apartment when you notice a car parked by the sidewalk. You brush it off and continue to walk. Then you hear a door shut behind you and you glance back to see a man had gotten out of the car. He’s walking behind you in the side walk. _Hmm, suspicious._ After a few more steps your almost at your apartment and you can hear the mans footsteps still behind you. _What the hell? Why is this creep following me to my door?_ As you’re about to reach your door you quickly turn around, facing the strange man as your face changes into an angry aggressive one.

“Listen you creep. I don’t know why you’re following me but I suggest you back the fuck off.”

The man, who’s standing with his hands in his front pockets looks surprised by your attitude but he starts to look like he’s holding in a laugh. He steps closer beside you and this guys testing your patience.

“I’m warning you-”

He raises a finger and slowly moves his raised hand to knock on the door. 

  _Three slow knocks._

You stare at him confused when Laura opens the door.

“Dad you made i-….Carm?”

“ _Dad??_ ”

The man starts to laugh, shutting his eyes as he bends his body forward holding his stomach.

“I--I’m so sorry sir! I had no idea!”

“Sorry about what? What happened?” Laura says, still holding the door confused.

“This must be your roommate.” he says as he calms his laughing. “I like her already.”

Laura continues to look at him with a puzzled face as you continue yo be extremely embarrassed. _Really Karnstein?! You had to go and curse and threaten Laura’s dad? Of all the people!?_ You duck your head in shame as he speaks again.

“Can we come in or not?” 

“Oh, right! Yeah sorry.”

 Laura steps to the side and the two of you step in. She and her dad continue talking as you have a nervous break down in your head while pacing around trying to come up with a way to fix your fuck up.

“So...what exactly happened? Why is Carmilla apologizing to you dad?”

“Carmilla??” he turns to look at you and you stop pacing as you look up nervously. “Aaaah! So _you’re_ Carmilla!”

“Wait, why do you sound like you know her?”

“I’m so sorry sir. I had no idea it was you. Laura had said you’d come by next week. I must have misunderstood.”

“No no, you heard right. Something came up so I decided to drop by earlier. I missed my little girl to darn much.”

He goes to hug Laura tightly and Laura hugs him back with a bunched up happy face.

“You want anything dad? I can make you some hot cocoa.”

“Yeah sure sweetie! That’d be great.”

Laura gives him one more quick hug before she passes awkwardly by you as she heads towards the kitchen. Mr. Hollis pulls out one of the dinning chairs and sits down. Once he notices you’re staring at him do so he gives you a tight smile with closed eyes. You take a few nervous steps towards him.

“Mr. Hollis, I-”

“Stop apologizing kiddo! You did nothing wrong. Hell I’m glad my little girl’s got a roommate that can pack a punch.” he gestures to the table beside him. “Come on, have a seat.” 

You hesitate at first but pull out the small chair and sit down, facing him.

“So...how’s Laura been lately?”

“Laura? Um...she’s been fine I guess.”

“You been keeping an eye on her for me right?”

“Of course sir.”

“Ah? Sir?”

“Sorry... _Mr.Hollis_.”

He gives you another one of his smiles and you can’t help the corner of your lips raise up. He’s just like Laura. No wonder Laura’s always soo...well...so _Laura_.

“I knew you were Laura’s friend but I never knew you were her roommate too.”

“Well...not always, but yeah. I’ve been here awhile.”

  _Oh crap wait, were you not supposed to mention that?_

“What has Laura told you?” you say.

“About what?”

“I don’t know...everything…”

He stares at you as if he’s trying to figure you out. 

“Well she told me about her job at the station. Which I am completely against her having.”

“Why is that?”

“Well...she shouldn’t need to work. That’s what I’m here for! I can pay the bills, she doesn’t have to waste her time on that, she should just focus on studying.”

He furrows his eyebrows a bit angrily but nothing too bad.

“She can handle herself.”

He looks surprised at your words. “I mean, she’s happy with her job. I think she likes being a strong independent woman. Shouldn’t you like that about her?”

“I-…” he looks at a lost for words before he chuckles and shakes his head. “ Well if you say it like that...I guess I should.”

You give him a small smile and he continues to talk to you, asking you all kinds of things about Laura, Silas, Laura’s job, everything. Laura joins in after awhile with some hot cocoa and cookies that Mr. Hollis happily takes. Mr. Hollis tells you stories about home and Laura’s childhood. He tells you about how Laura would go out to play with her dog and come back completely soaked in mud. How her mom would have to hose her down outside before letting her come inside the house. How Laura looked in high school and at her prom, hell he even showed you pictures even though Laura insisted he didn’t. 

The three of you ended up going out to eat some pizza which Laura ate in the strangest way, biting off all the cheese before eating the rest. Mr. Hollis asked you about yourself to which Laura slapped his arm and insisted that he shouldn’t be nosing around your life, but he had already trusted you so much with all these stories about them so you ended up folding. You told them about how you’ve always lived in Styria but went on many family vacations around the world as a kid. About how you’d go every Sunday to the park downtown with Will and your dad. About how much of a pain in the neck Will’s always been. But you didn’t reveal anything deeper than that, anything that could hurt you. 

Laura seemed surprised by you sharing so easily with her dad but she was still acting a bit different towards you. She’s upset, she has to be. The two of you were so close this morning and you reversed everything and fucked it all up. Of course she’d still be upset. Still, seeing her with her dad, she looks so happy, so bright and beautiful and just full of joy and laughter and you know. _You just know_ you’re starting to love her a bit more that you should.

After your meal Mr. Hollis drives the two of you back to the apartment and stays for about another hour. You’re outside, leaning on a wall as you listen to the night and stare at the stars. 

“Aaah a star gazer huh?”

You look beside you and find Mr. Hollis starting to lean on the wall too.

“Yeah, I’ve always had a thing for stars. They calm me.”

“I used to feel the same way about my wife’s eyes. They were a lot like Laura’s you know.”

“I’m sorry...I can tell she must have been a great mother just by seeing Laura.”

“Yeah, she was, but I get some credit for that too. Laura being how she is I mean.”

He chuckles and you smile.

“I think you did a great job on your own Mr. Hollis. Laura’s everything anyone could ever hope for in life.”

“She means a lot to you huh?”

“What?” You twitch, straightening yourself up uncomfortably. 

“Aaaah no need to be shy about it. I’m a _detective_ , you can’t hide things from me.” he smiles wide as he crosses his arms by his chest, waiting for you to answer.

“I…” you take in a deep breath looking for courage. “Yes. She means a lot to me...more than I’d like that to be.” you kick the dirt in front of you as you duck your face. You hate how true it all is. How much Laura actually means to you.

“Well I’m glad my girl’s got someone like you to keep around. I know she cares about you. I can tell. She always talks about you on the phone, al though most of the times it’s her rambling on about something that made her mad but she talks about the good in you too.”

“She talks about me?”

“Sure does. I remember she’d mention ‘the strange girl from the station that she just can’t figure out’ a few times.” 

He chuckles again and you can’t believe Laura’s actually been paying attention to you for so long.

“..I was a terrible person back then.”

You look away and sigh. You’re so disappointed in yourself. _Why did you have to be that way with her back then? Why do you have to be with her that way now?_

“No one’s perfect Carmilla.”

You raise your head to look at Mr. Hollis as he gives you a reassuring small smile.

“Yeah but...I’m not exactly an angel either.”

“Maybe not, but you’re a whole lot’a something to Laura.”

The two of you stand in silence for a moment before you hear Laura step outside too.

“Hey, why are you guys out here?”

“Naah just chit chatting little bear.”

Mr. Hollis puts an arm over Laura’s shoulder and nuzzles the top of her head.

“I’d better get going. It’s a long drive back home.” he wiggles Laura under his arm before turning to face you. “It was nice to finally get to meet you Carmilla.” he extends his hand and you grab it. “I trust you’ll take care of my girl for me.”

You feel your chest ache from his words. He actually trusts you with his daughter. You grin and nod.

“Of course Mr. Hollis.”

“I’ll walk you to your car dad.”

You head inside as they head to the car and your mind is just racing with all these thoughts, all these words Laura’s dad has told you, Will has told you, Laura’s told you. Everything. You hate being so caught up with so many emotions. You don’t like not knowing how to feel, what to do, what to say. _You hate it._

-

“Why are you acting different today?” says your dad.

“What?? I’m not acting different.”

“Yes you are, don’t try and give me that, Laura.”

“I...I don’t know what you mean dad.”

Your dad stares at you disapprovingly and you know he can see right through you always but how could he know? How could he tell? You haven’t told anyone about everything that’s going on inside your head other than Charles today so how could your dad even tell?

“You’re mad at her.”

“I...well yeah but it’s nothing.”

“Laura.”

“Ugh dad! Can’t you just leave it alone?”

“Have you forgotten who your dad is?”

You stare at your dad as he waits for you to start talking and you grunt as you role your eyes.

“Fine. Yes I’m mad at her. Yes I’m acting weird today and yes I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Talk to her.”

“I’ve trieeed that dad! She just--she explodes on me or puts up a grumpy wall.”

“Just talk to the darn girl, sweetie. I’m sure she’ll listen to you okay?”

“Ugh...fine I’ll try but I make no promises.”

“Good. Cause if you love her then you should tell her already.”

“WHAT?!?”

“You heard me.”

“I don’t--I just--How did you--” you stutter until you concentrate and take a breath. “ I don’t even know how I feel about all this.”

“Laura I’ve known you’re not into boys since like 8th grade. You don’t have to hide it from me sweetie.”

“I...I know dad. I’m sorry, I just…never really thought about bringing it up since I haven’t really dated anyone.”

“Well it’s different this time right? She’s more than just someone you care about Laura, I can tell. Why else would you be so upset with her? You care about her.”

“I do but...i don’t know dad. She’s complicated...We’re complicated. I screwed up my chances with her a long time ago.”

“Well you can never be too sure until you try, right?”

You lean against your dad’s car as you start feeling upset with your own feelings. Your dad sits in the car and starts the engine.

“You kids play nice alright?”

“Yeah dad...drive safe.”

You hug him through the car window and he drives off. You stay outside for a few minutes before heading back in the apartment. Your thoughts are kinda all over the place right now. You’re not so sure you should see Carmilla yet.

-

Laura’s been outside for a while now. What’s up with her? Does she not want to be alone with you inside? Is she that upset with you? You brush a had through your hair as you head to the bathroom when you hear the front door open.

“Carm?”

You quickly turn around and see Laura by the door.

“Yeah?”

Laura looks uneasy. She won’t stare you in the eye or well...she won’t stare at you at all. She’s staring at her feet before she starts taking a few steps towards you. You feel so nervous all of a sudden, your heart is racing and you don’t understand anything right now.

“I’m sorry…”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah, I didn’t get the chance to tell you dad said he was dropping by today instead of next week.”

“Oh. No don’t worry about that. It’s fine.”

“Okay.”

She stays standing in front of you all quiet until she starts walking past you to the bathroom. She grabs her towel and closes the bathroom door behind her lightly. You head the water start to run and you rub the back of your neck not sure of what to do. You end up walking to the bathroom door and leaning on the wall next to it.

“Laura?”

“Yeah?” she yells through the door.

“Can I talk to you?”

She doesn’t respond fast.

“Yeah.”

“Okay...can I come in?”

She takes a few seconds again.

“It’s open.”

You push open the door, just a little open at first before opening it wide and stepping inside.

“What’s up?”

“I-” you immediately regret this decision. You’re terrible at talking about these things but you’re already here so you have no choice now. “I wanted to apologize.”

It’s quiet again for a few seconds and your heart is beating so hard in your chest that you’re not sure if you’ll be able to keep this conversation going for much longer.

“apologize?”

“Yes….I...I shouldn’t have been so rude to you this morning….I’m sorry. I had no right to treat you that way. I just….I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

Again silence. Your nerves are killing you right now. This was a terrible decision Carmilla, what the hell were you thinking?

“Okay.”

Your head shoots up and away from your thoughts when you hear her.

“Okay?”

“Yeah...it’s okay...I’m sorry I was acting weird earlier.”

“You don’t have to say you’re sorry, it’s my fault. If I hadn’t been mean to you you wouldn’t have felt awkward around me.”

You hear Laura sigh in the shower and all of a sudden the water stops running. Laura’s head peeks out of the shower curtain as she holds the curtain with one hand and stares at you.

“Yeah, you didn’t have to be such a dick about Danny coming over.”

“I don’t care about Danny coming over or not, I care about _me and you_.”

Laura stares at you with her a blank expression, her lips slightly parted. You clench your jaw from her stare but you don’t look away. Not this time.

“I care about us too.”

Laura says and you unclench your jaw instantly by her words. She blinks at you a few times and lowers the curtain to show the top of her torso. Her hand holding the curtain up to cover her breasts.

“You do?”

“Yes, _I do_ Carmilla. That’s why I don’t get why you have to get so upset over things with me so much. Why do you always snap at me like that?”

You stare at Laura’s upset but sincere face and you would never want to hurt her. You can’t handle being the reason for Laura’s eyes to be so gentle, so fragile. It’s making you kind of lose your breath right now so you take a few slow breaths and a step back, looking away from those eyes.

“I...I don’t know, I just do that when I’m feeling sensitive. I can’t help it. I snap at everyone when I’m like that.”

“Well you shouldn’t. You don’t have to feel that way around me.” she pauses and you’re still not looking directly at her. “Carm,” the nickname Laura’s given you makes you finally meet eyes. “ You don’t have to be afraid of me, of talking to me. We’ve had our moments when you open up to me so widely that I feel...I feel... _closer to you_.” she licks her lips nervously. “And I kind of like that…I like being close to you...I like being able to feel like you actually trust me, but sometimes all that just goes away, because _you_ go away...and it kinda hurts when you do that.”

Your eyes are locked on Laura’s almost like it’s impossible to look away, and she’s talking so openly to you, so honestly, that you don’t know if you can believe any of this is true. How is this really happening? How is Laura Hollis real? You’re lost in thought for a while now but it’s not uncomfortable to you. It’s not uncomfortable to just look at Laura. You know she can probably tell what you want to say by your eyes. _Now if only you’d actually speak._

“I’m sorry.” there’s a long pause as you gather your words. “ I had no idea I was hurting you. It’s just...I don’t...open up much. I’m not used to it, but,” you take a step closer trying to build up some courage under Laura’s steady stare. “you make me want to change that.” Laura adjusts her grip on the curtain, still listening to you. “I don’t know how you do it cupcake, but...you make me want to do things that I would never do for anyone else.” Laura has a small smile now and you know you’re doing things right this time. Your doing things just for her. “I just-I do trust you, Laura. More than you’d know.” you take another step and end up right in front of her. The shower curtain and a few inches being the only thing between the two of you. Laura’s eyes continue to be on yours and you can tell she’s happy with your words. Her dorky smile proves it all the more. 

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah, good.”

The two of you smile while still staring at each other and you could swear your chest doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s much more worse than that now. It’s fluttering. Both of you stay like that for what feels like a whole 5 minutes until Laura moves uncomfortably under the shower curtain.

“Um...I should finish showering now.”

At first your confused but then you realize she’s still standing naked and wet behind that shower curtain.

“Oh. Of course. Sorry to interrupt your shower.”

“No worries. It was worth it.” she smiles again and so do you.

“Yeah.” you stand there for a few moments again. “Right! I’ll just, head to bed.”

She giggles and you turn around and start walking to the bathroom door.

“Goodnight Carm.”

You turn to her one more time with a truly lovestruck smile.

“Yeah, night cupcake.”

You walk to your bed as if you were floating with this stupid smile on your face. You throw yourself on your mattress, facing the ceiling, not even taking your shoes off, but you know it’s al right. 

Everything’s al right.

 

 


	20. We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura and Carmilla are both starting to admit their feelings, but will life let them admit them to each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has what you guys have been waiting for-

Laura and you have been spending more time together, wether it’s at lunch or going to the movies with some of her friends. Having Will sitting a few seats to the side while you sat next to Laura was absolutely aggravating. He would text you and then lean forward in his chair trying to see your response. He’d text you inappropriate things like:

“Have you made a move on her yet? Is this like a friends date? Put your arm around her! God you are so PG Kitty. Just kiss her already! Nobodies looking! Uww this is a scary part you should totally hold her or something. My god watching the two of you is killing me here do something already!”

You would just shove your phone away not answering or you’d glare at him as he would wiggle his eyebrows at you. Yeah, absolutely annoying bastard You don’t want to push things with Laura, after all the two of you haven’t been completely clear about things. You just know she does care about you at least but does she like you? _That_ you have no certain proof of, at least not directly from her. She hasn’t said anything like that to you, but she’s been getting closer and smiling more and occasionally she’d casually put a hand on your back or lear over you as you read a book and it’s not making all these strange feelings inside you any easier to handle.

These feelings…

You can tell why they seem so familiar to you. They remind you of how you felt when you were alone with Ell, but with Laura it’s just constantly there. It never leaves you even when you’re not alone with her, even when you’re in class, even when you’re waiting for her to get home from work, even when you glance at her bed when she’s already asleep, even when you go to bed and dream of her.

It never freaking leaves your system. It’s always there like a force that just keeps pulling your thoughts to her. 

And it’s killing you inside.

You want nothing more than to always be around her, always be there to hear her ranting about some customer or some paper she has to do or when she comes home late all tired and eats the meal you made her in her bed before going to sleep. 

You just can’t help feeling this way. Like Laura’s sucking up your life, like she’s everything and at the same time just a tiny ray of sunshine that you can’t stop staring at, no matter how blinding it can be. 

It doesn’t help that she sometimes lays in your bed while you’re reading. She’d just lean on her elbows and stare at you with a big grin before asking you about your day or telling you about her own. And she’d just listen to you so attentively, resting her head on her fist as she stares at you. The way her cheek squishes up from her knuckles just looks so god damn adorable, and you could swear her eyes even sparkle a bit in the sweetest most heart warming way.

It doesn’t help that you like her.

You _really_ really like her.

Today though your not so concerned about that whole thing. Your more concerned at the fact that you have a missed call from your mother. Why the hell would she call you? She knows you’d never pick up, but at the same time you can’t help but get worried by this, so you call Will. You wait for him to pick up as you walk around the halls at Silas by yourself. Laura would usually be with you right now but she had to go work earlier than usual. Which is nice because that means she’ll be home at least before 1am. Will finally picks up the phone and your attention goes back to reality and away from thoughts of Laura.

“Hello?”

“Will, how are you?”

“I’m fine, why?”

You pull your eyebrows together concerned but at the same time you’re relieved he’s okay. So then what did mother want?

“Nothing, it’s just-….mother called.”

“She called?”

“Yes.”

“Well what did she want?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t pick up.”

“That...makes sense.”

“Yeah.”

Will’s quiet for a bit, probably trying to figure out why mother would call now of all times.

“Maybe she had something important to tell you.”

“Like what? Keep reminding me that I’m not welcome home unless I am fully heterosexual? Fuck that.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah, I know.” you pause and take a deep breath. “I just don’t understand what she’d want with me. She only even tells me to change and come home.”

“Yeah...she can be quite persistent in that.”

“Well whatever, if you find anything out you let me know. I’m not planning on calling her back ever.”

“Okay, I’ll be your little spy, just like old days.”

“You were a terrible spy in the house, I seem to recall dad always knowing you were hiding behind him.”

“I have no idea how he’d always know okay! I was a very careful child!”

You laugh but feel kind out sad. Your father used to be home all the time, just sitting on the couch with his computer making phone calls. You can’t seem to remember much about him though. His face is kind of starting to be a blur. It didn’t help that your mother threw away any picture of him she’d find saying “that man doesn’t matter anymore. He’s no longer a part of our lives.” But you secretly wish you’d kept one. Just to have something to remind you of him.

“I’ve got to go. You go investigate, little spy.”

“Will do.”

You hang up and stare down at your phone in your hands for a while as you continue walking. 

What could dad be up to these days? Does he ever even think of you and Will? Does he ever regret leaving? 

You clench your jaw and put your phone away with a loud sigh. You wish you were smarted back then, more aware of what adults would go through, more aware of the lies your mother fed you to hate him, more aware of that time he got in his car with tears being the last time little Carmilla would see her kind father. You rub the back of your neck and start heading home with all these bad memories and fights between your parents rerunning in your mind. Your dad always slamming the door before leaving just to return in the middle of the night to give tuck you in bed and give you a good night kiss, thinking you were asleep. You sigh again.

You miss your dad.

-

It’s the middle of the afternoon and you’re bored out of your mind at the station. Neither of your bosses is around today and the station hasn’t gotten much customers in the past 20 minutes so you’re just scrolling through your phone reading old text messages with Carmilla. You chuckle as you read the ones were you’re complaining about the mess at home that she’s made and you can’t help but feel kind of happy about it. It’s like the two of you are an old married couple arguing over the dirty dishes or something. Even though technically you guys aren’t really even a thing which that thought has been eating you up inside. Why haven’t either of you made a move? The two of you are obviously comfortable with each other by now and occasionally you may or may not catch yourself flirting with her  but it’s all just playful talk, nothing real. 

You sigh and groan, melting into the counter as if all hope was just slithering away. 

“We should be kissing and holding hands and being all cute by now.”  you say to yourself as you rest your head between your folded arms. Maybe she really isn’t interested in you in that way. Maybe she just enjoys your company and teasing you. 

“Ugh!” 

_This totally freaking sucks._

You hear some storm in and quickly glance up.

“Code red! Code red! Quick go get the bottle of whiskey in the back!”

Dave says quickly as he faces you in the counter.

“What?”

“I’m just gonna warn you before hand buuuut Charles is NOT in the best mood right now. So-” he gestures with his hands as if he was zipping his lips shut.  You see Charles slamming his car door and angrily shoving his keys in his pocket. 

_Oh boy._  

“I’ll go get that bottle.” 

“You do that, yeah.”

You run to the back searching for a bottle of whiskey that Dave seems to keep and bring it back just as Charles barges into the station. Dave’s standing in front of him with his hands held up as if trying to calm Charles down.

“Come on buddy, everything’s fiiiiiiine.”

“ _No_ everything is _NOT_ fine! Who the hell does she think she is?!”

“Well...the mother of your children but that’s probably not what you want to hear right now so..”

“You think?!?”

Charles stomped away towards the couch and aggressively sat down, his hands in fidgeting and his fingers stretching as if wanting to hit something for release. Dave follows him and you slowly make your way to them with the bottle.

“Well how was I supposed to know she’d be eating at the same restaurant we were?”

“Oh, I don’t know! _Logically_ she’d go to a place that’s near her office don’t you think?!”

“I didn’t know she still worked around there, I’m sorry buddy!”

“Don’t you buddy me Dave!”

Charles slammed his fist on the couches arm rest before leaning on his elbows and rubbing his forehead harshly.

“Uhhh guys...I got the whiskey.” you say carefully holding out the bottle to Dave. 

Charles glances up at you with an upset face but quickly looks away. Dave grabs the bottle with a reassuring smile and turns back to Charles.

“Listen man, I’m sorry we bumped into her, I know how hard you’ve been avoiding that evil woman...I should have thought things through more.”

“You got _that_ right…” 

He subtly shakes his head in disappointment and Dave melts in the couch, handing him over the bottle. Charles takes it without even a look and takes a drink from it. You’re not sure what you should do right now. It’s not really your place to get in this conversation but Charles trusted you a while back with his situation so maybe it’s okay.

“Are you okay Charles..?”

“No, I am the opposite of okay.” he takes in a deep breath and leans back in the couch, relaxing a bit. “My apologies Laura...I swear I’m not usually like this.”

“I know, it’s fine, I get that you’re upset...but did she um...say anything to you?”

Charles looks away and you can just feel the anger boiling up inside him.

“Oh _she did_. Not like it wasn’t to be expected of course.” he takes another drink.

“Well…” you look at Dave who seems to be paying close attention to the conversation.” what did she say..?”

Charles stifles a laugh that you can imagine isn’t coming from joy. 

“Oh you know, the typical _“Hello Charles, it seems you’ve decided to crawl back out of the filth you reside in, why are you here? You had best not go anywhere near my children.”_ You know, just ordinary chit chat to which I answered “ _My_ children? They’re _my_ children too.” but ho hoooo that didn’t stop her evil ways telling me _“they stopped being your children the day you decided to be a coward and divorce our family”_ to which I yelled “I didn’t divorce my family, I divorced YOU you mad woman!” it all went downhill from there. Believe me, you don’t want to hear it.”

Charles takes another drink and you can see him deflate. He passes a hand through his hair as he looks down and away from your stare. You could swear he’s about to cry, he seems so broken right now. Dave gives you a look that you know it’s your queue to leave them alone. He scoots closer to Charles and rubs his back.

“It’s okay buddy, I’m here.”

Charles shakes his head in his hand but leans into the touch, not ever looking up. 

“I can’t stay here Dave.” he let’s out with a small broken voice. “I just can’t stay.”

Dave continues to rub his back with a sad expression. Knowing how broken Charles must really be right now.

“It’s okay buddy...don’t worry about it.”

You chew on your lip as you now watch them from the counter when you get a text.

Carmilla(4:34pm): have u eaten anything?

Laura(4:35pm): no, I left in a rush. :(

Carmilla(4:35pm): oh.

Carmilla(4:35pm): okay.

You put your phone away when a customer comes in and you continue working, trying not to pay too much attention to your bosses in the couch. 

-

You look at your phone as you bite your lip. _So she hasn’t eaten yet._ You smile as you start making a meal once you get to the apartment. This is your chance to do something a bit out of the usual for Laura. Sure you cook for her almost every day, it was the deal you made in exchange for living with her so it’s nothing out of the ordinary. But you’ve never taken any food to her so this should mean something different. It should mean something more. You continue making Laura and yourself some salmon and you pack them in a container along with a nice fresh salad before heading out of the apartment and walk to the nearest bus stop.

The bus should be faster.

-

After like an hour Charles seems to have calmed down a little and he gave Dave the bottle of whiskey to take it away from him. He’s still just siting there on the couch in what would usually be Carmilla’s spot but Dave left him alone to go and re stock the shelves. You guess he’s giving Charles some alone time to clear his thoughts on his own. You’re distracted when the bell on the door chimes and talk before looking.

“Welcome to Pump it Da-” you stop yourself when you see who it is and a smile grows across your face.

“Carm! What are you doing here?”

“Can’t a girl visit her favorite dork?” she smirks at you playfully and stands by the counter, placing a plastic bag with something on it.

“Well hey there Carmilla! Long time no see!” says Dave as he comes up behind the shelves with a smile. 

As you looked over at Dave you noticed Charles was looking up at you with wide eyes and he seems to be frozen in place. 

_Weird, I wonder if he’s really okay?_  

“Hi Dave, is it okay if I steal your employee for a bit?” 

Carmilla has a slick smile on her face almost as if excited or satisfied with herself and you wonder what she’s planning.

“Mmmmm, you’re not taking her away are ya?”

“No of course not, we’ll be right there.” Carmilla points at the couch and you follow her finger.

You raise your eyebrows surprised when you see that Charles is no longer standing there and it looks like Dave did the same because he didn’t respond to Carmilla. She seems to notice somethings up.

“Is...is this a bad time?”

“What! No! You can go right along girls. I just gotta find my friend...where the heck did he go?” says Dave.

“I don’t know, Charles was there literally like a minute ago.”

“Charles?”

You look at Carmilla who seems to have a confused face.

“Yeah, he’s Dave’s college friend. He’s a really nice guy.”

“Oh.” she looks around the store curiously but ends up just turning to you again with a small shrug. “Well I guess he’s gone.”

“Yeah...weird.” 

You look out the window and see him quickly heading to his car but Dave doesn’t notice. Maybe he just needs some alone time and a customer coming in made him uncomfortable.  You would have told him it’s just your roommate and stuff but you guess you’ll leave that for another time.

“So.”  

You turn your head to look at Carmilla who is looking down at her boots.

“You still hungry?”

“Hungry? I’m starving!”

“Good.” she smirks but it’s not her usual one. It’s more warm. 

“You think me starving is good?”

“Not what I meant.” 

She pulls out some container out of the plastic bag and opens one of them to show you. Your eyes widen and your jaw drops.

“Oh my god! You made this?”

“yup.”

“for me?”

“Well...for us but..yeah.”

“You are unbelievable.”

You bite your lip excited and go around the counter to tackle her in a warm hug.

“Eh, I get that a lot.”

You smack her arm playfully and she flinches but with a big smile before grabbing the containers and taking them to the couch. She sits down on her spot that was earlier taken by Charles and crossed her feet, sitting indian style. You sit down next to her and she hands you your container. 

“Bon appétit.”

She stars eating and you can’t control your face as you purse your lips tightly, trying to keep your smile away. You dig in and glance over at Carmilla next to you. You think she’s trying to hold her own smile and she’s totally blushing a little which is adorable.

“Thanks Carm.” you say after a few quiet moments.

She simply shakes her head brushing it off but you can tell she’s happy. You smile and tap her knee, making her look up at you while chewing. You then gesture at your lap as you lean back into the couch and Carmilla grins. 

  _God she’s so freaking cute sometimes._

She un crosses her legs and stretches them out in your lap. You rest your container on them as you continue eating with a smile. You can feel Dave looking at the two of you with a big grin as he handles the counter but you don’t care.

You love having Carmilla around. 

You love being like this with her.

And maybe you _kinda, sorta, possibly_ love-well... _her_.

Carmilla waited for your shift to finish as she laid on her couch just like old times while reading. The walk home was nice. She was telling you about some stupid thing a guy said in class and her face was just so bright as she enjoyed your company. You laughed at her story of the day and she just stared at you with a smile and these piercing heart warming eyes before she put her arm around your shoulder nonchalantly. Your heart literally flutters in your chest from her finally being the one to initiate contact. You scoot closer to her and wrap your arm around her waist, tucking your hand in her pocket to keep it warm and at first you feel her tense up but she quickly relaxes as the two of you keep walking home. 

Yeah, _home_ sounds nice.

-

The next day you’re tying your boots to head out to Silas with Laura early in the morning. It’s cold out so you slide on Laura’s Silas University hoodie. You smile once you feel the warmth starting to wrap you up, and the fact that it smells like Laura again makes everything even better. You receive a text from Will before closing the door behind you.

Willy Boy(7:49am): Call me when you get this.

You stare at it for a bit before locking the door with your key.

“Carm, what’s taking you so long?”

“What?” you glance up at Laura waiting for you down the side walk. “Nothing, sorry cupcake.” you shove your phone in your hoodies pocket and quickly walk to Laura.

The two of you walk together to Silas all the time now, but today it feels different. It feels...comfortable. Laura keeps yawning as she walks and you scoff at how cute she is. She stares at you confused but only grins and looks forward again. She steps closer to you, walking right beside you and you feel yourself get nervous at first, then she suddenly grabs your hand and you glance at her surprised but she’s simply smiling while staring the other way. You smile too and interlock your fingers as you do the same, staring at the road beside you. 

Hand holding is progress right? That’s a total thing that people who like each other do right? And interlocking fingers is what couples do, normally right? Couples in love?

Your thoughts are interrupted by your phone ringing and you stare down at your stomach where your hoodies pocket is. You take it out with your free hand and answer.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Carmilla Karnstein speaking?”

“Depends who’s asking.”

“ I’m calling from Silas University’s main office. The administration has notified us to contact you immediately.”

“O...kay?”

“Please stop by the main office today, thank you for your time!”

You hang up with a confused face and Laura’s staring at you.

“Who was that?”

“I don’t know, some secretary. I have to go to the office today.”

“At Silas?”

“Yeah.” you shrug it off and tuck your phone back in your pocket.

“Oh, well that’s weird. I hope everything’s okay.”

“Yeah it’s probably nothing. Will must have screwed up again. I’ll go check it out.”

You arrive at Silas and when you’re about to part ways Laura doesn’t let go of your hand and she faces you.

“Good luck with that thing.” she smiles

“Thanks cutie.” you smile back.

“Your welcome..” she tucks some hair behind her ear while looking away and chewing on her lip. “and thanks for last nights dinner by the way.”

“No problem.” your smile grows and so does hers and she slightly gets on her toes and gives you a quick kiss on the cheek.

“see you at lunch.” 

She let’s go of your hand and skips a few steps as she turns to walk away. You bite your lip and feel the blush forming on your cheeks before turning around and heading to the main office. You push the door open and stand by the front desk.

“Hi, I was told to come here.”

“Name?”

“Carmilla Karnstein.”

“Okay, second door to the right.”

You nod and go where he told you to. You push the door open a creak and see who’s inside.

“Um..i was called her today.”

The man looks up from his papers in the desk and fixes his glasses to see you better.

“Ah yes, Miss Karnstein correct?”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“Have a seat.”

He gestures to the chair before him and you drop your bag and uncomfortably sit down.

“Well Miss Karnstein, I called you here to inform you that you won’t be attending Silas University next semester.”

“What? Why??”

He hands you a paper that you quickly snatch and read. At the bottom of the paper you see you’r mother’s cursive signature and you can feel your blood starting to boil already. 

  _Mother._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> which is angst. this chapter has ANGST. lol


	21. Mother Knows Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carmilla's furious, vulnerable, lost and confused.

“This can’t be right!” you say as you slam your hands on the desk.

“I’m afraid it is Miss Karnstein. Your mother came by today specifically to do all of the necessary paperwork.”

“Well screw the paperwork! Don’t I get any say in this?!”

“Unless you’re the one who pays your college fees then no, Miss Karnstein. Your mother has every right to pull you out of your studies so long as she’s the registered payer of your fees.”

“This is ridiculous!” you say slamming the paper against the desk before passing a shaky hand through your hair.

Why would she do this? Why fucking now? You’re so angry, so _fucking_ angry. You don’t know what to do, you never thought she’d go this far. She still controls your life even when you thought you had nothing else to do with her, nothing left to lose.

You were a fool. _A stupid fucking fool._

You promised yourself you’d never accept her terms. You didn’t need her home, her money, her food, her “love”, but this…

This you needed.

And now you’re fucked. You’re so fucking fucked. There’s no way you can come up with all that money, there’s no way you’re gonna talk this out with her. You know better than that. The more you try to discuss something the more she screws it up. The more she sees that something matters to you, the more she’ll try to tear it all away or apart.

“Miss. Karnstein, I’m going to need you to sign these papers as well.”

You’re taken away from your thoughts when you hear the man’s words and you stare up at him like a deer in headlights.

****_Of course._

She did this. She did this with him. She’s always had someone at Silas who she had connections to, that’s the way that she works. That’s the way that she always works. This is why she let you come to Silas University...because she had her strings to pull here just like everywhere else.

You start feeling so angry, so disgusted that you think you’re going to be sick. You glare at the man behind the desk and grab the paper he was gesturing at for you to sign. You hold it up in front of you without looking at it, never dropping eye contact with the man, and you rip the paper in half.

“I’m not signing anything.”

“But Miss Karnstein, singing these papers states that you will be able to finish this seme-”

“I could care less about that! It’s all bullshit! This is all bullshit!”

You grab your bag from the floor and make your way to the door furious.

“Miss Karnstein-”

“Fuck off.”

You slam the door shut and stomp your way out of the office, never looking back, never looking forward, never looking at anything. Your body’s moving on autopilot and you don’t feel alive right now. You don’t feel like anything.

What are you going to do? How are you going to pay attention in class now? How are you going to do anything now?  There’s no fucking point, there’s no fucking purpose.

Nothing.

Nothing matters anymore.

As the hours go by in class you feel like a zombie, like the undead that somehow walk the Earth. Your face is blank, your mind is blank, everything’s just _blank._

You find yourself walking down the hallway with no motivation for anything right now. It’s not until you pass by a certain hall that you remember what time it is. It’s not until you hear her voice that you remember why you’re walking in this direction.

You stop dead in your tracks with a pale face as you see Laura, energetic, tiny, beautiful, happy Laura walking towards you. An excited smile on her face, nothing like your own. She stands before you.

“Hey! For a second there I thought you were bailing on lunch or something. What’s wrong with your phone?”

“My phone?”

“Yeah, I called you a few minutes ago to tell you i was on my way.”

“Nothings wrong with my phone. It’s just in my bag.”

“Oh.”

She doesn’t seem to mind your response but you can see her face changing. Her smile isn’t as big as earlier and her eyebrows are furrowed.

She’s worried.

“Hey...are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Did something happen at the office? You look kind of-”

“I _said_ I’m fine.” you say harshly, not able to control your attitude right now.

Laura takes a cautious step back but doesn’t leave.

“Okay okay, i was just asking. There’s no need to-”

“Can we just go?!” you say harshly again getting inpatient and you hate yourself. You hate that you’re talking to Laura like this.

“Woah...jeez, cool down Carm. Why are you being like this?”

“I’m not being like anything. Not everyone is happy and energetic all the time.”

“Well something must have ticked you off because you’re being really cranky.”

“CAN YOU JUST--DROP IT?!” you raise your voice and Laura tenses up.

“What the hell is your problem, Carmilla?! I haven’t done anything to you, so keep your attitude to yourself!”

“I do whatever the hell I want with my attitude!”

“Well I don’t appreciate you taking whatever the hell happened to you in that office out on me!”

“That’s-” you pause and pinch the bridge of your nose. “ That doesn’t concern you! So just stay the hell out of it!”

“Keep your freaking attitude away from me then! I’ve done nothing but care about you! What’s your stupid problem!?”

“Care about me?! You--you don’t understand anything!”

“Of course I don’t understand anything if you don’t ever explain things to me! How am I supposed to help you if I don’t know what’s wrong?!”

“You don’t HAVE to help me! Just--Just leave me alone, Laura!”

You start walking away angrily and you feel like shit. You’re so stressed and Laura’s worried. She’s worried about you and you’re being mean to her and you just feel fucking terrible right now. After she was so happy today and so so sweet to you and even kissed your cheek all you manage to do is be mean to her.

“Fine! I hope you feel fucking better soon.”

You stop again and sigh deeply, slightly turning your head to take a glimpse of upset Laura, but you don’t stare at her face. You can’t.

“Look...I just...I can’t talk right now. I’m not in the right position to be speaking to anyone. I just… I have to deal with something right now.”

You keep walking away and quicken your pace not wanting to say anything else. You don’t want to end up hurting Laura more than you already have.

-

You’ve never seen Carmilla this worked up. Sure you’ve seen her upset and cranky and being rude but not like this. Not like today. She walked away earlier leaving you worked up as well and you knew better than to go after her while she’s in that state. Still, that doesn’t mean you’re not gonna poke around to find out what’s up. You’re a journalism girl, _obviously_ you’re gonna poke around.

You quickly make your way to the boy’s dorms with determination to hear what you want to hear. You’re not in the best mood anymore and god forbid Will only makes it worse.

You knock on his door before just opening it instead of waiting.

“Laura? Hey!”

“Hey. So I’m glad your back and i’m glad you’re okay and all but I’m not here to talk about that.”

“O..kay?” he uncomfortably shifts in his chair. “ what are you here to talk about then?”

“I’m here to talk about Carmilla.”

His eyes widen for a split second before he furrows his brow. “What about her?”

“What happened today?”

“How would i know. I haven’t talked to her all day.”

“They called her into the office and she said it might have had something to do with you, so what happened?”

“They called her into the office??”’

“Yeah and she’s being a raging bad person.” you say moving your arms around angrily.

“Well...I don’t know anything little Lo...so..”

“I don’t believe you. I know how much you mean to Carm and...other things..”

“That doesn’t mean I know anything, also what other things?”

“I know a lot of other things...there obvious Will, I know her situation. So don’t try and keep things from me.”

“I don’t know what you mean. Sorry Laura.”

“ _I mean_ i know you and Carm have been keeping things from me. Like the fact that her mother treats her like shit, like the fact that her dad means a lot more to her than she let’s be known, like the fact that she was fucking living in the streets for god knows how fucking long.”

Will’s eyes widen again and he seems to go pale.

“You...that’s not…”

“Cut the crap Will. I’m tired of people keeping shit from me. I just wanna help.”

He stands up from his chair and walks around his room with a thinking face, rubbing his neck nervously before standing to face you.

“Did she tell you all of that?”

“Not all of it. Some things don’t have to be said.”

He covers his mouth with his hand as he stares down at the floor with a worried face.

“I can’t believe she’d tell you and not open up to me about it.”

You relax your tense angry body and stare at Will confused.

“Wait, what do you mean? You didn’t know?”

“I knew but...she doesn’t say things openly of course.”

“She didn’t tell me, I figured it out.” you pause and swallow nervously. “She’s like homeless, right?”

Will stares up at you and tightens his lips, giving you a small nod.

“What the hell is up with your mom?!”

“It’s a long story..and it’s not my place to say anyway.” he waves it off.

“I know the whole Elle story so spare me the excuses.”

He quickly turns around stunned.

“You know about that too?!?!”

You cross your arms in front of your chest and nod. He shakes his head and brushes his hair back before talking.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on...but mother said she was here today dealing with something she should have done a long time ago or whatever. I tried to warn Carmilla but she didn’t answer my text or call me. I don’t know what’s going on but..it can’t be good. Not with mother at Silas.”

Will crosses his arms as well as he seems stressed now.

“Well...I ran into Carm earlier and she wasn’t exactly the nicest person in town.”

“Was it bad?”

“She yelled at me a bit sooo I’m not saying it was bad but it wasn’t exactly good either.”

“I’m gonna go see what’s up and talk to her.” Will grabs a jacket from behind the door and walks by you to step outside.

“Okay.” you start heading down the hall.

“What about you, where are you going?”

“I’m gonna go see if I can find out what happened at the office. I can’t just stay put and wait anymore. I’m anxious.”

“Okay. I’ll text you if anything bad happens.”

The two of you part ways and you head to the main office where Carmilla had gone in the morning. Once you’re there you observe everything. The area is pretty empty other than that guy in the front desk who seems to be minding his own business. You see that after a few minutes the guy gets up (you’re assuming to pee) so you snoop around his desk a bit before you hear some voices coming from the side. You try and hear them but it’s muffled by what you imagine is a door, so you sneakily step closer to the side where the offices are and try and find where the noise is coming from.

****_Sure this isn’t ethical but “yolo” right?_

You identify a man and a woman’s voice in the first office so you start to eavesdrop.

“Yes everything is taken care off Mrs Morgan.”

“Did she sign those papers?”

“No, she ripped them apart. Literally.”

You can hear a low dark giggle and it sends shivers down your spine. It’s a familiar shiver, you know you’ve felt it before but where?

“Of course she ripped them apart. That troublesome girl never ceases to make my life more difficult.”

“Well I’m sure Miss Karnstein got the memo that you’re always in charge and not her.”

“I doubt that. That girl never obeys my demands and it’s about time she sees what can happen when she does so. Either she stops being such a useless, filthy, idiotic sinner and listens to me, or I’m going to continue taking everything from her. _Still_ , seeing how foolish she is she’ll probably try causing me more trouble. It’s pathetic really. When will children learn that mother knows best?”

“I’m sure she’s starting to see that now Lilita. I’m glad I could be of service to you madam.”

“A favor is a favor and you are no longer in my debt. Now please don’t speak of this to anyone. I don’t need the people from the church or the office to know about my _mess of a daughter_.”

“But of course Miss Morgan.”

Hearing this conversation makes your blood start to boil and your skin start to flame. You’re fuming, you lose it and barge in. The man and the woman who you now see is Carmilla’s mother from the hospital are surprised by your sudden interruption.

“Young lady, you can’t be here. Wait outside for your turn.” says the man.

“Wait-” Lilita says as she eyes you. “I believe we’ve met, correct?”

****_That’s. it._

“Are you fucking serious right now?!”

“Pardon me?” she says

“What the fuck are you doing to Carmilla?! Why are you dropping her out?! Don’t you know how much she loves this place? How much it means to her? How could you do this to her?? and just because you’re mad at her? Just because she’s not what you want her to be? Just because YOOOOOU can’t accept her for who she is?!”

“Who do you think you are, talking to someone superior to you like that?”

“I am Laura, Laura _-fucking-_ Hollis, and I am sick of your shit! What the hell is wrong with you--you---SENILE WOMAN?!?”

“Mind your own business _Laura Hollis_. I can do this and so much more. She’s _my_ daughter.”

You shake your head in anger and disbelief. “You’re so fucked up...you’re a terrible mother. I can see why Carm doesn’t talk to you.”

“It would be best if you stayed away from my daughter _Miss Hollis_ , before I take manners into my own hands.

“What are you trying to say?”

“That this disrespectful outburst of yours won’t simply go unnoticed. I’ll be sure to take care of that.”

“Are you threatening me?!”

Lilita walks out of the office before you could say anything else.

“Miss Hollis.”

You spin around to face the man.

“How could you just let her do something like that? What is _wrong_ with you people!”

“Miss Hollis I suggest you leave at once.”

You clench your fists and shut your mouth tightly before pushing aside the chair infront of you and storming out.

You’re fuming, you’re just so fucking angry. Why would people do these things?! Why would a _parent_ do these things?! You continue walking and find yourself heading to the cafeteria to sit down and cool off. Now you can _totally_ see why Carmilla was so mad today. You wonder if Will has managed to find Carmilla and you take your phone out taking in a deep breath to calm yourself. Maybe you should text her.

Laura(2:14pm): Carm…?

You stare down at your phone in your hands as you wait anxiously for her to reply. She takes a bit before she does.

Carmilla(2:20pm):...yeah..?

Laura(2:21pm): so I ran into your mom today.

She doesn’t respond so you text her again.

Laura(2:35pm): I know what happened..

Laura(2:35pm): and I may have sort of kinda maybe yelled at her…

Carmilla(2:35pm): WHAT???

You start typing in a reply but see that she responds faster.

Carmilla(2:36pm): why would u do that?!

Carmilla(2:36pm): Laura what the hell. first u had no right to snoop around and second r u fucking crazy?!

You try and type again feeling bad and extremely guilty but she keeps responding.

Carmilla(2:36pm): do u realize what u did?! u should have never confronted my mother. It wasn’t ur place to do it and frankly it wasn’t any of ur business to begin with.

You heart drops to your stomach and you swear you’re starting to feel sick or something. You stop trying to reply and weakly place your phone on the table as you chew on your lip trying to calm yourself down. She’s right, it was totally out of line and you should have just kept out of her shit. Now you feel terrible and you keep chewing on your lip as you try and keep your tears from coming. Your nostrils opening and closing as you try your hardest not to cry. You look up and blink a few quick times as you exhale shakily through your mouth. Your phone vibrates on the table again and you’re not sure you have the strength right now to see what she texted you again.

Carmilla(2:48pm): where are u?

You wipe your nose with your hand even though it’s dry. You don’t answer.

Carmilla(2:51pm): LAURA.

You grunt and start typing back.

Laura(3:52pm): I’m at the cafeteria.

After a few minutes she shows up looking at you with wide worried eyes. You can’t handle looking at her right now and expecting she’s going to start yelling at you again doesn’t help. She stands on the other side of the table and sighs before pulling out the chair in front of you and calmly sitting down.

“Laura.”

You duck your head still not looking at her.

“Laura what were you thinking? _God_ your such a big idiot.”

You don’t know what to say, and you can feel Carm’s angry tone having a slightly worried one.

“Cupcake, you didn’t have to go and have my back or anything. I didn’t need you to do that. I don’t need anyone to do that.”

“I’m sorry! I just-! I got really mad and--and your mom she’s just--” you look up and shake your head. “she’s just such a freaking bitch!”

Carmilla scoffs with a smile that quickly fades.

“You just don’t get it…” she shakes her head. “ Laura i’m worried for you.”

“Me? Why would you be worried about me? You’re the one who has to drop out!”

“No, it’s not because of that, and don’t worry about that, I’ll handle it myself okay?” Carmilla tilts her head staring at you and grabbing one of your hands over the table, reassuring you. “Look, you don’t know how powerful my mother is. I...I couldn’t even get a decent job because of her. She has connections everywhere Laura and she won’t stop at anything to make my life a living hell.”

You finally look at Carmilla and her face seems so worried, her eyes are sad and her eyebrows are furrowed. She looks down at her’s and your hand, rubbing her thumb over yours.

“Laura...I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me.”

You take in a deep breath and turn your hand over, your palm facing Carmilla’s as you hold her hand gently.

“ _Nothing_ will happen to me.” you rub your thumb over her knuckles. “Don’t worry Carm.”

She doesn’t look up at you, not even a short glance and you can tell she’s still worried anyway but after hearing and seeing what her mother is capable of…

You’re sure it’s for a good reason.

 ****  
  



	22. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura tries to help Carmilla but Carmilla doesn't want her help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait! this fic is in it's last chapters! sooooooooo buckle up creampuffs! hahaha

Carmilla is _totally_ worrying.

You’re sitting here in the cafeteria caressing her hand and she hasn’t said another word after telling you she was worried about you, which just completely shattered your heart. You don’t understand how Carmilla can still have space in her thoughts to worry about _you_ when all of this is going on with _her_.

Still, it’s really endearing to know she’s worried about you. The truth is, you know the two of you are worried for each other and even though no words have been said right now, you know that you’re not the only one who silently cares about the person in front of you.

Carmilla cares just as much as you do and that whole thought just feels so good to know.

Carmilla still hasn’t looked back up at you, choosing to instead stare down at your hands touching. She gently plays with your hand in hers and you know she needs someone to be there for here right now.  

You know she needs _you_.

“my mother…”

You look up from your hands and see that Carmilla’s struggling with her words. You don’t want her to feel pressured into having to tell you anything but she looks like she’s trying really hard and there’s no way you’re going to stop her for that. Instead you stare at her, attentively waiting for her to keep talking.

“She...she’s never exactly been the kindest mother...and I know that she can be a bit intimidating but…she...she just...scares me a little.”

She chuckles to herself and you know it’s not a good one.

“Actually...she scares me quite _a lot_.”

She focuses on your hand again and starts playing with your fingers.

You don’t talk. You don’t want to interrupt her when she’s trying so hard to talk with you about this and there’s no way you’d push her to hurry up, so you just stay quiet and let her play with your hand.

“When my mother found out about the whole Ell thing she sent me to some boarding school far away, do you remember that?”

“Yeah.” _Of course_ you remember, you don’t know how you’d ever forget. After she told you about Ell while being in tears in your bed, how could you ever forget about something so important in her life? Something that still hurts her today.

“Yeah well...I didn’t just come back from boarding school afterwards.”

Her hand stills in yours and you can see her eyes being unsure of what she wants to say next. You interlock your fingers with hers supporting her in whatever way you can without having to speak.

“I wanted to stay away from home for as long as I could. I didn’t want to face my mother again. I didn’t want to hear her hurtful remarks about me being the way I am. But at the same time I had hoped that in the time I was away mother had changed. So the day she sent for me to return... _I did_. Also I missed that idiot Will and I wanted to see how he was doing on his own with her. So _yeah_...I came back...but I was wrong...My mother hadn’t changed a bit. She had only gotten worse, more controlling, more obsessed over me and my _‘rebellious actions’_. How they’d shame her name at the church, how they’d make her question how I could be her daughter, how they’d made her punish me every time she felt I was being disobedient or _‘too friendly’_ with another girl. It was…”

She takes in a shaky breath and her eyes look lost. Lost in bad memories and hurtful times. You wish she’d look at you so you could show her you were here with her, to show her you were here _for_ her.

_But she doesn’t look up._

“It was terrible…”

She passes her free hand through her hair and you can see that it’s shaky. The one that’s interlocked with your own though isn’t shaking but it’s holding on tight. She shakes her head and quickly straightens up, toughening up her exterior when her interior is probably as fragile as glass.

“Anyway, I couldn’t bare it. So I decided to do exactly what my father had done years ago... _I decided to leave_. And _I did_. As soon as my mother had signed my papers for Silas I went out the door.” she scoffs. “What a foolish girl I was to think she’d just let me go. I had some money saved up from my high school days and all the partying that I didn’t get to do, so I stayed at a motel downtown for a bit. At least until classes would start. I had requested for the University’s housing hoping they’d take me in and I’d have a place to live.”

She shuts her eyes and you can see how she rolls them by the way she raises her eyebrows.

“Dumb move." she pauses. "As I told you earlier, my mother has... _connections_...and apparently she had some at Silas. They denied my housing request even though I had all the requirements and I submitted everything on time. But my money was running out. So...I didn’t really have anywhere to go. All the people I knew from high school had left or were out of state studying or I just didn’t really like them. The only person I ever truly liked being around was Ell and there was _no way_ I was going to her doorstep to ask for shelter. So I did the next best stupid thing I could do...I...I…”

Carmilla isn’t able to finish her statement but you know what she’s trying to say. You know what she’s trying so hard to tell you and you feel like an idiot for ever thinking badly of her. You feel like an idiot for not noticing what she was going through when you had gotten to know her. You’ve known for some time now that she didn’t have a home but you just wish you had noticed sooner. You wish you could have helped her sooner than you did. She’s been suffering for so long and now that you know why and how she got to where she is, you feel angry.

You feel so _fucking_ angry.

At least that’s what you _want_ to be right now, but you know Carmilla doesn’t need that. So instead, you’re supportive and caring as you squeeze her hand tightly. She still doesn’t want to look at you and you just want to show her that you’re here.

“I get it. You don’t need to say it.” you say

She finally looks at you and her face is so surprised by your words that it makes your heart hurt and your blood boil because how could someone do such a thing to their own daughter? How could they make her go through all of that? How could they just leave her in the street to fend for herself when she’s just a teenager? How could they just _leave_ her? How could _her dad_ leave her? How could _Ell_ leave her? How could _her own fucking mother_ leave her?

You clench your jaw as you think of the right words to say but you already knew which ones they were long ago. You already knew what Carmilla needed to hear from you.

“It’s okay now. You’re safe, you’re not alone, you have a home, you have people who care about you-” you pause and squeeze her hand to get her to see how serious you are. “-and you have _me_.” you pause as you let the words stay in the air.

_“I’m not leaving you.”_

You can see Carmilla relax in her seat and you can’t help but smile.

“So much for getting rid of you.” she teases.

“Not gonna happen. So are you gonna tell me what happened at the office?”

Carmilla takes her hand away from yours with a sigh and rests it on her side of the table.

“What do you want me to tell you? I went there, I got this paper saying I wasn’t able to register for next semester, I got angry, I yelled, he handed me a paper to sign, I ripped it in half, yelled some more, stormed out in flames and then I ran into you after class.”

“What did the paper say specifically?”

“Basically that my mother was no longer going to pay my college tuition and that I was screwed.” she sighs and shrugs. “It’s useless.”

You start to worry again as you try and think of a way to help her but you can tell she’s frustrated and tired and kind of sad so you try and comfort her some more.

“Don’t worry, I’m gonna help you with this.”

Carm quickly looks up at you. “What?! Nonono did you not hear a word of what I just said? Evil, powerful mother etc.?”

“I’m not afraid of her, Carm.” you could care less about her stupid mother right now. “She can’t touch me.”

“Yes, she can, Laura. She’ll find a way. Please I don’t want anything to happen to you. Just...don’t get involved.”

“But-”

_“Laura.”_

You’re both quiet for a few seconds and you know she’s being serious.

“Ugh, FINE...I’ll try to stay out of her way. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try and help you in any way that I can!”

“Laura, please, you’re missing the point. Besides, there’s nothing for me to do. I can’t afford the college fees on my own. Nothing matters anymore. Can we just--can we just...go home?”

Carm seems so small and you don’t want to keep fighting her on this when she’s like this but you can’t just stand idly by while she’s going through a hard time.

“Please…?” she says

You shrink in your seat.

“Sure...come on, I’ll buy us some Chinese food.”

“Laura you don’t-”

“Let me at least do that!”

There’s tension in the air but Carm has to know it’s just cause you care.

“Okay...let’s go get Chinese food.”

“Great. Then let’s go.”

-

Laura walks ahead of you and you can just feel the fire in Laura’s steps. You don’t try to fight her on it. You’re not in the mood for anything like that so you just let it be for now.

After a while, Laura slows down to match your speed. You’re sure she can see that you’re not paying any real attention to anything because she let’s out a sad sigh. You feel her gently grab your hand and your attention goes to her face. Laura doesn’t look away this time like she’s done in the past. This time you can tell that she wants you to know she’s here. She’s here and she’s holding your hand and she’s not ashamed of it at all. She’s here because she wants to be here and you can see that now. You know she’s doing it in hopes that it’ll help you feel better so you take advantage of this and interlock your fingers with her’s with a deep sigh. You give her hand a squeeze letting her know you’re okay.

-

Once you’re at the Chinese place near Silas Laura’s eating her noodles.

She’s quiet.

You know why so you give in after you’re both half way through your meal.

“Ugh.  _Fine_...Let’s talk about it.”

“REALLY?? Cause I mean, you said you didn’t want to and it’s totally your choice and I respect that and I would never try and force you into feeling uncomfortable or talking to me about  something that you don’t want to and really i’m just worried about this whole thing and it’s eating me up inside and I just really think that-“

“Laura.”

She stops her rambling.

“What do you suggest?” you say nonchalantly.

Laura presses her lips together tightly and raises her eyebrows. She puts her chopsticks down and leans forward taking a deep breath.

“Okay... _so_...you said you couldn’t fix this because you don’t have the money to do it and because your mother’s the one with the rights and whatever right?”

“Right.”

“...Well what about your dad?...I mean, I know you don’t really ever talk about him so I don’t know if it’s wrong of me to bring him up or anything but don’t you think he’d be able to help out or something?”

“Laura…” you sigh and cover your face with your hand as you close your eyes to pull yourself together.

“I’m sorry, I totally shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. I just...I haven’t really _seen_ or _heard_ from my father in like...10 years or something. What makes you think he’d want to just stroll on by and help his probably forgotten daughter who’s asking him for money after not speaking to him in over a decade?”

Laura slouches forward disappointed.

“You’re right...I get what you’re saying...but what other options do we have?”

You’re surprised. Your heart stopped when you heard Laura say “we” like that and you’ll never be able to understand how you could deserve having this girl in your life.

“None.” you reply.

Your eyes start to lower sadly and you can feel yourself starting to freak out again (at least internally). You’re sure Laura noticed the shift in your mood since she went and gently lifted your chin.

“Hey...don’t freak out. We’ll figure something out.”

there it is again.

               _“We”._

“I promise.”

Your eyes start to get watery and you can’t keep them off of Laura’s caring ones. You try and blink away the tears that are fighting to leave your eyes but one manages to escape. You quickly look away and wipe it off, trying to ignore it even happening. But Laura’s hand brushes your still somewhat wet cheek and you can’t stare at her again. You know you won’t be able to keep the frustrated tears away so you lock your eyes on the empty booth beside you.

Then you feel Laura planting a gentle kiss on your other cheek and more tears suddenly just slip out. You had no control over them this time. You didn’t even want to cry but the tears just slipped out and you hate feeling this vulnerable.

But somehow...it being with Laura doesn’t make it all that bad.

You finally stare forward at Laura with your newly damp cheeks and Laura just keeps brushing them dry with her thumb, giving you a reassuring smile.

She leans forward and plants another kiss on your other cheek, her hand not leaving the other one.

“Can we _not_ talk about this anymore for tonight?” you say.

Laura just nods and leans back in her seat.

You sniffle a bit and wipe your eyes with your sleeve. _Well_...Laura’s Silas hoodie sleeve.

You finish eating and start heading back to the apartment.

Laura’s being quiet again and her brow is furrowed as she seems to be in deep thought. Seeing her so worried over you makes you feel really guilty, but at the same time so _so_ lucky. You really wish you could show Laura how much she means to you.

But today is not a good day and sure Laura cares about you, she cares about you _a lot_  but that doesn’t necessarily mean she feels the same way, right?

You unconsciously sigh deeply and Laura notices. She stares at you.

“You okay?”

“Not really…” you couldn’t help the words as they slipped out.

Laura frowns and you get nervous before deciding to speak more.

“...but..I’m much better now...now that I’m with...you.”

You couldn’t help the nervous pauses between your words. Trying to show Laura your feelings isn’t easy on you but the you get the courage to stare at her and she’s blushing. A small smile on her lips as she looks forward and tucks some hair behind her ear.

“Well...I _AM_ pretty great.” she says with a somewhat smug face.

“God you’re a dork.”

You smile and quickly try to hide it. Laura looks uneasy, like she wants to say something and you’re about to ask when she just goes and grabs you by the wrist, moving your arm up. She let’s go of your wrist and slips her hand behind you, letting it rest on your waist. Your raised arm is just hovering awkwardly in the air when she snuggles closer to your side. You finally decide to rest your arm on her shoulder as you smile.

_Such a dork._

-

You’re sitting in your bed, phone in hand as your foot keeps tapping. Carmilla’s currently taking a long shower and you’re really nervous right now. _Sure_ you told here you wouldn’t get involved but come on, really? That’s impossible for you. You’re not the type of person that sees her friends in trouble and doesn’t do anything about it. So here you are, sitting in your bed, phone still in hand. You’ve been thinking a lot today. A lot about Carm, a lot about her mother, a lot about Silas, a lot about legal things, a lot about Carm’s dad.

_Carm’s dad…_

That’s what’s been on your mind the most. You know he’s the closest thing to a solution for this whole thing and you may not know anything about him but the way Carm looks when she talks about him tells you he was probably not a bad guy.

Or at least not as bad as her mother.

So here you are, thinking about Carm’s dad, thinking about your own dad, thinking about your mom, thinking about what she’d do in your situation, thinking about Carm and how much she’s struggling with everything, thinking about how mad she might get if she finds out what you’re about to do.

You take in a deep breath and exhale after holding it in for like two seconds. You dial your dad’s number. It rings a whole two times before he picks up.

“Hey kiddo! How’s your day been going?”

“Fine. It’s not my day I’m thinking about right now.”

“Who’s day is it you’re thinking about?”

You stare at the bathroom door that’s shut as you nervously continue to tap your foot.

“Carm’s.”

“Why is that? Is everything okay there sweetie? Did something happen between you two?”

“No--no, we’re fine. We’re better than fine I think...but...I need your help with something dad.”

“Okay then, shoot.”

“I need you to find someone for me.”

“Laura, you know that’s kind of abusing the whole _‘detective dad’_ thing.”

“Dad it’s important, I swear.”

He sighs and stays quiet for a few seconds thinking this through.

“...Who do you need me to look up?”

“Carm’s dad.”

“Do you know his name?”

“Mmmmmm not really...but Carmilla’s last name is Karnstein! That’s not a common name right?”

“I’ll look it up. Now no more office favors. You know I don’t like mixing life and work together.”

“I know I know. Thanks dad.”

“So why are you looking for Carmilla’s dad?”

“It’s a long story, just trust me on this one.”

“Al riiiiight, but I don’t like this one bit Laura.”

“I know. I’m sorry dad. I promise I’ll fill you in later.”

“Okay kiddo. Well I’m gonna go get started on this. I’ll call you again sometimes around tomorrow.”

“Thanks dad. Bye.”

You hang up and stare at the bathroom door again.

Carmilla’s gonna _kill you_ for this.

 


	23. We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura feels uneasy for doing something behind Carmilla's back but tries to focus on being there for here in her time of need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter ish? I split it in 2 since I haven't finished it yet, that way you guys can get some while i finish the other half ;)

 

You hang up your phone and feel so terribly guilty. It’s just this one little thing, it’s nothing _big_ right? She shouldn’t get really mad about this right? You slouch with a whiny groan and hear the shower stop. You immediately feel your body stiffen and glance towards the bathroom door. You swallow hard and chew on your lip while the thought of a distant Carmilla floats around in your head. You’ve kinda screwed her over like what, twice now? What if she takes this whole thing the wrong way? What if she leaves again?

You hear the bathroom door open and quickly look up in its direction. Carmilla’s walking out looking down and takes down her messy bun, her soft curls dropping to her shoulder. As beautiful and heavenly as she pretty much looks even walking out of the shower in some of your plaid pajama shorts and one of her used up rock t-shirts...she doesn’t look okay.

Before she can make her way to her mattress you decide to do something about her mood.

“Hey. Carm.”

She lazily turns around and raises her eyebrows at you. You wave her over and pat your bed right next to you.

“Come here, I wanna show you something cute.”

You see her eyebrows twitch up a little bit before she makes her way towards your bed and sits down next to you causing a little bounce between you two and sighs before looking at you.

“Well?”

She stares at you expectantly and you feel a playful smile start to grow on your lips. She squints her eyes observing you but you see a small smile fighting to make its way out. You giggle and lean forward a little, causing her eyebrows to shoot up interested but then you turn away from her and grab your laptop, opening it in your lap. You start looking up videos you have saved in your tumblr “likes” but glance at Carmilla by the side of your eye and see that she’s frozen in place. You feel your smile widen.

“So...I know you’re bummed and would probably rather sleep than watch something cute on my computer, but I assure you you won’t regret staying awake with me.”

“ _Sounds promising._ ” she teases.

You playfully squint your eyes at her and she does the same back leaning closer making your smile widen again. You turn your laptop a little so she can see better.

“Check this out.”

She leans closer to you and looks down at your laptop as you start playing random videos and vines of funny or cute things. At first you showed her some cute clumsy puppy videos and she bunched up her face as if trying to keep a smile down. You felt way better about doing something behind her back now that she’s in a happier mood but...the shitty feeling is still there. Whatever, you can feel shitty later. Right now the plan is to even it out by making Carm feel better and so far you think it’s maybe working.

“Dogs are idiots.”

You gasp dramatically and hold a hand to your chest.

“I’m sorry, what? Dogs are AMAZING and cute and cuddly and always happy to see you and lick you all over.”

“Well...I didn’t know you were into that type of thing but…” she teases with a smirk and you swat at her arm.

“You know what I mean!”

She shrugs and you quickly think of something else to look up.

_Kitten videos._

She’s _got_ to be into those. I mean come on, she can’t hate both dogs AND cats. You have quite a stash of cat videos falling or being adorable or looking like they’re being mind controlled, stuff like that. And apparently you were right, Carmilla seems to be way more invested in these. You can tell by how focussed her eyes are on the screen compared to a few minutes ago when you kept catching her looking at you instead of the videos. Which by the way, can she like...not. It’s making you even more nervous and for some reason you are way more aware to the fact that you are currently alone in your apartment with her sitting oh so very close to you in your own bed. Now you keep swallowing nervously and you’d really wish you’d stop because you don’t want to ruin the moment with your tiny gay thoughts and desires. Not when you’re finally getting her to focus on something other than all her baggage.

Her baggage which you have kinda looked into with no permission whatsoever and secretly gotten involved in helping her solve by finding her dad for her. _Oh god_ you really hope none of this ends up blowing up in your face later on 'cause it’s already killing you enough.

“What’s this one?”

You jump out of your thoughts when you hear Carmilla speak suddenly as she points at a specific video on your screen. You quickly try and relocate your thoughts and slightly shake your head.

“This video? Ooooh it’s one of my favorites.” you giggle and she stares at you curiously.

“Play it then.”

You oblige and click on the video for it to load and a girl jumping on a trampoline in slow motion appears. You look at Carmilla from the side of your eye trying to hold your laugh as she looks confused as to why this is your fav. She squints her eyes and leans closer to the computer screen when the girl is doing a backflip and lands, coming back up in the air as she pees herself in slow mo. Carmilla suddenly snorts and starts laughing surprised and you take it all as a good thing.

In your eyes this is a good sign and it’s really nice to see and hear Carmilla actually laugh like this. You really like the way it sounds. The way a _“happy Carmilla”_ sounds.

After a few more funny videos she leans her head on your shoulder with a quiet sigh. You pause the video and feel your heart start beating faster but you’re trying really hard to keep it under control since she can probably almost hear it. You don’t want her to notice and pull away. You gently lean your head on hers with her hair stuffed in your face smelling like your shampoo. Carmilla never brought her own so it’s kind of cute that she uses yours without asking or anything. The thought of it all makes you smile into her hair.

“ i still don’t get it…”  she suddenly says quietly.

“get what?” you ask.

“Why you’d face my demons for me... _My mother_.”

“Carm…”

“I can’t believe you’d just confront her like that.”

“Carm.”

“It was a dumb thing to do and I should have been the one to do it, not you.”

You lick your lips frustrated to talk this girl out of her messy mind but let her finish speaking.

“I mean, why would anyone do that for _me_? why would _you_ do that for me?”

“Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Especially by their mother. People deserve better, hell... _you_ deserve better Carm.”

Carmilla lifts her head from your shoulder to look at you, giving you these intense eyes that just make your heart go even faster.

Ah crap so much for keeping it under control.

You’re suddenly very aware of being alone with her again and it’s making your hands kinda sweat.

She blinks a few times before gently resting her chin on your shoulder. She slides it down and you can feel her lips resting against your shoulder. You can feel how they twitch as she pouts a little and you could swear your heart is about to combust but she’s not staring you in the eyes so that’s probably helping. She’s actually kind of staring away blankly, before she blinks tiredly and closes her eyes. She adjusts herself and rest her forehead on your shoulder. Her hand goes to your sweat pants, picking at them on your thigh. She stays like that for a bit, just picking out those fluffy lint things off of your sweat pants.

“You uuuh...you want to sleep with me tonight?” you say nervously.

Carmilla lifts her head up surprised along with an eyebrow and you start to ramble nervously. You don’t know why you’re nervous.

“I mean like _sleep sleep_ as in _both sleep in my bed_ as in _rest and not anything inappropriate at all_ kind of sleep with me.”  

Carmilla just stares at you before huffing out a smile.

“Yeah...I think that would be nice.”

You smile wide but then try and conceal it. You put your laptop away and get up to shut off the lights. You come back to your bed where Carmilla’s waiting for you with gentle eyes that still have a hint of sadness in them. You step over her and get on the other side of the bed by the wall, lifting the bed sheets up and over you. Carmilla does the same and when you turn on your side to face her she snuggles closer to you, like, inches closer.

_Oh god._

You feel your heart starting to speed up again and you chew on your lip nervously. Carmilla just looks so calm and comfortable and relaxed and you probably look like a giant ball of nerves right now. She sighs and scoots her head closer to yours, resting her forehead against your own. Your breathing starts to get heavier and you can’t keep it under control along with your quickly racing heart beat.

“Why are you breathing so hard?”

“I’m sorry my hearts just...beating really fast right now.”

Carmilla smirks that freaking smirk you know so well and it isn’t helping you calm down.

“Yeah..?”

You swallow.

“...Yeah.”

You feel her fingers picking on the hem of your shirt, her eyes shyly looking down as she doesn’t speak. She takes a deep breath and her hand leaves its previous place and  comes up to rest between the two of you.

“Good night cupcake…”

You see her gently close her eyes. Her chest rising and falling so peacefully.

“Good night Carm…”

You don’t even try to go to sleep after that. There’s no way you’ll be able to after being this close to her, so after a few quiet minutes you give in and look at Carmilla’s lips that are so so close to yours. As you stare you press your own lips tightly together deciding whether or not this would be a good idea but make the decision to just go for it.

You can’t take it anymore anyway. The tension is just killing you.

You start slowly tilting your head so that you can close the space between the two of you and close your eyes in anticipation for the contact. You feel her soft lips gently against yours and you could have sworn she soon after puckered her lips joining into the kiss. It’s gentle and soft and really sweet and you don’t know how you could have been without kissing her for so long.

Then you realize what you’ve just done. You quickly move your lips away from hers and open your eyes with fear.

“I’m sorry. That was totally inappropriate. I’m so-it’s just-I couldn’t help it. I’m so sorry.”

Carmilla had opened her eyes once you started talking and was just staring at you rambling and apologizing before leaning her face a bit closer with a little hesitation.

“ _I’m not._ ”

You raise your eyebrows surprised at her words and she swallows, looking nervously down at your lips. She doesn’t try to lean closer or kiss you first, so after you blink a few times and get some sudden courage you lean back in and kiss her again. This time she kisses you back instantly as if she was waiting with anticipation for your lips to come back.

You pull back again.

“Carm-I--are you sure this is okay?”

She just nods and leans forward again catching your lips, her hand now cupping your face. You lean into the kiss slightly pushing her back but she doesn’t put any distance between you two. Instead you feel her hand leave your face and slide to your back, pulling you even closer as if it were possible. Your bodies pressed against each other as you continue to kiss sweetly.

You could just revel in this kiss forever.

But then you start remembering the last time you had kissed her.

How you basically forced her into things in this _very bed_. How you just thought the worst about her and who she was. How you tried to ignore how much you were actually enjoying being so close to her even though you did it in anger and frustration. How all of  that was _wrong._

_So wrong._

You gently push back and make some distance between you and her. She’s looking at you confused waiting for an explanation that you’re not sure you want to give.

“No, we shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” she asks softly, almost like a gentle whisper.

“I...It’s just...I don’t want to make you do something like that again.”

“What?”

Her confused face is washed away as she realizes what you mean.

“Laura, that’s not-- you know that’s not what’s going on this time.”

“Maybe not but...you’re _vulnerable_ right now...and I know you’re probably looking for comfort or something but...it doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to do this when you’re like this. I don’t want this to happen.”

Her eyebrows wrinkle up sadly and her eyes look so wounded. It makes you immediately regret your words. Her hand slips away from you and she takes some space back, her warmth leaving you.

“That’s--you think I’m doing this because of what happened today? Laura...what happened with me this morning has nothing to do with the current event. I...I didn’t _kiss you_ _back_ because I need some sort of relief. I kissed you back because I _wanted to._..because I _like you_.”

“I know but-wait...Youuu...you _like me_?”

She shakes her head and lays it tiredly on the pillow.

“Isn’t it obvious?” she says weakly.

She doesn’t look straight at you anymore. Instead she chooses to look at the empty pillow space between you and her. She seems even more vulnerable than before and you want to just punch yourself in the face for not choosing your words better.

Still...she likes you? She actually does like you back?  Your heart starts beating quicker again and you can feel your palms start to sweat nervously.

“Well...I...I like you too. Like _a lot_ by the way.”

Your eyes look at her and then anywhere else from your nerves but she’s looking back at you. You feel uneasy under her stare and awkwardly adjust yourself on the bed. You try and break the awkward tension that you yourself built up by talking again.

“But uh..I uh still don’t think right now is the right time for this…even though I totally want to keep kissing your face and stuff. I uh I just...don’t...want to like...ruin things again.”

You say with a shy shrug and risk looking at her again once you’re done. She’s just staring at you back, no words, no signs of any action.

It doesn’t help your nerves.

She nods into the pillow closing her eyes after a few seconds. You sigh frustrated and lay back down next to her, facing her. You stare at her calm and tired face, her eyebrows slightly raised in a sad way. You feel guilty for ruining whatever was happening earlier now and you don’t want her to feel bad because of you. You feel shitty enough as it is with the whole dad thing.

You reach up and gently brush her bangs aside, leaving your hand to rest on her cheek. You softly rub your thumb on it before taking your hand away and planting a soft kiss on her cheek. Her eyebrows twitch up and she takes a deep breath with her eyes still closed. You lay back where you were before and cover yourself with the sheets again, closing your eyes. You exhale through your nose frustrated and try to go to sleep after such a stupid long day.

Then you feel Carmilla’s hand grab yours and hold it between the two of you. She loosely tangles your fingers together and you open your eyes to see her face being relaxed.

That’s better.

You adjust yourself getting comfortable and close your eyes, interlocking your fingers tightly and giving her a comforting squeeze before drifting to sleep beside her.

-

The next morning your hand is empty and when you open your eyes you realize that so is your bed. You try and listen to any sound in your apartment as if checking where she is but it’s quiet.

_She’s not here._

You quickly sit up and look over at her bed.

_Empty._

You grab your phone and see that it’s 6am. There’s no way she’d be up this early just for kicks so where is she? Why did she leave?

Why did she leave you _again_?

You shake your head moving those thoughts aside as you start calling her on your phone. She wouldn’t leave like that again, not after staying for so long. There’s just no way.

_She doesn’t answer._

You start panicking a little and quickly grab some sneakers and a sweater to go check outside. You don’t care to change out of your sweat pants and pajama shirt. You just care about finding Carmilla safe and sound.

So you go outside and frantically walk around.

_Nothing._

Then you remember that park Will told you she liked going to. The one that you found her sleeping in, and you start running in that direction.

Which would have been a stupid idea considering it’s kinda far from your place but you’re glad you made that dumb move because on your way there you ran into Carmilla walking.

“Carm!” you yell out and she turns around surprised.

You catch up to her and slow down bending forward with your hands on your knees when you finally stop and try to catch your breath. You talk between panting.

“Hey--why did you---suddenly go?”

“Why are you running?” she asks.

“I’m sorry--I just thought--nevermind. I panicked a little is all.” you keep panting between words.

“You panicked?”

“Yeah--you uh--you left again, and you hadn’t done that in a long time so---I uh--I wasn’t really thinking--just forget it.”

“Cupcake, I just needed some space, clear my mind a bit. Life hasn’t exactly been filled with good things for me lately.”

“Yeah?” you start breathing better and straighten up. “not eveeen…” you trail off and shyly look down to the ground and step forward grabbing one of her hands. “a little bit good?”

She smiles and takes your other hand as you face each other.

“Well...I guess it hasn’t been all that bad. Thanks to you at least.”

“Nice.”

She raises an eyebrows as she continues to smile.

“ _Nice_ huh? Glad to hear you feel that way.” she teases.

You roll your eyes as a blush starts to reach your cheeks.

“Whatever. Come on let’s head back. I have to change before we go to Silas.”

“I’m not going.”

“What?? Why not??”

“Cupcake, I don’t exactly see a point in me going there anymore. I won’t be studying again anyway.”

“You don’t know that. Now come on, don’t be a slacker.”

You pull her by the hands in the direction of your apartment and she drags herself with you with a loud sigh.

There’s no way she’s getting dumped by Silas, not on your watch.

-

After you managed to change into some baggy jeans and a tank top, along with your cream cardigan, the two of you started walking to Silas together. Carmilla obviously didn’t look pleased at all but what good will it do to stay moping around instead of at least trying to figure something out and going to her classes? So like it or not she’s coming along.

****On the way there Carmilla’s phone starts ringing and you peak at the screen seeing it’s Will.

“Aren’t you gonna answer that?”

“No...I’ve been ignoring him since yesterday. I don’t want to bring him into this.”

“But..he already knows about what happened.”

“What?!”

You nod and she quickly picks up the phone.

“Hello? Will? Please listen-”

“I’m done listening to crap excuses, sis! You can’t keep hiding things from me like this. I can help. I can talk to mother-”

“No. Don’t do that. Just stay out of it Will.”

“Fuck no. You’re my big sister and I’ve never been able to help you with all of this crap. I’ve just about had it with mother’s bullshit. She needs to be stopped.”

“Will-”

“I’m talking to mother today. I don’t care what you say, it’s happening.”

He hangs up and you can see panic in Carmilla’s eyes.

“That idiot…” she mutters.

“What is it? What did he say?”

All of a sudden she starts running to Silas and you follow behind her confused. Thankfully you were practically there and she stops when she reaches Will’s dorm room without him in it.  

You’re both out of breath and Carm keeps passing a hand through her hair over and over again obviously nervous.

“What is it?”

“Will. He’s going to confront mother.”

“Good, maybe she’ll listen to him.”

“NO. SHE _WONT_. WHY DOESN’T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT?!”

You flinch back at her sudden raised voice but you know she never meant to scare you. She’s freaking out and you don’t know how to calm her down this time. She tries calling Will on her phone but he doesn't pick up. Then she starts running again and you grunt and simply follow her not wanting to leave her alone in her state.

You turn into a nearby neighborhood that you’ve never really been to, then Carmilla comes to a full stop and you almost ram into her. You’re about to protest as to what the hell she’s doing but then you see she’s as stiff as a board, still panting and her eyes filled with fear. You look ahead of her and see Will stepping inside one of the houses. Carmilla’s shaking a bit and hesitates before darting towards the house with you close behind.

She slams her fist on the door three times with a determined but scared face.

“Will! Will open up!”

Will opens with a shocked and confused face and then he stares at you.

“I said I’d handle this.” he whispers yells.

“No! I told you to-”

“William! what is all this noise!” her mother’s voice comes from behind the door.

Lilita steps in and opens the door wider noticing who’s standing outside.

You see Carmilla pale and stiffen again, her hands forming into shaky fists as she hesitates to speak.

 

“Mother.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try and post the other half later!


	24. Confrontating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions are high for Carmilla and Laura and well...Dave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part two of the update! This one's short but also packed af with big things.

“ _Carmilla._ I haven’t seen you step near this house in years.”

You see Carmilla’s jaw clench so tight that you think she just might break her teeth. Will must have seen it too.

“You shouldn’t have come sis. I told you I’d handle this.”

“ _Sis_?” Lilita seems annoyed. “I thought I strictly told you to stay away from this ill mannered girl.”

Carmilla nervously steps in.

“No. He hasn’t been involved with me at all. He has nothing to do with this. Will, go away.”

“No. I’m not just going to stand here and see you take the blame and get kicked around anymore. Mother, this isn’t right. You can’t keep punishing her for something that happened years ago when she was just a teenager.”

“That is no excuse for her current actions. She hasn’t learned a thing since then. In fact, she has only gone further down this horrible path, disgracing the family further and further. And if you don’t stop hanging around with her and these-” she gestures towards you annoyed. “- _ruffians_ you will end up just as she has.”

Carmilla steps in again, this time a bit annoyed in her tone.

“Laura is not a ruffian. She’s-”

“SHE’S WHAT EXACTLY? Another one of your _unholy adventures_?! Have I taught you nothing?! You have no respect for yourself or for your family, doing these acts of-”

You interrupt. “Carmilla hasn’t done anything wrong!”

“ _Laura. Don’t._ ” says Carmilla.

“No. I’m sick of this psycho-lady-mother talking about you like that. You aren’t some _terrible person_. You’re _amazing_ and _brave_ and she has no right to take this from you. She has no right to take anything from you! And _I’m_ going to make sure of that!”

“Are you threatening me young lady?!”

“I’m not threatening, I’m _telling_! Carmilla isn’t alone and she-”

“SHE has crossed the line several times. Carmilla, how could you continue to do these things? Is it all just to spite me? To rebel against your mother? I have always done what’s best for you and if you do not see that then I must have not been doing such a good job. I should have been more strict on you. I should have sent you to camp at the church and-”

“Mother, nothing would have changed the fact that _I am the way I am_! You just choose not to see that!”

“This conversation is both unnecessary and embarrassing, it is also OVER. Get out of my sight before the neighbors start asking questions again. I assure you that this will all have it’s consequences.” Lilita steps outside to leave but turns around and stands before Carmilla. “Why couldn’t you just be like you once were? My glittering girl.”

She strokes Carmilla’s cheek but Carmilla flinches and steps away from the touch. Lilita stiffens and turns to walk to her car. Both you and Will stare at Carmilla waiting for her reaction to all of this but she’s frozen in place. Will steps closer to her and starts talking.

“Kitty, I’m-”

Carmilla pushes him away. “Shut the hell up William! Get out of here!”

“I was just trying to-”

“I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t ask for any of this! Just--just leave me alone!”

She brushes her hair back frustrated and huffing out an angry breath. Will tries to get to her but she just brushes his hand off. He looks at you and you shake your head “no” and gesture with your hand for him to leave. He clenches his jaw but nods and walks away, leaving the two of you alone.

Carmilla sits down on on the porch and grunts, hitting the porch with her fist before resting her face in her hands. You sit next to her and rub her back.

“ _Laura_ , not now okay.” she says stiffly.

Your hand flinches away and she glances at you with a hurt face but you know it’s mostly because of how frustrated she is, not because of you.

After a few minutes of sitting beside each other quietly you start talking.

“Sooo...this is your house huh?”

“...Yeah...Not exactly but...yes.”

“Wanna go inside now that ur mom’s gone?”

She looks at you with the side of her eye and doesn’t reply but sighs.

“Come ooon, I’m sure it would push your mother’s buttons if she knew we went inside.”

“I don’t think pushing her buttons is going to solve any of my problems, cupcake.”

“Maybe not, but I’m kinda curious to see where you grew up in.”

She tilts her head to stare at you directly this time, her face less hurt than before and more serious.

“...There’s...probably not much left inside that’s mine.”

“Well let’s go check if you’re right then.”

You give her a small smile that she returns with a sad one for a few seconds before looking away. You stand up from the porch and kneel down in front of her, brushing some hair out of her face.

“We can eat all of your mother’s food and ruin all her clothes and lock her out. Maybe even pee on her furniture.”

She scoffs. “You’re crazy.”

“Yeah but maybe that’s kiiiinda what you like about me...” you tease.

She stares up at your eyes and you have a smug face that makes her smirk and shake her head.

“You’re killing me Hollis.”

You giggle and give her a quick kiss on her cheek near her mouth before smiling wide.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” you get up to try and brush off the fact that you nearly kissed her and go to twist the door knob that’s now locked. “ _nowwww,_ how do we get in?”

Carmilla sighs and gets up from the porch. She checks under the rug for a spare key and shows it to you before putting it in and opening the door. She doesn’t move from her spot once the door is open so you step inside first and hold out your hand. She grabs it and steps inside, closing the door behind her.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been in here.”

She starts staring at the pictures on the walls.

“I’m not surprised she’s already taken down most of my pictures.”

You look up at where she’s staring and see a few family photos. None with her father and all with her mother looking like she had all control over everything.

There’s one picture of a little boy and a little girl hugging with small smiles and you can tell it’s Will and Carmilla. You smiles as you stare at it. Her bangs almost covering her eyes with a ribbon on top and Will’s hair slicked back while he’s missing a tooth.

“This is cute.”

“ _God,_ don’t look at those.”

“Why not? they’re adorable!”

She steps between you and the picture and smiles at you.

_“You’re adorable.”_

You blush at her sudden change of mood but you don’t really mind. You chuckle and duck your head embarrassed but she grabs your hand and leads you to the kitchen.

“Sooo, you said we’d eat all of her food, right?”

“Yup.” you open the fridge and start digging into some pound cake. “I’m sure she won’t mind.”

Carmilla smiles and brushes some crumbs off of your face. You grin and hand her a piece which she hesitantly takes but eats anyway. You start walking around the house while eating and looking around at everything. It’s surprisingly simple and kind of minimalistic in here but the furniture is old and fancy. You throw yourself on the couch and make yourself comfortable.

“mmm this actually isn’t half bad. We should sneak into places more often.”

Carmilla snorts and follows you to the couch, sitting down next to you. You adjust yourself and lay your legs on her lap to which she raises an eyebrow.

“What? You did it to me at the station one time. Now it’s my turn.”

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

She silently laughs and you can’t help but smile at the sight of her relaxing now. She seems to get lost in thought but she doesn’t look anxious or worried so you let her revel in them as you stare at her while eating pound cake.

“You know...this was my father’s favorite couch.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“Well it’s a nice couch. Plus it’s actually quite comfortable.”

She chuckles. “yeah, my dad always knew how comfortable it was. He’d spend most of his time on this couch. Whether it was working, writing, watching tv, reading the newspaper, eating his meals...sleeping here on most nights.”

Carmilla trails off on that last part as she plays with your shoe laces. You take a deep breath not being sure if whether it was right to ask her something but you do it anyway.

“Was he...do you remember what he was like?”

Carmilla takes in a deep breath and rests her head back, looking up at the ceiling.

“I’m not sure I should say..”

You furrow your brow confused and curious as you adjust yourself on the couch, taking your legs off of her lap and crossing them indian style.

“Why?”

“Well...at the time, I was just a child. I didn’t know any better, and now...well...now I don’t know what was true and what was false.” she pauses and squints her eyes. “ My father wasn’t always around but when he was he would spend time with me. Even if it was just while he was taking me to school, he’d always ask me a lot of things. Simple things about school or homework or classmates or even about Will. Will didn’t want to spend any time with our father. Mother kind of got him on her side at a young age, taking advantage of his innocence just like me. I was a bit reluctant though...I didn’t always believe the things mother told me about him...but I believed some of them, and I treated him terribly because of it...because of mother telling me he was a bad man. It was stupid but-” she sighs and shrugs. “I was just a kid, how was I supposed to know mother was feeding me lies. I thought a lot about it after everything happened with mother and I realized that I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have assumed my mother was telling me the truth. I shouldn’t have assumed my father was a bad man. I just...I just wish I had known sooner. I wish I would have gone with him the last time he came by asking me if I wanted him to keep being my dad.” she shakes her head and frowns. “I shouldn’t have told him I hated him...or that I didn’t want to go with him anywhere when he asked me if I wanted to come along. I was just a kid...I didn’t think that would be the last time I saw him...while he was crying in his car before driving away forever.” she glances at you and clears her throat. “It’s a pathetic story, sorry you had to hear all of that.”

“Don’t be. You know, you can talk to me about anything Carm.” you adjust yourself to sit closer to her and place a hand on her thigh. “ For what it’s worth, I don’t think any of that was your fault. You were a little girl, you didn’t know any better.”

She scoffs and smiles weakly, not looking at you.

“Yeah, well...that doesn’t change the fact that I turned him away for my mother. God that was the worst mistake of my life.” she pauses as she looks down at her lap. “Then again...my worst mistake was probably being born into this fucked up family in this fucked up world.”

“Carm..” you grab her hands and tilt your head so it’s in her line of sight. “don’t say stuff like that...if it weren’t for all of that crap happening to you, who knows if we would have met...I guess that’s kind of selfish of me...but I don’t know what i’d do if you weren’t around.”

“You’d be fine. Probably getting fat on sweets somewhere.” she chuckles but it quickly fades.

“Carm.” you try and make her look at you but she doesn’t do it so you try again. “Carm, look at me.” she still doesn’t raise her head, instead she sighs sadly. You chew on your lip thinking of a way to get her attention before you stand from the couch still holding her hands, and sit on her lap, straddling her. She quickly raises her head to look up at you surprised.

_Well...at least it worked._

You lazily rest your hands on top of your thighs while still holding hers gently. “ I wouldn’t want to get fat on sweets by myself, you’d have to be with me for that.”

She chuckles again, still looking up at you and then down at your hands.

“I like being like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“With you.” she finally looks up with her intense gaze. “I like being with you.”

You think you forgot how to breath because hearing that made your lungs not function. Plus having her staring at you with those eyes...those eyes that are so fragile but so full of something.

You kind of forgot to respond so it was just the two of you staring into each others eyes for a while until she finally looked back down at your hands. She rubbed her thumb over one of your hands bringing you back to reality.

A reality where you’re straddling her and she just told you she likes being with you and you’re a gullible idiot who’s brain isn’t working properly.

“You know...I just thought of something.” you finally say and she looks back up at you curious.

“What?”

“You and your dad both seem to have a thing for comfortable couches.”

You smile and Carmilla chuckles looking back down again. She leans her head forward into your chest and rests it near the crook of your neck. Your heart starts picking up again and you’re not sure you want to try and hide it this time.

This time it doesn’t feel so wrong.

You let go of one of her hands and bring your up to brush her hair back. She raises her head to look up at you trying to see what you’re thinking. But you’re not really thinking at all right now.

At least not about anything that isn’t her.

You feel like your heart is about to come out of your chest and you stop looking at Carm’s eyes instead choosing to look at her lips. You see her do the same and you just stay like that for a while, drowning yourself in the feeling and thoughts of having Carmilla like this.

You bring your hands to cup her face and lean forward kissing her softly. Her hands go to your lower back gently pulling you closer as you keep kissing. It’s not intense like all those other kisses you’ve had. This one’s intense in a completely different way. It’s sweet, it’s gentle and slow, it’s pouring everything you’ve ever wanted into it.

It’s _actually_ kissing Carmilla for the first time.

You go to deepen the kiss as you take in a breath through your nose, taking everything in. The kiss, the air, Carmilla’s smell, _everything._

Just when your hands start to slide into her hair at the back of her head she pulls you closer again but then pulls away from the kiss. You open your eyes to see her hesitate and take a deep breath to pull yourself together again.

You won't force her like that time. Not now, not ever.

You were starting to back off and get off of her lap when she pulls you back in all of a sudden. Your eyes snap back at looking into hers and she leans forward but doesn’t kiss you. Your lips hovering over each other taking in all the tension in the air and in your bodies before giving in and kissing again. This time it’s more intense, it’s breathing and tugging and pulling each other in as your hands dig back into her hair. Her hands slide down your back and rest over your jeans before grabbing and pulling you forward by your ass. It starts turning into a steamy make out and you stop kissing her to take off your cardigan, the whole time staring at her with heavy lust filled eyes. You toss the cardigan to the floor and lean back in to kiss her again, this time more passionate. You suck on her bottom lip and she hums weakly before kissing you and biting on your own lip. Her hands start to go up your hips and waist, brushing up the bottom of your shirt as you continue to kiss.

Your hands leave her hair and grab the back of the couch as you deepen the kiss again before slowly grinding on her. Her breath hitches and the thought of causing that effect on her makes you feel so powerful. So much so that it gives you the confidence to do it again but harder. She hums in your mouth before her hands instantly come to grab your waist, keeping it still. She stops kissing you and is breathing a little heavily as she stares up at you. She nervously glances at the front door and then back at you with worried eyebrows. You automatically understand what’s on her mind and relax your body as you resist pouting. This is her mother’s house and even though she left a while ago that doesn’t mean she isn’t coming back at any time. Plus she’s obviously nervous about that and you don’t want to end up pushing her to do things she doesn’t want to.

But boy did you want to.

You tuck some of your hair and give her a quick peck on the lips to which she responds with a small apologetic smile.

“We should get to class…” she says.

“Fine...but I’m taking the pound cake.”

She laughs and you smile at her before getting off of her lap. You grab the pound cake (you don’t kid about food.) and head out with her. At first she seemed nervous walking through the neighborhood probably because of what her mother said about the neighbors, but once you were out on the street heading to Silas she grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers together. She brings your hand up to her lips and kisses it before shyly looking down. You blush hard at how freaking cute this girl can actually get and just tighten your grip on her hand.

-

After class you make your way alone to work. Carmilla said she was going to talk to some of her professors about the situation to see how they could help. Apparently she’s everybody’s favorite student so she’s hoping they can help her figure something out.

Your a few minutes away from reaching the station when you get your dad’s call. The one you’ve probably been anticipating all day so you quickly pick up.

“Yeah dad?!”

“Hello to you too.”

“Sorry...hi dad, how’s it going?”

“Good. Now to answer your real question I found him.”

“You did!?”

“Well, not exactly but I found his file. Apparently he’s some big shot company man in the big city.”

“He is?! That’s probably good. That’ll probably help Carm out.”

“Sweetie you ever planning on telling me what this is about?”

“Basically Carm’s mom sucks and is planning on taking her out of college. I’m trying to help her find her dad to see if he can help.”

“Hmmm...well you sure found one hell of a guy. His names Charles Hein Karnstein.”

“Charles Hein?”

“Yeah, I think it’s short for Heinrich or something. Jewish? Well anyway he’s practically swimming in money but doesn’t own any properties where you’re at. Used to have a house but he gave it to his wife. Actually no, his ex wife. Sorry kiddo that’s all I got. Oh! That and that he was spotted in town a few days ago.”

“Okay, thanks dad. I’ll look into it.”

“No more detective favors hun.”

“Yeaaah I knooow. Thanks dad.”

“Okay, take care kiddo.”

You hang up and try and analyze everything that your dad said.

So he’s a rich dude, his name is Charles, he doesn’t own any properties but gave his house to his ex wife and he was spotted in town. And he-

Wait.

Waaaaait.

_HOLD ON ONE FUCKING MOMENT, WAIT._

_It can’t be the same guy, there’s no way. I mean it all connects right?_

Rich, **check**. Named Charles, **check**. Doesn’t live here, **check**. Ex wife, **check**. In town, **check**. LOVES HIS CHILDREN WHOM HE HAD TO LEAVE BECAUSE OF EX WIFE CRAZY WOMAN OH MY FUCKING GOD IT’S HIM.

It has to be him.

Holy shit.

You run the last few minutes to the station and barge in like a stampede of tiny gays heaving and looking like a maniac.

Dave’s eating some chips by the counter and is startled by your entrance.

“Charles!?! Where’s Charles?!?!”

“Well aren’t you eager. Uw and also early, nice job!”

“Dave where the hell is Charles?! This is important Dave! Dave answer me! Dave-”

“Laura calm down! how am I gonna answer if you don’t zip it?!”

“Sorry…”

He sighs and shrugs.

“Charles left town again. He didn’t say anything...he just left after yesterday.”

“What?!?!?! Where did he go to?!?! You need to call him asap!”

“I tried calling but his phone is off. It goes straight to voicemail. He must’ve been pretty pissed ‘cause of the whole ex wife incident.”

“Damn it Dave! I need to find him like now!”

“Why are you so worked up for this? What the heck Laura?”

“Because I need to talk to him! Carmilla needs him!”

“Carmilla? I don’t get anything that your saying kiddo.”

“ _Carmilla_ is Charles daughter how did you not know this?! Oh my god...That’s why he left. He saw her come by yesterday, he must’ve freaked out.”

“Carmilla ain’t his kid, I would have know!”

“What’s his daughter’s name then?!?”

“Aaaah I always got confused with her name because he used to mess around with her calling her different things like ‘ _Millarca_ or _Mircalla_ or-”

Dave freezes and his eyes go wide.

“Oh my god Carmilla is Charles kid.” he manages to say like a shocked zombie.

“ _I know_ and I need to talk to him like now.”

“But how did you find out? how did you know?! Did Carmilla tell you it was him?! Does she know?? Did she recognize him??!?”

“No Carm has no idea. I don’t think she saw him. But I need to talk to him. It’s about Carmilla, she really needs her dad right now.”

“Why?? Why now??”

“Because her mom is a crazy psycho bitch and she is making her life a living hell! Charles has to help her!”

“But but Charles thinks she hates him. He’d never come near his kids! I’ve tried to convince him to give it another shot but he never listens. Says his kids were pretty damn clear on not wanting to see him ever again.”

“Carmilla was just a little girl! What the hell could she have know?! Charles needs to come back. We need to get him to come back.”

“But how?? He’s not picking up!” When he gets like this it takes him months to start talking to me again!”

“Well...I...I don’t know...Don’t you know where he lives or something??”

“I do, sort of.” he shrugs. “ I know where he stays the most. He doesn’t really stay in one place for too long. Says he doesn’t want to get cozy anywhere to make it feel like a new home. He rents out hotel rooms for weeks until he travels for business somewhere else.”

You whine and slouch over calming down and starting to give up.

“What are we gonna do Dave? Carm’s gonna lose everything...I don’t know what else to do.”

“Lose everything? Laura what do you mean? What’s happening?”

“Carmilla’s ‘mummy dearest’ has been taking things away from her for a while. She...ugh I don’t think I should be saying this but she literally had been living in the street for more than a year and her mother didn’t give her anything to fend for herself. But now it’s gotten worse..Carmilla’s barely hanging on. She’s giving up on everything, on college, on herself, on everything. I’m trying to keep her motivated but I don’t know how much longer she’s going to take it.”

“Charles is going to kill Lilita when he learns about this...His kids are his one true meaning for life.”

“What are we going to do Dave?”

Dave gets serious and starts thinking for a while until he looks back up at you.

“I’ll get to him. You focus on working right now and keeping your friend safe. I’m gonna go deal with this.”

You nod and Dave leaves.

You really hope he can actually help out. You look out to the parking lot where Charles would always park his black fancy car.

“Charles, where are you?”


	25. Seeing is Believing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More troubles are starting to happen and everyone is trying hard to believe what they want to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOP! Here's a medium length chapter! Hope you enjoy! I'm sorry i haven't been updating much. My laptop died...and well..writing isn't as easy when you don't have where to do it. BUT ALAS, HERE IT IS! AN UPDATE! Let the ending begin!

After taking two trains and a bus to where you suspect Charles is staying for the moment (not that his secretary helped at all on this darn quest to find him.) You walk up to the nearest Marriott Hotel with an iHop at a walking distance, something that Charles takes very seriously whenever he travels. He likes having his breakfast while working on his darn computer.

You stop and stand outside of the hotel as you look around and feel out of place.

You see a few people entering the hotel, the doorman kindly opening the door for them, and you notice how well dressed they all seem to be. You look at yourself.

Sandals, hairy legs, jean shorts covered in paint and soon to be holes, your pink tank top with a flamingo on it and an open elbow length button down green shirt. You're wearing your large green watch that Charles sent you for christmas last year on your left wrist and you look at it contently while twisting it around admiringly.

_Oh yeah, Dave likey._

_No wait! Concentrate, you're here to find your number one budd and make his day with the news about his kid. Well...more like possibly give him high blood pressure..OR make his day!_

You sigh and ruffle your long-ish surfer looking hair in frustration before looking back at the doorman. He's eyeing you suspiciously and you stare at him while scratching your scruffy beard.

You try and slick your hair back and straighten up your posture as you clear your throat and start walking towards the doorman.

"Good evenin' there you tall and hard working man." you say with a wide smile and he continues to eye you suspiciously. You gesture to the door while still smiling and he smiles back ( or at least tries to) and opens the door. "thank you buddy! You have yourself a nice day!"

You walk past him and try heading past the front desk to the elevators.

"Excuse me sir, how can I help you?"

_Dang it. Plan B it is._

"Heeeeey yeah hi! I'm actually looking for my friend Charles. He told me to come by immediately."

"I’ll ring them up for you, what room are they in?”

"I may have forgotten which room. Could you check on him for me, he’s Charles  Karnstein.”

"I'm sorry sir but I can't be giving out our guests information."

"I know I know but believe me he reeeeeally needed me to come by. His umm..his _little buddy_ is having a uhhh issue."

"His...his _little buddy_?"

"Yeah you know..his uuuh _Willy Nilly_."

"Oh...oh! umm does he need medical assistance? I could call for a medic if he wants."

" No no no! He's a shy guy and I'm like his brother so believe me he'd rather keep this on the down low. Could ya' please call him up for me and tell him I'm here? You know to uh..help?"

"Oh yes of course."she picks up the phone awkwardly and looks through the guest list before calling and waiting for him to pick up. "Yes! Hello Mr. Karnstein, yes I'm calling to inform you that there's a--"

_"Dave Lahey."_

"-A Dave Lahey here to see you for your umm _situation_...Well you know the situati--Mr. Karnstein you have no need to worry about me knowing, I wont tell a soul about your--yes yes I'll tell him. Yes of course." she hangs up and you lean forward on the desk with waiting eyes.

"Let me guess, he got all awkward and dodgy about it huh?"

"Well...he simply said that he doesn't want to see anyone at the moment. I'm sorry Mr. Lahey but I can't let you pass."

you sigh and shake your head. "That ol' dummy. He's got to be freaking out with his dingaling stuck in that zipper. Oh no, what if he hurts himself? What if he starts bleeding out and is too afraid to call for help? what if his penis just goes and-"

"Okay okay! Please head down the hall to the right and take the elevator to the 18th floor. His room is the last one on the right."

you smile. " Thank you Miss. You have a nice day now, and don't wooooorry I'll handle it from here."

She awkwardly nods with a tight smile and you smoothly walk down the hall to the elevator while whistling. you reach the 18th floor and exit the elevator, strutting victoriously to Charles’ room before stopping and doing your signature knock on the door.

No reply. You know he knows it's you so you try again and knock harder.

Nothing.

You sigh and comb your hair back before speaking.

"Charles! I know you're in there! Open up it's important!"

Nothing.

You huff out some air annoyed and wiggle the door handle exasperatedly.

"Charles I mean it! It's some real important stuff! You need to hear this!" you pause but no reply. "Charles?" you groan and clear your throat getting ready to raise your voice. "CHAAAAAAARLES FOR THE LOVE OF-"

The door swings open and he puts a hand against your mouth.

"Would you keep it down Dave!" he whisper yells. " You know how many naggy important people are in this floor? A bunch! So shush!"

You give him a look that says "Really?" and he rolls his eyes before taking his hand away.

"What do you want Dave? If it's about going back then let me inform you i'm not going."

"Believe me you'll want to after what I'm about to tell ya."

He stands by the door and crosses his arms waiting for you to talk but you don't. "WELL?? What is it??"

You put your hands on your hips and tap your foot and he sighs and steps aside letting you in. You walk up to the small couch set in the room and sit down, slapping the seat facing you for him to take. He does and slouches back looking defeated. You take a deep breath to prepare yourself to try and convince him that what you're about to tell him is legit.

"Okay..so I know you don't want me talking about this right now or ever but I have to bring this up right now and you're gonna have to bear with me."

"bring what up?" he lazily asks as he rest his head in his hand.

"Okay...it's about Lilita and the kids, you wont beliv-"

"NO. I'm not talking about this again with you Dave. If that's what you came here for then forget it. I've had enough...I can't do this right now...I can't do this ever…” he sighs defeated and shakes his head. ”Dave I'm not going back..this was the last time.."

"No! You can't! Just listen to me-"

"Dave I can't go back there don't you understand?!?"

"I do buddy it's just that the kids they-"

"They don't want me as a father Dave! They never will! Not today, not any day! So please just-just stop it!"

"But Ca-"

"NO DAVE. I'm not doing this again! This is the last time you convince me to go back for them! They don't want me there! They don't need me the-"

_"CARMILLA NEEDS YOU!"_

Charles was about to interrupt you again but freezes instead. His eyes wide in shock and disbelief as you huff out some air through your nose.

"..What do you..what do you mean Carmilla _needs me_?"

“She needs your help.”You lean forward in your seat to get closer to Charles as you get serious. "I don't know exactly what's wrong but..Lilita hasn't been taking care of her at all. Hell, she’s basically abandoned her...Charles, Carmilla hasn't been living with Lilita."

"She’s been on her own?!?”

you cringe but nod. " I found out yesterday. I don't know how true it is but I trust who told me."

"Who told you??..How could I not have known about this??..my..my baby girl she’s all on her own out there..Dave, Carmilla she..she's just a kid."

"I know buddy..." you tap his shoulder reassuringly and re adjust yourself in your seat. "Laura told me."

"Laura, your employee Laura??"

"Yup. She told me last night. She came in looking for you to tell you but you had left and all that..Anyway, that’s not all she said to me…"

“What else did she say?”

you sigh and rub the back of your neck. “Okay so..don’t freak out buuuut apparently she said Carmilla wasn’t just on her own living in some apartment or something..Carmillaa waaas...uuhh...she waaas…” you rub your neck again.

“Was _what_ Dave?!?!”

you clench your jaw and give him a worried look. _Here we go_. “She told me Carmilla was living on the street.”

“WHAT?!?!”

You cringe again and extend your arms forward. “Chaaaaarles, calm down there buddy. Everything is gonna be fine-”

“FINE?!? You think this is FINE?!?!” He stands up and starts heaving.

“Okay buddy let’s sit back down and talk about this.”

“MY DAUGHTER my eldest baby girl, was living on the cold and dangerous streets, and I DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT IT?!”

You slouch over before standing up and putting your arms on Charles shoulders.

“She’s not on the streets anymore. She’s living with Laura now and we both know how good that girl is. Calm down so I can finish telling you about this.”

“Laura took her in? Oh thank god..Bless that small girl.” he starts breathing a bit calmer but still seems panicked and worried until a realisation comes to his face. “Wait- So Carmilla is Laura’s roommate then? THE roommate?”

“Yeah I guess, why? What is it?”

He huffs out some air through his nose in disbelief but smiles widely. “So the girl Laura was talking about was Carmilla all along. Well what do you know..”

You give him a confused look and cross your arms by your chest “What are you rambling on about now?”

“Laura once told me about her ‘lady romance troubles’ and I gave her some advice. I had no clue I was giving advice on how to deal with my own daughter." he laughs a bit sadly but still, it’s laughing so this is good.

“Yeah well those two have been going back and forth for months now. They might not have realized it but they can’t fool me. I’d catch ‘em giving each other heart eyes when the other one wasn’t looking. Ha! The little love bugs.”

“Wait, so you’ve known Carmilla for months? and NOW you tell me this?!” his vein on his forehead starts showing as he stiffens in anger.

_Uh-oh, that’s not good._

“Weeeeell how was I supposed to know she was your kid! I hadn’t seen her since she was like 4 and you’d always be changing her name around. It totally slipped right past me man.” you awkwardly look away but feel kind of bad now. Worst Godfather ever. You sigh. “..I’m sorry Charles.”

Charles doesn’t look at you and instead keeps his eyes at the ground, he shakes his head and sits back down defeated. You follow him down and sit in your own seat.

“Charles...I may not have told you about her hanging around the station...but you saw her the other day didn’t you? That’s why you left this time? So what would you have done if you had known she was hanging around at the station sooner?”

“I...I don’t know...the same probably..” he stuck a hand in his hair and tugged at the roots frustrated and concerned. “I don’t know how to face them Dave...I just..I just can’t do it.”

“Charles..” you lean forward and grab his free hand between both of yours, gripping at it strongly while giving him caring eyes. “ I know it’s hard for you, and I know that nothing will ever make you feel like you made the right choice in leaving but you did. That woman was sucking the life out of you, and your kids? Your kids got brainwashed by her. None of that was your fault, and they’re all grown up now. They’ll understand. Heck, especially Carmilla will understand. Just look at what she went through. God knows what else she had to go through. Laura only told me about that one thing-umm..I’m not helping am I?”

He chuckles but shakes his head ‘no’.You take a deep breath and let go of his hand squeezing one of his knees now.

“The point is, your little girl needs you. I may not know what for or why but Laura seemed worried and desperate to find you. Maybe Carmilla is just as desperate. Maybe she needs her father right now just as much as he needs her.”

He clenches his jaw and starts tapping his other knee. His hand now covering his mouth as he looks at the floor while thinking.

“I don’t know Dave...I just...I can do it..”

“Charles, are you just going to let Lilita have her way with your precious kids? Are you just going to let her treat them that way? She already threw Carmilla to the streets, God knows what else she’s capable of.”

He furrows his eyebrows and his knee stops moving but his hand doesn’t uncover his mouth.

“That god damn woman...I swear if I find out she’s done something else to them...something worse..I’ll...I’ll..”

“Woah there buddy, one step at a time here. First we have to figure out what Carmilla needs help with. Then we can worry about dealing with Lilita.”

Charles sighs and leans back on his seat. He looks unsure and worried about everything.

“Your kids need you Charles.”

“I don’t know Dave..” his eyes go glassy as he clenches his jaw. “I don’t know if I’m ready.”

-

Carmilla (9:33am): Laura this is useless.

Laura (9:33am): no it’s not! Go to your darn classes Carmilla i stg!

Carmilla (9:34am): what for? I won’t be here next year. I’m just wasting my valuable time.

Laura (9:34am): ur valuable time huh? what else would u be doing? sulking/moping at home? NOPE. NOT A CHANCE. GO TO CLASS.

Carmilla (9:35am): ugh, ur so annoying sometimes.

Carmilla(9:35am): it’s a good thing you’re cute, cupcake.

Laura (9:35am): :P <3

You sigh as you continue walking to your classroom. Yesterday you tried talking to some of your professors to see if they could somehow help you out with your big shitty problem but you had no such luck. They all said there’s nothing they can do about it, which is no help at all. And your motivation has been lacking since you found out about this whole ordeal, but Laura won’t let you off the hook. She keeps saying it’s all going to be fine or we’ll figure it out or I won’t let you quit school. It’s cute, but tiring.

You walk into the classroom actually being early for once as you strut inside and grab a seat. You sigh hard as you sit down and drop your bag.

_This is stupid. Why am I even here? There’s no point in this._

You sigh again and take out your notebook, placing it on your desk when you hear the professor come closer.

“Miss. Karnstein.”

You look up surprised. “Uh, yeah teach?”

“I heard about your dilemma with the school. It’s a pity for you to be leaving us.”

“Yeah well...what can you do right?” you shrug with a sad smile. Mr. Tiwell has always been one of your favorite professor here. It’ll be a shame to not take his classes.

“Well..”he steps closer and looks to the door before whispering. “If anything, I can make you my assistant in class.That way you could still pitch in if you like.”

You look at him wide eyed. “Professor...there’s no need really.”

“Nonsence. I don’t approve of this university’s way of handling things and frankly, I don’t give a frick. You can ask me for the class schedules before the next semester begins.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Why without you here the class discussions would be one hell of a bore.”

You smile wide and nod. “Yeah...Thank you Mr. Tiwell.”

He gives you a thumbs up with a closed eye as the other students start walking in.

Maybe Laura was right. Maybe everything is going to be fine after all.

-

“Class is over! Remember to do your readings on chapter 8 to 12.”

You start packing your things up to head out to your next class when the professor catches your attention.

“Miss Hollis. Could you come here for a moment.”

“Yeah sure.”

you walk up to Mr. Lucas’ desk and wait for him to start speaking. Mr. Lucas is always so serious and grouchy and kind of...well...intimidating. He’s a good professor though, so you like to take him just as seriously. He looks over your shoulder to see the last students leave before returning his eyes to you. **  
**

“It seems that the board has brought their attention to me about your last few grades.”

“My grades? Well yeah I kinda didn’t do so well on that last test but-”

“The board is demanding for you to finish my course with 92% minimum grade in order to continue as a student at Silas. So I expect you to do your part. Okay Miss Hollis?”

“Yeah sure but...a 92%..? That can’t be right. That’s just not-”

“I’m only telling you what they told me Miss Hollis. Either you do it or not. It’s up to you.”

“But my grades have been fine all semester, why would this be happening now and why such a high rate? Aren’t I supposed to be able to pass the class with like a 70% as a minimum? That’s what the curriculum said…”

“Don’t ask me, ask the board. Now run along or you’ll be late for your next class.”

“Yeah..uh..sure. Thanks Mr. Lucas.” you start walking out confused and worried.

Great. Another thing to stress you out.

“Oh and Miss Hollis?”

you turn on your heel.“Yes?”

“Be careful..The board was very specific with their...orders..”

“Yes sir..umm..Thanks.”

He gave you a nod before going back to his paperwork on his desk and you start walking to your next class.

_That was...weird. It felt like he was more warning you than telling you. Anyways, that can’t be right. But Mr. Lucas is super strict on his class rules and the main order of things so why would he say that? Why would the board require a 92%? I mean at least an 85% or something but a 92%?? Really??_

You make a mental note to check that out later along with studying extra hard for the next test. Just one more thing to worry about.

****  


Afterwards, you hear the same thing in your other classes. One right after the other, even in the ones where you know your grades aren’t that bad. What the heck is going on? Why is the board so kean on you being the only one to get this super ultimatum. You know there are worse grades and students in your classes and they didn’t get pulled aside to get lectured.

So why the heck is this happening? _Why you?_

After hearing it again in your last class for the day, you started to panic. What is happening?! This can’t be right, it makes no sense, it’s totally uncalled for. It’s totally some attack from the board on you. But why? You’ve never done anything to anger the board. Hell, you’ve never even been called out by the board for anything. Sure your grades got a little bad after your mom’s death anniversary and then your accident and then well...the whole Will in the hospital thing, but they weren’t THAT bad.

So why? Why why why??

You’re absolutely stressing out in the hallway and you think you just might have a panic attack or something. _What if you can’t get your grades up? What if they take your privileges away? What if your dad finds out? He’d freak! Oh god..Oh no...How am I going to handle all this pressure?!_

“Hey Hollis, you okay?”

You look up to see Danny looking at you worried.

“Yeah...I’m fine I’m-I’m fine..”

“Yeah right. What’s bugging you Laura? Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No..i don’t know. Ugh I’m just stressing out real bad..my grades are in dangerous times.”

She pulls you towards her and puts her arm around your shoulder as she stares down at you.

“Well, I can help you study if you want. You’ve done a lot to help me with my TA stuff and all. It’s the least I can do.”

“Really, you’d do that?”

“Yeah, no problem. I owe you one.” she smiles at you. “Besides..you don’t look so good.”

“Yeah...I’m kind of panicking right now..”

She snorts but playfully rubs your shoulder making you wobble next to her while pouting and groaning. “Come on let’s walk around. Maybe that’ll loosen you up or calm you down, yeah?”

“Yeaaaah, okay.”

You sigh heavily and wrap your arm around Danny’s waist, hanging on to her jacket as you start walking with her. She thankfully slows down her usual pace for you to be able to keep up and you lean your head on her shoulder or well..her side since she’s way taller than you but it’s nice. Plus the way she brings up her hand to mess up your hair puts you in a better mood. You’re glad Danny can be real easy to talk to. She’s always there for you and you could never be thankful enough for it. She’s a really good friend to have, and you hope you never ruin that.

Like you’re apparently ruining your freaking grades. You whine again as you continue to walk around Silas with Danny.

What are you gonna do?

-

You’re looking through the library shelves trying to find some books that Mr. Tiwell recommended for you so you could start preparing yourself for his classes next semester. You’re actually pretty excited to be his assistant in those advanced classes.

You smile to yourself as you keep searching for books and stacking them in your arm. Laura was right, not everything is all bad. Somethings are turning up after all and in a way it may be linked to having her in your life. You stretch on your toes to reach for the last book you need and you successfully grab it. This is nice. Things are nice. You stack the final book with the rest under your arm and walk down the aisle to get back to your usual table.

You smile to yourself again.

You can’t wait to tell Laura about this later.

That’s when you glance over to the library doors that had opened and see the girl that’s always made her way into your mind. You stop walking and your smile falls as you focus on the whole picture before you.

Laura walking in with her arm wrapped around Danny. Danny’s arm lazily hung over Laura’s shoulder as they seem to be talking about something excitedly. Laura starts laughing and steps from under Danny’s arm taking a few steps ahead of her. Laura talking dramatically with extreme hand gestures as Danny laughs at her and playfully shoves her. But what hit the final nerve in your body was when Laura playfully shoved her back laughing before wrapping her arms around Danny in a warm loving hug.

You feel fucking sick.

You quickly turn around to walk back into the aisle and away from them.

Fuck it. You can read on the floor, no need to have to deal with all of that. Not that you could even focus on the words in the books when you’re so upset. So freakin angry. You drop the books aggressively to the floor before pacing a little and tugging at your roots of your hair.

_For fucks sake._

Really? Did she have to walk in like that now? After you and her were getting along so well and having some strong moments. Moments that apparently didn’t mean anything to her. Still you feel like you should have known better. You knew this was happening for months now and it was at this very damn library that it did.

You scoff.

How could you even forget?

It’s been haunting you ever since. The way Danny had leaned down to kiss Laura that day outside of the library. The way you felt sick when you saw it happening. The way Laura and her have known each other way longer that you’ve known her. The way Danny just drops by the apartment whenever and they spend time together. The way Laura never seems to mind her coming over or hugging her, or helping her with her TA stuff.

The way that Laura has never really been yours to begin with.

You’ve never deserved her anyway and you don’t know when you started thinking you actually might. When you started thinking that maybe she did care about you, maybe she did want to be with you or something, maybe she did want to have you at her place for more reasons than getting you off the streets.

When you started thinking that maybe you would be worth it. Maybe you would be better for her than freaking Danny-fucking-Lawrence.

Fuck! You’re such a damn idiot.

-

You’re talking about how weird the people in the board are and making fun of them with Danny when you walk into the library laughing over how Danny refers to one of them as a lady with greyed out eyes that looks more like an owl.

“An owl, really?” you laugh.

“I’m serious! I’ve seen her around campus and I swear she has owl eyes. Which I’m actually really comfortable with.”

“Just owl eyes then?” you laugh and step out of Danny’s arm and ahead of her turning to face her. “No fluffy feathers or big owl wings to creep as a creature of the night?” you make exaggerated hand gestures for the _wings_ and _creepy_ , and Danny just starts laughing at you. She shoves you playfully and you shove her back.

You really feel so much better now and you could have never done that without Danny. You stop laughing and smile happily at Danny before quickly wrapping your arms around her in a tight hug. You’re glad that Danny seems to get it and hugs you back rubbing your back.

“Thanks Danny.” you say before pulling away.

“Sure thing Hollis. Anything to keep your levels of energetic nerdiness at a healthy height.”

“Shut up.” you giggle and bump your shoulder against her side. She laughs again and brushes some hair out of your face.

“We should really keep the giggles to a minimum though. I think the librarian’s eyes are going to pop out of her skull. She’s been glaring at us since we walked in.”

You turn around to look at the librarian and she is indeed glaring at you two fiercely. Then you think you catch a glimpse of Carmilla walking down one of the library aisles and immediately smile. You turn back to face Danny.

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go and just hang for a bit. Thanks for today. You are literally the best.”

“haha you’re welcome Laura. Go ahead, I’m just gonna scan some stuff and head out anyway.”

“Okay. Later _D-Bear_.” you say in your most bro voice possible.

She gasps at you. “How dare you. I thought we were friends Hollis. Get away from me.”

“Hahahahaha! I’m sorry! I couldn’t help it!”

“Yeah well I have to deal with that enough with Kirsch, don’t spread his stupid nickname for me around.”

“I won’t. Promise.” you smile and walk towards the aisle you thought you saw Carmilla in, waving at Danny before fully turning your attention to finding Carm.

You peek your head through the aisle and see her standing by the end with her books on the floor and a frustrated look. You smile. She must have accidentally dropped them. You shake your head and excitedly walk up to her.

“Someone’s having a rough time.” you say teasingly as you stand next to her and lean your arm on the shelf.

She stiffens and glances at you before looking the opposite way. Weird. She must really be grumpy today.

You drop your baf and bend down to help with her books, shaking your head with a sigh.

“Don’t be so grumpy. The books are fiiiine.”

You hear her scoff annoyed and you stand up with questioning eyebrows.

“Are you okay?” you ask wondering.

“I’m fine.” she says with an obvious bite.

“Mhmm you don’t seem fine to me but whatever you want.”

She scoffs again. “Yeah right.”

You furrow your brow and shift your weight on your leg. “What’s wrong with you? Don’t tell me you’re still upset because I made you go to class again.”

“It’s not that. Not that it matters to you anyway.”

“Well if it didn’t matter to me I wouldn’t be asking don’tcha think?”

“Whatever. Just leave me alone. I have some reading to catch up on.”

You tilt your head a bit annoyed and place the books on the shelf to cross your arms by your chest. “Okay, seriously, why are you being so rude? I haven’t done anything. I just came by to help.”

“Yeah, I’m sure Xena could use that help. So why don’t you go and give that to her instead?”

“What? Danny’s just scanning some stuff, she doesn’t need me there. Plus I wanted to be here with you.”

“Why does that sound like it’s absolutely fake?”

“What? Carmilla...what the hell has gotten into you?”

“Nothing! I’m fine. Just leave me alone!” you hear the librarian shush you from a distance and Carmilla pauses. You stare at her worriedly. “Go be with your stupid tall gay Danny.” she finishes in an angry whisper.

“What??” you scrunch up your face confused and open your mouth trying to come up with the words to reply to that. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Bringing Danny into everything. Danny has nothing to do with you and me arguing.”

She scoffs. “ _Of course_ she doesn’t.” she says sarcastically. “Why don’t you just admit it?”

“Admit what?” you say annoyed.

“That you and her have been making out and being disgustingly obvious about everything even when I’m there! You’re just playing with me! You’ve always just been playing with me!”

Another shush from the librarian.

“What the fuck is your problem?! I have not been making out with Danny!”

“Yeah. Right. Like you weren’t doing it right now outside of the library again. I saw the way you two came in all lovey dovey!”

“What?!”

Another shush, this time louder.

You take a step back and shake your head in disbelief and hurt and a bit of anger that is slowly bubbling up inside of you.

“You’re such an asshole.”

“Oh _am I_ now?! You’re the real asshole! How can you just play with people like that!?”

“Carm! I get that you're struggling with shit right now, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like shit AND say those things about me.”

“All I’m saying is the truth! I saw you two do it!”

“What? When?” you say confused. You know you’ve never kissed Danny aside from some very drunk hang outs last semester.

“Outside the library! That day after I took care of you at your place when you were drunk outta your mind in the shower. I was walking by the library when I saw you and her kiss!”

You bunch up your face confused. Kissing? No you didn’t kiss Danny that day. She was just being sweet and asking you about your stitches that you got removed that day. Not kissing you.

“You’re wrong.” you state firmly and she scoffs again shaking her head and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“God I can’t believe you.”

You step back a little from the hurt that’s happening in your body before clenching your jaw and stepping into her space.

“I _never_ kissed Danny! But if you want to believe that then _fine_! Believe whatever you want!!”

This time there’s no shush but a loud “Silence!” in the distance as you’re heaving in front of Carmilla.

You pick up your bag from the floor and storm off towards the entrance bumping into Danny who’s organizing her newly printed papers.

“Wow Hollis, you alright there?”

You huff out some air through your nose and glare at Danny before softening your stare.

“I think I’m gonna need another walk.”

She looks a bit surprised but nods and adjust her backpack before putting an arm around your shoulder again, her other hand holding the papers she printed out.

You stomp your way out of the library pissed off and hurt.

How could she think that of you? You knew your image in her eyes wasn’t exactly the prettiest but this? This is just beyond wrong.

-

Laura glares at you in silence for a few seconds, her eyes looking so angry and hurt before looking away to grab her bag. She turns around and practically power walks away from you while aggressively holding her backpack.

                    _“You’re wrong.”_

                                          _“I never kissed Danny!”_

_“Believe whatever you want!!”_

 

You rub your forehead as you try and think this through.

You know what you saw. You remember staring at them when Danny leaned down towards Laura. She kissed her, you _know_ she did.

Sure the angle you saw it happen didn’t really let you catch much of it but it was obvious! She was leaning down close to Laura’s face, you know she was!

You chew on your bottom lip and worry your eyebrows.

_Wasn’t she?_

You groan and pull at your roots again frustratedly.

_Fuck, wasn’t she?!_

You didn’t literally see but...they had to have been...the angle and Laura...and Danny touched her hair and her... ** _Aaaaah fuck._**

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Did you just screw this up again?

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does my "let the ending begin" in the upper notes make sense now? 
> 
> HEHEHE hang in there guys.


	26. Miscommunication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They both try and deal without the other, but that only makes communication harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an update! I hope you enjoy!

You rubbed your forehead as you kept trying to figure out if you were wrong, if _Laura_ was wrong, if you overreacted, if you did what you had to do at the moment, if you should just leave it at that with Laura...

_Leave it at that with Laura…_

_You can’t._

You can’t just let her slip right through your fingers like this. Like you don’t care about her, because _you do_. Like you don’t have way more feelings than you say, because _you do_. Like you’re actually very much afraid of losing her, because _you are_.

And you can’t just leave it like that with her, not when you finally feel like someone cares about you or... _might_ care about you. Not when she’s _changing everything_. And you love that she is but...change can be a dark and scary thing.

And you’re not sure if you’d ever be ready to change the way you feel or think about things. The way your insecurities always seem to crawl back up your throat, the way your mind always just goes to the worst conclusions and chose to stay there for way too long.

_The way that you can’t seem to stay away from Laura even if it’s just her always making her way back into your thoughts._

Ugh, god damn it.

You rush down the library aisle to go after Laura.

“Laur-”

You stop and stand there looking at her leave with Danny once again having her arm around her.

_“Oh for fuck’s sake.”_ you let out exasperatedly as you annoyedly raise your hands and let them slam back down against your thighs.

“I SWEAR, ONE MORE WORD MISS KARNSTEIN.” says the librarian and you clench your jaw letting out a tight “sorry.” before staring at the door again and choosing to turn around instead of going after her.

_Fine_ , she wants to spend more time with tall-gay-Danny? That’s _FINE_.

You angrily pick up your books again and stomp your way to your usual table where your bag is, slamming the books down on it, eliciting a sharp and murderous glare from the librarian. You raise your hands and mouth a sorry before sighing defeatedly and sitting down.

Just focus on these books, Karnstein. You need to get back on track for this teacher’s assistant thing. There’s no time for dramatics and couple quarrels.

_Couple quarrels…?_ No that’s not it.

Ugh, whatever.

Maybe you should just leave it alone for a while.

She’ll cool down and so will you and you can just get back to normal at home.

You sigh deeply and open up the first book.

Yeah, you need to focus on this or else Laura’s going to scold you about it when she finds out.

_Shit..._ right...you wanted to tell her about the assistant thing.

-

You ended up staying held up in the library until closing time and headed to a Starbucks afterwards to keep reading, but then their closing time came too and if you stayed any longer you would have gotten kicked out.

So now you’re walking back to the apartment. You’re not sure if you should even be heading to the apartment today but Laura would probably be worried and that would only make things worse. So apartment it is.

You think that maybe the actual reason for you being so motivated to continue reading today was just so you could put this off for as long as possible.

You don’t know what you’re even going to say to Laura or if she’s even going to want to talk to you after today, but you know you can’t just leave it at that. Not if you want things to go back to normal.

_God why do you suck so much at handling things?_

You make it to the apartment and stand in front of the door looking at it with a mix of fear and worry.

You take a deep breath.

“Well, here goes nothing.”

You use your key trying not to make a racket and open the door slowly, peeking inside.

The apartment is dark and you walk in and shut the door behind you looking around.

“Laura?”

You see her bed’s empty and go instead towards the bathroom opening the door.

“Laura?”

_Empty._

_She’s not even here and you’ve been freaking out over seeing her again._

You grunt and shut the bathroom door hard, standing by the kitchen counter and leaning your elbows on it. You dip your head frustrated and stay there for a few seconds before straightening up again. You brush your bangs back with your fingers and keep them by your roots as you try and think.

You don’t remember her telling you she had work today so it can’t be that...and Laura’s not much of a party girl especially on the weekdays so it can’t be that either…

Your mind goes to her and Danny leaving the library together and you clench your jaw.

_“Fuck no.”_

You immediately shut your eyes and shake your head to get those thoughts out of your head.

Laura wouldn’t do that...she..she wouldn’t...right? Well you and her aren’t a thing so she could but...she wouldn’t, right? Maybe she already has, maybe you just had no idea...No Laura’s not like that, she...she’s not.

You groan loudly and stomp your way to your bed slamming down on it face first.

You fucking hate this.

-

Laura never came home that night, or the night after that.

You would know. You couldn’t even sleep properly. But you don’t know why she hasn’t been coming home.

Something you DO know is that she’s supposed to be working today’s evening shift. So here you are walking to the damn station once again with a meal in a container for her as an apology, or a peace offering at least.

Still, you weren’t sure if you should have come. The thoughts of Laura not coming home because she was possibly spending the night at Danny’s was driving you _fucking crazy_ , and the fact that she never texted or called to tell you she wouldn’t be coming home or was working or anything doesn’t help either.

But you can’t just not talk to her.

You sigh as you close in on the station. You stop and take a few deep breaths to get yourself ready to see her again before walking up to the door and going inside. You try not to look up as you smooth by the counter and place the container on it.

“ _Sooo_ …” you say still not looking up and then you see an image of someone standing up from under the counter.

“Miss 'Mean and Broody', what a surprise!” they say sarcastically and you finally look up.

“.. _Ginger bread??_ ”

“Nice to see you again too.” they say as they put their hands on their hips. “Or maybe not, since you were kind of an ass to my favorite friend.”

You glare at them but end up slouching forward a little before finally talking.

“Look, Laura just-”

“ _Nope.”_ they hold out a hand in front of them. “Not cool. You know something? I was totally rooting for you ever since Laura got this crush on some babe at the station who I thought: _‘hey! she seems cool and like she cares for my friend_ ’ but nope.” They cross their arms and glare at you. “Turns out she’s just an idiot who can’t see how people feel about her and goes ahead and hurts them instead.”

You slouch deeper and dip your head, not being able to look at them in the eye.

“Yeah well...I’m trying.” you say with some bite in annoyance. You don’t particularly enjoy being scolded by LaF but you know they have a point. You did screw up. You should have just asked Laura straight on about this months ago, but _you didn’t._ Instead you chickened out and kept it bubbling up inside and look where that’s gotten you.

You straighten up and clench your jaw, pushing the container towards them.

“ _Nevermind_. Here, you eat it. Food should never go to waste.” you say before turning towards the door and walk out.

You’re an idiot. You’re such a freaking idiot. Ugh, and now Laura’s avoiding you or something? Although in a way you were avoiding her a bit but you still came to see her. But she wasn’t working... _why wasn’t she working?_ Did she switch shifts just in case you’d go?

Does she really not want to even _see you_?

-

You hear someone open the door to LaF’s room and don’t even look up from all your books and notes.

“Hey, LaF.”

“Hey, L. How’d today go?”

You shrug as you pass a page of the book. “Good I guess. I took that test today and I managed to answer most of it with ease but I guess we’ll see.”

LaF stands next to you by their bed and is probably staring at you studying. You’ve been doing a lot of that lately. You’ve spent most of the days at the Library with Danny who’s helping you out and then keep studying once you get to LaF’s during the night. They took your shift today so you could go to the Library with Danny again to finish some assignments for tomorrow.

Studying has been taking up a lot of your time but that’s probably for the best since you haven’t been sleeping that well anyway. You’ve tried to keep your mind busy to not think about Carmilla and the last thing she said to you, but sometimes it’s freaking impossible not to and it gets you very upset.

“Anything from Dave?” you ask and think they shake their head no, but you don’t look up at them to notice. The quiet response lets you know you’re right without having to look at them. They’ve been trying to get you to talk about the whole Carmilla thing since you’ve been staying over but you only gave them a brief short version. You’re tired of feeling bad about it so ignoring LaFontaine makes it easier for you to not let them bring it back up.

_Still_ , just because you’re upset with Carmilla doesn’t mean you’ve stopped worrying about her, so asking about Dave is the least you can do. He hasn’t contacted you since you told him about Charles and Carmilla’s relation to each other and it’s bothering you a bit. He hasn’t even come back to the station to check how everything is going. You really hope he managed to find Charles.

You hear LaF sigh annoyed and toss something in your lap startling you and making your attention leave the books.

“What the heck?” you ask and finally stare at LaF who has their arms crossed. They gesture towards the plastic bag and you move your attention back to it, unwrapping the bag and opening it to see what’s inside.

_Oh_.

You immediately recognise this container of food.

LaF sits next to you on their bed with a sympathetic look.

“ _She brought this for me_?” you ask with a sad expression.

“Yup.”

You look back down at the container of food on your lap and after a few quiet seconds furrow your brow.

“...Whatever.” you close it and gently toss it aside, going back to your books.

LaF sighs. “When are you planning on going back home?”

“Why? You tired of me already?”

They scoff. “ _No._ ” They gesture to the container. “She’s obviously sorry, L. Why not go talk to her?”

“I don’t want to.”

LaF sighs again in defeat. “Okay.”

-

You’ve been sitting on your bed for the past couple of hours reading a book. Your finger tapping against it as you look at the time on your phone.

**_1am_ **

You go back to your book and continue tapping your finger against it before giving up and harshly closing it.

“Where the hell is she??”

You get that she’s mad but come on, she has to know you’re worried about her. You grunt and give in, grabbing your phone to text her.

Carmilla(1:18am): Laura?

No reply. You sigh and type again.

Carmilla(1:31am): I’m sorry.

Laura(1:31am): Yeah well, so am I.

Carmilla(1:32am): Can you just pretend like you want to talk to me for just a minute?

Laura(1:35am): Nope.

“Ugh!” You slam your phone down on your bed and cross your arms. Well at least she replied so she’s alive. That’s good enough right?

Maybe she’ll come back after seeing that you tried.

-

An hour later you realise she won’t.

You feel like shit enough already but it’s starting to get to you. You’re not used to being away from Laura for so long. Back in the homeless days you’d at least see a glimpse of her everyday at the station or even talk to her for a bit while she was working. But _now_...now that you’ve got this much of a ‘home’ for the first time...and it being without her...it just feels even worse.

You feel even lonelier than you ever did while on the street. You feel even more vulnerable than ever in this small and stupid apartment, surrounded by everything Laura except Laura herself. And as you now lay here in Laura’s bed hugging her yellow pillow…

_You feel pathetic._

Your eyes start to get fogged by water building up as you start thinking about her and what you might lose now.

You might _lose her_. Hell, you might have _already_ lost her.

Not that you ever had her to begin with…

Still, you finally feel some tears leave your eyes when your thoughts mix up with thoughts of Ell and you hug Laura’s pillow tighter as if it was the closest thing you could feel to Laura.

 

_I don’t want someone to leave me again...not her._

 

You think, before wiping some stray tears and snuggling your face into Laura’s pillow, falling asleep in her bed filled with her smell.

-

The next morning you wake up with a rustling sound and open your eyes confused to see what it is. You see Laura standing by her closet changing, and you lift your head up from her yellow pillow, wiping away some drool.

_“Laura?”_

She stiffens for a second but continues to change her shirt quickly, sliding a new one on before side eyeing you and going to grab her keys to head out.

“Laura _wait._ ” You say as you quickly start getting up from her bed. She freezes, her hand on the door knob and a huff of annoyed air leaving her nose.

“I’m going to class.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“....LaF’s giving me a ride so.”

She quickly opens the door, steps out, and closes it. And you’re more frustrated than ever at this point. You tense up your arms and scrunch up your fingers wanting to hit something but instead go to lay in your own bed, slamming a fist against the mattress.

After like a minute Laura comes back, standing by the door and you sit up surprised to see her.

“You better go to class.”

“What for?  _Screw it_ , I’ll just stay here.” you say annoyed and see her start fuming just as frustrated as you.

“Damn it Carm! Get your ass up and head to Silas!” you stay staring at her eyes but don’t move and see her body deflate with a sigh. “.. _.Please?_ ”

She’s staring right back at you now and you fidget where you sit under her stare. She steps closer and lends you a hesitant hand to get up, which you take but once you're up she quickly let’s go and steps away from you.

“I don’t want to walk.” you say trying to get more time with her knowing she wouldn’t leave you when she’s got a ride.

She glares at you a bit annoyed. “We’ll give you a ride.” You start to smile. “ _But_ _**we-** " she gestures between the two of you."-don’t talk!_” your smile fades as quickly as it came. “I’m still mad at you.” She says with a stronger glare before turning around and heading outside.

_“Fine!”_ you answer as she walks away.

“Fine!” she answers back.

The ride to Silas is an awkward and quiet one, not the usual comfortable silence you have with Laura. LaFontaine kept giving you this sympathetic look and when Laura wasn’t looking you gave them a sad shrug in return. They quietly shake their head at you and continue driving. As soon as you got there, Laura stormed out throwing a quick “Thanks LaF” over her shoulder and literally running away somewhere.

_This is_ not _going to be easy._

-

You hand in your second assignment for today and get back one of the test’s you took a few days ago. And seeing as you only got a B- you’re really frustrated. You groan as you walk through the Silas halls and scrunch up the test a bit between your fingers in frustration. If you’re going to get to that 92% you’re gonna have to ace the final exam. Plus you don’t know how you’re going to get graded for those two assignments you handed in for your other class and now you still have to deal with today’s test for Mr. Lucas’.

“Hey Hollis!” you hear Danny call out behind you and you turn on your heel.

“Hey Danny!”

She catches up to you and smiles. “ _Soooooo_ , how’d it goooo?” she asks excitedly.

You slouch forward and bunch up your face defeated, shoving the test forward for her to take. She grabs it and looks at it for a bit before looking back at you.

“Oh come on, you did fine for something you didn’t know shit about a few days ago!”

“Well yeaaah but I need to do even better if i’m going to make it!” You slouch forward further and Danny pulls you into a hug with an eye roll.

She pats your head like a puppy. “There there.” she laughs and you shove her a bit while whining. “We can do this, I can keep helping you out at the library.”

“I don’t want to keep taking up all your free time Danny. Believe me, you’ve done enough.”

You whine some more before stepping out of the hug and looking away somewhere. Your eyes lock with Carmilla’s and you feel your stomach drop. You don’t have the energy for more of her remarks on you and Danny and frankly, you don’t feel like you could take it. It hurts you enough already for her to think of you that way, plus all the stress you have right now with everything and the lack of sleep you’ve been piling up as well.

She keeps standing there a bit behind Danny and you can’t handle her stare anymore. You look towards Danny again.

“Nevermind, Danny. I have to go.” You walk away to go and take your last test for the day.

“Good luck on your test Hollis! You got this!” says Danny and you smile at her over your shoulder before fully leaving.

You _have_  to pass this test.

-

You watch Laura walk away and Danny turns her attention to you.

“Oh, hey Fang Face. Didn’t realise you were there.”

You scoff and glare at her a bit. “Yeah well, I can’t say the same to you. You’re hard to miss, Ginger Giant.”

“Nice one.” she says sarcastically before looking back to the direction Laura just left. She sighs. “Man I really hope Laura does okay. She’s been so stressed out lately.”

“Stressed out?” you ask. You wonder if it’s because of you.

“Yeah. But I’ve been helping her out so she’s doing better.”

“ _Helping her out?_ ”

“Yup, at the library.”

_Of course at the fucking library._

“You too seem to hang out a lot around there.” you say with some shade trying to show her that you know aaaaall about their kissing...or...not kissing... _whatever._

“ _Well yeah,_ we’ve been there almost everyday this week studying and stuff. That’s kind of what libraries are for, Karnstein.”

“Yeah, I’m _sure_ that’s what they’re for, _Lawrence_.”

She gives you a questionable look and raises an eyebrow. “O...kay? I’m leaving now. Oh! Can you give this to Laura? She left it over at my place, I totally forgot.” she hands you Laura’s wallet, and you feel your blood starting to boil.

_“Your place?” you fucking knew it._

“Yeah. She came by the other day. She said she didn’t want to do it at her place.”

“ _Do.it??” you fucking knew it!_

“Uh... _yeah??_ Listen, anyway, I’m leaving. Thanks for giving that back to Laura!” She pats you on the shoulder and you swear you’re about to burst in flames as she walks past you down the hall.

_That’s it._

 

_That’s the last fucking straw._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next one's gonna be a biggie for this fic soooo get ready!


	27. Eruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things have been building up and well, everything that goes up, must come down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really REEEEAALLY hope you guys enjoy this one. I'm sorry for probably causing your death. Please don't hate me. (Do yell and rant at me after this though. I'D LOVE THAT)
> 
> Get ready.

You walked into the class and felt your nerves start to get worse. You look to Mr. Lucas who’s standing by the board looking through some papers, you imagine it’s the tests he’ll be handing out. He looks at you over his glasses and you notice you’ve been standing by the door frame for quite a while. The rest of the class already being in their chairs while yours is clearly empty.

Your chair which is right in the front row.

Mr. Lucas raises an eyebrow at you and you take in a deep shaky breath, give him a tight smile and make your way to your chair. You sit down, your backpack on the ground next to you, and you scrunch up your fingers trying not to think about how clammy your hands are.

“Alright, you know the drill. Finish the test and you can leave.”

He starts handing the test to each person in the front row to pass down and when he gets to you he stops.

“Mrs. Hollis.”

“Mr. Lucas.” you say nervously.

“Are you planning on answering with your hands or…?”

“Oh.” you give him an awkward smile and look through your bag for a pencil. You lift it up for him to see and he gives you a nod.

He continues passing out the tests and sits at his desk.

“Go ahead.” you start hearing everyone flipping through the paper and you lock eyes with Mr. Lucas, being unable to calm down. “Good luck.” he says to the class as he stares at you and you have a feeling he’s speaking only to you.

You swallow and start answering the test.

You can do this.

You _need_ to do this.

-

You’re pacing down the hall in front of the classroom Laura’s supposed to be in. You want to go after her but she’s in a class and no matter how angry you are you’re not going to interrupt her test. So you do the next best thing and go to Will’s dorm room.

You basically storm in, not looking at anyone and slamming his bedroom door behind you.

“What the heck?!” he jumps up a bit from his bed.

You don’t answer at first, simply letting the rage in you continue boiling and he sits up in his bed staring at you, waiting for you to talk.

“I-I’m just so- I-” you start but feel your fists shaking furiously.

“Actual words would be nice, Kitty.”

Your head shoots up and you glare at him making him stiffen a bit.

“Shut the hell up, William.”

“Well I mean that’s better but…” You grunt and pace in his room. “Uhh...okay so what’s actually wrong, sis?”

“Everything is wrong!!” you say quickly turning to him. You take a deep breath and press your hand against your forehead, closing your eyes. “Everything is wrong, William.”

“Care to elaborate for me?”

You glare at him again but he simply scoots in his bed and pats next to him for you to sit. You sigh harshly and drop yourself next to him.

“Laura is making me lose my mind. I don’t know what’s true and what isn’t. Danny’s and asshole and I don’t like her. The library is a cursed place and I think I might just start hating books. We’re fighting and she’s ignoring me now and I don’t know what to do and I’m not sure I really want to do anything at all about it because I’m so mad at her...mad at everything! And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do and I just really want to go and punch something or run away or fuck shit up or anything! Anything to make things normal! To make ME normal!”

“Okay, woah, slow down. One thing at a time.”

You sigh and slouch over a bit. “Laura’s ignoring me.”

“Why is Laura ignoring you?”

“Because I caught her and Danny kissing.”

“What??” he says confused.

“I...I think I did…” he furrows his brow and you roll your eyes. “I don’t know okay!?”

“So what does her kissing Danny have to do with her ignoring you?”

“I might have...said some things to her…”

“Might have??”

“Okay OKAY! I yelled at her a bit and...accused her of things.”

“Accused her? Accused her of what?”

“Of doing things with Danny and keeping it from me.”

“What?!” he says yet again, his eyebrows furrowing even more. “That’s bullshit.”

“How would you know!”

“That’s bullshit, Carmilla, and you _know_  it.”

“I don’t know _anything._ ”

“Well why didn’t you just talk to her about it? God you have the worst temper sometimes! Going into these shitty and dumb conclusions on your own.” he crosses his arms and shakes his head at you.

“Can you just--NOT! I am _not_  in the mood for a lecture William and I am not about to take one from you. I’m still mad at you over the mother thing.”

“Fine.” he sighs. “Why are you mad right now then? Did this happen today?”

“No. It was a few days ago. She’s been ignoring me since. She hasn’t been coming home or at work and the one time I finally see her she’s with Danny being all gushy or something. It’s disgusting.”

“You’re crazy.”

“What??” you say in disbelief and turn to face him.

“You heard me. You’re crazy. Laura and Danny aren’t a thing.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because, I have classes with Laura and I’ve seen them be together from first hand. Sure Danny teases Laura sometimes but Laura never teases back. You’re totally overreacting about this.” you clench your jaw and furrow your brow.

Are you overreacting? Were you wrong about this all along?

“Look.” he pauses. “I don’t think Laura’s keeping anything from you. She’s not the kind of girl to do things like that behind anyone’s back _plus_  she’s a terrible liar so.” he shrugs and stands, taking some quiet steps away. “I think you owe her an apology.”

“What?!”

“I know I know, that’s not your thing but you fucked up, Kitty. ‘Girl the hell up’ as Laura would say.” he pauses and stares at you quietly for a couple of seconds before his face changes into something more serious. “You think Laura would just get close to you for nothing? That she’d push you into going to class, take your brother to the hospital, take care of him, take you into her home, include you in her world for no reason at all? Laura likes you, Sis. She cares about you and if you can’t see or appreciate that then you’re an idiot and you don’t deserve her at all.”

You don’t know what to say. You feel like you’re in an intervention and you would normally yell at him as a response but you can’t. Not this time. This time...you know he’s right, and it’s making you feel more and more terrible.

You shouldn’t be thinking these type of things about Laura. She’s always been there for you and yet here you are, not trusting her...not caring to ask her about it...not believing in what she said. Instead you were about to explode on her and possibly hurt her feelings just because of you and your stupid insecurities and...ugh...maybe you do need to apologize to her.

“I hate you.”

“You’re welcome.” he replies and pushes you a bit.

“I don’t know how to fix this…”

“Well that’s your problem.” he picks up his backpack and looks at you. “You’re not allowed to leave this room until you get your shit together.”

“I am NOT a child, William.”

“Yeah? Well stop acting like one, _Carmilla_.”

You sigh hard and drop yourself to lay in his bed frustrated. “Why do I feel like you’re the big brother right now?”

“Because I’m right and you know it.” he walks up to the door and opens it. “Now seriously, think about it. Laura needs you just as much as you need her. So stop being an idiot.”

You sigh and shut your eyes tightly. “Yeah right.” you say in disbelief. Laura doesn’t need you at all, you’re the one who can’t live without her. She’s probably doing just fine without you.

You feel a pain in your chest and your mood starts to shift from anger to sadness.

“Stop doing that! Laura isn’t Ell, Carmilla. Laura wouldn’t just leave you over some stupid fight. Stop fucking around. Seriously, she needs you right now. Especially with all the college mess she’s got going on.”

“What college mess?”

“I don’t know, but _you_  should. Stop whining and fix things, okay?”

You clench your jaw and look at him as he’s standing worriedly by the door looking right back at you. You can’t seem to make yourself answer him with words but you let yourself nod slightly. He nods back with a “good.” before heading out and closing the door behind him.

Fix this? How is that even possible?

You sigh and cover your eyes with your arm feeling overwhelmed.

How can you even start talking to Laura when she won’t even let you be near her? She won’t even let you try and talk to her.

Your eyes start to feel strained as if you’re holding back tears that you’re not sure you want to let go, so you just shut them. You shut them for as long as you can and keep thinking about how mean you were to Laura. A slight tear manages to fall anyway but you can’t seem to care.

You don’t feel like whipping it away right now.

So you just let yourself take a nap to calm your thoughts.

-

You are literally the last person in the classroom. Everyone else finished the test a while ago and got up and left.

But not you.

Your nerves got the better of you at a certain time during the test and made you waste like 20 minutes breathing to calm yourself down. Mr. Lucas kept watching you carefully and somehow it brought you back down to the test. Now you’re here, re-reading the answers for the third time when you hear him speak.

“Mrs. Hollis…”

You look up from your paper and find him standing by his desk, his arms crossed and his side leaning on the desk.

“Right, yeah, sorry…” you quickly get up and hand him the test while he extended his hand to take it from you. You go back and pick up your things, turning around to find him eyeing your test already.

Your nerves start to pick up again.

You start walking out of the classroom when he catches your attention.

“Laura?”

You turn around and dash to the door. “Y...yes?”

He looks around the classroom for something before turning back to you. “Sit.”

_OH GOD_.

You swallow so hard you think he might have heard you. You pull on your back pack straps and nervously walk towards him. He gestures with his hand to the chair in front of his desk and you nod taking a seat.

It’s quiet at first and you don’t know what he’s about to tell you.

Did you flunk? No way you flunked. You stayed till like 3am at Danny’s the other day studying. She helped you a bunch, there’s no way you flunked.

He looks nervously towards the door and you don’t really know what to make of it so you sit tight confused.

“Laura.” he clears his throat. “I’m sure you’ve been doing well in your other classes right?”

“Um..mostly, yeah.”

He nods a few times as if stalling and you don’t know what he’s getting at with this. Plus he used your name so that’s a little weird.

“Have the teacher’s been helping you out?”

“What do you mean?”

“Have they recommended ways for you to pick up your grades or spoken to you at all about them?”

“Uhh..not really? They just said the same thing you did about the 92%.”

He nods again with a bothered face as he looks at the door again.

“Um..Mr. Lucas? Is everything okay?”

He looks back at you and blinks a few times before inhaling deeply.

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

He lets out the air in his lungs and looks back at the door, uncrossing his arms.

“What I’m about to tell you Mrs. Hollis is for your own good and I expect for you to not start too much trouble with it.” you furrow your brow confused but he continues. “There’s something fishy going on, something unethical and you very well know that I am not one for those shenanigans.” you nod with a confused face and he continues. “That something has got a lot to do with you, Mrs. Hollis.”

“With me??”

He nods and gets closer, kneeling down next to you to speak. “At first I thought that maybe the board had brought their attention to me about you because of your grades but I didn’t think much of it. I know you are a good student and quite determined to keep it that way. This-” he gestures to the test in his hand. “proves it. Now what I don’t understand is how you’d let your other classes get just as low as this one. My class is hard at times, I admit it, but the other professors are much more easier on their students. So I started to dig in a bit.” he shrugs. “I got curious and Silas University can be quite dull at times when the Alchemy department isn’t messing things up. So I may have gotten my hands on some of your other classes grades and such. And what I found was strange.”

“Strange?”

he nods. “Yes. Mrs. Hollis… all your other classes should have already picked up from the 92% but have somehow found stupid small details to keep it at that percentage. it’s quite odd, and frankly...I do not like it.”

You stare at him trying to process what he’s trying to say and that’s when it hits you. Someone’s messing with your grades. Someone’s making sure they stay low enough to get you in trouble.

Someone’s coming after you.

Your eyes widen and you now understand the worried face on Mr. Lucas.

“I can’t exactly help you uncover what is going on or why it’s happening but I will say that the board has been up to my neck, insisting that I keep your grade down. I am NOT that kind of man, and you know this. So I will continue grading you accordingly.” he stands up and goes to his desk, looking at the door again before sitting down. “I suggest you watch your back Laura.”

You nod not knowing what else to do or say. Why would someone be doing this? Why would someone want you to fail so badly? Why would anyone target you specifically?

Your eyes widen as a memory makes it’s way back into your mind.

            _ **“..my mother**_ **has...connections** **...and** _ **apparently she had some at Silas.”**_

No..there’s no way she’d…

                  _ **“I assure you that this will all have it’s consequences.”**_

You cover your mouth with your hands and realisation crosses your face.

“Mrs. Hollis?”

“It was her.”

“Pardon?”

“It was Lilita. She did this. I can’t believe she actually went and did this. How could she be so evil?”

Mr. Lucas opens his mouth to speak but students start to make their way into the classroom. You realize this and quickly grab your backpack and get up.

“Thank you so much..for _everything_ , Mr. Lucas.”

He nods and you dash out of the classroom.

She wasn’t kidding. Carm wasn’t kidding.

What are you going to do? what _can_  you do? Should you tell Carmilla about this? What if she made Carmilla go through something else? What if Carmilla needs you? What if she’s in trouble too?

You stop dead in your tracks and worry your lip.

Should you talk to her? Would she even care? Would she even believe you at this point? How are you going to fix this? How are you going to beat this situation? You don’t really have any solid evidence so there’s not much you can do but what are you supposed to do then? Just wait around and let yourself be walked on? Just lose everything?

You’ve already lost Carmilla.

No.

You shouldn’t say that. You don’t know what’s going on with her and you right now. You can’t just give up. Not after everything you and her have been through together. Not after working so hard for this.

But what can you do?

What can you do in your current state? She hurt you and said all those things that just...you can’t just be okay with it. You can’t just be normal with her.

But what can you do? What can you do when you’re like..this?

You can see your chest rising and falling quickly through the corner of your eye. You’re breathing like this again. You’re panicking.

You look at your hands, the hard grip they have on each of your backpack’s straps.

They’re shaking a bit, and you know you need to calm yourself down. Either they’re shaking from anger or frustration or from what you really don’t want it to be.

Panic.

You hate when this happens but it rarely does so you’re sure you can keep it under control.

But this is still all too much. Carmilla, Silas, Work, your dad, your obvious lack of sleep, your friends-

Your friends. They always help.

You quickly struggle to take out your phone and press LaF’s number. You let it ring for a while.

“Hello?”

_"LaF_." you let out quickly and they seem to understand your urgency.

“Shit gimme a sec.” you hear rustling from LaF’s side of the phone.“Okay, Laura what’s up?”

“A lot is up. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“ Where are you? You still at Silas?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you go somewhere and wait for me?”

You look around and notice you’re near the library. “Library?”

“Yeah sure, be there in a few.”

“Okay.” You take a deep breath. “I’m fine by the way. Just- can you bring me a snack or something?”

“Okay. I’ll be there after class then allright?”

“Okay. Thanks LaF.”

“Don’t mention it.”

You hang up and go inside the library. You see that Kirsch is sitting by your usual table so you decide on joining him. He’s as happy as always when you greet him and it helps. It’s easier to stay calm with him and his big goofy smile. You talk for a bit and listen to his new stories about the Zeta’s and it helps.

It really helps.

-

A loud metal clank wakes you up from your nap. You raise your head with tight sleepy eyes to see one of Will’s roommates picking up a pan.

“My bad.” he shrugs apologetically and you roll your eyes, throwing your head back into the pillow.

So much for sleeping through your problems.

“What time is it anyway?” you mumble to yourself as you blindly search for your phone.

“It’s like almost 8pm.” says the dude with the pan.

“No one asked you.”

“But I thought…”

You groan and fix up your outfit, grab your phone and walk past the guy. You really don’t want to have to deal with any dimwits right after waking up.

You look at your phone once you’re outside.

7:47pm

“Shit.” you slept for at least three hours. So much for thinking things through before tonight.

Then again, Laura probably won’t spend the night at the apartment anyway. It’s not like she wants to talk to you. It’s not like she’s going to stop avoiding you just because she spoke to you today.

You sigh and scratch your head still feeling a bit drowsy.

What should you do though? Should you just call it a night and leave? Be alone at home and just continue to feel shitty about everything?

You remember Will’s words and you sigh again.

No. You need to just talk to Laura.

Or at least try to anyway.

You look at your phone and think of calling her but decide not to. She probably wouldn’t pick up anyway. You look around the Silas campus and your eyes follow a girl who’s walking with books in hand.

You remember Danny telling you she’s been at the library with Laura a lot and clench your jaw.

Maybe she’s there. Maybe you can try and get her to want to talk.

You start heading towards the library, trying not to think of how Danny is probably there with her. You groan and ball your hands into fists as you walk with harder steps.

No, that doesn’t matter. You don’t care about Danny and her. You care about _you_  and her, and that’s all that matters. That’s all you need to focus on right now.

  


 

You finally make it to the library and quietly look around. She’s not in her usual table even though that big Puppy is, and she’s not in the aisles either.

You sigh defeatedly as you exit the last aisle.

“Sup Carm-Kitty?”

You look forward and see Kirsch all geared up to go. You give him a tight smile not wanting to actually tell him what’s up right now between you and Laura. “Hi beefcake.”

“You looking for somethin’? I can help! I’ve got mad book hunting skills.”

“No.” you chuckle silently and shake your head. “I was just looking for Laura.”

“Oh.” he turns around and points at the door. “You literally just missed her. She said she was going home.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “really??” you ask. You hope he doesn’t notice how stupid you sound right now.

“Uh huh. She was here for a while with me and LaF. She seemed kinda bummed or tired I don’t know. You should catch up to her so she doesn’t walk alone or somethin’. No hottie should walk alone at night.”

“She’s not with LaF?” He shakes his head no and you slowly nod. “Huh...weird.”

“What’s weird?”

“Nothing.” you swat your hand in front of your face and start heading towards the door. “Thanks, Kirsch. See you around.”

“Kay!” he waves at you before you step through the door and go for a mad dash.

Why didn’t she leave with LaF? Why didn’t she stay with them this time? Why does everyone seem so worried about her?

Maybe you can still catch up to her.

-

You’re tired, just _so_  freaking tired.

You sigh as you continue to walk. It’s been a quiet since you’re all by yourself. The streets empty and dark only lit by the shitty posts and some cars that occasionally pass by.

It feels like it’s been forever since you started walking and you can’t help but remember how fast time passes when you walk the same distance with Carmilla by your side.

Still, you can’t help but feel a bit glad that you haven’t made it home yet.

You’ve decided that you shouldn’t just keep staying away from home, from the obvious conversation you two need to have. And technically Carmilla’s tried twice already to talk things out nicely. (or...well...somewhat nicely.) So you’re going home tonight. You don’t want to just keep leaving her by herself and frankly...you miss her.

You sigh again.

You _do_  hope she’s already asleep though and doesn’t want to talk right now because you’ve just had an all around bad day and you don’t think you could take it.

You’re so deep in thought and so tired that you hadn’t been paying attention to the loud fast footsteps coming your way until they were obviously close.

“Laura!”

You turn around and find Carmilla coming to a stop before you, out of breath and heaving. She bends over and holds her hands against her knees trying to catch her breath.

“Carm?”

She lifts her head to be able to look at you. “We need--” she pants. “--to talk.”

Freaking seriously? Has the universe no limit?! Did it not just hear you?!

You slouch a bit and whine. “Carmmm-”

“No! We’re talking! You can’t just keep avoiding me!” she continues to pant but straightens up and point at you.

“I wasn’t-”

“YES YOU WERE!” you flinch back surprised and she relaxes, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes. “Yes you were...and it’s fine, I get it, I suck and I was mean to you and I deserved it but I--I can’t just stay away from you.”

“Carm, not now-” you try and say in between but she won’t let you.

“Laura, I’m sorry I said what I said, but just because I said it doesn’t mean you can just cut me off like that!”

“What?!” you say in disbelief. The words she told you in the library flashing in your mind. “Carmilla, you do realize you LITERALLY called me a slut to my face.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You might as well have!” You flail your arms in the air, frustrated.

You’re so fucking tired. You don’t need this right now.

“But I didn’t! Can you blame me for coming to those conclusions when you’re always with her? You’re always all close and flirty and-”

“Stop.”

“You and Danny-”

“Stop!” you yell out and Carmilla freezes. Now you’re the one heaving but it’s not from running. It’s from anger, from frustration, from the rising amount of stress and panic inside you.

Crap.

You turn around and continue walking.

“Laura-”

“No! I don’t want to hear it.”

You keep walking. You just want to get home already. You just want to get there.

You can hear Carmilla’s footsteps right behind you and it’s only making it worse. You don’t need this right now. You can’t take it. You just can’t. Not today. Not right now.

“Laura can you just stop?”

“Stop what?”

“Stop avoiding me!”

“I’m not--” you stop walking and huff out some air. You half turn to her. “I’m NOT avoiding you, okay?”

You stare at her and feel your stomach squeeze uncomfortably when her scared eyes meet with yours.

_You did that._

_You’re hurting her._

You swallow and squeeze your eyes shut as you turn to keep walking.

_Faster._

“Then why won’t you just talk to me? Why can’t you just say what you want to say?”

Say what you want to say?

Your mind goes a mile a minute. Thoughts that have been haunting you all week come seeping back, and you’ve been trying to avoid them. You’ve been trying to stay calm.

But they’ve always stayed in the back of your head.

You still haven’t heard back from Dave.

You still don’t know what’s going on with Charles.

You still don’t know how to feel about everything Carmilla said at the library that day.

And now you know her mother is screwing with your classes.

You’ve been studying nonstop, barely eating, barely sleeping, barely giving yourself the time you need to not break and it’s showing.

Right now, it’s showing.

Your hands are shaking, your breathing is quickening again and you’re nervous.

You’re so nervous with everything that’s going on.

“Laura-”

“Carm!” you say whining and you can feel the stress taking over, the tears making their way to your eyes.

You shake your head and look down at the ground.

_Faster. Walk faster._

“We’re literally going to the same place, cupcake. Just stop!”

You huff out a sarcastic chuckle and she grabs your wrist, effectively stopping you.

“Would you just listen to me??”

You clench your jaw and squeeze your eyes tightly shut. You don’t make a move to walk away.

As much as you feel horrible right now, you can’t deny that you missed that contact. You missed her. You missed feeling her skin against yours and it burns. It burns from your wrist up to your arm to your chest. The feeling in your chest makes you take in some sudden air.

It goes quiet between the two of you and you feel her grip loosen, but her touch never leaves.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m an asshole that doesn’t think before she talks or doesn’t ask before she thinks. I’m sorry I suck so much. I’m….I’m sorry I hurt you..”

You worry your lip and the tears are filling your eyes already. You can’t take this.

You just can’t.

You take in a deep breath and look up, trying to blink the tears away before they get a chance to fall.

“I won’t ever do it again, I swear.”

You shake your head. “No..”

“What?”

“You can’t just do that.” you say a bit shakier than you’d like. “You can’t just--apologize and expect that everything is going to be okay...That everything is just going to go back to how it was.” You clench and unclench your fists. “That doesn’t change the fact that THAT’S the way you see me. That doesn’t change the fact that you feel that way.”

“Laura-”

No! I am SO tired.” you let out and the shakiness in your voice is picking up. The breathing between each word a clear sign that you’re done. “Tired on like, a cellular level.”

You release your wrist from her hand and start walking again.

She’s walking behind you again, keeping up with your pace and you’re just so done. You can’t take it anymore. You need to get home. You need to get to it. You need to get there.

“Don’t you think I’m tired too? Don’t you think this has been eating me up all week? I’m sorry, okay!! What else do you want me to say? That I was wrong? That I didn’t see things the way they happened? Well I can’t! I don’t know what I did or didn’t see okay!? But what I do know is that I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry. So can you please just--just be okay with me?”

Your body slouches forward almost letting out a sob as you finally reach the sidewalk by your apartment.

“I can’t!!” you pause and stop walking for a moment, Carmilla almost running into you. “It’s just…” you pause and sigh shakily. “...it’s not enough.”

You start walking again and thank god you can see your front door. You’re power walking by the time you finally reach it, Carmilla hot on your heels.

“What’s not enough? Me apologizing to you a million times?? God, what more do you want from me?!”

You can’t take it. You take out your keys and struggle to open the apartment door as fast as you can but your nerves are failing you. Your hands shaking with everything that’s in your mind.

Charles. Silas. Carm.

The lock finally clicks and you barge into your own apartment, slamming the door open. You start running towards the place you need the most.

-

“Laura-” you follow her inside, shutting the door.

She ignores your call and you follow her to the bathroom. The door not completely shut.

“Listen..I-” you push the door open and stop dead in your tracks. Confusion taking over your body. “Laura???”

Laura’s in the shower, completely clothed again and you remember why you found her like this last time.

You remember that she does this when she’s trying to cope with everything. She does this when she’s not okay.

Shit, she really wasn’t okay.

Danny was right, Will was right, hell...even Kirsch was right.

And yet you had no fucking clue that Laura’s been having such a hard time with something. But with what? Is this because of you?

You take a step inside the bathroom. “Laur-”

“ _DON’T_.” she says harshly, holding up a hand in your direction. “Just don’t.”

She’s standing under the shower, both of her hands now leaning on the wall in front of her. Her head dangling forward as the water drips from her nose. Her hair is soaking wet and dripping forward as well, not to mention how wet her clothes are starting to get now.

You slowly take a few steps closer.

“Laura…” you see her hands clench into fists against the wall and decide on not talking anymore.

There’s only one thing you can think of doing. You take out your phone and place it on the ground next to the shower. Then you take off your leather jacket and step in the shower behind her. You slowly make your way to hug her. The water starting to make it’s way into your clothes, making them stick to you and once your arms are completely wrapped around her waist the water is full on hitting your head.

You don’t try and make anymore sudden movements, not caring about how wet you’re currently getting. The only movement you make is to push your wet hair out of your face and then wrap your arm around her again.

You can feel Laura’s body shaking against you and you know she’s not okay.

Why isn’t she okay? What’s been going on while you weren’t there for her?

Fuck, why weren’t you there for her? Why didn’t you know about this?

Your grip tightens around her and you rest your forehead against her shoulder. You can hear how she finally starts to sob under the water and she finally leans into you. Her hands leaving the wall in front of her to clutch at your arms around her, as if to make sure you stay.

You reach forward and turn off the water, wrapping your arms around her tightly again.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” you start repeating and Laura starts bending down so you follow her.

You end up sitting in the shower with Laura in your arms. You lean back to rest your back against the wall and Laura leans into you.

You stay like that for a while until Laura’s sobs went quiet.

You never stop holding her though.

And when she’s finally just sniffling, her body no longer shaking, you push some wet hair out of her face.

She turns for a second to look at you after the gentle gesture but goes back to staring forward.

Neither of you talk, only hearing the dripping from the shower head. You rub your thumb over her bicep while you still hold her and you hope it helps.

Laura sighs deeply and runs her fingers through her wet hair.

“Your mom is trying to get me kicked out of Silas.”

“What?!”

You sure as hell weren’t expecting those to be Laura’s first words after like half an hour of sitting in the shower soaking wet.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Laura-- why didn’t you say anything?!”

“I just--I thought you were going through enough shit right now. You didn’t need more crap to worry about.”

“So you’ve just been baring with this on your own?? Laura you should have told me. Oh god I should have never let you get involved.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Of course it’s my fault! I--” you shake your head and furrow your brow.

“It’s not. And I’m handling it just fine. Don’t worry. I’m not gonna let her get to me.”

You don’t know what else to say so you just nod. You still feel like shit. Laura’s going through this because of you, and you’ve been so mean to her. “When did this happen?”

“I’m not sure...but last week things started getting weird with my grades and I’ve been pushing myself to fix it. Danny’s been helping me study to get them up but now that I know your mom’s behind it, she’s not making it easy on me.”

“So that’s why you’ve been with Danny so much?” she gives you a confused look. “She uh..she gave me this.” you struggle to take out Laura’s wallet from your front pocket and almost sigh in relief when you see it didn’t get wet.

She eyes it and takes it from your hand, putting it aside on the floor.

“Yeah...I was at her place the other night studying for today’s test. LaF picked me up after their shift.”

You slowly nod understanding what Danny had meant now. Laura sighs and picks her nails.

“Not that you’d need to know or anything.”

You clench your jaw and look down. You feel ashamed of yourself for ever thinking badly of Laura.

“I...also may have tried contacting your dad…”

Your head shoots up surprised. “Wait what?”

Laura shrinks and continues to look at her hands. “I’m sorry...I didn’t mean to keep it from you! it’s just--you didn’t want to look for him even though you really need his help and I couldn’t just let you keep struggling with everything without even trying so I found him.”

“You were keeping this to yourself too?? Wait, you...you found him?” you adjust yourself to be able to look at Laura who’s still sitting between your legs and she looks to the side to look at you ashamed. She nods shyly and your eyes widen. “Where is he? Did you see him? Does he know anything?” you let out quickly.

Laura shakes her head and you feel your shoulders slouch forward a bit.

You don’t know what you were expecting.

“He’s out of town, I couldn’t reach him yet.”

You look back up at Laura. “Wait, so you HAVE tried reaching him?”

She nods. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it. I wanted to check first.”

You simply shake your head.

Laura shrinks before you, swatting your hands away. She hugs her knees and rest her chin on them.

“I’m not mad…” you say leaning forward. You tuck some wet hair behind her ear. She glances at you with the side of her eye. “I’m just...curious. How did you even find him anyway?”

“That’s...that’s confidential.”

You raise an eyebrow at her and she stiffens a bit before turning her head to look at the shower wall to the right.

“Come on, Cupcake. Just tell me.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean _you can't_? This is _my_  dad we’re talking about.”

“I know that! You don’t have to give me any attitude okay! I just--I can’t tell you.”

“Fine!”

you angrily cross your arms in front of your chest and look away. A few quiet seconds pass by before you hear Laura’s small voice.

“Look...I’m sorry I’ve been keeping things from you. I swear I didn’t want to, I just...I just thought it would save you the stress and I didn’t want to give you hope for nothing either so..” she shyly looks at you, deciding to turn a bit so she can face you. “Then we got in a fight and I just...I didn’t think it was the right time to tell you anything. I didn’t think you’d really care anymore…”

“I wouldn’t really care? Laura--” you shake your head before looking at her. “ _Of course_ I’d care. I’ve always cared about anything that has to do with my dad.” you sigh and look at Laura, you lean your head closer to hers and lower your voice. “I care about anything that has to do with you.”

She turns her head to look at you and freezes when she sees how close you actually are. You give her a small shy smile and she takes a deep breath before looking away. She lowers her legs, stretching them out and resting her hands on her lap.

“That’s not how it felt when you were yelling at me at the library.”

“Laura.” you roll your eyes and just wrap your arms around her again instead of talking. You pull her close, her back against your front and see her small intake of air. “I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have yelled at you okay? I shouldn’t have made assumptions. I should have just trusted you. It’s just...that doesn’t come easy to me...and you and me...I don’t know what we are to each other...I don’t know what you think we are or what you even want us to be. Or even if you want us to be anything at all. And seeing you like that with Danny...all close and happy...it...it just made my insecurities get the better of me. And I lashed out at you because…”

you sigh and look up trying to find the right words. Laura slides a bit down and adjusts herself neatly into you. She tilts her head back a bit to stare up at you and you look back down at her, her eyes waiting for you to continue. You swallow your nerves and insecurities away.

“Because I don’t think I could ever compare to her. I don’t think I could ever be enough for you.”

“Carm…”

You shake your head and take in a breath to continue. Your emotions starting to take over.

“I don’t HAVE anything to offer you. I never have. And yet...you’ve always stayed with me...You’ve always seemed to not care. And I don’t know why you do it or why you would ever even want someone like me in your life.” you say with a half laugh that’s masking the hurt in your voice. “All I know is that, ever since we’ve met you’ve been there for me. You’ve cared. You’ve always been so real to me, whether it’s been arguing with me or taking care of me or worrying about me or making me laugh or letting ME take care of YOU, letting ME in when I never did the same in return. And you never asked that of me. And i don’t know if that just makes me feel worse about it all or better.”

“Carm that’s...that’s never been my intention...and OF COURSE I want you in my life. You think i’d try so hard to keep you around because I DIDNT WANT YOU IN MY LIFE?”

“I--” you shake your head and shrug weakly. “I don’t know…” you run your fingers through your still wet hair and let your hand drop against your thigh. “I just...I just wish I could be there as much for you as you’ve been for me...I wish I could MEAN as much to you as you do to me…”  You swallow your insecurities away and worry your lip as you look at her. You have to just tell her.

“Laura...Laura I..”

Laura’s eyes widen as she stares back at you. “Carm, you don’t have to…”

“Yes i do.” you say, determined to go through with this. You can see the goosebumps on your arms and you’re not so sure it’s because you’re starting to get cold from being wet.“...Laura...I LOVE you.” you feel like your chest has just imploded and you don’t understand why it feels like such a relief to you. Laura’s eyes are locked in place looking at yours and her lips are parted as she takes in some air. You think she wants to say something but you can’t let her. Not right now. Not while you’re finally saying this to her. “I love you. And that scares me. It scares me because I’m...afraid...I’m afraid of losing you...and that’s SELFISH of me because you don’t belong to me. None of this does.” you gesture around you. “ And I can’t help but think that that’s what you think I’m here for. That I’m just using you to be here, to be safe. But I just-”

You sigh deeply and shake your head.

“-I don’t want that.” you say and look back at her. Her eyes glassy. “ I only want YOU...but you’re not mine, nothing here is, nothing here ever will be.”

“Carm.”

You chuckle again and shake your head, tears fighting their way into your eyes.

“CARM.” she says sternly, turning her body so that she’s facing you. Both of her hands start cupping your face, her thumb brushing against your cheek.

That’s when you look up at her. That’s when some tears manage to escape your eyes. She quickly goes to wipe them away before returning to cupping your face.

“Carm, I’ve NEVER thought that of you. I’ve never thought that was what you were here for, okay?” she brushes your wet bangs back and licks her lips anxiously. “You could never lose me.”

You worry your lip and look down and away from her but she won’t let you. Her fingers tilting your chin back up to meet her eyes. You take in a shaky breath once you look into her eyes and you’re scared.

You’re still scared of losing this girl. This girl that means so much to you. This girl that you wouldn’t know how to live without.

More tears make their way down your cheeks and that’s when she leans in and kisses you.

It’s barely a kiss. It’s more like contact with quivering lips. Lips that are too afraid to lose one another. And she pulls back, leaning her forehead on yours.

“It’s okay. I get it now.” she wipes your cheeks again and combs your hair back. “It’s okay, Carm.”

More tears start going down your face and she starts leaving gentle kisses on your lips, occasionally stroking your hair in a soothing manner.

And you feel like such a mess. You’ve never let anyone see you like this. You’ve never been so honest with anyone.

It feels like a giant weight has been lifted from your shoulders and you can’t stop the tears from falling.

“I don’t think that of you at all okay? I never have and I never will. Got that?” she says looking at your eyes as she rests her forehead on yours and continues to gently cup your face.

You can’t get yourself to believe her though. Why should she feel that way? Why should she care about you at all? You’re a mess and you have nothing to offer her but trouble.

You stare back at her, teary worried eyes.

“ _Carm_??”

Laura presses on and you let out a breath as if it was hurting you to hold it in. You nod.

“I’m sorry.” you say and your voice is cracking and your tearful eyes are staring hopefully back at Laura’s.

She caresses your hair and gives you a tight smile. “Yeah well...me too.” You look at her with worried eyes and she simply shakes her head before going in for a kiss. “I’m still mad at you.”

“I know.”

“And I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to feel like I can trust you..”

“I know.”

She slowly nods to herself. “Okay.”

“Okay.” you reply and she leans in giving you a gentle kiss before sighing and resting her head on your shoulder. You wrap your arms around her and pull her close. She adjusts herself so that her arms are wrapped around your waist. You sniffle a bit and one of your hand starts playing with her hair.

****You really hope she doesn’t leave you.

-

You close your eyes as Carmilla continues to comb and play with your hair. Her rising chest keeping you aware of how close you are to her. You stay like this for what feels like forever before you feel her shiver under you. You furrow your brow and lift your head to look up at her.

“Carm?”

“Sorry. I’m just...kinda getting cold.”

“Oh crap, right! I forgot!” you quickly push yourself off of her and stand up, brushing all of your wet hair back before offering her a hand. She gives you a small smile and accepts it. “I should uh I should shower.”

“Yeah, no, sure.” she squeezes her shirt, water dripping from it, and you can’t help but keep your eyes on her now showing tummy. You swallow and try to look away. “Sorry I just uh...I should take all this off before stepping in the apartment.”

Your eyes grow wide and you stiffen nervously. “Sure! Yeah! Um, I’ll just uh-” you step back into the shower and pull the curtain shut. You turn on the water and feel your face getting warmer and warmer from simply thinking of Carmilla undressing literally a foot away from you.

“Um, Cupcake?”

“Y-yeah??”

“You really need to stop getting in the shower with your clothes on.”

“What??” you look down. “Oh! Oh right, yeah!” you start undressing and toss the wet clothes on the floor next to the shower. Then you hear Carmilla do the same and you think you might need to step in the shower to calm yourself down again because your mind is going a mile a minute.

She’s literally RIGHT THERE. If you pushed the curtain open she’d be right there. Probably nude. And you’re also nude. And ohmygod just step under the water Hollis.

You start showering and you think you hear Carmilla come back into the bathroom after a while. You think she’s brushing her teeth in the sink but you wouldn’t dare checking.

You finish showering and turn off the water. You squeeze the water out of your hair and reach for your towel outside your new safe space-shower curtain area. You dry your face a bit before wrapping it around your body.

“Um...Carm?”

“Yeah?” you hear her say with her mouth probably full of toothpaste.

“I’m uh...I’m done.”

“Okay.”

Well that’s not much to go on. You swallow hard and nervously reach for the curtain, slowly pulling it open with shut eyes, holding your towel with your free hand. You open your eyes curiously and find Carmilla standing in her towel by the sink. She gives you a tight smile and obviously struggles to look at you. You do the same and walk past her to the apartment.

Jesus that was hard.

You sigh deeply and start going through your clothes, finding your favorite pajama pants and a dark grey tank top.  You drop your towel when you finally hear the water start to run and dry yourself. You get dressed and start drying your hair with your towel and you hear the water stop running after a few minutes.

Carmilla steps out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel and you swallow hard again, looking down at your feet as you walk past her and start brushing your own teeth.

When you come back she’s fully dressed in her pajama shorts and a t-shirt. She’s sitting on her bed blankly looking into space before she notices you’re back and looks up at you. You’re frozen in the spot between the kitchen and the rest of the apartment staring directly at her and for some reason you’re not sure what to do.

The two of you stay like that for a few quiet seconds.

You look down at your feet and walk up to your bed, kneeling down on your mattress before tugging at your sheets. You freeze again and look towards Carmilla’s bed. She’s looking down at her hands and she seems disappointed.

You look down at your mattress and tuck some hair behind your ear, then you look back up at her and bite your lip.

“Carm?”

She seems caught of guard and quickly looks up surprised. “yeah?”

“Do you uh...do you want me to..”

Her eyes widen and she shyly looks back down. “I mean...only if you want to.”

You quickly stand from your bed and go to hers. Once she notices you’re standing by her bed she scoots back and makes space for you. You kneel down and start laying down next to her. She adjust herself to lay down too and you grab her sheets and cover yourself.

You’re not touching or anything.

You’re not even _looking_  at each other, but you feel so nervous and a bit uncomfortable. You’ve slept in the same bed as her before but it’s just, after everything that happened this week...and everything that happened tonight...you don’t really know what’s okay and what isn’t. So you’re facing up at the ceiling and keeping all your limbs at a safe distance.

It’s quiet for a few minutes and neither of you has moved an inch.

“This is torture. There’s no way I can sleep like this.”

“Want me to go back to my bed?”

“No!-” you feel her grab you arm and you immediately look her way. You’re met with scared gentle eyes and you don’t feel uncomfortable anymore. Her eyes glance down embarrassedly but come back to meet your own.

“Carm?”

“Just…” her grip loosens and her hand gently slides down your arm. You followed the movement with your eyes at first but went back to looking at her eyes when you heard her nervously rustling next to you. “ _Just stay with me_.”

“Okay.” you reply lowly, almost like a whisper between the two of you and you turn on your side and shyly snuggle into her. Your wet hair leaving a mark on her pillowcase as you nuzzle your face into her shoulder.

It’s quiet for another minute before you sigh somewhat happily.

“You know, I’m glad I came back tonight.”

“You are?”

You nod against her shoulder and she huffs out some air through her nose.

“Well this _is_  your apartment.”

“It’s your apartment too.”

She sighs deeply. “no...none of this is mine..”

“Carm..”

“It’s true, Laura. This? This is all you. This is _your_  life, _your_  place, _your_  safe haven...and I’m just...living in it.”

You shake your head against her shoulder. “That’s not true.”

“Of course it’s true.”

You lift yourself up on one elbow to look at Carmilla. “Carm, this is your place too you know.”

“I don’t pay rent.”

“You don’t _have_  to.”

“Laura!-” she lifts her arms up but let’s them drop back down. “You just...you give me all of these things and I give you nothing in return.”

“You’re wrong.”

“How am I wrong? Cooking for you everyday isn’t much of an equal offer, cupcake. It’s nowhere _near_  what you’ve given _me_.”

“Carm-” you shake your head and sigh. She looks away and shakes her head too. You raise yourself as if to straddle her so you could be in her view. “ _This_ -” you gesture around you. “-is your place, _this_  is your home, _this_  is your bed.

“It’s not even my mattress, Laura. It was LaFontaine’s.”

“LaF’s brother, but that’s not the point. It’s still yours. Everything here is yours. Your key, your favorite bowl for cereal, that cup you're always slurping on, this bed, these walls, this whole damn apartment and everything that’s in it, and I’m…” you leave a long pause as you stare into each other’s eyes. “I’m…”

“My everything?”

You feel a wave of heat hit your face from how hard you’re blushing and you aren’t able to even reply. Then you look down and quickly notice the current position you’re in and your blush only intensifies. You can’t make yourself move off of her.

Carmilla doesn’t budge though, nothing fazes her in a nervous or uncomfortable way. She seems calm and her eyes are nothing but gentle and loving. She reaches up with one hand to tuck some of your hair that was draping forward behind your ear. Her hand follows the path of your ear, to your jaw and she rests it on your cheek, her thumb caressing it lovingly.

“You know I’ll do anything for you.”

You chuckle a little at that and bite your lip. “Anything?”

Carmilla’s dorky grin makes you giggle more as she nods, and you don’t feel uncomfortable at all anymore. You feel like this is all okay.

You stay like that, just staring at each other for a while quietly. Your fingers gently brushing back her wet bangs. Having Carmilla under you like this feels so normal, so right. It feels easy and incredible, and taking all of her in you can’t help but think of how much she matters to you.

How could you have been so upset with her? With such a sweet and sensitive girl that likes you.

Well...um...that _loves_  you.

You swallow nervously. That caught you by surprise. I mean, you know how close you’ve both become and your own feeling towards her but you never thought she’d be the one to say it.

You never thought it could be anything other than a constant thought in your head.

You blink a few times and sigh deeply before getting off of her and cuddling up next to her instead.

You chew on your lip as you rest your head on her shoulder and you wish you could do it.

You wish you could just be with her already.

But you’re scared.

You’re just as scared as she is about things and it sucks. It really does.

You feel a hand gently stroking your hair and you sigh again, closing your eyes from the gentle act.

“Cupcake, it’s okay.” she says and it’s barely a whisper.

“I know.”

“I trust you.”

This time you pause before answering, opening your eyes as you think for a moment.

“..I trust you too.”

You sigh again and nuzzle your head deeper into her shoulder. She moves to get on her side and pulls you closer. You wrap your arm around her waist and nuzzle your face in her chest.

She’s warm, and her breast are soft and comfortable and well... _breast._

You swallow hard and squeeze your eyes tighter trying not to focus on that. But then she starts caressing up and down your back, her fingers just gliding over your skin in a slow and gentle way and it’s _so hard_  to keep it together. It’s soothing, and sweet, and perfect.

And it’s making you want to just feel her skin being so close to her already.

It’s making you want to _do_ things.

Your breathing is starting to get a bit harder and your can’t help but pull her closer to you, as if it was even possible. Your fingertips pressing hard against her shirt. Your heart feels like it’s about to beat out of your chest with every minute that goes by.

She moves a bit trying to get comfortable and you can’t help but do the same. You don’t want to be apart from her right now.

She tangles her legs with yours, and you feel one of her thighs clearly between your own.

You take a deep breath.

KEEP IT TOGETHER HOLLIS.

She continues her motion, gliding her fingers up and down your back and after a while you can feel her chest starting to rise and fall harder just like your own. And you can hear how hard her heart is beating against your ear. You think it’s starting to match your own.

You started getting lost in the feeling of her motion and her chest moving against you, not objecting when she snuck her hand under your shirt to continue the motion against your skin. You can feel how warm you are with her slightly cold fingers going up and down your back.

You take in a deep shaky breath trying to compose yourself.

You wonder if the rest of her is as cold as her fingers were at first, and you feel the urge to check.

You sneak your hand under her shirt, mirroring her movement before resting your hand over her shoulder blade. You press your hand flat against her cold skin and pull her closer to you again and she does the same.

“You’re so cold.” you say against her chest and you can feel her chuckle.

“Not anymore.”

You feel her body warming up against your hand and you smile into her chest. You nod.

She sighs deeply before removing her hand under your shirt and going back to stroking your hair. She kisses the top of your head and goes to brush your hair back. It’s still damp but not as wet as hers, so it’s a cooling feeling compared to your warm bodies.

You hear her sigh above you and you tilt your head to look at her. She looks down at you.

“What?”

“Hm?” you hum surprised. She chuckles.

“Why are you giving me that look?”

“What look?”

“I don’t know... _that_ look..”

Your eyes trail down her face, and stay on her lips. She stops stroking your hair and the sudden change makes you bring your attention back to her eyes.

She was looking at your lips too. You lick your lips and giggle when she does the same. She raises an eyebrow at you and you simply shake your head with a smile before making the decision to just go for it.

She’s right there and you’re right here and you’re so close to each other and she’s being so sweet and all the soft touching was kind of turning you on.

You chew on your lip.

Should you? What if it’s not right? What if she stops you again? What if you’re pushing it? What if things are still not okay between the two of you?

She tucks some stray hairs behind your ear bringing you out of your thoughts and she gives you a small smile before kissing your forehead and lingering afterwards.

You sigh in relief and decide to just do it.

Just kiss her.

You adjust yourself to move up a bit and it seems to catch her by surprise but then you start leaning in and she knows what you want. she knows what you’re going for, and she meets you halfway.

It’s a simple kiss at first but once you pause and go back in for more it starts turning into so much more. You can feel your heart picking up again almost immediately and your body is on fire. You move one of your arms to move the sheets away because well...it was getting really hot in here for you.

You think Carmilla must be feeling the same way since every time she exhales through her nose it’s warm and slow. You’re surprised it doesn’t tickle and kind of thankful at the same time, because that means you don’t have to stop kissing her for air.

Well you do sometimes, but just not as much.

You felt her hands go back to their motion on your back but this time it felt different.

It felt sensual and hot and _god_  it was killing you.

You suddenly pushed away from her and exhaled sharply, looking down at her under you. She gives you a worried questioning look but you simply sit up and start removing your shirt. You hold it against your chest once it’s finally out of the way and your confidence was slowly draining away.

Then Carmilla pushed herself up on her elbows until she could sit up, you straddling her lap. She gently wrapped her arms around you and nuzzled her face into the crook of your neck. You sigh in relief and move your hands away from your chest, tossing your shirt aside before wrapping your arms around her. She starts slowly nuzzling her nose against your neck and it’s arousing and it’s making your face feel like it’s damn lava. Then she starts leaving quick kisses up your neck before going back down slowly. Once she’s back at the crook of your neck she sucks down on it and you inhale sharply, pressing your fingertips on her back. She starts leaving wet kisses in that same spot and her hands start sliding down your back, no longer hugging you.

She reaches the strap from your pajama pants and she slides her hands under it, gently squeezing at your ass on top of your underwear.

Welp...so much for them being clean.

You move your arms so you can wrap them around her neck and she starts kissing her way up to your ear. Your eyes are closed as you give into all of the different parts of Carmilla that are touching your body right now, and you can’t help but start gently moving your hips. She moans lightly against your ear when you do so and you open your eyes quickly to look at her as you pull away. She ducks her head in embarrassment and you simply giggle before cupping her face and kissing her. “Don’t be shy. It’s just me.” you say against her lips.

“Yeah, exactly. That’s the whole thing...it’s _you_.” she replies before deepening the kiss. “You have no idea how much i’ve wanted this.” she rest her forehead against yours.

“That bad huh?” you say with a playful smirk and she smirks back.

“Shut up.”

“Okay.” you reply before going back to kissing her, making sure to move your hips again this time. Carmilla moans into your mouth and you can’t help but smile into the kiss.

“God, how are you doing this to me?” she whispers against your lips and you smile wider before continuing to kiss her.

You start to grind on her rhythmically now and your kisses are getting sloppy from both of you breathing so hard. You tug at her shirt and she nods her head against yours, her eyes extremely lidded at this point. You lift it off of her and toss it aside when she caught you by surprise and cupped your breast making you take in a sharp breath.

She started kissing down your chest and you arched your back for her to reach better as she started sucking on your breasts. Her free hand tugging at the strap of your pajama pants, pulling you forward by them.

You sat up on your knees and she quickly pulled your pants down to the middle of your thighs. You gently pushed her back into laying down as you layed on top of her. You struggled to kick off your pajama pants and your hands wandered down her naked stomach to reach her own pajama pants. You yank them down and she kicks them off but you go to yank down her underwear and freeze. Breathing heavily as you weren’t sure if you should do this.

“What is it?”

You shook your head.

“Cupcake, you can touch me. it’s okay.”

You chew on your lip before nodding hesitantly and continuing to slowly yank down on her underwear. She kicked them off and you started kissing up her chest, making your way back to her lips.

This was fine.

This was fine with her.

This was...everything you’ve ever wanted.

You slowly became more determined and confident as you continued kissing heatedly. You had been grinding on her thigh and the motion was almost driving you over the edge. You could feel how wet you were by how easily you could move against her thigh. You felt her hands make their way to your ass before yanking down on the underwear you still had on. After kicking it off she guided you back to the position you were in and pressed your body against hers, pulling you forward by her hands on your ass. You let out a shaky breath against her mouth when you felt the real contact now, grinding smoothly against her thigh. She started to move her leg, countering your grinding and it was driving you crazy. Her hands scratching up and down your thighs as you kept moving forward and backwards. You stop kissing her to focus on the feeling between your legs and you rested your head on her pillow, breathing and moaning lightly on her ear. You could see the way her chest was rising and falling so intensely and you knew this was just as pleasing to her as it was to you.

In your new position you had a free arm that you didn’t need to keep yourself balanced so you kept caressing up and down her torso making her shut her eyes as your hand made it’s way to where she wanted it the most. You teased at first, only brushing your fingers over her lips before finally pressing them forward to slide easily between her wet folds. She took in a deep breath and shot her head back, your fingers slowly moving up and down her folds. Her now desperate moans were turning you on even more and you started grinding harder and faster against her thigh as your fingers picked up their pace as well. She started whimpering as she tried to buckle her hips forward for your fingers to feel closer and it drove you over the edge, your hand stopping from your orgasm making Carmilla whine.

You relaxed your body against hers and laughed lightly at her whining.

“Just gimme a sec.”

“Fuck, Laura.”

“I know I know. I’m on it.” you said between giggles as you tried your best to steady your breathing. Carmilla was about to start another whine when you suddenly moved your hand again, your fingers making sudden contact with her center. She let out a high pitched moan that made you smile wide as you started rhythmically moving your fingers, teasing her clit ever so slightly. Her hips started bucking up trying to counter your movement and you started leaving sweet kisses up her neck as your hand started going faster. Carmilla started whimpering next to you as you started to suck on her earlobe, your fingers keeping their motion. Her hips moving more desperately as she tried to counter your speed before they buckled down and she went silent, her body stiffening against yours as she rode her orgasm. You smiled against her ear and lifted your head to kiss her cheek before lazily dropping it back down on her pillow.

You moved your fingers to your mouth and sucked on them, taking her all in.

“I’ve never felt that.”

“What?” you tilt your head to look up at her beside you. She looks up at the ceiling while shyly biting her lip. Your eyes widen. “Wait--you’ve never--” She shakes her slightly and you can’t believe this. “But...but haven’t you had a bunch of sex?? All those girls you would leave with??”

She chuckles and her eyes seem a bit hurt. Your eyes widen again. “Wait, that’s not how I meant that.”

“It’s okay, Creampuff.”

She went quiet for a bit. “Well??”

“Just because I slept with all those girls doesn’t mean I let them fuck me.”

“Wait…” you furrow your brow and lift yourself up on one elbow. “So, you wouldn’t get anything out of it??”

“I’ get shelter.” she shrugs. “that’s good enough for me. Besides...I never wanted them...to touch me I mean.”

You move a bit forward, your hair draping to the side. “Sooo...this was..”

“-The first time I’ve ever actually let anyone touch me.” she finishes and turns to look at you. “Yeah.”

You nod to yourself as you stare back at her and after a while she looks away again.

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it then.” you say as you start to smile. You see Carmilla try and contain her own smile and it only makes your widen. You giggle and peck her cheek. “Goodnight, Carm.”

You lay back down next to her and cuddle up to her side. She lifts her arm over you to give you more space. “Goodnight.”

It gets quiet in the apartment, all you can hear is her steady breathing. All you can feel is her chest rise and fall against your head. You open your eyes, failing to fall asleep.

“Carm?”

“Yeah?” she whispers out.

“I really do like you, you know that right?”

She goes quiet. “I do.”

“Like a _lot_.” You feel her chuckle against you. “Like more than I would ever have the guts to tell you.”

“You’re telling me now, Cupcake.”

“I know…”

It goes quiet again and you snuggle closer to her. You feel yourself slowly falling asleep from how tired you are.

It’s been a tiresome day all around, both emotionally and...physically. But you have one last thing that just won’t leave you alone no matter how hard you try to ignore it or suppress it.

“I think I love you.” you say, and you hear Carmilla’s heart skip a beat against your ear, her whole body suddenly feeling warmer. And you do. You really think you do. You love everything about her, about having her here with you, about her being there for you even when you two are fighting.

About everything and anything that has to do with her at all. And you find yourself finally getting sleepy, feeling like a million heavy things have been lifted from your shoulders.

 

 

****“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;) FINALLY.


	28. Daddy Issues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles is back but it doesn't seem like even he is happy about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! sorry it's been so long! just in case: we left off when Dave found Charles and told him about things, Laura and Carm were fighting over what Carm thought was a Danny kiss but ended up talking and having a heart to heart and well...sexy time. and welp that's mostly it haha. 
> 
> HOPE U ENJOY! <3 sorry for the long wait!
> 
> BTW first POV is Charles.

Once you finally reach your destination, you park your car and quickly step out, briefcase in hand. You make your way through the halls with a determined look on your face and stop once you finally get to the door.

_Silas University’s main offices._

Your anger and frustration has given you the guts to come here and deal with this situation yourself. You spent the whole night making phone calls trying to find out what could be troubling your daughter. Once you found out about her tuition you started grabbing all the necessary things and researching everything you’d need to know in order to come here ready for anything the Dean would throw at you, with Lilita pulling his strings no doubt, but you’re prepared.

You fix up your grey suit and tighten your grip on your brief case before pushing through the door. You may not have the guts to see your kids but there’s no way in hell you wouldn’t help them in any way you can.

“Yes? How can I help you sir?” says the young man behind the front desk.

You walk up to the desk and maintain your strong posture as you stare directly at the man with a kind expression. “Yes, I’d like to make a payment.”

“The time for transactions and payments starts at 9.”

You calmly bend down and place your briefcase beside you on the ground. “Of course. But since I’m already here at 8am, i’d like to deal with this as soon as possible.”

He glances up at you from his computer with an apathetic look. “ _The time for payments starts at 9, sir._ ” he repeats.

You clench your jaw as you stare at the young man. You smiles and leans forward. “Donations are taken at all times correct?”

“I...I guess but-”

“Good. Then let’s call this a donation for a student and she will continue to study at Silas University. She will continue to have her education and she will continue to not be bothered with shit like this by the god damn administration, do I make myself clear?”

“Sir you can’t-”

“ _Do I make myself clear??_ ”

“Of course sir…”

“Now where do I need to sign to do this?” you say with a smile as you remain calm and take out your pen.

He rolls his eyes annoyedly and takes out some papers. “Fill out this sheet with all the information so we can begin to do the changes and head on over to the main office down the hall.”

You nod. “Thank you youngman.” You take the paper from him. “Pardon my temper, the problem isn’t with you.”

“No problem Sir. You’re just... _intense_. It happens.”

You give him a respectful nod and walk towards the main office. You knock on the door and step inside the office, immediately recognizing the man behind the desk who’s working on some paperwork. You clench your jaw and straighten up, your nostrils flaring as you chuckle while nodding to yourself.

Christopher, one of your exe wife’s pawns in this city. Of course he’d be the current Dean of this institution. No wonder Lilita has been getting what she wants with this asshole as the Dean. 

You grab the door handle behind you and slam the door shut, effectively making Christopher jump up.

“Excuse me!! Was that really necessary??” he says a bit angry.

“Yes. Yes it was. Now I suggest you pay attention to what I’m about to say sir.” you stand by his desk, towering over him. “I am here to pay for a certain student’s college tuition and I would like this transaction to be done immediately.”

“Well sir, with the legal work and all, I would need to see some identification along with-”

You reached around your pockets for your wallet and slammed your driver’s licence down on his desk. Christopher flinched a bit startled and you began to take out a binder out of your brief case.

“Anything else??” you say harshly.

“Well,” he swallowed. “The source of the income would require a receipt proving that you are capab-”

You slam down a few paid bill receipts on the desk. “And??”

“Th-there’s also the tax-”

You slam that on his desk as well. “Is that all??”

“I um...I suppose so.”

“ _Good_. Where do I need to sign?”

“Fill out the sheet that has already been handed to you first and then we can continue with the paperwork.”

You nod and glare down at the paper as you fill it out. Christopher seems to be skimming through everything you handed to him as he continues to talk.

“So, which student would you be providing income to?”

You started to smirk as you saw him picking up your driver’s licence to inspect it. His eyes widening once he read your name.

“ _Carmilla Karnstein._ ”

“Tha-that’s-- I’m sorry sir, but the current provider of income is her mother and unless you-”

“And I am her _father_ who will now be paying for her tuition.” you say with a raised voice.

“Well, yes I can see that’s what you want to do but without the authorization of Mrs. Lili-”

“My daughter’s custody was never strictly discusses and unless Mrs. Morgan would rather take this to _court_ then I don’t see the trouble in me paying for my own daughter’s tuition when her mother does no longer wish to _do so_. I don’t think it matter if Mrs. Morgan doesn’t agree with me doing so since she is no longer providing money for my daughter. There’s been some paperwork stating this is true, correct?”

Well..yes..but--but Miss Karnstein has yet to sign them!”

“Well then-” you finish filling out the sheet and aggressively hand it to Christopher. “I suggest you ring her up to sing it immediately, _Christopher_.”

Christopher visibly swallows at the sound of his name and takes the sheet being handed to him. He opens his mouth as if to try and say something more to try and stop you but you glare at him and speak first. “In any case, Carmilla has already reached the age of emancipation, which means that yes, Lilita in fact has no obligation to pay for her college education. But that also means that I, as her legal father, can do _whatever the fuck I want_. And what I want is to pay for my daughter’s college tuition _now_.”

He simply shuts his mouth.

“Now, where were we? The other paperwork if you will.” you tell him and he nervously nods and visibly starts sweating as he goes through his drawers looking for the right paperwork.

You finish filling everything out, calling your assistant for certain details you didn’t have. You start putting all your files away in your binder and go to open your briefcase when Christopher speaks again.

“S...so..how would you like to make your payment?”

“I’m placing an up-front lump sum payment personally at this moment.” You say as you open your briefcase.

“But sir, the amount of expenses to be covered are much more complex than that. there’s the cost of college which includes tuition, room and board, books-”

“I’ve already consulted this with my divorce financial planner. I know and understand the options that are available and necessary. And I-”

you take out your money from your briefcase.

”-am here-”

you drop them on his desk hard.

“- _to pay them_.”

Christopher is dumbfounded by everything and simply looks at the money and then back at you.

You stand up abruptly and grab your briefcase. “Now, I advise you make sure to call my daughter today and bring her here to sign whatever she needs to sing, Christopher. I’ll be sure to call tomorrow, and if this is not done I will not hesitate to call the authorities, the media, _whatever_  brings the worse attention to the university for their corruption and lack of moral.”

You fix up your suit and go to open the door, turning one last time to face him with a fake smile. “Good day, _asshat_.”

You walk out angrily but feeling very successful as you make your way down the halls to your car.

“That wasn’t so bad. That was okay. No direct contact. No trouble. No one knows you were here at all. It’s ideal really. It’s _terrible_...but ideal.” you say to yourself as you reach your car.

“Woah that’s a nice ride man.” you hear a young man say from behind you.

You smile and turn to speak to him. “Thanks kid, it’s a-” you freeze mid sentence and drop your keys when you look at the boy next to the tall one who was gawking at your car. “Wi….William.”

He has his arms crossed in front of his chest as he stares at his friend who continues talking about the car. But he must have heard you because he switched his attention to you.

“The hell? How do you know my name?” he furrows his brow as he stares at you and the panic in your eyes only grows as he seems to notice it. “Wait...you seem like…”

You can feel your stomach drop. This wasn’t how you thought your day would start, and the intense stare he gives you as realisation crosses his eyes is only making you feel worse.

“ _Dad?!_ ”

-

You wake up to some damp hair stuck to your cheek, your hands grasping at something soft and warm beside you. Your legs stuck between something just as warm as your own bare body.

You furrow your brow.

Bare body? Wait…

Your hands feel around as your eyes remain shut and you recognise the soft feeling of skin against your fingertips. Carmilla’s body moves beside you and you open your eyes to look up at her peacefully sleeping beside you.

You push away her hair that’s stuck to your face and notice the position you’re both in. At first you’re a bit flustered to know that you and her are sleeping naked together. But then you remember everything that was said last night, with or without words, and a small smile crosses your lips.

You nuzzle back into Carmilla and close your eyes settling into the loose embrace you have on each other. She moves again beside you and you just plant soft kisses on her bare shoulder. You feel her chuckle above you as her arm loosely wraps around you.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” you reply and kiss her skin one more time before looking up at her with blush on your cheeks.

She has her eyes still closed but she smiles when she feels your head move to look at her. Her fingers start to gently caress up and down your arm as she speaks again.

“You hungry?”

You shake your head no against her and she smiles wider for a second.

“Good. Because I’m not planning on getting up yet.”

“Someone sounds lazier than usual.” you tease and her smile widens.

“Well, with a pretty girl like you in my bed in the morning how could I not be?”

You giggle and hide your face in her neck. She turns her head and kisses the top of your head.

“No but seriously, can we just stay like this forever?”

“You’re such a sap.” you say as you playfully push her away and she groans. “And no. You have classes to get to today remember?”

“I don’t even have to go anymore-”

“ _Carm._ ” you say sternly and she finally opens her eye to look at you.

“Fine. I’ll keep going to my classes. But it’s still useless.”

“Caaaarm-” you say in a whiney tone and she lets her head drop flat against her pillow. “don’t think like that. We’ll figure something out.”

“How? My mother has screwed us both over. First me and now you. Laura I can’t just keep pushing and pushing with her. Look what she did to you.”

“What she did with my classes isn’t any of your business. I told you, I’m handling it fine myself.” _That’s a lie but, she doesn’t need to know that_. “You on the other haaaand-” you walk your fingers up her stomach and boop her nose. “- are doing anything but.”

She sighs and stays still. “I know...Mr. Tiwel offered me a job next semester though.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“mhm.” she nods. “well, sort of anyway. It’s not really a paying job but I mean, for me to be able to be in his classes for free is good enough, right?”

“That’s great Carm. See-” you push her bangs away from her face. “Things _can_ get better.”

“Mhm.” she says and opens one eye to look at you. You give her a confused look but smile nonetheless and she starts to smirk before suddenly pulling you in towards her. You squeal but laugh when she just wraps her arms around you again. “Stay close, maybe your positivity will rub off on me.”

You laugh and shove her a little but then melt into the embrace. You both lay there quietly for a bit and her fingers start tangling into your hair.

“Laura?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

You lift your head to look at her with a furrowed brow. “Since when are you one to ask?”

“Well...I don’t know. I just...I don’t know if it’s okay to...”

“Why wouldn’t it be okay? I already told you we were fine yesterday, remember?”

She simply nods but you can tell she’s still insecure about it.

“Do you not trust me yet?”

“ _That’s not it._ ”

“Then what is it? What’s bothering you again?”

She doesn’t reply, instead looking away as she continues toying with your hair.

“If it’s about Danny I-”

“Laura, you don’t have to-”

“So? I want to.” she stares at you and sighs before giving you her full attention for you to go on. “I told you I didn’t kiss Danny.”

 “I know.”

“And that was the truth.” you say confidently. “but, that doesn’t mean we’ve never kissed before.”

“Wait, I thought you-”

“Let me finish.” you interrupt and she clenches her jaw, her fingers stopping in your hair. “I did kiss Danny one time, but it was a long time ago and we were drunk. We’re just good friends. _Danny_ knows it, _I_ know it, _everyone_ knows it, okay?”

You can tell Carmilla’s clearly jealous but you try and reassure her by brushing some hair behind her ear.

“Seriously, I don’t like Danny that way, and if anything, that drunk kiss just helped me confirm it a long time ago. You on the other hand…” you lean in and hover over her lips. “..I do like.” you peck her on the lips and pull back to smile at her. “Even if you’re a dick sometimes.”

Carmilla sighs exasperatedly and her hand goes back to your hair. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s ok..” you stare at her in a daze as she continues to tangle her fingers in your hair. “So, is that what was bothering you..?”

“...No.” she says as she stares somewhere by your chin. “But thank you for telling me anyway.” you nod and lay down beside her on her pillow, still looking at her. Her gaze seeming somewhere that isn’t here.

“Then what is it..?”

Carmilla snaps herself from her daze as she faces you. Her eyes staring deeply into yours as if searching for something. You cover yourself a bit with the bed sheets as you feel a bit flustered by her gaze.

“I was just...thinking about my dad.”

“Your dad?” she nods and her eyes drift away again. “What about your dad?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know...Maybe I just don’t know what to think of him anymore...You tried to contact him and it didn’t work. Maybe he doesn’t care after all…”

You push yourself up on your elbows and she turns her eyes back at you from the sudden change. “Carm, I did try contacting him, it’s just...he was in town but he kind of...left before I could.”

Carmilla’s face seems to only get upset by your attempt at comforting her and you don’t know if you should just tell her what you know or not. But it’s Carmilla, and she deserves to know the truth.

“Carm… you’re dad really seems like a great guy...I would know..I’ve met him before.” you say a bit confidently because you have way more than just met Charles.

“What?” she says surprised.

“Mhm, I had no idea he was your dad but I’ve actually known him for a while now..”

“ _Really?!?_ ” She pushes herself up on one arm and the gleam in her eyes makes your heart swell. “How?? When?? Where?? What was he like?? Did he...did he say anything?”

You smile and brush your knuckles over her cheek. “Calm doowwn. He’s great. He’s sweet and kind and caring and a total gentleman if you ask me. He’s actually mentioned you before. Well..his kids but..yeah.” you pause and Carmilla seems surprised but still upset. “He cares about you Carm. He still loves you, you know?”

She scoffs. “How would I know that? He’s never once came back to show me otherwise..”

“He has, he just...hasn’t really had the guts for it. But he’s been in town before. In fact he’s way closer than you think.”

“What do you mean? How do you even know it’s him anyway? Where did you meet him?”

“I met him at the station a few weeks back. And I know it’s him cause you guys have that same stupid smirk and amazing bone structure.” you tease her as your fingers trace her jawline and her face softens a bit. “..and because of the way he talked about his kids. Because his stories connect and...well...because he’s Charles.”

“Charles?” she gives you a confused look.

“My boss. His name is Charles.”

Her eyes widen in shock and she starts stumbling with her words. “He’s...but that’s...then he’d be..”

“ _Rich as fuck and a few feet away from you the last time you came by the station?_ yup.”

“Why didn’t he say anything?! Why didn’t he just...just...I don’t know.”

“Well at first I thought maybe he didn’t recognise you or something but then I remembered his face changing when I called you by your name. I think...I think he was just scared.”

“ _Scared?_ ” she deadpanned. “Why would he be scared?”

“Because!” you pause as you try to find the right words. “He’s still..hurt? I don’t know Carm just, don’t freak out okay?”

-

Freaking out is an understatement with this bomb Laura just casually dropped on you.

Not only did she find your dad, she knew him, met him, spoke to him. And apparently he’s some big shot guy who’s loaded and has been close to someone who’s so important to you and you had no freaking clue.

How are you not going to freak out about this?

You left your apartment after than conversation. You told her you just had to go to your classes, which she totally didn’t believe but let you get away with it anyway. You didn’t mean to just kind of rush out on her like that but what else were you supposed to do? This whole situation is overwhelming you.

First you have problems with your mother dropping you out of college, then you have the fight with Laura which you both kind of fixed but maybe walking out on her like that just now wasn’t exactly the best thing to do right after last night. And now you have this brand new knowledge that your father’s been around all along?!

This is turning out to be both strangest and hardest week for you.  

You take out your phone as you continue walking to your class, dialing Will’s number again.

He doesn’t pick up.

On top of everything, you and the only person you really have other than Laura are still kind of mad at each other over the whole thing at your mother’s house.

And you get that maybe he’s being immature by dodging your calls, especially after you both had a talk yesterday in his dorm, but you really need him right now and he isn’t answering.

You groan and shove your phone in your pocket angrily.

Shitty little brother.

  
  


_Where are you, Will?_

-

“What the fuck are you even doing here?!”

“William, I-”

“You what?? You checking out some colleges for your other family or something?”

“William, that’s not at all tru-”

“You know what, on second thought I don’t wanna know.” he shakes his head and the anger in his eyes only makes you feel worse. His tall friend goes to him once he notices the state he’s in.

“Bro, are you okay? You got beef with the old guy?”

“Oh I’ve got more than just _beef_ , Kirsch.” he crosses his arms over his chest and glares at you.

“Now hold on, you don’t know what’s happening.” you try and say.

“Oh I don’t need to know. All I know right now is how much I want you to get out of my sight old man. Go on! You’ve left me  once, you can do it again!”

“William...that’s not…”

“It is! I don’t care what my sister says, I don’t trust you.”

You duck your head and the pain in your chest is making you feel weak. You bend down to reach for your keys and aren’t able to look back up at William.

“I...I...could we just talk for a moment?”

“Talk? Why on Earth would I wanna talk?” he bites back and his tall friend pokes him on the shoulder before talking.

“Bro, he seems pretty upset too. Maybe you should, like, have a chat at least or something. Figure things out. Like men or whatever.”

“Kirsch you don’t know anything.”

“I know when you’re not being a good bro, bro. He’s an old dude.” he points towards you. “Give him a minute at least.”

You look up when it gets quiet and find William standing firmly next to his friend. His eyes stuck on you but not in the glare that was there earlier.

“Fine. Only a minute.”

Your eyes widen and you quickly open your car. “You can sit if you wan-”

“I’m not going in that thing.” he says and you shut the door with a nod. He clenches his jaw and walks towards you gesturing for his friend to stay behind. He stands beside you but keeps a few feet away. “You’ve got a minute.”

You take a deep nervous breath and exhale with a nervous nod. “Okay.” You stand there quietly for a few seconds trying to chose your words wisely but he raises an eyebrow at you.

“Well?”

“Right I-” you look down at the ground and then back up at him trying to gain some sort of confidence. “I’m sorry, William.”

“That’s it? That’s what you want to use as an opener?”

“No I, I just-- I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“That’s the problem! You just want to tell me what I want to hear. If you’re going to talk to me, you better do it with the truth. Not that crap.”

You nod with a sigh. “Yeah, makes sense.” he seems a bit surprised at your honesty but he quickly re adjust his arms across his chest.

“Well?”

“I’m not going to lie, I wanted to leave when I did.”

His grip on his sleeve tightens and he stiffens his posture next to you.

“But it wasn’t because of you or your sister. It was because of your mother. She and I weren’t working out anymore. I’m sure you kids noticed.”

“All I notice was my dad got in his car and didn’t come back the next day. Or the day after that, or the week after that, or the year after that.” His voice got louder as her went further with his sentence and each time it shot a pain through your chest.

“William, I would have comeback. I always did. I would have but-”

“But you didn’t! You’re an ass of a dad and a prick of a man!” he yelled out stepping away from you and uncrossing his arms. “And no one needs a man like that in their lives! So just stay out of mine and get lost!”

“Will...Will I..” you felt your eyes stinging as tears threatened to leave them.

“Don’t you Will me!” he yells again, and for a moment you think you see some hurt in his eyes too. “I don’t want to see you again! Just..Just leave me alone!” he walks back to his friend and doesn’t stop beside him. “Come on, Kirsch.” his voice cracks. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Will…” you were barely able to let the name out as tears streamed down your face, your son long gone with his friend behind him. And you threw the briefcase in the car before sitting in the driver’s seat and showing how weak you truly are.

 

You were a fool to ever think your kids would ever want you back.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pardon the angst! I too have had daddy issues so it's important to me but fear not! I always resolve things sooner or later so hang on for the next final updates. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if my vocabulary isn't exactly SUPER EXPANDED. English isn't my 1st language and I don't know deep words for things.
> 
> ANYWAYS, hope you enjoy!
> 
> my tumblr is esacharminga.tumblr.com just in case.


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